Confess Incontinence?

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BabyKat

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As we all know, I am one of the incontinent ones on here. Not majorly like some people, but enough that I have to wear diapers at night and a pull-up style diaper by day. But it's been a long time for me doing whatever to ditch staying with family and I do miss them. A couple of them know and a couple might have an idea, but I don't know about that. I know what caused this and the doctor hasn't been able to fix me, but as every holiday that starts coming up (in this case christmas) I have to be able to stay for a few days. This will actually be my first incontinent christmas....And I'm sure a couple of them who I'd explained the AB stuff to, probably think I'm doing this by choice. The only thing that truly is, is that I wear thicker diapers sometimes during the day because my AB side is the only thing that makes it okay for me. It's been over 8 months dealing with this, but I really would rather clarify things a bit. What do you guys think? Another big thing is is that it was caused by something that shouldn't have been there in the first place, and it is all my fault...I never knew this would happen and I wasn't trying for it. I was naive and didn't know this would happen at all. So that makes it harder to explain....Jeez I feel like I'm abdmitting my ABism all over again, lol - the way this is going. Anyway, I don't know, what should I do. It's not just the pressure from coming holidays either...I don't want them to think I'm some greedy person doing this selfishly.
 

LittleAdam

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Kat, I don't come from the best position to give advice to you as I have always been incontinent, but what I can tell you is to always be honest. You don't even have to get into the AB side of things (I hardly ever do when telling someone)...just be honest that you wear for medical reasons and leave the rest up to the person you're telling. If they ask questions, be open and willing to answer them.

This works particularly well on those that might want to ridicule/tease you, and I've used it on many a kid many times. They are shocked by how open and honest you are, and there isn't anything to tease about anymore.

Holiday and family gathering situations are never easy, believe me, I know. ("he STILL isn't potty trained?" was always a popular question when I was younger). Once I was old enough to talk about it myself, though, it wasn't even an issue and it hasn't been since then. For you, coming from being able to control things to now being IC, you need to get it out there, everything about it. Be open and honest...it'll be hard this first time but it'll make every time after that much easier and even enjoyable, as you won't have the huge weight, hiding, secrecy, etc. Best of luck to you, and feel free to chat me if you want to talk about it more!!
 

BabyKat

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Kat, I don't come from the best position to give advice to you as I have always been incontinent, but what I can tell you is to always be honest. You don't even have to get into the AB side of things (I hardly ever do when telling someone)...just be honest that you wear for medical reasons and leave the rest up to the person you're telling. If they ask questions, be open and willing to answer them.

This works particularly well on those that might want to ridicule/tease you, and I've used it on many a kid many times. They are shocked by how open and honest you are, and there isn't anything to tease about anymore.

Holiday and family gathering situations are never easy, believe me, I know. ("he STILL isn't potty trained?" was always a popular question when I was younger). Once I was old enough to talk about it myself, though, it wasn't even an issue and it hasn't been since then. For you, coming from being able to control things to now being IC, you need to get it out there, everything about it. Be open and honest...it'll be hard this first time but it'll make every time after that much easier and even enjoyable, as you won't have the huge weight, hiding, secrecy, etc. Best of luck to you, and feel free to chat me if you want to talk about it more!!
I really wasn't planning on getting into the AB side of things if I could...it's just that since I explained that before, I may have let them think I was doing it for that, because I was hoping it was just going to go away in a little bit.

Thank you for the support. It's going to be interesting...my grandfather in particular. My family is kind of odd, because at one point my grandparents adopted me and my sister for a bit of my childhood....so they are like parents to me as well. But he already makes fun of me for AB stuff...like last time we went by a baby isle going to the shoe section in wal-mart he pointed at a soother and was saying that my slowness at picking shoes, that that was for me and junk like that...I never told him about my Ab side - I told my mom and she accused him of influencing it....weird eh? (I have no idea how my mom thought that one up :confused:) So I guess he does that to push it back at me. Just little things....but in public and stuff.


But ya, how exactly do you go about bringing that up? And some of the reasons why I ended up this way....include other reasons....and the story goes as far as my being bi....which I never told anyone in my family yet...Because the person I had a crush on at the time has something to do with the whole reason this happened....And thats a story all by itself. (Basically to summarize I did something influenced by them because I was naive, combine with other factors and it caused this....see it definitely is a long story)....And that's just another reason why it's going to be hard to be brutally honest. My family is pretty right-wing about a lot of stuff....I don't even know what I could do to explain that without bringing up more confessions...
 

