Are you incontinent-scaping?

[daylight]

So, I got you take the click-bait. Now, consider a mangling variant of storyscaping, a play on incontinence and lifestyle building - incontinent-scaping (or inconscaping for short). If in the unlikelihood inconscaping takes off, I call dibs on the TM.

Anyhoo, I have a question.

So, my check box is incontinent. Yet, I use and like some of the products more targeted towards the AB/DL space that make being incontinent livable. Items such as onesies (solid and not), and products (err diapers) to name a few. First, I do not think less of a person who chooses a more immersive journey or less of one. Your path is yours.

I struggle with how I feel about incontinent-scaping. Guilt, and denigration at times and certainly confusion. The question I have for those incontscaping, checked the boxes (Diaper Lover, Adult Baby, Babyfur, Little, Other, or _____) - How do you feel about the check boxes and your incontinence? Are you more confident in yourself, is it calming, validating, or [something]?

In addition, do you feel that in a way these check boxes diminish your incontinence by others and/or yourself?

 

[KitsuneFox]

I have no self confidence in real life ...

I liked diapers far longer than I have had bladder leakage ... I self-identify as DL / IC . I'm still struggling on the AB part, as much of the community has voiced that age regression is involved ... which I am not able to get into that mind set - even when snuggling with Teddy while drinking from my bottle .

 

[mickdl]

This is indeed a interesting quastion... I’m not sure, but maybe the idea of “scaping“ imply also the problem. Maybe reframing is the better idea?

 

[WoodenBelly]

Yeah I’m confused.. I wear due to non specific but real IC issues. I think I understand the question but could use verification or rewording

 

[daylight]

I'm sure WB that there are others equally confused. Storyscaping (tm) is an advertising strategy to build brand stories marketed by Logorburu and McColl. The idea is common enough, think of fictional books and their use of world building. Creating an environment around the story arc. It was an attempt to productize a marketing strategy which, appears to have evolved or was merged into immersive advertising. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immersion_marketing. In using incontinent-scaping, it was a quip / play on the above term. Thought I would try to lead with humor, it likely became more of a distraction than it was worth. Though, a last remark in its defense, one can draw some similarities to how one copes as a defensive mechanism or as Mick suggested [cognitive] reframing.

Also, WB I too suffer from real incontinence as do many forum members. I was curious how others assimilate it in the undercurrent (or openness if you want) of this forum.

Questions:

How do you feel about the check boxes (labels) and your incontinence? Are you more confident in yourself because of it, is it calming, validating, or [something else]?

Second, do you feel that these labels have diminished your incontinence in the eyes of other people, including yourself?

 

[eastcoastdl]

I checked the DL box because I was feeling that having to wear diapers for IC made me unattractive, but then had seen all the followers the girls with IC got on social media, and decided that it would be ingenious of me to use my weaknesses as my strengths, and posted my own pics in a self-aggrandizing action to collect likes and make my self-image better. I quickly gained about 500 followers, more than I have on any other social media account, but with the exception of maybe one or two, they were all gay men and I, sadly for this exercise, am not.

I then started following the IC women first to read about people experiencing the same as me, but you can’t miss the pictures. They started to grow on me, then I realized I started enjoying diapers little by little (pun not intended, I still have no AB tendencies lol).

So that’s why I clicked that button. Although I still dislike HAVING to wear diapers, I’ve come to enjoy some things about them.

 

[ThatHiddenDL]

I actually felt awkward labeling my incontinence problems as incontinence because I do actually like diapers ( sounds weird to say it like that). For me, from a young age, liked the idea of wearing. At the same time, I was embarrassed and dealt with a lot of stress of wetting the bed as a kid/teen or having to be aware of the location of every bathroom in every store when I needed to make a dash for the toilet. I guess for a while I felt like being a DL outweighed the actual need that I have for wearing because several years ago I chose wearing 24/7 as a lifestyle choice.

I guess in response to your question, I was a little on the opposite side of the spectrum lol. Being a DL, in the long run, helped me being more accepting of my actual need because I wasn't embarrassed as much about how I managed my continence problems.

 

[ltaluv]

I've been a DL for much longer than I've been incontinent. Initially, with my incontinence, I had to deal with feelings of guilt because i felt as though I was using my incontinence as all excuse to wear diapers. When I'd haha an accident, I'd always wonder whether it was real, or whether I could have held it despite the pain. It took a while to really understand and believe that my incontinence is real and that diapers are one of several ways in which I manage it.

You ask if my DL checkbox diminishes my incontinence; quite the opposite, in fact. My incontinence diminishes my DL side. I think part of what used to attract me to diapers was that it was breaking a taboo, and there was something naughty going on that nobody else knew about. Now, wearing diapers is neither taboo not naughty, but just routine.

I would still much rather have the choice of whether I wear a diaper or not, and there are times when I'm still embarrassed by my diapers or when they're particularly uncomfortable or inconvenient that I truly dislike them. I'd much rather save the thousands of dollars a year I spend on diapers, meds, urologist visits, and procedures that treat my incontinence and bladder pain (over $6000 so far this year). However, I hardly think about them anymore when I'm wearing them, and there's no longer any feeling of guilt in wearing diapers, or of having accidents.

 

[Mickeymic]

I don't know if I fit any "Check Box." I've always had problems assigning labels to people. We are all just so different. If I had to create check boxes for people there would be more than 700,000,000. So I don't bother.

