Alcoholism

[KarateDiaper]

My family has been having a little trouble lately..My mother is an alcoholic, and though we've known this for a few years, its been a pain in the ass lately..

Shes gotten her 4th or 5th DUI, and is set to go to court soon. Now, according to Kansas law, she could get anywhere form 3 months to a year in prison.

She and her little AA buddies say that its all a disease, but my dad and others I know say differently. I don't know what or who to trust anymore.

I could say more, but thats all I want to type for now...Your two cents is appreciated!

 

[Pojo]

I think you guys need an intervention of some sort...Or get some help from someone/place other than AA

 

[KarateDiaper]

I think you guys need an intervention of some sort...Or get some help from someone/place other than AA

I've herd a lot of definitions of the word intervention, so could you elaborate? And how it would help?

 

[Pojo]

An intervantion is where you, family, friends, doctors maybe would gather together and talk this out with your mom...Usually it's unexpected for your mom...You guys would share your feelings with your mom, and hope that she sympathizes and realize the wrong in her drinking, and get some help from somewhere other than AA...Like rehab...It can help by getting her out of AA, and getting her some better help, since AA doesn't seem to be working that well

 

[KarateDiaper]

Thats true, AA doesn't mean crap... But does this all mean that my mom loves booze more than me? Thats all that makes since, other than the less-believable disease theory.

 

[Pojo]

I think they call it a disease because they don't want to admit that it controls their life...Which is why your mom needs rehab

 

[KarateDiaper]

Shes been to rehab twice, a month each.

 

[Error404]

Alcohol is a dangerous subject in the hands of addict, saying that your mom loves alcohol more than you seems a little extreme.

Let her know you're there for her, maybe even try get her some more specific help, I agree that AA is obviously doing little for her.

But don't dismay, you'll get through this, we're here for you, drop me a PM if you wanna discuss it with me, I'm all yours.

Keep on kickin', buddy!

~E404

 

[KarateDiaper]

Alcohol is a dangerous subject in the hands of addict, saying that your mom loves alcohol more than you seems a little extreme.

Let her know you're there for her, maybe even try get her some more specific help, I agree that AA is obviously doing little for her.

But don't dismay, you'll get through this, we're here for you, drop me a PM if you wanna discuss it with me, I'm all yours.

Keep on kickin', buddy!

~E404

Thanks dude, that means alot. I'm gonna try and tell her that AA isn't the best choice, but we'll see if it does any good.

But if it isn't a disease, than why the hell is she doing this? She put me in alot of danger in the car numerous times. Thats the most confusing part.

 

[Error404]

Sometimes, people fall into a slump. It's just how life goes sometimes, I'm sure she doesn't mean it, just make sure to reassure her that you love her and that her health means ALOT to you.

 

[TallestBabyEver]

i would ask your moms family and friends write up letters to your mom explaining your concerns and thoughts about her alchohol problem. It helps for me to write stuff down, but if you dont thats fine, but i would encorage that others would do it. Also plan together ahead of time to decide on the best course of action that your mother should take to help her in the long term. Try to plan the intervention before the court date should things go bad their. It would make it a lot easier to talk to her face to face rather than through a plexiglass wall and through a telephone.

 

[ballucanb]

You are not going to be able to stop someone from drinking unless they want to stop.

If you were never a drinker, it's hard to understand how it feels, when you drink alot, the next day you feel like S**T, untill you start drinking again, and as this go's on.

I have been there done that, the only way I quit was I wanted to.

 

[daria7483]

She and her little AA buddies say that its all a disease, but my dad and others I know say differently. I don't know what or who to trust anymore.

Alcoholism IS a disease, defined in the DSM-IV (the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders). See the National Institutes of Health's FAQ about alcoholism for more information. From that site: "Yes, alcoholism is a disease. The craving that an alcoholic feels for alcohol can be as strong as the need for food or water. An alcoholic will continue to drink despite serious family, health, or legal problems."

