Compliments & Little Acts of Kindness

[starshine]

My day revolves around these things. I find that giving someone a compliment, and receiving a smile in return is one of the best things in the world. Or receiving a compliment, that's just as great.

For example... Today, there was a lady in a wheelchair. On my way on the bus, I said to her "I really like your hair, it's very pretty and soft looking." She smiled, and I continued to the back. On my way out, she stopped me, and said "Thanks," with a huge, warm, smile on her face. I know it's a bit corny, but it made me feel really good to know that I made her day, or at least made her happy for a bit by saying one little thing.

Or even smiling at someone. Isn't there a saying like "one smile can turn to a million" or similar. I really believe that, and when I get a smile back, that's a good feeling.

I don't go way out of my way, but at least once a day (most days a lot more than that) I try to compliment someone, and I smile at most everyone. It makes me feel good, and I know it makes some others feel good, too. Does anyone else do something similar, or at least identify with part of what I said?

 

[Dawes]

I identify entirely, Abby.

There's absolutely no harm in being able to offer to someone a good compliment or giving them a reason to smile. It's so wonderful that you said what you did to her -- no doubt that really did make her day, and she'll remember that for quite some time!

 

[ZombifiedKitty]

I feel the same way, especially when it comes to just a simple 'please' and 'thank you' or holding the door for someone.

 

[Pojo]

I'm too shy to do crap like that...I do smile at people if they're looking at me though. I don't want to look like an asshole

 

[starshine]

What about at work, Pojo? I know at work (I didn't count work because... I'm not "expected" but I consider being pleasent part of my job) I will give all little kids stickers that I bought. They really enjoy it, and if it makes the kids happy, it makes the parents happy... then parents come back to shop again. As well as complimenting peoples purchases (things like "oh, very pretty plants!" or "I bet that colour will look wonderful") and joking with them and stuff. I am a bit shy, too when it comes to people... I guess i'm just not shy in regards to small talk.

 

[Lil Snap]

As a human, I think we all desire acknowledgment on some level, as being a part of society. When you complimented her, you reinforced her connection with society. That feeling that you had, is something primal to me, knowing that you have had a positive effect on someone elses well being, without worrying what benefit you will receive. I get it when I stop my truck in the middle of traffic to help someone push their broken down vehicle off the road, offer to open a door or help an older person load something in their car. Or just smiling and saying hi. That doesn't happen as much lately because I've been caught up in my own BS alot more than I really care to be (but the pills are taking care of that *twitch*) and I haven't been focused outward as much.

 

[Pojo]

What about at work, Pojo? I know at work (I didn't count work because... I'm not "expected" but I consider being pleasent part of my job) I will give all little kids stickers that I bought. They really enjoy it, and if it makes the kids happy, it makes the parents happy... then parents come back to shop again. As well as complimenting peoples purchases (things like "oh, very pretty plants!" or "I bet that colour will look wonderful") and joking with them and stuff. I am a bit shy, too when it comes to people... I guess i'm just not shy in regards to small talk.

If I have to do register, the most I'll say is "Hi, how are you". Even that I don't always say. I hate kids, so I'm not going out of my way to do anything with them. If it's like a baby smiling at me, I'll smile back or whatever, but that's the extent. I'd honestly rather not deal with people. I'd much rather prefer just to keep with myself and get my work done.

 

[link]

All of my friends think I'm the happiest, nicest person who ever lived because I follow this principle. Whenever anyone is complaining about something, I mention the good things, whenever someone is haveing a bad day, I smile and encourage them to think positivly. It makes me feal so much better to give a compliment than to get one.

 

[EmeraldsAndLime]

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I hate both giving and receiving compliments. They're just not my thing since I'm generally frugal in everything I do (sex aside ), which I do with my own volition. I don't need someone to tell me my performance rating.

 

[Neonite]

I'm far too shy to compliment people randomly, but I will hold doors for others and smile at people walking by me when I have the chance. n.n;

I very much like the quote in my sig on this topic. n.n;;

 

[h3g3l]

I'm going to go against the grain here and say I hate both giving and receiving compliments. They're just not my thing since I'm generally frugal in everything I do (sex aside ), which I do with my own volition. I don't need someone to tell me my performance rating.

Perhaps this is why you're "untilted?"

I think that demonstrating little acts of kindness and compassion is all we really have in this life to connect with the majority of our species.

I know I've written something very similar to this before, I'm going to go digging for it.

//EDIT//
Drat. I could have sworn that I'd talked about this before, but apparently not. The closest thing I could find was this (first bit).

 

[ricky]

I agree with you Abby. It's just common courtesy to hold the door for someone, or help someone with a bulky package, or whatever. I always try to hold the door for someone whenever I'm entering or leaving a building, and I get a lot of thank you's for it. But then there are the others that just think that you are supposed to be there and doing that for them. That kind of irks me. I used to do more, like helping someone with their broke down car, or flat tire, but since my back's gone south, I've had to stop that sort of thing.

And I'm really surprised at the number of people that hold doors for me now. Since I've had to use a cane to walk, I get that all the time now, and I always say thanks, or thank you, I appreciate that very much.

