Busted little, shamed wife

[BellasMommy]

Sweet babygirl, my heart breaks for you.
We can all imagine how hard this is for you. Though we're far away, know that we are all here to support your crushed little heart. Feel our hugs!

 

[Diaperman95]

Settle down Francis, This happened last week and OP was back today with an update.
Nobody owes us an explanation

My apologies I had wrote the last reply around 2pm and I thought I sent it as I was waiting on lab to draw my blood. They called my name as I finished. I thought I sent it then. At that time she had not replied since Fri I think maybe Sat. Anyway I went to get online on my phone and seen it did not send, so I sent it again. My apologies again to the group and the OP.

But that said I am not wrong as I have seen several new members post for 2 or 3 times about the same thing and then disappear.

First, I want to thank all of you for your concern, your prayers and support. It’s absolutely helped me from going into some very dark places in my mind and heart.

Husband has chosen to not return home as of yet, to add to this situation his/our friend knows why he left so another level of embarrassment and mental anguish on my part.

Now the friend has tried to help, getting in touch and is playing middle communicator to a degree, he doesn’t see why my husband is acting the way he is, however has mentioned that what my husband discovered should have been discussed before we got married ( I don’t disagree however I could never find the strength or courage to bring it up )

Been reading “ you’re not Broken” and it has helped me, I do believe it would also help my husband.

Praying I come out of this with the love of my life, preparing mentally that the outcome I want may not be the outcome I get .

Diaperedwife4life I am sorry and I did not mean to sound uncaring. We do see a lot of this my spouse found out post. Not that it is bad because we are a support group! I am glad you are here and I hope you stay when your life settles down. I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. Maybe he will come back after he has a little more time to process. Either way it is in his hands on what he decides. I would send him a message that you really want to set down and talk when he is ready and you love him and want to talk it out. Then you need to decide what you do if he says if it is me or the diapers? Do you give them up or do you say you will and continue to lie or do you give up. I don't know how long you have been married or if you have kids as that all factors in. The fact is you need to be happy. If he is your world and you can live without diapers it is easy. If you can't then you really need to talk it out and apologize for not being upfront. Either way be honest to yourself what you want. We are all behind you. I really hope people that are hiding this from their spouse can learn something from this. All in all he is right that you should of been up front and you need to be that way from now on.

But on the flip side if you really are the love of his life he should be able to forgive and he should of talked it out with you before running and telling all of his friends. He is doing that to hurt you and that is not love. I think you have a lot of prying to do. If he cant forgive you for being yourself then he is not worthy of you.

I am really sorry your heart is hurting. I also did not mean to imply you was just going to ghost us in the previous message I posted. Stay strong and if you are a Christian pray about it. I am praying for you tonight! You cant PM until you are a established Member, but if you want to PM with me or anyone else in a more private setting than just ask us to PM you. I would be happy to.


Best wishes. I am sorry for your situation but I am glad you are here.

 

[todderhr]

Or is he such a ‘vanilla’ person, without unusual interests himself, that this would affect him this badly?

I am an extremely skeptical person, I'm willing to bet that his isn't pure as the wind driven snow and this is a power play.

 

[diaperedwife4life]

Really sorry to hear this, truly.
But this seems like quite an over reaction.
If you don’t mind me asking, was this a strong marriage prior to him finding out about your ‘thing’?
It sounds to me that he’s using the information as a way out.

Or is he such a ‘vanilla’ person, without unusual interests himself, that this would affect him this badly?

When I joined I promised myself a couple of things, be honest, be myself and share the hard stuff, like I’ve mentioned I have been a lurker, and “ learned” that community is in and of itself a support. So to answer some big questions that as I type sting a bit, no. The honest truth is we didn’t have the strongest marriage. We seem to have struggled with communication across the board after we got married. I have asked to go to couples counseling to work on our communicating to which he has refused. He thinks “ therapy” is for other people with problems lol uh we got problems babe.