It's a misconception that most alcoholics can simply stop drinking the way I could make a decision to stop eating pizza because it's fattening. It's a chemical addiction. Telling an alcoholic to just stop is like telling a person with clinical depression to "just snap out of it."

Your mom needs your love and support right now, along with help from a physician and a good program like Alcoholics Anonymous. I know it is really really frustrating to see her having all these legal problems, but you can't just dismiss alcoholism as something she can turn off like a light - she will never get better if you do that.

 

[dogboy]

Alcohol is an addiction just like many drugs. Like Ballucanb said, she has to want to quit. It is also believed that alcoholism is inherited, so you will have to be careful about how much you drink when you are old enough to drink, though most people who have an alcoholic in the family usually turn away from alcohol because they see the damage it can cause. I think this is going to be a long road for you and your family. Don't entirely give up on AA. She is going to need a lot of help. She is also going to have to face the reasons why she drinks. I've been there, and I know what my demons were, but it took near dying to make me stop, and I stopped over night. I wish you the best. Remember, you have friends here.

 

[Nam Repaid]

It’s unfortunate but often people have to hit bottom before bouncing back. A few months in jail might wake up your mother and give her the push to straighten out her life. No one can change another unless & until they want to change. Hopefully she will “see the light” but you have to be prepared to deal with her as she is and not let her have a negative affect on your life if she refuses to change. That does NOT mean you can’t still love her but you have to accept that you are not responsible for her. I see you are still young yet but put in a situation where you will have to look out for your self-interests. Continue to seek help where and when you can.
I wish you luck.
Nam

 

[KarateDiaper]

To dogboy's statement...Trust me, I plan on staying sober for all my life, no matter how old I get. Truth is I'm hella-scared to become just like her, so I ain't gonna risk it.

Your mom needs your love and support right now, along with help from a physician and a good program like Alcoholics Anonymous.

Love and support I will give, but from what I have seen not JUST my mother, but her friends as well, AA doesn't help as much as they say. She and her "group" all had a party at our house, and yeah, they were all VERY loyal to the steps.

I'm sorry, but I just can't see AA as helpful, even though shes been attending for 5 years. Thanks for the help, though!

 

[Gingy]

I would say "don't drink!" to you because I have seen it turn perfectly normal people into monsters!

 

[starshine]

Guess some people just have to learn the hard way.

My moms boyfriend was an alcoholic, for the two years he was with us and years before that. A case/case and a half of beer a day. Y'know what got him to quit? Not when his daughter was born, not when we were in debt, not when he was arrested... When he was brought into the hospital, put in a detox program for a week, and was told he was going to die because his liver was so damaged and he had several other problems.

Like someone else said, you have to hit rock bottom before you get better.

 

[ballucanb]

I know of a guy who drank at least 2 fifths of wiskey everyday, he was on deaths door more than once, but he still kept going back, and drinking like there were no tomorrow.

For him there is no tomorrow anymore, he had money, a nice family, a beautiful house, but he loved drinking more than anything.

He was younger than myself, his brother and I were school freinds, thats how I knew him, he did not want to stop,he was having too much of a good time, and he paid the ultimate price.

And this story is not uncommon, I can think of a handful of guys, I knew that are no longer with us, because of there love of alcohol.

 

[dogboy]

To dogboy's statement...Trust me, I plan on staying sober for all my life, no matter how old I get. Truth is I'm hella-scared to become just like her, so I ain't gonna risk it.

Good for you. I figured. My father in law helped his uncle deliver ice for ice boxes many years ago. His uncle, who he was named after, was a hopeless alcoholic, and often was too drunk to deliver the ice, so my father in law (as a boy) would walk up the steps, which was sometimes two stories, carrying the ice in ice tongs, which of course weighted a lot. One day he found his uncle dead, face down in the gutter in two or three inches of water. He literally drowned to death in the street after it had rained. He told me this story, as he explained why he never drank alcohol. That's why I thought you probably wouldn't drink. My heart goes out to you, because I know it will be tough. You will just have to be tougher.