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questioning

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My boyfriend says things like mommy im hungry and mommy feel be and grabs my breasts. I thought this was a natural intrest in breastfeeding now he says things like mommy change my diaper and he went so far to say mommy im hungry then pulled down my shirt and started sucking. I have to say it turns me on or else I would have stoped it. ONE PROBLEM, does this mean he that he wants his mother sexually?

Does infantilism imply someone wants their real mommy or what is it? Im a psych major so im trying to analyze this, is it cause his abusive parents he feels he lacked love? Please help me out. It turns me on but the thought of him wanting his own mother RUINS IT.
 

P3NGY

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Well, I can't really speak for him, but for most, its simply that love and comfort is synonomous with a mother's role. So naturally in trying to obtain that feeling, the role of the mother would be used, but not the person's actual mother. Of course, there are some people with this Oedipus complex, but for the most part its what I described.
 

Trevor

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You're going to find there are a lot of different ways to be into this and many possible reasons. I can't absolutely rule out that your boyfriend wants his mom sexually, but let me just say I've never seen anyone here or in other communities describe that desire so I'd say it's really, really unlikely. I can tell you that the thought of involving either of my parents in any aspect of this is revolting to me. There's nothing in infantilism or the Adult Baby/Diaper Lover spectrum that calls for incest, pedophilia or anything else of that ilk. It can range from a simple desire for diapers which is sensual and/or sexual to a desire for regression, dependence, and other childlike or babyish aspects but the adult is still there. Like anything, there's a spectrum and there's no way I or anyone else here could definitively tell you what this means to your boyfriend. This may be hard but remember, he doesn't need an analyst, he needs a loving, supportive partner the same as you need from him. This is an essentially harmless kink for most people with it. If you can enjoy it with him, that's wonderful. However, it only works if you're both enjoying it and he should also be willing to be attentive to your needs.

This is also the place where I'd send you to the Greetings forum to make an introduction but I can see where this might be an odd case where your question is the thing weighing much more heavily on your mind. We can help you on some objective information but in the end, it's a very subjective thing, so the best source is going to be your boyfriend.
 
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It could mean that he didn't recieve enough love from his parents when he was a child. I would say that it is more of a subconcious desire for motherly care and affection than sexually wanting his own mom!
 

Grapes

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I call my husband Dada when regressed, and while I did have an awful childhood, I would never want to be babied by my actual father.
 

LBcub

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So speaking from my own feelings, it's quite an odd thing. I'd like to be mommied or daddied, but the thought of that being done by my biological mom/dad is repulsive to me. Please note that my parents were absolutely fine, I wasn't abused and don't harbor any ill will against them. The feeling of dependency is what I like, to be honest, but at the same time I am repulsed by feeling dependent to my parents, or really anyone who isn't explicitly okay with me behaving in such a way. It isn't a feeling I have naturally toward anyone (quite the opposite, usually) unless that person knows about this side of me and is explicitly okay with it. For me at least it's been quite difficult to express that side of me at all around other people, really the only place I feel halfway comfortable with it is online. I've never done it in real life, and I feel like I'd have to trust that person very, very well to allow them to see that side of me. So if it's from my perspective, he's probably letting you know him more than his parents ever did, and it certainly has nothing to do with them. However everyone's different, that's just my feelings and I'm NOT a psych major so I can't crack open my own mind and tell you why it is the way it is, but I'd be happy to talk to you via PM or through this thread if you've got any more questions.
 

HellHound

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IMO to MOST of AB/TB, the thought of wanting a mommy or daddy differs from wanting their actual parents. The idea of having a mommy/daddy (and anyone who disagrees please tell me your opinion, I actually do want to know!) is the idea of having structure. I, personally when regressed, want someone else to decide what to do with me. The "Mommy/Daddy" role helps provide the structure and environment of being a baby. The AB/TB probably won't feel fully regressed without that dominating being tell them what they can and can't do. It is as what was previously said, the overall feeling of dependence that most AB/TB's enjoy.
 

Descolada

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IMO to MOST of AB/TB, the thought of wanting a mommy or daddy differs from wanting their actual parents. The idea of having a mommy/daddy (and anyone who disagrees please tell me your opinion, I actually do want to know!) is the idea of having structure. I, personally when regressed, want someone else to decide what to do with me. The "Mommy/Daddy" role helps provide the structure and environment of being a baby. The AB/TB probably won't feel fully regressed without that dominating being tell them what they can and can't do. It is as what was previously said, the overall feeling of dependence that most AB/TB's enjoy.

I agree, the overall feeling of dependance or helplessness is a cornerstone of infantalism. Even if it's not consciously related to wanting one's own parents, I think that more often than not, ABism boils down to an unsolved maternal conflict, just like a lot of "abnormal" mental conditions. Could also be an Oedipus Complex, although I don't know how often that manifests itself as *B/DLism.
Tip: *If you don't know what an Oedipus Complex is, you propably don't want to.*
 

chris2fur

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--Please don't confuse anything below this to mean I'm saying *B is related to abuse only. It's just my little rant to explain one point.

ok i am going to jump in on this one just for the defence of *B and sex with parent idea. my parents were the most disgusting and insane people i have ever known. they was highly abusive in every way possible. only about 3 ppl here know basically to what degree. i am away from that hell now and very happy where i am.

