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Coming out to wife after 8 months of marriage.

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45
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Diaper Lover
Hello all,

I have really wanted to come out to my wife about being a DL. This has bugged me for quite some time so I have been trying to decide how to do it. Before anyone says it, yes I know I should have said something before we got married.

I have started to type up what I want to say to her. This will allow me not to miss anything when I actually do it. I so far have typed up my childhood history, which explains the most likely reason for developing this fetish (forced diaper wearing by babysitter, threating of diapers by mother for bedwetting).

My motives are to come clean and not keep this secret. I will tell her that I do not expect her to participate, diapers are both a stress reliever and a little bit of a turn on for me. I guess I am hoping to be able to be able to wear a little more instead of just maybe once every two weeks or so when she is away from home for many hours and I am home.

She has made comments that adult baby thing is really weird. I am hoping if she understands my history and that I am just into the security of diapers and not acting like a baby, then she will be more ok with it.

Any suggestions on things I could say or should not say would be appreciated.

Cheers,

Disco Diaper
 
A

Asher

Guest
If she really loves you (which I assume that she does), then I think everything will be okay. : ) Emphasize that it has nothing to do with children or anything else that might continue her stance on it being "odd."

For example: I did tell my girlfriend about it. I was frankly honest about it; I just told her. I elaborated that it wasn't about children and that I wasn't a pedophile. I also emphasized that we all have those things that make us unique and how there are many people like me as well. I also showed her some info. sites (Bittergrey's Den in particular) and described more about it, and how it was "mostly normal." She took it well, accepted it, and we're still together to this day : )

I wish you good luck; I'm sure it will be fine!

-Asher
 

Fire2box

Est. Contributor
Messages
10,934
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover
Well first off I wouldn't ask online for advice about how handle your wife. Mainly since YOUR married to her, we aren't.

2. Build a time machine

That's all the advice I have. :smile1:
 

Lorica

Est. Contributor
Messages
96
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Private
Hello all,

I have really wanted to come out to my wife about being a DL. This has bugged me for quite some time so I have been trying to decide how to do it. Before anyone says it, yes I know I should have said something before we got married.

I have started to type up what I want to say to her. This will allow me not to miss anything when I actually do it. I so far have typed up my childhood history, which explains the most likely reason for developing this fetish (forced diaper wearing by babysitter, threating of diapers by mother for bedwetting).

My motives are to come clean and not keep this secret. I will tell her that I do not expect her to participate, diapers are both a stress reliever and a little bit of a turn on for me. I guess I am hoping to be able to be able to wear a little more instead of just maybe once every two weeks or so when she is away from home for many hours and I am home.

She has made comments that adult baby thing is really weird. I am hoping if she understands my history and that I am just into the security of diapers and not acting like a baby, then she will be more ok with it.

Any suggestions on things I could say or should not say would be appreciated.

Cheers,

Disco Diaper
AB and DL are different. As I'm sure you are aware.

I personally would start it with a general discussion about fetish and fetishism. Dropping bombs on people has unpredictable consequences, and I don't advise it. Keeping secrets from your betrothed is also not a good idea either. This is a delicate issue, and yes, this should have been mentioned before you got married.

Diaper fetishism opens you up to a whole new level of ridicule that other more "mainstream" fetishes don't do. Even those within more hardcore elements of BDSM tend to have a negative view of ABDLism.

This is something that you should break to her over time. I would first see if she's open to other kinds of fetish play, light bondage, etc. Even though you aren't aiming for her participation, engaging her in other kinds of fetish play will give you a foothold to explain your personal fetishes.

The "ick" disconnect comes when you are using diapers for their intended purpose. If all you do is wear them for the sensory experience, then the "ick" reaction is not as pronounced.

I think the most important factor here is not to make excuses for what you like and want. You didn't get to pick this thing, it chose you and you simply have to deal with it.
 

dogboy

Est. Contributor
Messages
21,124
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover
I told my wife a year ago and it worked out very well, but our situation is quite different from most others. We've been married long enough, that my wife's health has declined. Since I help get her on a dialysis machine every night, she is very loving toward me and very appreciative of what I do for her. All marriages are made up of give and take. Only you can know how your wife is likely to take this bit of news, but you did say she was not very receptive toward the adult baby lifestyle. Like others have said, I would go very slowly on breaking the news. I would maybe give or suggest one aspect at a time, and see how the reaction goes. You could even say something like, "When I was 16 I sometimes would want to wet my pants," or something along those lines, maybe something less incriminating. You don't want to ruin your marriage over this. For many years I did exactly what you are doing, and that is simply waiting for those times when I was alone for a few hours. I know it's not easy. Good luck.
 

Chaoswolf

Est. Contributor
Messages
109
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Diaper Lover, Babyfur, Sissy, Carer
thats why you tell them before hand I told my gf pretty much right in the beginning she also told me her secrets. Its best to get everything out in the open so you can see if they truly love you for who you are and wont want to change anything about you. Thats true love.
 

PostTenebrasLux

Est. Contributor
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398
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Other
Disco-

Have you told her yet? If so, what was her response?

