An open letter: partner acceptance

[PetPuppyAlex]

You don't need to stay with a partner who doesn't accept you. Society has framed this like a kink that you should be ashamed of, and a lot of folks who parrot that Puritanical sentiment, I notice, have a partner who doesn't accept their AB/DL side.
Now, I want you to know -- first and foremost -- that I understand. I've been the partner who turned down my Little side for partnership. At the time, I didn't realize how large the Little side of my identity was.
Come to find out, it was most of it. I know that's not a lot of peoples' cases -- it may be easier to just hide it if diapers are strictly a solo sexual thing and you don't desire a CG. I just spent most of my childhood (thinking I was doing a better job than I was of) hiding my diapers and my ABDL side and decided I would never again, as soon as I was free of my parents' house.

I was always open with my partners because I refused to be put back in that closet as an adult. Yes, it led to some awkward experiences and some breakups, a few more people than I'd like finding out (it wasn't that bad, truly), and generally me not being for many people. I learned that my value didn't decrease because of this, I simply hadn't found the right partner. I think that too many of us attach our value and self-concept to our ABDL side in a negative light. We see it mostly as a con. If you see it as a con, you'll approach it as one all your life and make potential partners do the same. The old adage of not being able to love anyone until you love yourself applies, I feel, double to us!

If you approach your partner with a lot of hate toward this side of you and emphasize how gross and embarrassing it is, that is usually a potential partner's first taste of your thing and you're making it sound terrible and like not even you want anything to do with it! So why would they? If you reject yourself in the presence of a potential mate, you give them permission to reject you. If you say "Hey, this is a part of me and, if you want me, I want you to know this makes me comfortable, grounds me, fills my cup, etc. because a, b, c, etc." you've made it clear that rejecting that side of you is rejecting YOU. And that's what you SHOULD do! This isn't a side of you that deserves to be packed away and hidden and explained in clinical terms. THIS IS YOU.

It absolutely breaks my heart to see the number of posts I do about people who have been married 5, 10, even 50 years, and their partner won't touch their little side with a ten-foot pole. Or only once every three blue moons after exactly two shots of vodka and a deep breath. It absolutely breaks my heart to see people posting threads about intricate plans on how to wear discreetly around their partner, of all people! What a waste of energy, stressing about doing a comfort activity in front of the person you love and may potentially spend the rest of your life and build a family with!

I don't mean any of this harshly -- my heart truly breaks! I know some people may find this blog and feel irritated or even angry. I know some may read it and think, "Yeah, alright, we get it. You're sooo special because you found a partner who loves your diapers and being your Mommy, okay, okay, continue your ADISC bragging~ /s"
Some may be miffed because they have children and can't go back, and I want to reiterate that I do not understand but entirely sympathize with your situation and wish you the best. That's super complicated and not what I'm addressing here.
Please understand, it is only through this relationship where my Little side was allowed to grow and learn to love themselves that I learned how absolutely crucial acceptance is for all of us!

Please, if you're reading this and are in a relationship or engaged to someone who is not accepting of your ABDL side -- either initiate couples' counseling or reconsider. If you're married to someone you literally have to do mental gymnastics to hide your diapers from.. if they don't know, find a way to tell them. If they do know and address this entire side of you with hostility.. please, please reconsider staying. Don't settle. Hold out for someone who is going to give you 100% of them and will accept 100% of you. If you think it's just a misunderstanding, insist on going to counseling with a kink- and sexuality-aware marriage/couples' therapist. There are many of them! But don't just do nothing and let someone love 60% of you and hate 40%. That's not marriage, that's a hostage situation.

Best
A Little Pup who found a partner who fully embraces and loves them for who they are after years and several partners' worth of mistreatment and rejection

 

[GeorgeG]

You don't need to stay with a partner who doesn't accept you. Society has framed this like a kink that you should be ashamed of, and a lot of folks who parrot that Puritanical sentiment, I notice, have a partner who doesn't accept their AB/DL side.
Now, I want you to know -- first and foremost -- that I understand. I've been the partner who turned down my Little side for partnership. At the time, I didn't realize how large the Little side of my identity was.
Come to find out, it was most of it. I know that's not a lot of peoples' cases -- it may be easier to just hide it if diapers are strictly a solo sexual thing and you don't desire a CG. I just spent most of my childhood (thinking I was doing a better job than I was of) hiding my diapers and my ABDL side and decided I would never again, as soon as I was free of my parents' house.

