Change me. (Short poem)

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Musician147

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So I wrote a short poem. I'd love to hear what you guys think:

Change me.

Life is dark
And damp am I
Of stinging tears
that will not dry

My person moist
of trickling sweat
A bad dream, a nightmare,
a trap my mind has set

I cry and weep and throw a fit
As if I scream into the void "I quit"

A soft hand touches me
A hand of solid gold
"Relax," it pleads, "let go of grief"
And I do as I am told

"Lay down, eyes closed,
Forget the world's ill ways"
By now no longer fully clothed
I lay there, glassy eyes agaze

A finger gently wipes my tears
My cheeks still red and tender
My eyelids lulled to sleep, no fears,
He's mine, my very own defender

With a sprinkle of bright snow
Engulfed and caressed by whitest glow
Life giving chills of caring and bliss
It all goes away with a hug and a kiss

https://youtu.be/d7hO47QttBk?t=11m26s
 
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SpAzpieSweeTot

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This is a great poem. How about making the thread title something that tells people that's what you mean? I think you'd get more replies. Great job on the poem itself.
 

Musician147

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Thanks guys. I changed the title of the thread, hopefully people will have a better idea of what's in it.
 
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I think that's an excellent poem. You really captured the tenderness of the moment. I'm curious if you had a particular cadence or meter in mind, it seems close to one but there are a few lines that vary that make me uncertain if you were going for a meter or just freeform.

Also, I'm not 100% sure if this or the story forum would be a better place for poetry, but I kinda like this here as a change of pace.
 

Musician147

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I didn't have a specific meter in mind, (never studied meters actually...) but did pay attention to rhythm. I mixed a few meters unconciously. The different meter in the last verse however was a conscious decision.
 
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