BabyKat

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Pojo is interested in your story
I feel really bad about it....I've gone over some of this before...I could've banned myself for being an idiot....But it happened. Nvm, it's not that good. The point is, now a whole bunch of things caused me to get scr3wed up completely, and I have to find some way of explaining it.
 

BabyKat

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how is it your fault that your IC?
I did something stupid and the factors of what I did, combined with other factors I couldn't control....I'm pretty surprised that caused it myself. I don't really want to get into what I did, but just combine the wrong things (all for that person) and this aparently happens.
 

BabyKat

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Kat, I don't come from the best position to give advice to you as I have always been incontinent, but what I can tell you is to always be honest. You don't even have to get into the AB side of things (I hardly ever do when telling someone)...just be honest that you wear for medical reasons and leave the rest up to the person you're telling. If they ask questions, be open and willing to answer them.

This works particularly well on those that might want to ridicule/tease you, and I've used it on many a kid many times. They are shocked by how open and honest you are, and there isn't anything to tease about anymore.

Holiday and family gathering situations are never easy, believe me, I know. ("he STILL isn't potty trained?" was always a popular question when I was younger). Once I was old enough to talk about it myself, though, it wasn't even an issue and it hasn't been since then. For you, coming from being able to control things to now being IC, you need to get it out there, everything about it. Be open and honest...it'll be hard this first time but it'll make every time after that much easier and even enjoyable, as you won't have the huge weight, hiding, secrecy, etc. Best of luck to you, and feel free to chat me if you want to talk about it more!!
BTW, how did you present this to people? Did they ask you and you just explained, or did you initiate the conversation? If you did, how did you go about that?
 
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BTW, how did you present this to people? Did they ask you and you just explained, or did you initiate the conversation? If you did, how did you go about that?
Hey Kat,

There's several ways you can tell others about this. One is to just come out and say it. Tell them that there is something that you feel that they need to know, and just explain it as simply as you can. It's not really necessary to go into the details, unless you feel it's necessary. Just a little about how it happened. Like, "I was having problems with........., and I went to the doctor and he did this.........., and told me that the best way to handle this right now is to wear protection."

Another way is to just not say anything until somebody brings up a question, maybe they spotted your diaper and asks you about it. Then you do the same thing, you explain it, give them something of what happened, and something of what you're doing to help control it now. That should stop any more questions, but be truthful in what you say too. That's always the easiest thing to remember. If you make up a story to tell them, and then someone else asks you later, if you don't tell the same story this time, things will get out of hand if the different people should happen to get together and compare notes. You don't need to give them the whole truth if you don't want to go into the gory details, because it's really none of their business, but don't be rude either. You'll get a lot more understanding and support if you're open about it, so they understand what you're going through. Do you follow?
 

BabyKat

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Hey Kat,

There's several ways you can tell others about this. One is to just come out and say it. Tell them that there is something that you feel that they need to know, and just explain it as simply as you can. It's not really necessary to go into the details, unless you feel it's necessary. Just a little about how it happened. Like, "I was having problems with........., and I went to the doctor and he did this.........., and told me that the best way to handle this right now is to wear protection."

Another way is to just not say anything until somebody brings up a question, maybe they spotted your diaper and asks you about it. Then you do the same thing, you explain it, give them something of what happened, and something of what you're doing to help control it now. That should stop any more questions, but be truthful in what you say too. That's always the easiest thing to remember. If you make up a story to tell them, and then someone else asks you later, if you don't tell the same story this time, things will get out of hand if the different people should happen to get together and compare notes. You don't need to give them the whole truth if you don't want to go into the gory details, because it's really none of their business, but don't be rude either. You'll get a lot more understanding and support if you're open about it, so they understand what you're going through. Do you follow?
Yeah, I follow....It's just it's more like comments than questions. I intend on telling "the whole truth and nothing but the truth"...or at least as much as I can give...but I they aren't really questions per se - are you saying like the next time I get a comment or a surprised response, I should just come out and explain everything right there and then?
 
