Being incontinent as a kid...

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derek245

derek245

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  1. Incontinent
So I'm just wondering, what was it like for you guys growing up incontinent?

I personally remember my childhood being a constant stream of embarrassment and feeling ashamed at not being able to use the toilet like the other kids. My family kind of treated me as the 'baby' of the household even though I wasn't the youngest kid there, and constantly told me off when I wet the bed or my pants. I've never really been out of nappies for an extended period of time, but there were a few times my parents 'rewarded' me by letting me out of them, of course this made it much more embarrassing when I wet myself and there was nothing to absorb it!!! I would sometimes ask for stuff like games consoles, or to go to see a film and theyd just say 'oh no, that stuff is for the big kids!!' School life wasn't much better. For PE I usually had to change my clothes in another room so no one would see the diaper, but it was pretty much always obvious that my butt was padded thanks to the annoyingly small shorts they made us wear for the uniform. I got asked about it a lot by people, and once got pantsed wearing a diaper, something which followed me through pretty much the whole year. Sleepovers were impossible for me, I had to avoid them like the plague (and the one time I did have a sleepover my nappy ended up leaking at night so I got my friends other bed completely soaked... luckily his mum cleared it up without him seeing!) there were a few other times other kids found out , usually I got mocked horribly since kids can be pretty cruel... I did make one friend who had similar problems to me (though only at night, not 24/7 like me) and we bonded a little over that. Overall though I think my childhood could have been a lot better, and it caused me to develop depression and self esteem issues that I'm only getting out of now.
 
Hey there Derek, tough road to have travelled, sorry for that. Many here dream of a life padded 24/7 but as you've experienced that's not always as awesome as it sounds.

Fortunately I only experienced bed wetting as a kid, but I can full remember the embarrassment of friends coming over and jumping on my 'crinkly' bed etc. no nappies for me just constant wet beds to deal with. I was lucky I guess, the last one I recall was when I was about 16.

Had a few close calls and minor accidents at sleepovers, though mostly at family's places. A couple of times I flooded my sleeping bag on a scout camp (I still don't know how I managed to conceal that lol.

It's weird actually that my parents wouldn't use pull-ups or something cause it would have been way easier, but mostly they just hassled me and would say crap like if you don't stop this you'll have to go back in nappies. Hahaha rediculous threat, actually it would have been better.
 
Hey Derek,

That sounds really rough man. I never had any major problems like that but I do remember having accidents up to about 8 or 9 messing my pants at school. While I never got teased for something like that I did get bullied for other things such as my eyes, they way I walked (I have cerebral palsy to an extent.) along with other things. Reading this I wish I could have been friends with you; kids who get bullied need to stick together!
 
I used to ped my bed until my mid teens - gradually got less frequent as I got older. I also had accident during the day sometimes.
 
I did wet bed growing up. It wasn't a big deal in my house. Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night wet, I'd just go into the bathroom, grab some towels and lay them over the wet spot, change underwear/pajamas, and go back to bed. In the morning, I'd take the sheets to the laundry room so my mom can wash them. There wasn't any Goodnites in the 80's so there was no shame for being a bedwetter.
 
I never had good bladder control as a kid. I wet the bed most every night and often had\wet pants in the day time. It was no secret and I got a lot of stick from other kids. It didn't help I guess because I just didn't care. Having a wet bed or wet pants never bothered me in the slightest which used to infuriate my folks and was a great source of amusement for my sister who was completely dry and out of nappies at two.
My pants wetting stopped by the time I was 11 but I continued wetting my bed right up to the end of my teens.
 
Never had good control as a kid--wasn't potty trained until five, still had loads of accidents during the day and wet the bed regularly. Was even back in diapers during the day when I was eight for a short while after a lot of changes in our lives (parent's divorce, three moves, and mom remarrying). Wasn't really out of night diapers until somewhere around ten, then back in them at sixteen, and my control has steadily declined to where I'm now in them 24/7.

Other kids were very cruel about it when they found I was still diapered. Of course, back in the 70's when this was occurring, bullying wasn't seen as such a major issue as it is today, and embarrassment and humiliation were seen as valid ways of motivating children's behaviors. I think the only time I remember having an adult stick up for me with regards to my diapers was my third-grade teacher; we had just moved (third move) and I was in the third school in less than a year. The school principal wanted to move me to special ed classes because I was still in diapers, the teacher stood up to him and refused since I was one of the top students in her class.
 
I never could be potty trained and was never out of diapers, it was tough for me too.
 
ozbub said:
Hey there Derek, tough road to have travelled, sorry for that. Many here dream of a life padded 24/7 but as you've experienced that's not always as awesome as it sounds.

