Any tips on how to give it up?

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PaddedInEastvale

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You may have read my previous thread about telling my wife and it's up and down emotional rollercaoaster. Well, after two weeks or so of back and forth, my wife decided that she wants none of my diaper wearing invoice lives so I had to agree to stop or she would leave with the kids. As much as that hurt, I love her too much to let my diapers get in the way so I'm going to give it my all to stop. Does anybody have any tips?
 

bigbluehusky

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My advice is try as hard as you can, if it's what you want. Speaking for myself, I've tried to give this up on several occasions, however, I was unable to for more than a couple months. If you try stopping and find yourself with the stopping urge to wear, then bring it up again with your wife and try to calmly let her know that in spite of your efforts, it's not something you can give up. Try to negotiate with her some time where you can maybe enjoy it in private or when she isn't around.
 

PaddedInEastvale

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I've tried to give it up many times, but have failed each time. I tried to give it up when I got married and it worked for 2 years, but the desires came back and I gave in. I don't want to give this up at all because I like it so much just like a chocolate lover would have a hard time giving up chocolate, but I know it's the right thing to do because my wife should be more important than an inanimate object. I have already agreed took to counseling with my wife, but because we are Christian, we will be going to a Christian counselor. I already know that diapers will be looked at as sinful and wrong. A part of me hopes that they will say that it's not harmful and doesn't have to be purged, but I already know that wouldn't change my wife's stance on it.
 
S

Speck

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Being Christian doesn't mean you have to see a Christian counselor, you'll get nothing but bias in favor of your partner with such a topic. You'd be better off seeking out someone that specializes more in oddities and relationships.

In any case, you could always try doing what a lot of the 12 steppers do, swapping one addiction for another. I have been doing that a lot with plushies lately and find it takes my mind off having a diaper fixation a great deal. Or maybe it's because I'm more of an AB than a DL, who knows. Point is, experiment with other areas until you find a good compromise that both you and your partner can agree on and are happy with.
 

LittleAaron

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Convince yourself that you are giving it up for a good reason. . .you are in fact giving it up for a very good reason: family. I would quit cold turkey. . .in fact what are you doing here?. . .change your password for that account to something spit out by a random number generator-effectively locking you out - and go spend some time with your kids.

Do not leave any hope that anything will ever change, you cannot change them and they cannot change you. As much as that may seem counter-productive, realizing that it will always be a part of you, coming to terms with it and taking control does wonders to stifle the urge. It transitions from being something you are forbidden to do to something you are choosing not to do.

Trust me, I lived feeling like that for 15 years. . .growing up living in a strict household with the desire to wear diapers but no way to obtain them and living in fear that someone would find out. I felt like I was on drugs when I had that first opportunity to wear and took advantage of any and every opportunity; however, I started writing a sort of personal journal where I tried to explain my desires and I slowly came to terms with it all.

Now, I see it just as a choice instead of some fetish or something otherwise forbidden. When I can, I am simply choosing to wear and use diapers as an alternative to using the toilet. Any pleasure, sexual or otherwise, is completely inconsequential to me and is just a bonus to wearing diapers.

Also, like they say. . .you cannot purposefully forget about something. . .it works only strengthens the memory. It is the same with diapers and struggles like this, the more you try to fight against it, or the fact you have to fight it at all, only strengthens the fact that they are a part of you. ..
 

Scaramouche

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The best advice is to quit cold turkey and move on. The desire will never fully leave but you must put aside the urge to keep your wife and family intact. Imagine going to divorce court and having your wife tell the judge in front your families why she is leaving you. I know that would end my credibility. Look at it for what they are: silly diapers. What you're doing is silly. Why did you start? Why do you keep doing it?

I wish you the best of luck and keep us informed if you remain a member here.
 

PaddedInEastvale

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Yeah, I know the desire will always be there. I mean, it has been there since I was 5 and I'm 34 now. I am just going to do my best to beat this thing for the sake of my family. To the poster who said I should not even be here, I definitely thought about deleting my account. But then I thought this place would be pretty much the best place to get support on my journey to quit diapers. I can't talk to my wife about it and nobody else in my life knows about it so I'm left alone. And to the poster who said being Christian doesn't mean I have to go to a Christian counselor, that is true. However, my wife doesn't want s non-Christian counselor because she knows that the non-Christian ones are way more open minded to everything and will pretty much tell you to accept everything you are, including being a diaper lover. With a Christian counselor, they will base their advice on biblical truths and scripture....basically telling me how sinful my behavior has been and how I need to stop if o want to go to heaven. This is a hard place to be in and I really can't believe my wife would end it over something as stupid as diapers, but here we are.
 