If not, I guess I don't have much experience from which I might derive some useful advice. I've seen some good advice in another forum (which dissappeared a while back--quite mysterious). From what I've read (from those who've been there), it's all in the delivery. Confidence appears to help, even if you have to fake it. Clear definitions appear to be critical--something to think about before 'coming out'. Coming out as...what? AB/DL is pretty heterogenous, and pretty esoteric to our SO's.
 
F

FullMetal

Guest
Hello all,

I have really wanted to come out to my wife about being a DL. This has bugged me for quite some time so I have been trying to decide how to do it. Before anyone says it, yes I know I should have said something before we got married.
I am sure she will understand why you would keep this particular secret.

I have started to type up what I want to say to her. This will allow me not to miss anything when I actually do it. I so far have typed up my childhood history, which explains the most likely reason for developing this fetish (forced diaper wearing by babysitter, threating of diapers by mother for bedwetting).
I would try to really not just write it down and expect to remember everything. It's a common based mistake when saying how you feel, you think that if you write it, you can get everything out just right but it doesn't work that way. She will appreciate it more and you will be more emotionally attached to the subject if you just know the points you want to talk about and then go from there.

My motives are to come clean and not keep this secret. I will tell her that I do not expect her to participate, diapers are both a stress reliever and a little bit of a turn on for me. I guess I am hoping to be able to be able to wear a little more instead of just maybe once every two weeks or so when she is away from home for many hours and I am home.
It's a fetish, somehow I really doubt that she doesn't have some type of fetish and I am sure she will understand if she loves you (which she obviously does by the whole 'I do.' thing.)

She has made comments that adult baby thing is really weird. I am hoping if she understands my history and that I am just into the security of diapers and not acting like a baby, then she will be more ok with it.
That is a really good point to drive in, but you have to explain why you are just a DL and not an AB because those fetishes get mixed up quite a lot and most people just jump to conclusions.

Any suggestions on things I could say or should not say would be appreciated.
Just be honest and get ready to answer some questions she might have. Maybe direct her to a site if she has any questions or wants to check on the fetish for herself. Keep in mind that it is not the smallest thing, so you might not want to tell her everything at once, but it is also not the biggest thing and you should be worried about a lot more pressing issues when marriage is around (I made a funny...laugh.)

Other than that, I wish you the best luck and hope everything goes well, which I am sure it will!

FullMetal
 

spacemanBEN

Est. Contributor
Messages
614
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Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Carer
Well, I certainly am not experienced when it comes to relationships, but I have told a couple people. It's never an enjoyable experience, but it generally pays off.

Without meaning to be cliche, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. I'm assuming that she will have questions to ask you if she isn't entirely freaked out by the idea (so be prepared), but don't expect her to respond to favourably to this at first. It may take her a while to warm up even to the idea of it, so don't throw everything at her at once. I think she will at the very least appreciate your honesty in telling her this. The delivery is crucial; be honest, be clear, be genuine. Also be confident in your delivery, but make sure that she knows that telling something as personal as this takes a lot of courage. There's some scrambled advice for you. I hope this goes well for you!
 

Spaz

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,368
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Diaper Lover, Little, Incontinent
In my experience, most women do not react favorably to being with a man who wears diapers. How open minded is she? How macho are you? If you're a man's man, she may fear that the person she fell in love with has suddenly changed. Let her know that this is not the case. Let her know that you just really like diapers, but are not going to start wearing dresses tomorrow. My wife understands I use diapers for incon reasons, but does not care for the fact they are also a turn on for me. Go very slow with her. You'll want to explain why you haven't told her sooner and the reasons you probably became a dl. She may be more angry about the former than the latter. Also, in general, even though it is a big deal to you, try not to make it so much.
Spaz
 
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45
Role
Diaper Lover
Hey everyone,

Thanks for the advice. I have not told her yet. Still trying to find the right moment (except I don't know if there is a right moment). I also wanted to see what advice others had for me.

She has shown some interest in some light bondage stuff so I may try to use that as a starting point. About 3 weeks ago I told her about being a bedwetter growing up. I told her I was all embarrassed to tell her and she was supportive of me sharing. She asked if I had a rubber sheet on my bed and I said yes. I did not tell her about a babysitter putting me in diapers when we stayed at her place for a few nights. I could bring that up first and explain that is the catalyst to why I have these feelings now.

Obviously I will add in it has nothing to do with children. I work with kids so that is important to add.

I would not call myself a macho man. My wife has said that she appreciates that I was not imtimidated by her career aspirations. She is very intelligent and has the Dr. initials in front of her name. I would be the one staying home with the kids for the first year when we decide to start a family.

We did have a quick courtship before getting married.

Any additional advice is appreciated. I hope to do this before next week. I will be confident (or try to appear that way) when I tell her.

Thanks again!
 

kite

Est. Contributor
Messages
1,936
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Diaper Lover, Diaperfur, Carer
easiest thing i've done with my fiancee. i just straight out told her that i liked to wear diapers and my reasons why and my assumed causes for use. she was fine with it and said that she would be ok with it just as long as she doesn't have to change my diapers.
 
Messages
520
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Incontinent
Disco, I told my wife many years ago, after we had been married for about 2 years.