I am *B for sure but i am also a DL and have that 'kinky side' that likes to mix the 2 together. I fantasise about a mommy or daddy changing me and more - but it has absolutely nothing to do with a 'real' parent. Think of it like this. The love that ain't like with just a mate - security, safety, warmth, compassion, looking up to, and so much more - all the things i notice i feel now i never had before. A difference is i still wish it was from a parent. I feel cheated. used. like i was worthless and only good for being 2 things. that is gone. there was bodies there but they wasn't parents. So this finally goes to your question. If i had a 'gf' that i felt love for.. and safe and trust - i would have a hard time not doing the same thing. in what you described there wasn't sex. Breastfeeding isn't sex for a infant but the older mind sees it as an act of sex. You would have to see it from his mind - the infant one.

The only way i can describe how it feels for me is -- imagine you have an invisible hoodie. grab the sides with both hands in a fist behind your head and bring it up over your head and covering your face until the fists come together over your mouth. As it wraps over your head imagine it blocks out the grown up world from behind like a protective bubble and lets you go back to the most innocent side of yourself. At the time before you can remember the first bad stuff happen to you because you weren't innocent after that. --not always sex but whatever your mind told you 'this is wrong or missing something'-- So now you are innocent again. You can start over and enjoy being happy because bad stuff never happened. I'll prolly get trashed for this but this is my view of a 'real *B'. Nothing sexual because it would cross the line of being 'bad'.

For me the idea of the safety feeling from being *B changes to DL is a little harder to describe because there is a lot more to it when dealing with another person especially. Even in the deepest state of regression I can get in (where i even have almost no physical control of grabbing things without trying really hard) there is still this faded little 'other me' like it's watching everything like a 'voice of reason that identifys things'. Well this 'me' would also be wanting to make sure i didn't 'cross any lines' with another person. those doubts and fears that still come up no matter how much you trust some one. (like i trust my uncle with my life but there are still things i won't tell him) so i might hold back or even 'snap back'. If i was with someone i cared for then i can see me very much wanting to go more into the puberty phase of pleasure - of course mixed in with my *Bism and DL side. It is just sorta 'me' as a whole both in and out of play. At my job the 'little me' slips out so much that even other ppl there reply back or laugh like it's a running joke. LOL little do they know :) Well hopefully that might be worth 2 cents. I can't speak for anyone but myself because this is how i feel and think but I can definately say it doesn't mean *Bism means they want anything at all to do with their 'parents'.
 
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LBcub

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I agree, the overall feeling of dependance or helplessness is a cornerstone of infantalism. Even if it's not consciously related to wanting one's own parents, I think that more often than not, ABism boils down to an unsolved maternal conflict, just like a lot of "abnormal" mental conditions. Could also be an Oedipus Complex, although I don't know how often that manifests itself as *B/DLism.
Tip: *If you don't know what an Oedipus Complex is, you propably don't want to.*

I don't know if it's necessarily an "unresolved maternal conflict", at least not for everyone (unless that's the psychology term for what I'm about to describe). Like I said, I believe they did everything a person could have done to be good parents, and I'm thankful for that, I don't know that I have a "conflict" with either of them. I think it's more about being forced to grow up before the child is ready, perhaps because the parents were unable to provide an environment where the child could grow up naturally, or perhaps the person was just developmentally late and therefore the "normal" time frame, or even extended slightly beyond that wasn't enough for them. (honestly, I think this is where I fit under)
 

foxkits

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When I was a baby 1-4 that was the happy time of my life . In my case at 1 or 2 grade i was put into diapers for wetting my pants . That day I think that some part of me remembered being diapered and taken care of . So my mom was not a person that would hug or hold you a part of me needed that . On that day after I was diapered I wanted to be a baby And be loved every one loves a baby for the most part that is . So at times I would play baby and dream of being a baby . We all are not the same in this kink . you will need to ask him But he may not open up about it some of us have a hard time letting some one in or in my case it is hard for me I have been hurt so bad by others . I used diapers to cope with life in baby mode I can not be hurt it's my safe zone .Never would want sex with my real mom . Foxkits
 

pajamakitten

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It would be unlikely that he is, most people here have stated that they would be completely turned off by the thought of their actual mother babying them. As for abusive parents, while some members have had abusive parents there are an equal number who have really nice parents but still want to be babied so I don't believe abuse can totally explain his behaviour.

Just ask him why he likes being babied, every AB/DL is different so we can't give you the correct answer, just theories.
 

ShippoFox

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Hooooooooly crap, no way! I am not really a sexual person, so I certainly do not have sexual fantasies about my mother! Even if I were sexual, that is just not right! EWWW! I am cringing at the thought of it!