Fascinating

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Going to a Christian counselor is an excellent idea. If the counselor gets crazy about your lifestyle just calmly tell everyone that it is time to take a beak and pray about everything for a week. Then after a week of each of you praying hopefully a compromise can be worked out. It should not be your place to do all the giving up unless you are truly doing something sinful. However, that doesn't mean you can hold your family together by being fair either. She may not want to play fair and that is her choice to make. So hopefully you two can pray together for victory over this as long as you have a family to hold together.
 

KimbaFoxNatsume

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I suppose I'm going to be the one who expresses the unpopular opinion here: I think it's a bad idea.

Sure, you can try to suppress it all you want, but in the end, it's still going to be there. And it may give you quite an amount of grief.

What you said about what why your wife wants a Christian counselor shows that she is being manipulative. All she wants is someone to try to brainwash you into thinking diapers are a ticket to a trip to hell, not an open discussion. I would try to convince her to go to a secular counselor, and if possible, a kink-aware one: https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/kap-directory-homepage.html

Now, I'm not saying you can't try to quit if you want to. It's your decision. This advice is coming from someone who doesn't plan on having children and would never marry someone who was uncomfortable with my fetish, so I can't really relate.

And, at the risk of turning this post into a public service announcement: THIS, dear readers, is why fetishes/alternative lifestyles should be discussed with partners before marriage or an otherwise serious, stable relationship.
 

PaddedInEastvale

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Kimba: I know you say that going to a Christian counselor is basically a "win" for my wife, but if I forced her to go to a kink aware counselor, then it would be an auto "win" for me. How is that any less manipulative of me? Being a Christian, I would want advice on why this is so bad with biblical proof. Maybe it would help me stop since my Christianity really is a big part of my life.
 

Spaz

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I'm going to chime in here about counselors because I have some experience in this field. No counselor worth spending time and money on should be judging you. A good counselor should be listening to your issues and those of your wife and providing a way to move forward that is going to help you, your wife and your relationship. You want the truth about this situation, not a lot of language that perpetuates the problem and allows one of you to take sides. A kink aware counselor simply means that they have experience with people with alternative lifestyles and kinks. It does not mean they will automatically take your side. Now if you want a Christian interpretation of your issue then by all means go to a Christian counselor. What you need more than anything is an impartial person to discuss this with who has a lot of experience with relationships. Try and find the best one you can afford.

When you say that you've had this since early childhood, chances are you are going to have a tough road ahead trying to change or alter it. Our core personalities and behaviors are set at an early age and changing them will be extremely difficult meaning you will always be a diaper enthusiast. What you need to work out is if you can substitute that need with something that is more acceptable to your wife or if your wife can allow you to be the person you are with the understanding that you will wear diapers only certain times. I wish you the best of luck.
 

KimbaFoxNatsume

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Kimba: I know you say that going to a Christian counselor is basically a "win" for my wife, but if I forced her to go to a kink aware counselor, then it would be an auto "win" for me. How is that any less manipulative of me? Being a Christian, I would want advice on why this is so bad with biblical proof. Maybe it would help me stop since my Christianity really is a big part of my life.

Then perhaps go with the middle option of just a regular secular counselor.

Remember that 99% of the members here share a viewpoint that is completely different from that of your wife. Thus you aren't going to find too many that are overly sympathetic to her.
 

tiny

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I suppose I'm going to be the one who expresses the unpopular opinion here: I think it's a bad idea.

Yeah... if the ONLY thing that's stopping your wife from leaving you and raising your kids without a father is the thought of you wearing diapers in private, then it doesn't sound like she's very committed to the relationship.

Playing the "do X or I leave" card is pretty aggressive bargaining... Not very caring or understanding... Good relationships are usually built on mutual respect and compromise. Is there more going on in your wife's mind that you don't know about...?

If it were me, I'd be looking for some kind of compromise. Surely you don't have to give up diapers if your wife never sees them?