I was always open with my partners because I refused to be put back in that closet as an adult. Yes, it led to some awkward experiences and some breakups, a few more people than I'd like finding out (it wasn't that bad, truly), and generally me not being for many people. I learned that my value didn't decrease because of this, I simply hadn't found the right partner. I think that too many of us attach our value and self-concept to our ABDL side in a negative light. We see it mostly as a con. If you see it as a con, you'll approach it as one all your life and make potential partners do the same. The old adage of not being able to love anyone until you love yourself applies, I feel, double to us!

If you approach your partner with a lot of hate toward this side of you and emphasize how gross and embarrassing it is, that is usually a potential partner's first taste of your thing and you're making it sound terrible and like not even you want anything to do with it! So why would they? If you reject yourself in the presence of a potential mate, you give them permission to reject you. If you say "Hey, this is a part of me and, if you want me, I want you to know this makes me comfortable, grounds me, fills my cup, etc. because a, b, c, etc." you've made it clear that rejecting that side of you is rejecting YOU. And that's what you SHOULD do! This isn't a side of you that deserves to be packed away and hidden and explained in clinical terms. THIS IS YOU.

It absolutely breaks my heart to see the number of posts I do about people who have been married 5, 10, even 50 years, and their partner won't touch their little side with a ten-foot pole. Or only once every three blue moons after exactly two shots of vodka and a deep breath. It absolutely breaks my heart to see people posting threads about intricate plans on how to wear discreetly around their partner, of all people! What a waste of energy, stressing about doing a comfort activity in front of the person you love and may potentially spend the rest of your life and build a family with!

I don't mean any of this harshly -- my heart truly breaks! I know some people may find this blog and feel irritated or even angry. I know some may read it and think, "Yeah, alright, we get it. You're sooo special because you found a partner who loves your diapers and being your Mommy, okay, okay, continue your ADISC bragging~ /s"
Some may be miffed because they have children and can't go back, and I want to reiterate that I do not understand but entirely sympathize with your situation and wish you the best. That's super complicated and not what I'm addressing here.
Please understand, it is only through this relationship where my Little side was allowed to grow and learn to love themselves that I learned how absolutely crucial acceptance is for all of us!

Please, if you're reading this and are in a relationship or engaged to someone who is not accepting of your ABDL side -- either initiate couples' counseling or reconsider. If you're married to someone you literally have to do mental gymnastics to hide your diapers from.. if they don't know, find a way to tell them. If they do know and address this entire side of you with hostility.. please, please reconsider staying. Don't settle. Hold out for someone who is going to give you 100% of them and will accept 100% of you. If you think it's just a misunderstanding, insist on going to counseling with a kink- and sexuality-aware marriage/couples' therapist. There are many of them! But don't just do nothing and let someone love 60% of you and hate 40%. That's not marriage, that's a hostage situation.

Best
A Little Pup who found a partner who fully embraces and loves them for who they are after years and several partners' worth of mistreatment and rejection

Thanks for that post.

 

[Beowulf]

I can relate but in a different context, potentially staying with a same sex partner due to same sex relations being very difficult to procure (my experience) even if it’s a bad relationship.

 

[Kayleigh]

IMHO I don’t believe you are bragging in your post. You are lucky in your relationship, and your counsel about either not entering into a relationship that is hostile to ABDL or trying to fix one makes sense.
However, there are some relationships that may not be able to be easily fixed to accommodate ABDL. For example if a partner’s negative view of diapers is so deep rooted in their psyche of how they view their partner, then , as you say, breaking free may be a resolution. But other circumstances in the relationship may warrant one to keep the relationship (children, longevity, love, etc.).
All of us who are in such situations or merely witness those living through such tough circumstances have our hearts also broken. But the great thing about adisc is that those of us who are dealing with difficult situations find it comforting to be able to share here and feel that they are not alone.
Life, marriage, relationships, etc. oftentimes require compromises. The best we can hope for is that any such compromising is a win/win for each party. That means each party may not get their way but that each party can live with the compromise.
And for those who are living with compromise but losing on the ABDL front, we can seek solace here on adisc from others in similar circumstances.