Breaking the cycle, how much is too much of a good thing?

[AdorableRabbit]

Yikes... my first thread! Kinda scary, but here goes...

So I think I'm coming to terms with my needs to play little and be babied, and my wife is super amazing about it. It has come up before so it's not like it's new, but I've pushed this down and away several times in our relationship. I guess I'm more accepting of me now, and I believe her more when she says that it's OK.

She's very supportive and even seems to be enjoying herself in a caring role in our ... playtime, but also at other times. The other day we had a few quiet moments to ourselves and she spontaneously asked to come sit on her lap. We cuddled and it was amazing and nice, and that's just one example of how she's encouraging me to play this way outside of our ... bedroom. She insists that she's OK with it and wants to be supportive of this...

The thing is, I've gone through lots of binge and purge cycles and I'm terrified that this is not going to be steady. I desperately *want* to lean into it a bit more. I'd like to introduce some, um.. toys into our playtime. You know ... maybe a paci, a bottle, some clothes ... maybe ... actually a ... baby print diaper. I've played with some on my own, but never with her, and we have some pretty ... involved ... rolepaying time, but never to the point of actually ... you know ... using my toys.

But I don't want to overdo it for myself or for her.

My question I guess is for all you folks who's managed to come to terms with your little needs and integrate some amount of this ... stuff... into your lives and into your partner's lives. How did you make that transition from shameful secret or habit that your tried to repress or hide (even if it had bubbled up before) into something ... stable? How did you manage to keep from going overboard?

 

[rennecfox]

you need to sit down with her and ask her “Am I crossing a line?, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable for my sake” that way you can learn how she really feels and then work on your own feelings as need be.

 

[SunshineFlower]

Well, I always thought it's a hassle for my boyfriend, and then I was sitting there on my laptop, playing something and he just grabbed the baby bottle and refilled it.. I was pretty surprised and asked him, why he was doing that, since I thought he doesn't want to do stuff like that, but he said it's okay as long as it's not changing a full diaper :9
Just talk to her about her own opinion about this, maybe make a list of things you want to try and ask her what she is comfy with, and also ask for her ideas!
It's practically taking and giving ~~

 

[AdorableRabbit]

you need to sit down with her and ask her “Am I crossing a line?, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable for my sake” that way you can learn how she really feels and then work on your own feelings as need be.

Yeah ... I have. Especially recently when I decided not to be shy about asking for some little-mode playtime. She insists she's OK with it, and ... she's initiated some play in ways I can tell she's enjoying a bit.

So.. yeah I feel pretty lucky. But...

I don't know how she'd feel if I told her all this roleplay had not only made me feel better in the moment and feel more accepting of myself. It also emboldened me to go online, find a forum (oh, hi!), and order some actual AB diaper samples ... Arrrrrh! I'm anxious even admitting that here! ( ;_; )

I guess it's the question of going further with this and actually bringing both some chill time in a little playful space and / or some toys into the picture. I want to take that step, but I don't want to mess up what I have...

- - - Updated - - -

Just talk to her about her own opinion about this, maybe make a list of things you want to try and ask her what she is comfy with, and also ask for her ideas!
It's practically taking and giving ~~

Oh no, a list would feel like I'm being way too aggressive! (O.O);;

I know it's a give and take... I don't want to just do all the taking.

I suppose what you're both saying, and it's obvious I know ... but sometimes I'm slow or shy ... is there's no substitute for talking about my feeling about this.

I guess I should bring it up by saying how much I've appreciated and enjoyed what we've been doing - and I'm totally happy if that's all she's comfy with! But then ... I suppose I should confess that I've also got some things I'd like to try ...

Not sure how to go about that without feeling like I'm overstepping and pressuring her!

Ah... I guess I could use encouragement to talk to her if nothing else.

 

[dogboy]

I've introduced one object at a time, and I've also asked my wife if she's comfortable with it. I've said, "I hope I'm not weirding you out." Somethings can be or seem overwhelming, so asking might be the way to go. I never find it to be easy as it can be a bit embarrassing, but I remind myself that after all, she sees me in diapers and knows that I like feeling like a baby, so the next thing is an obvious step.

 

[AdorableRabbit]

I've introduced one object at a time, and I've also asked my wife if she's comfortable with it. I've said, "I hope I'm not weirding you out." Somethings can be or seem overwhelming, so asking might be the way to go. I never find it to be easy as it can be a bit embarrassing, but I remind myself that after all, she sees me in diapers and knows that I like feeling like a baby, so the next thing is an obvious step.

Thanks for that ... taking it one thing at a time is good advice, a lot more manageable.

Last night we had a good conversation about stuff, and ... thought it nearly made me choke ... I took the opportunity to bring up that I'd ordered some AB diaper samples. I think that was probably not the easiest toy to into introduce one at a time! She definitely was taken a back. While she wasn't rejecting it, it was also clearly out of her comfort zone.