What you said about what why your wife wants a Christian counselor shows that she is being manipulative. All she wants is someone to try to brainwash you into thinking diapers are a ticket to a trip to hell, not an open discussion. I would try to convince her to go to a secular counselor, and if possible, a kink-aware one: https://ncsfreedom.org/resources/kink-aware-professionals-directory/kap-directory-homepage.html

I'd be wary of seeing a religious counsellor too. In this country, psychotherapists have been banned for promoting Christian views that contradict best psychotherapeutic practise. Psychologically speaking, a belief in god is essentially the externalisation of the super-ego. A non-Christian therapist should be able to understand this and respect your beliefs whilst helping you, while a religious counsellor is much more likely to use the position of that external super-ego to be judgemental.

Anyway, religion doesn't have anything at all to do with diapers. If you want to discuss Christianity, speak to a Christian; if you want to discuss psychotherapy, speak to a therapist.

Personally, I don't think there's any need to see a "kink aware" counsellor, either. All counsellors should be open-minded and well aware of the wide variety of sexual and non-sexual behaviours that us weird humans get up to. They are trained to be non-judgemental. It might be worth seeing a therapist who specialises in relationship counselling, though.

Really wish you the best of luck with all this...
 

whiskeybravo

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OK, as always YMMV, BUT, I found a Christian counselor to be very harmful. And after suffering for about 2 years, (and our marriage was miserable during this period) my wife and I found a "physo-therapist" And he was very helpful in giving me some tools and ideas. So, if you don't fit/jive with the first one, try again. Because a (IMO) good one will be able to help you understand a lot.

Good luck.
 

PaddedInEastvale

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So basically find a therapist that tells me what I want to hear rather than what I need to hear?
 

KimbaFoxNatsume

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Well, what exactly do you think you ''need'' to hear? That wearing diapers is terrible, and you should give in just because your wife thinks so?

Honestly, in this situation, it seems what you want to hear is what you need to hear, or more specifically, what your wife needs to hear. Like I said before, just about everyone on this site thinks diapers are a harmless kink, and feel they should be treated as such. We believe a diaper lover is not truly happy unless they can indulge. So we're naturally going to side more with your desires than with your wife's viewpoints.
 

PaddedInEastvale

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I guess I do need somebody who represents my Christian faith to tell me that I am sinful and disgusting and I need to repent and make things right. I don't know. I've gone many years thinking my diapers were harmless, but they obviously aren't harmless if it's causing my wife distress. Yes, I wish she was more accepting of my kink, but the fact that she's not makes me want to try my hardest to give them up. If a pastor or Christian counselor tells me that I need to be purged of this, then it may help me keep on the path to doing it.
 

MattyMax

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I guess I do need somebody who represents my Christian faith to tell me that I am sinful and disgusting and I need to repent and make things right. I don't know. I've gone many years thinking my diapers were harmless, but they obviously aren't harmless if it's causing my wife distress. Yes, I wish she was more accepting of my kink, but the fact that she's not makes me want to try my hardest to give them up. If a pastor or Christian counselor tells me that I need to be purged of this, then it may help me keep on the path to doing it.
Not to argue religion. But, if there is a god, why would he want you to be unhappy? Good luck with this, but it sounds miserable. I vote for a normal/non-religious based therapy based on science.
 

KimbaFoxNatsume

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Just because some people object to something doesn't make it awful or any less harmless. That's their point of view, and your wife's problem. People are entitled to their opinions, but sometimes others know better.

I'm probably getting to the point where I won't be able to offer much more advice. I'm not Christian. I don't believe my diapers are dooming me to hell. Trying to convince someone else of that might be a fruitless endeavor. I could go on about my viewpoints on the religion, but now is not really the time or the place.

If you think you need to be told you're some kind of disgusting sinner, go for it. But you're not going to be happy about it, and probably never will. Why take that dangerous path without first trying to work out a compromise, with the help of a non-judgmental therapist?
 

Spaz

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If you think you need to be told you're some kind of disgusting sinner, go for it. But you're not going to be happy about it, and probably never will. Why take that dangerous path without first trying to work out a compromise, with the help of a non-judgmental therapist?
I completely agree with this. Despite what some people in this world may think (religious folks or otherwise). The world is not black and white. The human condition is not black and white either. Marriage requires compromise otherwise it fails or leaves one partner less and less happy in the relationship. If there is one thing that I have cherished and learned from being an adult baby it is being able to empathize with the outcasts of this world. Then you realize that those "outcasts" are not really abnormal people at all. They are just like the rest of us.
 
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