As far as his sexual personality, when we dated it seemed like “ experimenting “ was healthy discovering what he and I liked was fun and exciting. I won’t go into detail here but we tried many a thing that would turn cheeks a rosy color lol. However after we got married it seemed to stop, our sex life did become quite “ vanilla “ things we had fun with in the past were answered with” not tonight” or blunt redirection to something more tame. Idk if it’s me or what but the adventure of sexual experiences were limited your typical missionary.

No affairs, no secret drug habits or anything that I know of. I myself am questioning our marriage at this point that he is acting this way to ME, his wife! Ugh

 

[diaperedwife4life]

He may be saying he never knew the real you, and blaming you for that.
What he's showing you now- is the real him.

Only a fool wouldn't understand why you hid this, you've already apologized for being human.
Don't apologize further, let him apologize for being unnacepting and hurtful beyond reason.
If he doesn't- then I won't believe he cares for you as deeply as you do him -if at all now really, I'm sorry to be so blunt.

Lastly, thank you for sharing such a difficult part of your life right now, this may help others.
Be as strong as you can.

I have been apologizing…..maybe to much, the shock of being caught is wearing of a bit and the shock of how my husband is pushing me away and the distance he is quite literally physically creating is devastating to me as his wife. I want my best friend back I want the man I thought would protect me from anything back, what’s hurting more than anything is now, my diapered little side seems so trivial to me, losing the man that my heart cares for so much is like nothing I have ever experienced. The thoughts that make me sick are “ does he love me, did he truly ever love me, can I ever trust him to protect me? Very much struggling and I appreciate you all for your support

 

[bret2]

As of this evening, my husband ( hopefully he is still) decided to stay with a friend, idk what to do. My plushie is getting covered in tears, I knew there would be a shock factor when he found out but leaving our home…..this part of me isn’t like I’ve had an affair , or hard drugs ugh

Hang in there, I’ve been in your shoes. It’s not easy

 

[Kayleigh]

Diapers can certainly stress a marriage but, at least in my case, the stresses were already there. The diapers just surfaced the existing issues. I have asked that about my wife - does she really love me for me, warts and all or does she only love an image that is not really me.
The refusal to seek counseling is a red flag. It was in my case.
Remember you are not the only one that is or has dealt with this. You need to be strong and not compromise the real you for someone else’s view of who you should be.

 

[diaperedwife4life]

Oh my gosh!!! Are you ok? How do you feel right now? I think once he has had some time to calm down, hopefully he'll be ready to talk. In the meantime, gather up some reputable resources. Maybe write down some questions and answers he might have so you're able to provide him with tangible answers and intelligible responses. If that was his initial response, I would definitely recommend trying to go about this in a logical and sensible way. Get your tears out now, cause you're gonna have to be ready for a real big girl conversation.

My apologies I had wrote the last reply around 2pm and I thought I sent it as I was waiting on lab to draw my blood. They called my name as I finished. I thought I sent it then. At that time she had not replied since Fri I think maybe Sat. Anyway I went to get online on my phone and seen it did not send, so I sent it again. My apologies again to the group and the OP.

But that said I am not wrong as I have seen several new members post for 2 or 3 times about the same thing and then disappear.



Diaperedwife4life I am sorry and I did not mean to sound uncaring. We do see a lot of this my spouse found out post. Not that it is bad because we are a support group! I am glad you are here and I hope you stay when your life settles down. I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. Maybe he will come back after he has a little more time to process. Either way it is in his hands on what he decides. I would send him a message that you really want to set down and talk when he is ready and you love him and want to talk it out. Then you need to decide what you do if he says if it is me or the diapers? Do you give them up or do you say you will and continue to lie or do you give up. I don't know how long you have been married or if you have kids as that all factors in. The fact is you need to be happy. If he is your world and you can live without diapers it is easy. If you can't then you really need to talk it out and apologize for not being upfront. Either way be honest to yourself what you want. We are all behind you. I really hope people that are hiding this from their spouse can learn something from this. All in all he is right that you should of been up front and you need to be that way from now on.