I don't think there is a best time, but I would do as much research as possible about the subject, so that any questions she has, you can provide some credible information.

It is quite likely she already knows you are hiding something from her, my wife did.
She was thinking maybe an affair was involved, so diapers were not as bad.

Fear is tough, it scared the hell out of me, there are so many responses to telling someone you like diapers, it's impossible to predict what will happen in advance.

Good luck, I hope it goes well for you.
 

Sparkz

Est. Contributor
Messages
74
Role
Diaper Lover, Sissy
disc,

I don't check in here often so i'm just seeing this. at the moment i'm on my phone but I have some (maybe) usefull experience to tell about. I will log in later when I am home.

I so far have typed up my childhood history, which explains the most likely reason for developing this fetish (forced diaper wearing by babysitter, threating of diapers by mother for bedwetting).
I find that intensely fascinating because I had both those same things done to me when I was little and I've attributed it as at least a significant reason I am a DL. I was an only child and my mother always told me she wanted a girl and always said how she wanted me to be a baby again are the other two reasons (I'm also a sissy).

The people that I had told about this were eased into it. I talked mostly about my childhood and focused on the things that I felt caused this for me. Later down the line, like months, I started to talk about how I remembered when I was little I would really enjoy the thought of having a diaper on but hated using it. Not entirely true but it was enough to keep the other person thinking positive. Big stressful day comes along I played for sympathy and compassion and if the moment felt right I said something about how "it would be a wonderful thing if I could feel like I did when I was little, what a stress relief that would be".

I'm more afraid of the day I have to start talking about being a sissy. I thought it was a lot easier to talk about diapers than the fact I like little girl's clothes. :sad:

Oh the diapers thing turned out ...ok. It wasn't great but she tolerated that I did it on my own time but around her she limited it to once every few months. Every other part of the relationship was unchanged. It really had zero over-all effect.
 
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45
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Diaper Lover
Well since I have it typed out in the note, here is the part I was going to tell her about when I was a kid and the forced diapering by my babysitter.

A little while ago I told you about how I use to wet the bed chronically as a kid. My bed wetting was handled with a rubber sheet on my bed mostly. However there were a couple of times that involved being diapered.

I am going to go back to the very first time that I was put back in diapers after being potty trained. Besides being a bed wetter, I had trouble with day wetting until I was 5 -6 years old, as well as having a few accidents when I was 7 and 8. I would describe my problem as urge incontinence. When I had to go, I did not have much time to make it to the bathroom and would have the occasional accident.

When I was 5, I was at the babysitters place playing in the yard. Well I had an accident when I was playing in the sandbox. I was then walking on the pathway and when I passed the older babysitter who we called Grandma, she smacked me on the bottom with a stick for wetting my pants. Right away I was called inside by Bonnie and asked why I got a smack. I would not answer her so then she grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to the one bedroom which had a change table in it. She put me up on the change table and pulled off my pants, when I realized what she was doing I struggled but got another spanking from her. She stripped me down and cleaned me with a wipe, powdered me, and then tried diapering me. I fought her again but of course she overpowered me and taped the diaper on me, in the process she pulled the one tape completely off and had to secure it with extra tape. Wearing nothing but a diaper and t-shirt, she then made me go show Grandpa and Grandma my diaper and tell them why I was wearing a diaper because I wet my pants. Then it got worse. She brought in the 6 or so other kids being babysat and she made me go in the kitchen wearing just the diaper and t-shirt and show them, which of course they all pointed and laughed. I was made to sit in the diaper for a couple hours while my pants were washed and dried. This was a traumatic incident when I was kid.

Again around the age of 5, I wet the bed and my mom was rather upset the one day. She told me that if I don’t stop wetting the bed she is going to buy diapers for me and diaper me like a baby. Well later that day we were at the grocery store and I was sitting in the cart and we were in the diaper isle. I have no idea why I mention it, but I told my mom there are the diapers you want to buy for me. She then asked me if she should buy some for me or am I going to stop wetting the bed. I told her I would stop, which of course I never did. She did not buy the diapers and I was partially relieved and disappointed at the same time.

My next incident came when I was 6. My mom went away for a few days, so she had us stay at our regular babysitters for a long weekend. Well when it came time to go to bed. Bonnie calls me the one room with my pj’s in her hands and gets me to undress. Well then she grabs me and puts me up on the change table. I start to struggle and tell her “I do not need a diaper. I did not wet my pants”. She then asks me if I wet the bed and I said “no”. She said that is not what my mom says and she pulls out a diaper. I struggled more so I got a spanking; she put the diaper on me taped it up and put me in my pj’s. The next morning I woke up happy because I did not wet the bed. But then I realized that I had wet the diaper. This is the first conscious time of being in a wet diaper. I was made to wear the diaper until after breakfast when I was dressed for the day. This happened for the rest of the weekend until my mom came back. I am not sure if my mom knew that she made me wear a diaper but I was too embarrassed to tell her. This happened a few more times over the next couple years until my mom had a falling out with them and she found us a new babysitter. Having to wear diapers I found was really embarrassing and shameful. But I also found it securing that I was not waking up in a wet bed.
 
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