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Yeah, I follow....It's just it's more like comments than questions. I intend on telling "the whole truth and nothing but the truth"...or at least as much as I can give...but I they aren't really questions per se - are you saying like the next time I get a comment or a surprised response, I should just come out and explain everything right there and then?
Well, explain as much as you need to to clarify what's going on. You can judge just how much certain people would really need to know of the details. Sometimes just the simplest of explanations are best. But other times, you may want or need to fully explain what happened, you be the judge. And again, you shouldn't need to give all the intimate details, such as what you may have done to cause it, that's pretty much immaterial now. Just let them know what your doctor said he thinks is the cause, and let it go at that.

Once people have the facts, they are a lot less likely to poke fun at you or say rude things to you, or behind your back. You'll get a lot more support from your true friends because of it too. And because you are only bladder incontinent, you won't have as rough a time of it as you would if you were also bowel incon.

I hope this has helped you out some kiddo. Good luck to you. If you need to ask anything else, feel free, I'll be glad to answer anything for you.
 

BabyKat

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Just let them know what your doctor said he thinks is the cause, and let it go at that.
This is the problem...It involves explaining a lot of things, because the doctor and I both know what caused it...I started out with just OAB and then the rest was my fault....I didn't expect it to happen, and there were no warnings....But it happened. It shouldn't have happened! :sad:

...Maybe I could just say the OAB just went haywire or something...But then they wouldn't believe me, particularly the ones that know I'm AB.

Once people have the facts, they are a lot less likely to poke fun at you or say rude things to you, or behind your back. You'll get a lot more support from your true friends because of it too. And because you are only bladder incontinent, you won't have as rough a time of it as you would if you were also bowel incon.

I hope this has helped you out some kiddo. Good luck to you. If you need to ask anything else, feel free, I'll be glad to answer anything for you.
Thank you.
 

virgindiaperboy

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I'm also nervous about the upcoming holidays and being around family a lot. I've worn while home for about 3 years now, and no one has found out (though does mom suspect??) and I will be home starting this weekend for the week of xmas. Good luck with your time at home too!
 

BabyKat

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I'm also nervous about the upcoming holidays and being around family a lot. I've worn while home for about 3 years now, and no one has found out (though does mom suspect??) and I will be home starting this weekend for the week of xmas. Good luck with your time at home too!
Thanks. :smile: Just curious - what did you do the last 2 christmas'?
 

IncompleteDude

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It sounds like there was no way you could have predicted that what you did would make yourself incon, even if it was something foolish (not that I know). Anyways, don't beat yourself up with it, just say it's a real medical problem. Get a doctor's note to prove it. Don't go into AB anything, just say the facts, and if anyone gives you a hard time, don't indulge them with a response. Just repeat the simple fact that it is a medical condition. If they can't deal with that, it's their problem.
 

BabyKat

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It sounds like there was no way you could have predicted that what you did would make yourself incon, even if it was something foolish (not that I know). Anyways, don't beat yourself up with it, just say it's a real medical problem. Get a doctor's note to prove it. Don't go into AB anything, just say the facts, and if anyone gives you a hard time, don't indulge them with a response. Just repeat the simple fact that it is a medical condition. If they can't deal with that, it's their problem.
Thank you. That kind of hit the nail on the head. I really couldn't have known...I have a prescription for something I could use as proof - those pills. Obviously that should be enough to prove something is wrong with me....Sad I have to justify it though.
 

IncompleteDude

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Thank you. That kind of hit the nail on the head. I really couldn't have known...I have a prescription for something I could use as proof - those pills. Obviously that should be enough to prove something is wrong with me....Sad I have to justify it though.
I'm not saying you have to justify it. Having the note is just insurance in case it comes to that. Hopefully, it won't.
 

BabyKat

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I'm not saying you have to justify it. Having the note is just insurance in case it comes to that. Hopefully, it won't.
No, I wasn't saying that you said I would have to justify it. I was saying that it's sad that I'm going to have to. I know what to expect. When I tell them, they will expect justification.
 
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Explain it if you really feel you need to justify it or if interpersonal problems arise. Otherwise, might be best not to discuss, least it'll provoke further probing and discussion. I find people often make assumptions if you don't tie up all the loose ends, especially on a topic that they might be hugely misinformed about.

So if you do tell them, be prepared to tell them everything and in good detail, or just don't mention it at all.
 
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