But on the flip side if you really are the love of his life he should be able to forgive and he should of talked it out with you before running and telling all of his friends. He is doing that to hurt you and that is not love. I think you have a lot of prying to do. If he cant forgive you for being yourself then he is not worthy of you.

I am really sorry your heart is hurting. I also did not mean to imply you was just going to ghost us in the previous message I posted. Stay strong and if you are a Christian pray about it. I am praying for you tonight! You cant PM until you are a established Member, but if you want to PM with me or anyone else in a more private setting than just ask us to PM you. I would be happy to.


Best wishes. I am sorry for your situation but I am glad you are here.

I do appreciate this “ apology “, in my oath for honesty lol I did read your previous message and was like WTF! You try having your safe circle and world implode and have the time and strength to stop crying to update everyone…….however I did take a deep breath and from my years of lurking realized there was some factual evidence you based your response on so I also accept your apology and forgive you.

My best friend would say, take a breath and see it from there point of view, is there reason to be made and defensive or can you accommodate your response to open communication.

Speaking of my best friend, and since my world blew up I’ve missed some work and have been not so available or communicative with family or friends so @Diaperman95, all of you prob have “ seen/ heard more from me than even my family and friends. Well my best friend noticed and literally brought a chair and sat outside my door and said I have two choices let her in and tell her what’s happening or let her freeze to death on my front porch lol god I love her.

So for the record and anyone keeping count, my husband knows I wear diapers, his friend knows and with her successful sit in, my best friend knows, she knows a bit more of the details as she also came armed with wine, boy did I need a drink and my best friend more than I though.

She helped staying up with me and had me tell her everything, her response , “ this is the exact conversation my husband and I need to have. And that while she isn’t going home to jump in a diaper she can’t understand why this “ thing” of mine is such a big deal lol “ I get being a bit surprised even shocked but this diaper kink fetish isn’t that big of a deal once you take it in and breath a second” her words. She is reaching out to my husband today……..and I do promise to keep every posted on how that goes, that is unless my marriage completely unravels then…..then I may be M.I.A for a bit but will come back.

 

[diaperedwife4life]

Diapers can certainly stress a marriage but, at least in my case, the stresses were already there. The diapers just surfaced the existing issues. I have asked that about my wife - does she really love me for me, warts and all or does she only love an image that is not really me.
The refusal to seek counseling is a red flag. It was in my case.
Remember you are not the only one that is or has dealt with this. You need to be strong and not compromise the real you for someone else’s view of who you should be.

One of the aspects of my marriage that my best friend brought up is that it’s no secret that my husband puts a lot of pride…maybe to much on how we look to the world, she said that a military man with an attractive wife that holds a fairly high position in corporate America is something he boasts about, finding out that this image could be scandalized is “ holding to much importance “ to him. She was shocked to hear my secret and actually thought I was way more on the vanilla side of life lol she said if my marriage doesn’t begin to heal she is going to marry me lol

She also agreed that the refusal to counseling even before this is a bit of a red flag: refusal to work on us she hopes he can see how much his reaction is devastating me.

 

[sbmccue]

Having read through all the posts in this thread, my response may be a little different: If your husband would actually leave you after discovering you're an AB or DL, he can't love you very much. His 'pride' is obviously more important to him than you are, which ought to be a red flag for both of you. I suspect he won't go to counseling - not that it would do much good! - for the same reason.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. In every adversity or adverse situation, there's a greater or equivalent benefit. Perhaps you found yours in this sort of trial; if you'd finally been 'outed' a decade from now, the consequences might have been too terrible to contemplate.

We all wish you the best!