This morning I wonder if she was concerned about the clean up aspect of playing with diapers? She also acted a little confused, and reminded me that she often teases me that it's time for me "to go get diapers" if we've had some playtime. I always took that teasing as a wrap-up of our roleplay, not as an actual invitation! Eh...

Oooof... I guess more to work through, but I'm glad I've at least opened the topic. Wherever we end up it feels better than being half open with her!

 

[dogboy]

Thanks for that ... taking it one thing at a time is good advice, a lot more manageable.

Last night we had a good conversation about stuff, and ... thought it nearly made me choke ... I took the opportunity to bring up that I'd ordered some AB diaper samples. I think that was probably not the easiest toy to into introduce one at a time! She definitely was taken a back. While she wasn't rejecting it, it was also clearly out of her comfort zone.

This morning I wonder if she was concerned about the clean up aspect of playing with diapers? She also acted a little confused, and reminded me that she often teases me that it's time for me "to go get diapers" if we've had some playtime. I always took that teasing as a wrap-up of our roleplay, not as an actual invitation! Eh...

Oooof... I guess more to work through, but I'm glad I've at least opened the topic. Wherever we end up it feels better than being half open with her!

I think you're on the right path and I think you've done well. I also think you're lucky to have your wife accept all of this. She must be a special person. My wife is as well, but I knew that when we were dating.

 

[Desiloodle]

I find that I actually have my own limits. While I'm more accepting of myself than I used to be, I feel this taboo in the air. Hard to explain. My girlfriend knows and supports me within her limits, but at times it can still be uncomfortable... on my end more than hers. Even though there may be something little I would enjoy or fantasize about, I may not feel as comfortable approaching her with that event or even more uncomfortable if she approaches me with it. Not that I don't enjoy it, but just the feeling of strange or taboo floods me. I only state this because of things you stated doing/using/enjoying without her company yet haven't exactly with her company.

I don't know if I'm helping you though. To answer your question I feel like telling her that she doesn't have to cater outside of her comfort zone would be a thing to bring up. Or maybe you can do something for her she would enjoy that you would find different/exhausting/inconvenient. Make sure she doesn't feel obligated but explain things you enjoy or want to try. As stated: give and take.

 

[AdorableRabbit]

I also think you're lucky to have your wife accept all of this. She must be a special person. My wife is as well, but I knew that when we were dating.

Tell me about it! I do feel lucky, which is why I'm so nervous. Also I do think she's amazing, and while I've known that a long time, it's also that we've built a great relationship over the years ... I think she even reminds me of all that we've been through together to keep ... this ... in perspective.

I find that I actually have my own limits. While I'm more accepting of myself than I used to be, I feel this taboo in the air. Hard to explain. My girlfriend knows and supports me within her limits, but at times it can still be uncomfortable... on my end more than hers. Even though there may be something little I would enjoy or fantasize about, I may not feel as comfortable approaching her with that event or even more uncomfortable if she approaches me with it. Not that I don't enjoy it, but just the feeling of strange or taboo floods me. I only state this because of things you stated doing/using/enjoying without her company yet haven't exactly with her company.

That's interesting. I think that's actually how I felt about this stuff for the last few years. I was so ashamed of it that even when she'd playfully bring stuff up (in the pure roleplay world) I'd panic. I'd desperately want to engage, but I'd also be holding back in a non-constructive way. A few years back we had a frank talk where she told me she felt like she got really mixed messages out of that, and that helped me be more straightforward about what I wanted.

However being able to have the courage ask for something doesn't mean that I didn't feel horrible about it then and afterwards. It's only recently though that I've broken through some of the self loathing and shame about liking it. That's why I'm all of a sudden revisiting some of the playtime with toys...

I don't know if I'm helping you though. To answer your question I feel like telling her that she doesn't have to cater outside of her comfort zone would be a thing to bring up. Or maybe you can do something for her she would enjoy that you would find different/exhausting/inconvenient. Make sure she doesn't feel obligated but explain things you enjoy or want to try. As stated: give and take.

Yup, yup. Good advice, and what I've been trying to do... not straightforward or easy though.

 

[Babybike2]

I can't say I've got this all figured out, even after 33 years of marriage, but I can offer some generally helpful suggestions.

First, our wives really need us to share our feelings with them. However, with this subject, you are doing well to take it slow. Dogboy's advice in this area is spot on.

Second, try to keep your thoughts and actions (private playtime) out in the open. If you try to hide your AB side, it will always feel like there is something between you two. The gals are really good at picking up on this. I know this from my own experience as this has been my struggle. When I'm not open and honest about my AB thoughts and actions, it comes between us - she feels like I'm drifting away from her and hate myself for it.

Third, make sure her needs are met. It sounds like you love your wife and have a healthy marriage, so I'm sure you know that sometimes you just need to put her needs and desires first. Speaking from experience, I have often regretted putting my selfish desires ahead of wife's needs, but have never regretted putting her first.

So just continue to love and cherish her and no matter how the AB thing goes, and I'm sure you will enjoy a lifetime of happy marriage