Here's how I think it is for me though.... I just never really wanted to grow up. I had to be convinced and bribed to give up a lot of my baby stuff long ago. Also, I have always had some trouble socializing, which led to LOTS of bullying back in elementary school. Also finally, I am not entirely happy with being a guy, so in a way it is like I wish I could relive my childhood again as a girl.

The theorized reasons vary from person to person.
 

Charlie

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Is psychology really so simple?

It always bugs me when non-ABDLs hear of us and become amateur psychologists, suggesting that it must be down to abusive parents/being unloved as child/'trauma' as a child/paedophilic feelings/incestuous feelings...

Anyway, my advice is when dealing with your boyfriend be his girlfriend, don't try to be a shrink. :p
Everybody has been in a situation where we needed support, only to be offered advice/expertise/insight we just don't want.
 

questioning

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Thanks this is really helpful. The only problem is sometimes I beleive his mom babies him not in an overt way but in an very UNEMOTIONAL way se his mother was controlled by his father so therefore she was unavailable to him. Maybe he craves an available mother who is me? But his mom always makes him eat dinner and she cries if he doesnt she has some issues thats why i think nit has something to do with it. I dno but i love the thought of mothering him and i feel like he loves me so much when he does it.
 

dragsnick

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I was never abused and have no inces feelings towards my mom. Yet when Im babied I dont mind doing sexual stuff with my fiancee/mommy. Its just a part of our relationship. So yeah...but for you the sucling is sexual for him none of this is sexual. Thats what it seems at leastk
 

questioning

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Does that mean I am am incestuous? Bc i Like to be suckled? or treat him like a baby turns me on, but i think he has conflicted feelings like it makes him feel loved but also turns him on a little cause its me. I dont know im all ver confused about this. Does this make us the perfect match because I like to act motherly and he likes to act like a baby? I can only imagine when we have real babies hes gonna be drinking the milk forreal but i must admit thats my biggest fantasy but im scared i will associate being a mother with sex then feel uncomfortable around my own children!! wHAT do you think??
 

Grapes

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Does that mean I am am incestuous? Bc i Like to be suckled? or treat him like a baby turns me on, but i think he has conflicted feelings like it makes him feel loved but also turns him on a little cause its me. I dont know im all ver confused about this. Does this make us the perfect match because I like to act motherly and he likes to act like a baby? I can only imagine when we have real babies hes gonna be drinking the milk forreal but i must admit thats my biggest fantasy but im scared i will associate being a mother with sex then feel uncomfortable around my own children!! wHAT do you think??

No. You are not incestuous. Goodness, my husband suckles me and he's the parent figure in our ageplay. The breastfeeding and ageplay have nothing to do with each other in our cases. We have real babies, and I can't breastfeed them because of the amount of medications I am on (whereas my husband's adult body is unaffected by this).

An attraction to the parent-child scenario means that you are attracted to giving your boyfriend comfort. You could do without worrying so much. My husband is a great father who most definitely looks at our actual children much differently from the way he looks at me.
 

dragsnick

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No. You are not incestuous. Goodness, my husband suckles me and he's the parent figure in our ageplay. The breastfeeding and ageplay have nothing to do with each other in our cases. We have real babies, and I can't breastfeed them because of the amount of medications I am on (whereas my husband's adult body is unaffected by this).

An attraction to the parent-child scenario means that you are attracted to giving your boyfriend comfort. You could do without worrying so much. My husband is a great father who most definitely looks at our actual children much differently from the way he looks at me.

What grapes said. Im attracted to ab girls... its a fetish of mine but Im not atracted to babies. Its completly different. Look just relax and enjoy it. Infantilism can be very good in a relationship. Its something intamate without the sex. Me and my fiancee are closer then most couples our age because of this. I trust her and she trust me. So indulge in it. Its not really sexual. It can if you want it to be. But remmber you are in the this is my bf mindset. So obviously its a turn on. try to change it to this is my baby and youll soon see that sexual desires will melt away.
 

pajamakitten

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Does that mean I am am incestuous? Bc i Like to be suckled? or treat him like a baby turns me on, but i think he has conflicted feelings like it makes him feel loved but also turns him on a little cause its me.

It isn't incestuous (or paedophilic before you suggest that), you are attracted to your partner and breastfeeding in a relationship is actually more common than you think. Some studies suggest that one third of couples have done it at one time or another.

I dont know im all ver confused about this. Does this make us the perfect match because I like to act motherly and he likes to act like a baby?

You aren't perfect for each other simply because your sexual fantasies are compatible, you are perfect if you like all the same things and want the same things in a relationship. This is no different than any other relationship, whether ageplay is involved or not doesn't matter.


I can only imagine when we have real babies hes gonna be drinking the milk forreal but i must admit thats my biggest fantasy but im scared i will associate being a mother with sex then feel uncomfortable around my own children!! wHAT do you think??

You are really over thinking this, frankly you need to stop analysing this as deep as you are. You won't associate being a mother with sex, you will associate your partner with sex. Your children won't be involved so there is no need to feel uncomfortable around them, try to seperate your sex life from your day to day life, I mean we don't associate babies with sex because that is a part of our fantasies.
 
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