Bailey's pull ups.

MonkeyDoodle

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Chapter 1....Bailey's Pull ups, my first story ever. I hope to give this story unexpected twists and turns as I go along ,but I thought for chapter 1 i would start it mellow so you can get to know Bailey, the main character, and so i can hear you're feedback on what i have written so far and if you like it ,then i will continue writing. If not ,then at least i had ago Lol. Sorry in advance for any spelling and grammar mistakes.
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It was thursday and the day had begun like any other, Bailey woke up and jumped out of bed doing his normal power ranger kung fu moves in the mirror, as he giggled to himself, his Mum called to him from down stairs.

Get ready for school young man or you will be late and you don't want to be late on your 1st week back at school.

OK Mum shouted Bailey, as he began to take off his's Pjs revealing the wet soggy Pull up he had worn to bed Because of his bedwetting problem, even though Bailey was 8 years old he did not mind wearing pull ups to bed in fact he enjoyed wearing them for whatever reason he could not quite understand they just made him feel special, and as he began to note to himself how funny it felt to poke and prod the wet soggy pull up he thought to himself I wish I could wear these every day, (hmmm) maybe I could wear one to school I mean it's not like any of my friends would find out, and as the rush of excitement over the very idea of wearing his pull ups to school was exhilarating though that feeling was soon cut short by his Mum calling out again.

What are you doing up there please come on or you will be late.

Coming Mum shouted Bailey and without hesitation or thought he rushed over to his bedside drawers, as that was where he kept his pull ups, as he began to pull a fresh new pull up out of the packet, the rush of excitement came flooding back and Bailey pulled on his pull up and got his school uniform on making sure he pulled his school jumper right down, he was confident that his pull up was not on show and as he hopped down the stairs with a playful manner his Mum was standing by the door ready to go.

Come on she said with a frustrated tone we are late and you will have to have your breakfast on the way to school.

Bailey, who was at this point still buzzing with excitement and was full of confidence that wearing his pull ups to school was a great idea, and nothing could possibly go wrong ,but as Bailey and his Mum got ever closer to the school Bailey looked out of the car window, he saw the other children walking to school, this had a big effect on Bailey's confidence, this unsettling voice crept into his mind and he began to question himself, whether or not wearing a pull up to school was such a good idea. His Mum at this point noticing how quiet Bailey had become, ask.

Is everything OK darling?

Bailey snapped out of his negative thoughts about being caught wearing a pull up by his friends and replied to his Mum, yes I'm fine.

His Mum put it down to the fact it was still the first week back at school after the summer holidays,
and Bailey was still not settled in yet.

They arrived at the school, and Bailey knowing it was too late to change his mind took a big deep breath and opened the car door, but just as he was halfway getting out the car his Mum said in a stern voice.

Haven't you forgotten something.

Bailey looked back at his mum with a state of panic thinking she must have seen his pull up as he was getting out the car, Yes Mum he replied in a high tone voice and stretching his school jumper down over his trousers as much as he could.

I was only going to ask for a kiss good by, whats up with you this morning are you sure you're OK.

Bailey gave a sigh of relief and gave his Mum a kiss good by saying yes I'm OK Mum at the same time, I have to go or I will be late closing the car door and making his way through the school gates, still stretching his school jumper down over his trousers.

End of chapter 1
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Its a great intro, keep going, I want to hear about Bailey's day in his pull up. I would suggest putting "speech marks" in when a character is speaking, this helps the reader as it makes the text flow easier and we know when someone is speaking. I like the words you use to describe the character's feelings.
 

MonkeyDoodle

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Its a great intro, keep going, I want to hear about Bailey's day in his pull up. I would suggest putting "speech marks" in when a character is speaking, this helps the reader as it makes the text flow easier and we know when someone is speaking. I like the words you use to describe the character's feelings.

Thanks I will keep what you said in mind, yes I think his day will turn out to be quite the unexpected one he had planned Lol.
 

Duper

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It has a good start, but just a side note. It sounds like Bailey is a boy. Jumpers are a type of dress as far as I know, but I could be mistaken.

- - - Updated - - -

It has a good start, but just a side note. It sounds like Bailey is a boy. Jumpers are a type of dress as far as I know, but I could be mistaken.
After further review and googling. I know realize that in the UK a jumper is a sweater, my confusion was based upon the fact that in america its kind of like a dress. You learn something new everyday.
 

MonkeyDoodle

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It has a good start, but just a side note. It sounds like Bailey is a boy. Jumpers are a type of dress as far as I know, but I could be mistaken.

Thanks glad you like the start, a jumper over in the uk is like a sweater or a long sleeve top, Bailey is into power rangers, very boyish so not sure if he would appreciate me putting him into a dress Lol.
 

KCAboy

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It's written fairly well, but there are some errors that, if resolved, would make this an easier read.

Use quotation marks around dialogue or monologue. These make the dialogue more visible and the text less confusing.

Divide up clauses into sentences a bit more frequently. Run-on sentences are difficult for many people to process.

Your paragraph breaks are good and flow well, providing just enough to make everything clear without feeling choppy. Good work.