Fortunately I only experienced bed wetting as a kid, but I can full remember the embarrassment of friends coming over and jumping on my 'crinkly' bed etc. no nappies for me just constant wet beds to deal with. I was lucky I guess, the last one I recall was when I was about 16.

Had a few close calls and minor accidents at sleepovers, though mostly at family's places. A couple of times I flooded my sleeping bag on a scout camp (I still don't know how I managed to conceal that lol.

It's weird actually that my parents wouldn't use pull-ups or something cause it would have been way easier, but mostly they just hassled me and would say crap like if you don't stop this you'll have to go back in nappies. Hahaha rediculous threat, actually it would have been better.
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Hey Derek

Sorry to hear you had such a hard time with it as a child.

I was a bed wetter until 15 yo as well and ozbub's post is almost exactly what I it was like for me only I avoided sleepovers and camps because of the bed wetting.

I did have a problem with a bully at school when he found out that I was a bed wetter, which I still don't know how he did but he told everyone in my class. I did try to deny it but I guess the look on my face said it all and I never lived it down until I left school when I was 16.

Pull ups were not around back then and but I still don't understand why I wasn't put in a nappy. My mother did try to a couple of times but never went on with it.
 
I had quite a few pants wetting episodes until 7th grade , wet the bed most of that time two, got picked on in school for being a pants wetter even though it really only happened a few times a year after the first or 2nd grade..kids are cruel and like elephants they never forget ..my class size was only about 16 so it was same kids my whole school life.
 
I wet the bed fairly regularly until I was around 11. I didn't wet it every night, maybe 3/4 times a week. Mostly they were small accidents. I just wouldn't wake up in time until I started leaking, but the feeling of leaking wetness would wake me up. If I was very tired or not well, I was much more likely to not wake up at all and soak the bed.

To combat this, from Sunday to Thursday I wore thick terry cloth training pants and plastic knickers. These usually contained my little leaks well enough. But on Friday and Saturday night I would wear a disposable nappy to bed. My brother and I could stay up late these nights, so I was more tired and prone to not waking up at all. The same if I was sick. I'd wear a real nappy as well. I outgrew the disposables by the time I was 10, so after that it was trainers only.

I was never made to feel bad or self conscious about it though. It was just accepted that I wet the bed and needed protection, and I wore openly at home around my parents and brother with little shame. I usually didn't even wear pyjama pants, as this was just another layer to negotiate if I did have to run to the toilet after waking up dribbling.

If I got my training pants wet, I'd just change myself into dry ones. If the bed was a little wet I'd put a towel down. But if I did have a big soaking, I'd wake mum up for help. It was never an issue. If I wet my nappy, I'd just leave it on until I could have a shower in the morning. Now I was allowed and encouraged to get to the toilet on time and allowed to take my nappy off to pee, but unless it was too late, I was supposed to get mum to put it back on for me. I always either leaked or ripped them trying to diaper myself. But of course it was flexible. If I did make it in time at 3am, I'd just put it back on by myself as I wouldn't wet again before morning. But if I was soaked, mum preferred I just left it on and waited to shower.

I was also accident prone but not incontinent until around 11. It was mostly laziness I guess, but I wouldn't want to stop playing, so I'd hold on and eventually wet my pants. It only happened at home though. I was always more careful to go to the toilet at school. My last real accident was at 12!

But again I wasn't punished if I wet myself. It was frowned upon and I might get scolded, but that was the worst of it. I estimate I wet myself perhaps 15 times between 7-12. So it wasn't a regular thing, but more often than normal kids.

But if I had an accident, mum would just help me change and send me on my way again. It only seemed to become a bigger deal after I turned 10. That's when she really would get annoyed with me.

The only thing I really missed out on was sleepovers. I really didn't want to go.
 
I was never really out of diapers, I was fine being potty trained for peeing on the toilet, but I never stopped pooping my pants. When I was 4 as much as my Mum tried to stop me wearing diapers, she couldn't, I would scream and scream and scream, partly from not having a diaper on and partly from the pain of holding in my poop, and then I would end up messing myself and my pants. This went on for a while till I was 7 and she just gave up and put me in diapers. Since then I have always used a diaper for pooping, and since I do not see the point in using a toilet if I am wearing a diaper, I use a diaper for everything.
I remember many of the kids making fun of me, calling me stinky baby j, and other such names, I was eventually put in a Special needs school, many of the other kids their wore diapers, but some of the other kids that did not wear diapers picked on us kids that were incontinent (due to disability, autism or psychologically) they often called us baby or stinky butt. I think that effected my development as I grew up more then anything, as a teenager I believed I was a 2 year old and was placed in a psychiatric hospital for a year.
I eventually stopped acting like a toddler but I was still using diapers.