There are still some nice people out there, despite what some people think, including me at times, LOL! I just wish that these courtesies would extend to people's driving habits! It's like people change from Jeckel to Hide when the get behind the wheel.

 

[h3g3l]

I just wish that these courtesies would extend to people's driving habits! It's like people change from Jeckel to Hide when the get behind the wheel.

Aha.

That's likely because we view our cars as personal space and fail to see that other vehicles all have people in them, rather than just presenting obstacles to be surmounted.

And, yes, I've been guilty of this too.

 

[ricky]

Aha.

That's likely because we view our cars as personal space and fail to see that other vehicles all have people in them, rather than just presenting obstacles to be surmounted.

And, yes, I've been guilty of this too.

That's funny, I just posted on another thread about that too. LOL! I know I tend to see people as the car they drive, instead of the person they are a lot of the time on the road. Guilty as charged!

 

[Charlie]

Delightful short film (16 mins) about the subject:
YouTube - Validation

I definitely know that I should compliment people, and that films inspires me to want to do it, but alas I find it too difficult.
Partially from shyness, and partially from not wanting it to come off in the wrong way. Is there a fine line between flirting and merely complimenting?

I would have never said something like that to the woman in the wheelchair, because I would feel like I was saying it because she was in a wheelchair and it would essentially be pity. And because I'd be thinking that, that's how it would come off.

I've seriously considered practising it on strangers, like giving a compliment to somebody working behind a till. But whenever I remember to I never get served by a human, and I fear that a compliment would snap them back into consciousness.

I don't think I could give a compliment in a straight voice either. By that I don't necessarily mean I'd say it in a gay way, I mean I'd 'do a voice', probably a bit feminine and possibly American.

Essentially: I would love to, but I can't!

 

[Peachy]

Germans, especially those in the north, don't compliment each other. The best compliment you can expect to receive here is the absense of complaints. I'm afraid I'm very much an example of that feature, as I'm usually too busy to really pay much attention to those around me If, however, I believe I have some valuable help or input (like if I hear people browsing through maps on a bus, trying to find out how to get to their destination), I'll make sure to help. Same applies to holding doors open or any such thing. It's a matter of give and take - if I'm in a foreign place, I'll gladly appreciate help as well.
Other than that, I'm with Lukie on the issue...receiving compliments would probably make me uneasy. It's kinda too far out of the ordinary. Consequently, I don't hand out compliments either.

Complaints on the other side...must be a German thing that we can't keep our mouths shut when things go wrong. It's usually the best way to teach people a lesson too.

Peachy

 

[bobbyjeff]

As an Engineer my mind tends to be in a very logical and practical mode most of the time. This leads to me neither liking to give nor receive compliments for the most part. I was raised by the union of an Engineer and and Accountant also, so compliments were never really a part of my life. Even if I was to go fishing for one, I would mostly get the attitude of "why should you be complimented for something we expect of you". Unfortunately this doesn't work out very well for my wife who lives and dies around being complimented, and I have had to try very hard to give them more often. I still am not comfortable with them as I always feel like I am being patronizing when I give compliments as they are usually forced.

 

[Shredder92]

i feel the same way. It's just unfortunate that London is a very hostile place. Especially to a teenager. Whenever people say hi to someone they don't know, instead of responding with a smile (like I would) the other person will usually ignore you and walk away quickly to avoid what they feel could be a mugging.

I do, however, compliment anyone I can, when I can and help people in any way they ask (such as helping to clean something, to give them information etc.) I'm not 100% sure, but this could reflect my submissive behavior sexually.

Germans, especially those in the north, don't compliment each other. The best compliment you can expect to receive here is the absense of complaints. I'm afraid I'm very much an example of that feature, as I'm usually too busy to really pay much attention to those around me If, however, I believe I have some valuable help or input (like if I hear people browsing through maps on a bus, trying to find out how to get to their destination), I'll make sure to help. Same applies to holding doors open or any such thing. It's a matter of give and take - if I'm in a foreign place, I'll gladly appreciate help as well.
Other than that, I'm with Lukie on the issue...receiving compliments would probably make me uneasy. It's kinda too far out of the ordinary. Consequently, I don't hand out compliments either.

Complaints on the other side...must be a German thing that we can't keep our mouths shut when things go wrong. It's usually the best way to teach people a lesson too.

Peachy

Really?

I've been to Bielefeld 4 times and Am going there again in the summer with some friends because
1. It's a beautiful place and
2. The people there are REALLY friendly. They always say nice things, and they are very approachable.

I've not been to much of North Germany though, so I can't say anything about that. But i can be almost sure they aren't as hostile as people in London and they don't complain as much as my relatives (I'm Jewish, it's what we do :biggrin: )

 

[Talula]

I think you'll like this website! It's all about people doing little kind things.

I too try to smile and be cheerful to the people I meet and see. I love giving compliments, but I love recieving them more

 

[Chillhouse]

Just to make sure that I smile at every stranger, I'm permenently smiling. Seriously, I had plastic surgery done.