 

[mickdl]

Yeah... the checkboxes... Ok... I mean - somewhen you have to face the truth. Was I happy to to check the box "incontinent"? Definitive NO. Was I happy to check the box "DL" honestly also NO. But it is how it is - I neither can change any of them.

Does this _Labels_ diminished the view to my UIC or my DL side? Again No. I think at last for a time it was more the opposite.

I think there are at last two complete different approaches if it comes to "scaping" - depending on the personal background: There're those who're incontinent, finding this community and starting to scape there storrys towards there ABDL side, and there are those who are DL's and may starting to scape there storys towards incontinence. In both cases this starts with a wish, a fiction, a idea to make things easier and in both cases it may end up with the feeling of guilt, denigration at times and certainly confusion.

As long as I "only" was a DL, the world was not perfect but at last this issue was pretty clear in my relationship and we'd found our ways to cope with my DL side. When I became UIC I had a lot of things to explain, because my partner did't believe me. So this did'd ease up anything but just escalate it. I just had not only a problem with my UIC but also a problem with my partner... Not good at all... I felt ashamed, I felt somehow guilty (even if there was no reason to) and I felt the UIC in combination with my DL side fucked up a good part of my live. Did I try to scape anything here? No. Reframing helped a bit, but key to fix this problem was absolutely openness and a lot of time to work it out

I think "scaping" as a coping mechanism may work as long as you're not losing the grip in the new landscape. Reframing might be the more "secure" but maybe also the more boringway - but nothing will beat the the real world interaction with those you love. So while checking these boxes I also said "I am who I am" and while I see this in that way it makes me feel a lot better and diminish my UIC / DLside by myself and others.

 

[boomer2480]

I may be from the dark ages but what the heck is scaping

 

[KitsuneFox]

I may be from the dark ages but what the heck is scaping

The shortening of the word "landscaping" ... to change your appearance and/or environment to match a certain criteria .

 

[boomer2480]

Got it thanks

 

[daylight]

Thanks all for replying and sharing. I wander a bit with tying to understand myself so, a bit of further questions.

I personally understand the struggle (regardless of which box(es)) and it can be really a hard thing. I continually battle this. It does help having the support of family, and in theory friends (I have friends however, haven't shared this). I am an introvert.

I use the check box example as it is part of the forum and so final in it's statement. Just as checking a box on a doctor visit questionnaire; I hate checking that box btw.

the boxes represent the tension of what we tell ourselves and what we tell others (in appropriate situations - family/friends/Drs) and what they think that leaves me wondering. Being an introvert, the whole sharing private details and interactions is difficult.

So, I see many comments purely on the lifestyle sections that checking the box for oneself in private is one thing, and outside (under clothes) is not. As an incontinent person, I (we) have to deal with the outside world, there's no choice really. So, is coping only in one's residence? If not, what are the ramifications? I am not talking about exhibitionism rather, discreet coping and how others see you. For instance:

Is wearing a onesie to hide that you have to wear a diaper acceptable - yes. Wearing a more whimsical one the same?
Is medical diapers in white, light blue, peach diapers acceptable - yes. Is other colors or choices?

I tell myself, yes but, in public, I don't know.

 

[mickdl]

Hi Daylight - yes there is a tension - for sure, but this is already part of a coping strategy. I think the question is, how much of my identity and my problems I’m _willing_ to show to others. In general I think it’s most likely a good idea to keep such things better for myself, because not every one is that open minded and many people feel embarrassed or perturbed or even attacked if it comes to such issues. Disability and unconventional strange things frightening many people. I know that this has nothing to do with myself - it’s definitely a problem of them, however this can cause a tension what can become also a part of my problem because I have to cope with it at the end.

For me I formed a simple rule: Be yourself where you can’t hide it and where it’s useful, and hide it to be yourself. To give a exable: Of cause I‘m talking with my doc about my UIC problems, but I would never wear something that let him conclude that I’m also a ABDL. I would’t tell him that ether, as long as I have any expectations into a more neutral treatment of my problems. Why? Because will avoid to put the focus on things that are not relevant for the diagnostic or the treatment. On the other hand it’s absolutely necessary to talk about such things in an intimate relationship.

If it comes to coping again - this have a lot of facets: A simply practical side like the avoidance of wet trouser, a more complicated side like the acceptance of the own disability or the really complicated side like balancing all your feelings you have about yourself your live and others.

This again have a lot to do with the boxes and the statement. Here it’s not the tension between the boxes and what you tell or show others, but the conviction with wich you say yes to yourself.

 

[daylight]

In general I think it’s most likely a good idea to keep such things better for myself, because not every one is that open minded and many people feel embarrassed or perturbed or even attacked if it comes to such issues. Disability and unconventional strange things frightening many people.

...Because will avoid to put the focus on things that are not relevant for the diagnostic or the treatment. On the other hand it’s absolutely necessary to talk about such things in an intimate relationship.

If it comes to coping again - this have a lot of facets: A simply practical side like the avoidance of wet trouser, a more complicated side like the acceptance of the own disability or the really complicated side like balancing all your feelings you have about yourself your live and others.

This again have a lot to do with the boxes and the statement. Here it’s not the tension between the boxes and what you tell or show others, but the conviction with wich you say yes to yourself.

I think that we agree on approaches. It is good to hear from others (replies) that have thought about it and work towards acceptance. These harder self-evaluations seem to crop up more during the winter months.