I have fond memories of myself as an 8 your old kid, walking around the shopping mall with my mum looking for a diaper changing room because I had pooped myself, eventually we found the baby changing room, and there was already a mother inside changing her baby, and another mother waiting to change her kids pullups, my mom told them I needed my butt changed, but we would wait, my mum I waited till the mother of the boy in the pullups changed him. Then my mom put me on the changing table, undid my diaper and cleaned my but, as she was doing this another mother came in looking to change her toddler, who was still in diapers, she saw my mum was busey changing me, and started changing her 3 year old on the floor. I said to my mom "they need a bigger changing table for me and more of them for the babies" the mother changing her kid on the floor turned to me (butt still in the air) and said yes they do. Then she started asking my mom why I needed diapers, and my mom told her I refused to go poop on the potty like a big boy, both the mother and her kid looked at me, funny and the kid laughed a bit. By then my mom had put a clean diaper on me, and was getting me down off the changing table when another mother walks in to change her baby, so now there is a 3 year old having his messy bottom cleaned on the floor, and laughing at me, and a 6 month old screaming her head off because she needed to be changed as well, my mom got me dressed, and we left the baby changing room.

That would have been all, except the first mother who was changing her baby in there had complained to a security guard, and apparently told him that my mom was changing a disabled child in the baby changing room instead of the disabled toilet. When we exited the room, this security guard stopped us and asked my mom why she had used the baby changing room and not the disabled toilet to change me, she told him "because hes not disabled, he wears diapers for psychiatric issues" the security guard then said "you mean he is mentally retarded" and my mom said "yes" the security guard let us go and we left the shopping mall.
 
I was not totally incontinent as a boy, but did have issues.
I peed my bed until my mid teens, got less frequent as time went on, wore diapers until I was 8 or 9. Family just got on with it, no fuss.
Regularly dribbled in my pants after peeing, when younger white pants always stained so always wore coloured/patterned/picture pants so wetness/ stains would not show. I had some accidents, but these again decreased with age, but not a massive number.
 
I was kid #6 of 10, and the baby until my late teen years. All my older siblings are boys so my parents were not strangers to wet beds and clothes. It was just treated very normally. I wore thicker panel undies during the day as I've always had wet undies, I guess like training pants now. At night I wore a regular diaper, never really wore pull-ups that I can remember. I just have never received a strong enough signal in the brain to wake me up, and I sleep very deeply - almost coma like. The only real accidents I can remember are when I'd fall asleep on the couch or in the car without being diapered and my family letting me sleep too long. But we always had leather furniture as far as I can remember so it was just wiped up and my clothes tossed in the washer for the next load.

I think because no one in my family ever fussed about it, none of kids ever really felt anything about it. Even all my childhood friends knew and I still had and went to sleep overs. Some of my friends were more curious than others but it just wasn't a big deal.

I don't think I realized that diapers were such a big deal for people until my 20s when I started finding out about groups like this and other people having a really hard time over it. To me it's like food. Some people just eat food because you need it to survive. Other people eat food because they like the experience, taste, smell and pure enjoyment. Other people just can't control themselves and eat too much.

For me, I wear diapers to keep my bed and clothes dry, and now that I've discovered how cute others think it is, it also makes me feel a little special, or even sexy sometimes. I like the fact that I have to wear them. It's part of who I am. And I like me.
 
Wombat said:
I was never made to feel bad or self conscious about it though. It was just accepted that I wet the bed and needed protection, and I wore openly at home around my parents and brother with little shame. I usually didn't even wear pajama pants, as this was just another layer to negotiate if I did have to run to the toilet after waking up and peeing.

Wombat this sound like me a bit also. I had small nighttime accidents until age 3 or 4. I wore regular underwear (hand-me-downs) and then at age 5 wet my sleeping bag 3 nights straight at a camp so I had to wear plastic pants over my underwear for the rest of the week plus probably several more weeks after (I really do not recall). Into regular underwear until age 8 and had my first sleepover and saturated my friend's bed. Ultimately his mother put me back into a diaper and plastic underpants to wear under my pajamas and when I did wet myself but the bed and my clothes were dry the next morning she actually sat with me and explained how much better it was to wear protection and not wake up in discomfort from soaked sheets and pajamas. It really sunk in to me.