No real grammatical or spelling errors that I can see, other than the aforementioned run-on sentences.

Your use of nouns and verbs over adjectives and adverbs is a very good base to work off of and will positively affect the rest of your work.

Final note: Keep your style consistent in a particular story and find your voice but feel free to adapt with each new work. There is nothing new to be said that remains in the world; only new ways of saying things that have been said before.
 

Plevvy

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It's written fairly well, but there are some errors that, if resolved, would make this an easier read.

Use quotation marks around dialogue or monologue. These make the dialogue more visible and the text less confusing.

Divide up clauses into sentences a bit more frequently. Run-on sentences are difficult for many people to process.

Your paragraph breaks are good and flow well, providing just enough to make everything clear without feeling choppy. Good work.

No real grammatical or spelling errors that I can see, other than the aforementioned run-on sentences.

Your use of nouns and verbs over adjectives and adverbs is a very good base to work off of and will positively affect the rest of your work.

Final note: Keep your style consistent in a particular story and find your voice but feel free to adapt with each new work. There is nothing new to be said that remains in the world; only new ways of saying things that have been said before.
i see no problems with it
 

MonkeyDoodle

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Chapter 2 Bailey's pull ups.
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Bailey soon forgot about the close call he had with his Mum in the car, as he made his way into class and once sitting down at his desk he watched the other children flooding into the classroom in their normal excited noisy fashion, and waited eagerly for his friends to arrive ,but as he waited he could not help wonder if any other children might be wearing pull ups like he was, as he pondered on this thought that exciting feeling he felt when he was leaving the house earlier on that morning with his Mum returned, as the excitement rushed through his veins he became more sensitive to the feel of his soft pull up rubbing against his thighs.


The morning soon past with normal boring school subjects and it was soon approaching morning playtime, two hours had gone by, Bailey and a few other children in the classroom who at this point were sitting with their legs crossed with desperate expressions on their face ,but as usual just as there was about to be many wet pants and puddles on the classroom floor the morning bell rang, all the children lined up tapping their little feet in desperation, Bailey held back for a moment and without any given warning he felt a warm trickling sensation throughout his undercarriage, Bailey was stunned and in disbelief at what just happened, he never meant to wet the pull up on purpose that was not his plan, it was like the pull up had subconsciously tricked him into letting go, with a Bailey's face turning a light shade of red as his pull up began to swell uncontrollably ,but it was to late Bailey had emptied his full bladder, still in disbelief he had not notice that his friends had left to go out to play leaving Bailey on his own in the classroom, he could feel the pull up bulging and a dampness around his thighs, he thought to himself.

'I' should go into the toilets and take it off before my friend's return.

But just as Bailey stood up he heard a voice saying in a surprised manner.

''Bailey'' what are you still doing here why aren't you outside playing with your friends, it was his teacher MR Quo.

Bailey, who was taken by surprise by this quickly ''flung'' himself back down on to his seat, causing the pull up to squelch under pressure furthering that damp wet soggy feeling between his legs and as MR Quo walked over, Bailey slowly looked up at MR Quo like a lost puppy, his eyes began to shimmer as tears started to form and slowly rolled down his cheeks.

MR Quo could see Bailey was upset, What on earth is a matter Bailey, asked MR Quo.

Bailey took a deep breath between each soft whimper, and muttered out the words.

''I'm'' OK MR Quo i just don't feel like going out to play today that's all, i would rather stay here, if that's OK please MR Quo can i please.
Bailey didn't want MR Quo to know the real reason why he did not go out to play.

MR Quo thought this was strange, as Bailey was usually a happy child that loved to go out and play ,but MR Quo agreed and said it was OK for Bailey to stay in the classroom, they talked for what seamed like only two minutes before the bell rang, morning play time was over and all the children once again flooded back into the classroom all hot and sweaty from running around the playground ,but Bailey had not moved from his seat the whole entire time.

Now Bailey had to sit there for another two hours, wearing his saturated pull ups ,but to make the situation worse the once warm squelchy feeling that Bailey liked, had now begun to turn cold damp and wet with a noticeable smell of urine, just as Bailey could feel himself becoming upset, he was quickly distracted by MR Quo's authoritative voice saying.

''Right'' children please get your sports bags out, and get changed ready for games in the main sports hall.

Bailey's eyes lit up, the feeling of shock horror and despair thundered it's way through his body and mind like a stampede of angry buffalo, he had forgotten it was games on Thursdays, Bailey needed to come up with a plan if he was to get away with this one, there was no way he could get undressed in front of the other children, panicking he looked around the classroom trying to think how he could get away with not doing games, the other children who at this point we're halfway through taking off their school uniforms, when he suddenly remembered.
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End of Chapter 2
 

MonkeyDoodle

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Chapter 3....... Bailey's Pull ups.
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In the rush to leave the house his mum had forgotten to pack his game's bag, this was the perfect excuse Bailey had been looking for, this way Bailey would not have to get changed because he had nothing to get changed into, thrust getting him out of doing games, Bailey raised his hand as high as he could in hope MR Quo would see, as if MR Quo did not see that would mean Bailey would have to stand up and walk over to MR Quo, Bailey really didn't want to get up out of his seat for fear of his class mates seeing his bulging saggy pull up,which by now was starting to soak through his trousers, Bailey continued holding his hand up for what felt like eternity, the other children were almost dressed and ready for games and just as Bailey was about to admit defeat knowing he would have to waddle his way over to MR Quo, who was sitting at his desk reading the back to school index, a confident voice cried out.

