Ashamed and confused “newcomer”

[SophiaNuw]

Hello, the name’s Sophia👋
I’ve been aware of my infantilism since my early teen years. I’ve had more binge purge cycles than I can count, and I am still confused.
It’s always been very difficult for me to embrace it. I feel like I never feel more shame and loneliness than when I try to accept this side of me, and that I feel more happy when I completely suppress this side of me.
But I can’t. It’s a part of me, and no matter what I always fall back.
I guess I finally felt ready to create an account and seek advice, as this has been too much of a burden to carry by myself.

Sorry for the “negative” first impression, but I felt like I needed to say it. Also just for my own sake.

 

[Souly]

Don't worry chief, you arent the only one.

I've known for 15 years now about my interests, starting originally when I was 4, so I have had plenty of time to come to terms with it. Even still, I have only recently come out of my shell a bit and things have been going a lot better.

But if you want some advice, I suggest trying not to suppress it. Obviously don't tell everyone you know about it since sadly a lot of people will not care all to much for your interests. But maybe find 2 or 3 people online who accept it and interact with them a bit, sooner or later itll become normalized for you and you can get on with your life without shame.

At least that worked for me.

 

[BabyRuby88]

Hi Sophia,

I think it is a good step to create an account here and get the chance to talk to other people with the same infantilism (as me ^^). It took me also some binge purge cycles but now I think I have fully accepted my diaper fetish with some adult baby flavor and my affinity for women's clothing (not sexual). I think part of growing up and taking responsibility for your life is accepting yourself. Of course, that doesn't mean that you have to live out all your fantasies, but it doesn't make sense to me to suppress them completely and suffer because of it. Accepting yourself is not always straight forward, as I know from myself, but you are good the way you are . Don’t forget that.

 

[lilbabyjooce]

Welcome to ADISC!
If it’s any comfort, as shown by the replies you have already, your shame is natural, shared by many of us here, and this is an incredibly safe and understanding place to talk about it.
The cycle of binge and purge is well known to the lot of us, but hopefully exploring the site will give you a lil more courage and reassurance in yourself. I think you’ve already made a great point—that your desires are a part of you. The way I have been able to make peace with my ABDL side is that as evidenced by my earliest memories already having these desires, this obviously is a part of me that is not going to go away. Suppression will only hurt you more in the process. Even if you can’t feel positively about this part of you, and even if sometimes you feel extremely negative about it, acceptance is the first step. I hope you find what you’re looking for on here and best of luck to you!

 

[dogboy]

Hi and welcome to the site. I think the longer you stay on this site and read how so many of us have accepted this strange quirkie part of our lives, you'll slowly feel better about wearing and/or using your diapers. It seems odd to me but I derive so much pleasure from it that accepting it as part of who I am becomes easier with time.

 

[Tigercub59]

Welcome

 

[Saltedcaramel64]

Most of us deal with guilt and shame. It seems to be part of the deal we all share. ADISC is a great support group for people like us. I hope you make some new friends and relieve some of the negative feelings. This place has been a big help to me and many others.

 

[caitianx]

I deal with the shame of wanting to be a baby again.
I am 64 years old.
Plus I have cerebral palsy and autism.
Been regressing and purging for decades until self-acceptance a decade ago.

 

[Diapersntights]

Welcome Sophia and well done for being so brave and honest in your first post. I've found this is a very safe and supportive place, with people who care enough to give some really good advice - it's an education, so read on, interract and I hope it helps you find some peace with yourself. Remember, if it's not hurting anyone, why should you really be ashamed? That's society's guilt, if you're doing it in the privacy of your own home, why should anyone else be offended? There are plenty more things that are more socially accepted, but would be worse, or more dangerous!

 

[Happy2BeInNappies2]

Welcome to ADISC SophiaNuw !!
You have come to the best community site for ABDLs that I know of. (OK, it's the ONLY one I know of and come to).
Even for an old man like me, I have found lots of support and encouragement here, from some wonderful members who know their stuff, far better than I do.
Take your time. Go easy on yourself.

If, (in your own way), you grow out of the shame and the binge purge cycles, along with an increase in your self acceptance and love, you may find that this special private interest, is just a part of you, does not define you and should not prevent you from having a full life.
I so do hope that this will prove to be true for you, as it has for so many here.

In the end, all those other 'normal' people, who are 'much better' than me, most likely also have some shameful private secrets, that they would not want me to know about. (And I don't want to know anyway).

Hope to hear some positive things from you soon, but please do share anything (negative or whatever) that you feel comfortable with.
Treat yourself with kindness, Sophia.

 

[Jorelaxed]

Welcome to the forum.😊

 

[warmfeeling]

Hello, the name’s Sophia👋
I’ve been aware of my infantilism since my early teen years. I’ve had more binge purge cycles than I can count, and I am still confused.
It’s always been very difficult for me to embrace it. I feel like I never feel more shame and loneliness than when I try to accept this side of me, and that I feel more happy when I completely suppress this side of me.
But I can’t. It’s a part of me, and no matter what I always fall back.
I guess I finally felt ready to create an account and seek advice, as this has been too much of a burden to carry by myself.

Sorry for the “negative” first impression, but I felt like I needed to say it. Also just for my own sake.

Hey welcome to this wonderful site, we all feel the same from time to time, if you can pick up some good things here that make you feel better, you can always come back when you feel low, or when on a high, for me it’s just nice to know I’m not on my own, I did for years, it can be a lonely place, we are here for each other😀👍🏻

 

[diapereddaddy81]

Welcome to ADISC!
As mentioned, you're not alone having those feelings of shame. Hopefully, we can all contribute in one way or another. As for my own experience, it was like a ton was lifted off my shoulders once I realised this is who I am. I started with joining a Scandinavian ABDL site and Fetlife before I came across ADISC, which I belive is the better for asking questions and getting advice.

 

[Ali123]

Welcome, Sophia.

I don’t expect there are many people on here who haven’t been through what you describe. I know I have.

You’ll find lots of lovely people to talk about it with, though.

I’m happy to chat if you’d like to.

 

[keepitonDL]

Hello, the name’s Sophia👋
I’ve been aware of my infantilism since my early teen years. I’ve had more binge purge cycles than I can count, and I am still confused.
It’s always been very difficult for me to embrace it. I feel like I never feel more shame and loneliness than when I try to accept this side of me, and that I feel more happy when I completely suppress this side of me.
But I can’t. It’s a part of me, and no matter what I always fall back.
I guess I finally felt ready to create an account and seek advice, as this has been too much of a burden to carry by myself.

Sorry for the “negative” first impression, but I felt like I needed to say it. Also just for my own sake.

Welcome !! Don’t deny yourself the simple pleasures in life. No need to feel ashamed you’re not hurting anyone, and you’re not hurting yourself

 

[uwuhowyou]

As keepitonDL has said, there's definitely no reason to feel shame in something you do privately, that doesn't hurt anyone.

Everyone has their own vices, some are more, some are less innocent. Some are destructive, some are relatively harmless.

Your needs and wants are valid and a part of who you are. - If you can engage in this in a healthy manner, there's definitely nothing wrong with it.

Welcome to ADISC.

 

[RainbowConnection]

My introduction post was about my struggles with shame, too, so please don't feel alone there.

And as others have been saying, you're in good company here, aha. We're just a bunch of broken people trying to put ourselves together. Well, some have better grasps on their identity than others, but life is a journey, after all. We're all changing, all the time.

Suffice to say, most, if not all of us, completely understand how you feel.