I was never discovered by any one, but I told my future wife every thing before we made a commitment to each other.
Many years later we ended up as a married couple BOTH incontinent and in nappies, (not funny - as she has now passed away).
Can only recommend that you tell your intended early on in the relationship.
Better than them having the shocking experience of discovering what you hide (and lie) about yourself.
I would love to be more open and discuss it with friends. If they were intrigued and wanted to ask questions about it I would be fine with that. In my mind I just don't see it going that well though. I have a good group of friends but a couple of them in particular are bad with secrets. I live in a small town where everyone knows you so I wouldn't want to be harassed about it. Once my friend's girlfriend blurted out to the rest of us that he likes getting peed on. It was awkward for a second but we just moved on and changed the subject. I never spread it around but I don't know if the rest of them did. I do have a best friend who I've known my whole life but I don't know how he would take it. He seems like a very vanilla "ordinary Joe" to me so I'm not sure if he knows AB/DL people even exist. I'm afraid he would be weirded out my me.
Ive told my wife who has been very accepting and fully participates. Ive told multiple close friends over the years who all took it very well and none acted like it was even that weird. I dont behave any differently around my friends.
Outside of scene people, my best friend (since 9th grade) and his wife know and I have another close friend who also knows. It's gone exceedingly well. All that said, I am very very guarded and reserved about who I would share that with - was still nervous telling them - esp worried vanillaish best friend would not take it well - but it worked out very well. His wife expressed a desire to explore kink, power exchange, petplay etc - my friend struggled a lot with this and was having a hard time coming to grips that his wife wanted that - this led to me discussing my own experiences and proclivities and how I had always had them since I was very young. It took a lot of courage, but he tried for her, and he has taken to it and their marriage is so much stronger now. (not that this is relevent to this discussion)
Anyways, we shared a hotel on vacation last year, we had one of the Disney Vacation Club Villas for a week - it was just the three of us on the trip, except for the last day when two of their kids (19 and 16 year old) drove down to join us. So for all the trip except that last day got to wear. My friend's wife was collared in the room - and that was the first time she had ever been collard in-front of anyone. We had such a good time last year we are doing it again this September.
Being able to be your self around people who are not play partners or scene people is very validating and affirming - as long as you carefully consider the impact on your relationship and WHY you want them to know I think it can awesome to share -but it is also not something you can take back if you choose poorly.
Once getting out of a cab I lost grip on a handrail and dropped about two feet only feel a hand grabbing my very padded butt, being a lady nothing was said but I could see her musing over something.
There was another occassion on a piping hot day when I was wearing a new high waisted disposable under my shirt not realising you could see the Nappy through the shirt where it stuck up above my trousers, on seeing someone doing a double take on me I scampered off and took a carefull look then saw my wardrobe failure.
This post saved me from having to begin one myself. After a period of clandestine part time wearing I decided to open up to my partner who responded really well, no judgement, no rejection. Acceptance with questions over my reasons to wear. She thought something had been bothering me for a while and my youngest child said to her that I had been acting strangely recently. Secretive. Not surprising as I had been spending loads of time on internet looking into the DL community. Was relieved to find out I was not alone. Probably need to agree when I can or cannot wear but before my coming out no one had a clue. Relieved and can get on with life.