''MR Quo'' ''MR Quo'' Bailey's not getting changed.

it was Abby the class snitch, Bailey thought how typical, it had to be Abby ,but then he realised that Abby had actually dun him a favor by telling on him because MR Quo was now walking over towards him, Bailey took a deep breath preparing himself to tell MR Quo he had forgotten his game's bag, MR Quo kneeled down next to Bailey and asked.

'' Bailey why are you not getting changed like all the other children.

Bailey looked down towards the floor, he paused for a moment before looking back up at MR Quo and with a sheepish tone in his voice said.

''Sorry MR Quo'' we were running late this morning, my mum forgot to pack my sport's bag.

Bailey hoped and prayed this would be enough to get him out of having to do games, though he dared show it on his face. Instead, Bailey opted for the cute puppy dog look hoping MR Quo would feel sorry for him ,but MR Quo stood back up and with a firm ,but fair tone asked Bailey to stand up from where he had been sitting, once again the feeling of shock horror and despair that had thundered its way through Bailey's body earlier on that morning returned, Bailey could not hold back his tears any longer and as the sound of Bailey's sobbing and whimpering echoed throughout the classroom the other children began to giggle at bailey's despair.

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End of Chapter 3
 

MonkeyDoodle

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Chapter 4........ Baileys pull
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Bailey buried his head into his arms with a feeling of shame, hoping the universe would open up and suck him into the empty vacuum of time and space, as Bailey started to feel a sense of comfort from this very notion, he felt a hand being placed upon his shoulder in a soft delicate way, then came a voice, it was MR Quo's voice.

''Bailey'' please talk to me, Bailey I can't help you if you don't tell me what is the matter ?

Bailey slowly removed his arms away from his face revealing to MR Quo the tear droplets on his cheeks, Bailey could not speak he was too choked up on the feeling of shame and embarrassment ,but he could see MR Quo was becoming impatient, so Bailey slowly began to slide his chair back and started to whimper once more as he looked down towards the floor.

MR Quo very quickly became aware of the signs that Bailey was showing, as MR Quo had young children himself and was all to aware of that look upon a child's face when they have had a accident in their underwear, MR Quo started to lean over trying to inspect Bailey's school trousers for any signs of wetness and with a
parental caring tone asked.

'Bailey' have you had a little accident in your underwear?

Bailey looked back up towards MR Quo with the same lost puppy expression on his face, as he had never experience this level of such shame and embarrassment before ,but Bailey knew he had to tell MR Quo the truth, and with that Bailey gave a MR Quo oneself doubting nod of his head.

Bailey's senses were overloaded with emotions with what was about to happen ,but it was futile the school was going to know that Bailey was wearing a pull up, then the thought suddenly struck him like the shock wave from a ballistic missile, the school would most lightly call his mum, Bailey once again began to whimper uncontrollably at this very thought, MR Quo gave Bailey a caring rub on his shoulder and told him it was OK and not to worry trying to be reassuring, though this did not make Bailey feel any better, MR Quo stood back up ,but once again Abby's confident little voice cried out.

''MR Quo'' ''MR Quo'' what's wrong with Bailey, why is he crying ?

MR Quo replied with a quick and sharp snap in his voice.

'Never you mind now go and line up by the door, it's time for games.

MR Quo leaned back down telling Bailey that he was going to get another teacher from next door to come and walk with him down to the main school office, where there would be spare underwear and trousers that Bailey could wear for the rest of the day, once again MR Quo tried to reassure Bailey by telling him it was OK and everyone has little accidents now and then, it was nothing to worry about.

Bailey who at this point was still sobbing gently knew at any given minute there would be another teacher coming through the classroom door to take him down to the office to get changed, thousands of thoughts went through his mind about what was going to happen, there was no running away from it, Bailey had faced the hard fact the teacher that was coming would see his saturated pull up, just as this thought was slamming it's self-against Bailey's brain a young lady walked through the door ,but Bailey had never seen this lady before, she had long flowing blond hair and youth full look upon her face as she was talking to MR Quo and smiling ,but at the same time kept looking over towards where Bailey was sitting, then MR Quo gathered up the other children and led them out of the classroom leaving Bailey and this young lady in the classroom on their own.

She smiled at Bailey and began to walk over towards him, Bailey who was still confused to whom this young lady was became even more uncomfortable with the situation, and with every step she took his heart began to beat faster and faster, this was it the moment he had been dreading ,but it was too late.

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End of chapter 4
 
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LilCoyote

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Good story Monkey. Can't wait to see what happens to poor Bailey in the next chapter. Keep up the good work.
 
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