I wore a thick training briefs after that with pull on plastic pants and I recall how much better it was sleeping. In the summer I did not wear any pajama bottoms and my pajama top had snaps that would clip on to the top waist band of the plastic underpants to keep them from riding up. Right before bed my siblings and I would watch some TV and I may be sitting in my plastic underpants and pj top and my other siblings would be in their full pajamas or maybe just their regular underwear and a pj top. It was just known I needed special protection at night so I wore them and did not have to hide it which was psychologically good for me. By age 10 I was into regular underwear again. But by age 18 and college I had the same situation and though my college dorm mate didn't give me a hard time, I always wore something over my plastic underpants / snap on diaper at night.
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I'm 73. So I grew up in the 1940's and 1950's when only cloth diapers and plastic pants were available. Aa a very young boy, I recall wearing actual rubber pants that came packaged in a cardboard tube and smelled like baby powder. I think that, in the era before disposable diapers and automatic washers and dryers, parents were likely more highly motivated to get kids out of diapers than they are now. In any case, I was pressured to become dry and punished for wetting my pants from the time I was about three years old. Nevertheless, I was slow to train and continued to need daytime diapers anytime we were going to be anyplace where a toilet would not be readily and quickly available until I was almost ready to start school when I was six; and I even had a few accidents at school in grades one and two. I also continued to be a regular bedwetter until I was about 10.

When I was 14, I had major abdominal surgery; and we discovered that I have bleeding disorder somewhat similar to hemophilia. I required 43 blood transfusions before they got the bleeding to stop and then developed an serious infection. As a result, I ended up being in hospital for a little over three months. I eventually recovered completely, but something about that episode damaged my ability to control my bladder. When I got out of the hospital, I was totally incontinent of urine and required diapers 24/7. However, I was determined to overcome the problem and became a fanatic about performing Kegel exercises many times a day every day. I was never able to become reliably dry at night, but by the time I went to university I was generally able to go without a daytime diaper unless I was in a situation where I wouldn't be able to get to a bathroom quickly if need be. What I had at that stage of my life was a very overactive bladder that caused urgent needs to urinate at somewhat unpredictable times; but I generally wouldn't wet myself provided I could get to a bathroom within 5 to 10 minutes after an "urge" struck.

I continued to be able to go without a daytime diaper for the most part until I was in my forties, at which point daytime accidents became frequent enough that I couldn't perform my professional duties without worrying about visibly wetting myself in public. As a consequence, I've been back in diapers 24/7/365 for about 30 years now. Thank heavens for the development of better and better disposable diapers for adults!
 
I am of the same vintage as inconinmiss and recall the way "getting your baby dry" was a matter of extreme importance with mothers boasting about how early they had achieved it. Conversely there was shame in lower middle class suburbia for anyone who was late out of nappies. I guess my experiences in England are pretty well matched by those of people living in the USA. We simply didn't have washing machines - let alone automatic ones and I seem to think plastic baby pants were only widely available after about 1950. This was the era of "keep him off the furniture because he wets" and often I had a nappy and no other protection. I have been back in diapers for 20 years and would have saved myself a lot of grief if I had accepted the need for them earlier-the stress of managing without them and coping with accidents could have been avoided
 
dayannight said:
I am of the same vintage as inconinmiss and recall the way "getting your baby dry" was a matter of extreme importance with mothers boasting about how early they had achieved it. Conversely there was shame in lower middle class suburbia for anyone who was late out of nappies. I guess my experiences in England are pretty well matched by those of people living in the USA. We simply didn't have washing machines - let alone automatic ones and I seem to think plastic baby pants were only widely available after about 1950. This was the era of "keep him off the furniture because he wets" and often I had a nappy and no other protection. I have been back in diapers for 20 years and would have saved myself a lot of grief if I had accepted the need for them earlier-the stress of managing without them and coping with accidents could have been avoided
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I'm not the same vintage as the two of you (I was born in 1970), but I still remember how much it meant for my mother to try and have us out of diapers shortly after turning two, my getting to three and still in diapers was horrible for her. In some ways I'm glad my mother was not big on physical punishment as I probably would have always had a blistered behind, but that era certainly saw using humiliation and embarrassment as valid parenting tools to get your child to do what you wanted. I know my mother had no qualms about pointing out who the diapers were for when buying them at the store (even as I got older and just needed them for bedwetting), and would often put me in one of my sister's old dresses to make it easier to change me while out and about. The attitude was that if I didn't want to wear the dress, I had better get out of diapers.

Of course, nowadays, doing such things is considered child abuse, but allowing children to be in diapers until a bit later isn't seen as big of an issue as it was back then.
 
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