 

[foxkits]

I guess what he doesn't understand is there are a lot of professional people that do this. Maybe some one on one with a therapy professional may be of help to you.
He can't control you talking to someone. There are some ab/dl aware professional therapist. We want you to be happy
In your life healthy in all parts of your life if someone not full filling you. Marriage is 50/50 street.
Men can be so controlling some times. I hope everything works the best for everyone take care of yourself.

 

[SpAzpieSweeTot]

My apologies I had wrote the last reply around 2pm and I thought I sent it as I was waiting on lab to draw my blood. They called my name as I finished. I thought I sent it then. At that time she had not replied since Fri I think maybe Sat. Anyway I went to get online on my phone and seen it did not send, so I sent it again. My apologies again to the group and the OP.

But that said I am not wrong as I have seen several new members post for 2 or 3 times about the same thing and then disappear.



Diaperedwife4life I am sorry and I did not mean to sound uncaring. We do see a lot of this my spouse found out post. Not that it is bad because we are a support group! I am glad you are here and I hope you stay when your life settles down. I am very sorry to hear what you are going through. Maybe he will come back after he has a little more time to process. Either way it is in his hands on what he decides. I would send him a message that you really want to set down and talk when he is ready and you love him and want to talk it out. Then you need to decide what you do if he says if it is me or the diapers? Do you give them up or do you say you will and continue to lie or do you give up. I don't know how long you have been married or if you have kids as that all factors in. The fact is you need to be happy. If he is your world and you can live without diapers it is easy. If you can't then you really need to talk it out and apologize for not being upfront. Either way be honest to yourself what you want. We are all behind you. I really hope people that are hiding this from their spouse can learn something from this. All in all he is right that you should of been up front and you need to be that way from now on.

But on the flip side if you really are the love of his life he should be able to forgive and he should of talked it out with you before running and telling all of his friends. He is doing that to hurt you and that is not love. I think you have a lot of prying to do. If he cant forgive you for being yourself then he is not worthy of you.

I am really sorry your heart is hurting. I also did not mean to imply you was just going to ghost us in the previous message I posted. Stay strong and if you are a Christian pray about it. I am praying for you tonight! You cant PM until you are a established Member, but if you want to PM with me or anyone else in a more private setting than just ask us to PM you. I would be happy to.


Best wishes. I am sorry for your situation but I am glad you are here.

Are you okay? No one likes blood drawn that early in the morning. Going through medical problems can make anyone frustrated. Add pain to that, and it's obviously not going to go well. Anything we can do?

 

[Reward]

So for the record and anyone keeping count, my husband knows I wear diapers, his friend knows and with her successful sit in, my best friend knows, she knows a bit more of the details as she also came armed with wine, boy did I need a drink and my best friend more than I though.

She helped staying up with me and had me tell her everything, her response , “ this is the exact conversation my husband and I need to have. And that while she isn’t going home to jump in a diaper she can’t understand why this “ thing” of mine is such a big deal lol “

You have a wonderful friend. Just as importantly her devotion to you at this critical time speaks to how much you've given her emotionally over the course of your friendship, perhaps without realizing- and is a reflection of the person you are.
Trust yourself and the decisions you make.

 

[Kayleigh]

One of the aspects of my marriage that my best friend brought up is that it’s no secret that my husband puts a lot of pride…maybe to much on how we look to the world, she said that a military man with an attractive wife that holds a fairly high position in corporate America is something he boasts about, finding out that this image could be scandalized is “ holding to much importance “ to him. She was shocked to hear my secret and actually thought I was way more on the vanilla side of life lol she said if my marriage doesn’t begin to heal she is going to marry me lol

She also agreed that the refusal to counseling even before this is a bit of a red flag: refusal to work on us she hopes he can see how much his reaction is devastating me.

I take pride in my looks and my career, my wife is very attractive and I was a SVP in a major corporation and I am the one who wears diapers. I don’t believe you were going to parade around in public wearing a diaper nor do I believe that you were planning to take pictures of yourself in a diaper so the risk of scandal is extremely low.
Sorry to say this but your husband may view you as a trophy wife and for him I guess trophy wives don’t wear diapers. I am guessing he may have a bit of an ego and with the military aspect he may also be fairly conservative. So it’s all about him? What about you?

In addition, the fact that he told someone about your diapers is a contradiction to worrying about a scandal.

Communication and marital counseling seem to be the best next steps, hopefully after he calms down and realizes that he might lose you.

 

[diaperedwife4life]

You have a wonderful friend. Just as importantly her devotion to you at this critical time speaks to how much you've given her emotionally over the course of your friendship, perhaps without realizing- and is a reflection of the person you are.
Trust yourself and the decisions you make.

She is the most amazing human being, we have been there for each other for more than 20 years, lol she was even a little upset I never shared this with her but also understoods why .

 

[diaperedwife4life]

I take pride in my looks and my career, my wife is very attractive and I was a SVP in a major corporation and I am the one who wears diapers. I don’t believe you were going to parade around in public wearing a diaper nor do I believe that you were planning to take pictures of yourself in a diaper so the risk of scandal is extremely low.
Sorry to say this but your husband may view you as a trophy wife and for him I guess trophy wives don’t wear diapers. I am guessing he may have a bit of an ego and with the military aspect he may also be fairly conservative. So it’s all about him? What about you?

In addition, the fact that he told someone about your diapers is a contradiction to worrying about a scandal.

Communication and marital counseling seem to be the best next steps, hopefully after he calms down and realizes that he might lose you.

My husband in the past around his military buddies has referred to me as his trophy wife, I never put much thought into it until now…..most things are about him I agree more of my needs need to be met

 

[babyjoe698]

There nothing wrong with you. Diapers help my anxiety and stress. Here lately sleeping in a onesie makes me sleep a whole lot better. If you ever want to talk feel free to message anyone of us on here

 

[diaperedwife4life]

Lol diapers were a big part of stress relief and anxiety control, right now however, I am trying not to purge everything

 

[LePew]

Lol diapers were a big part of stress relief and anxiety control, right now however, I am trying not to purge everything

Don’t purge, those cycles are not healthy. There is nothing wrong with you or your kink. I hope that your conversation with your friend showed you that. Unusual? Yes. But totally harmless.

You are not the problem here.

I gotta tell you, I’d be very upset if my spouse fled for a day over this but for them to refuse to come home and return back to me after days with no end in sight? I’d be considering a divorce regardless of whether they come back or not. Sorry, I hate to drop the ‘D’ word at all here but to be treated like this - like you’ve done something unthinkable to him…. I wouldn’t stand for it.

 

[Woncrinklz]

Hey everyone, I’m new here, I’ve decided to join because ie lurked for years. And because I very Recently was discovered by my husband. I had Ben doing some shopping online, an left laptop logged into my Amazon account. Now this wolf not have been bad however I have always been so paranoid that I have wi accounts. One that I use for daily life and one I use for well, yes diapers/onsies . Since I’m here you can guess witch one was still offed in Hubby came out to my “ she shed” and said he needed to discuss something. We sat down and said “ what I’m the actual guy is this” showing me my orders of all kinds of ABDL diapers, and onsies. I froze I shut down and just cried. My worst nightmare ( being caught) had happened. I began to word vomit “ you can leave, you can divorce me you now know how much of A weirdo I am” ect.

His response was what wrong with you, do you need to see a doctor? Diapers? Onsies?

I didn’t know what to do, I retreated, locked myself in our room. Since then he hasn’t brought it up, nor have I. There is definitely some tension and I know I needs to be discussed….no idea where to start

Wow! I'm so sorry this happened to you! I had eased one of my partners into my play games. But I deeply was, well, let's say I have a ton of stories! I'm here for you. Sorry to read this late! I am here for you. It sounds like a very scary and terrible experience. But you will be okay. We are all here. We in one way or the other have had these experiences, so I read by just being here for a spell.

I'll explain or help if I can.... sorry to be late on this!