Ah, not sure what to call this.

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LittleJess

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I haven't paid much attention to this a lot lately, but I actually hate my male body, I hate having a penis honestly, but I usually think about other things, but this does cause me distress.

I just want to be a pretty girl, but at the same time, I have the body of a man, and that in itself, does a huge conflict with my brain, as I feel me being trans is a bad thing, somewhat internal shame is going on.

Sometimes I just want to cut it off, (not literally as that would be painful) and wished I had the right parts, words can't explain how weird it feels when I have deep thoughts about my body, but I prefer not to think about it.

I can feel a conflict going on, between myself and my body. Diapers in a way, gives off the illusion I have nothing down there, which in a way provides me comfort, I keep forgetting I have male parts, and would rather not have them, as being a true girl is what will make me happy.

I feel female on the inside, but on the outside I'm male, and at times this drives me mental, as I never really think about my male body, but than I look in the mirror and realize I have a body of a male.

I don't know why I even care, but I do, this drives me mental. I feel that my body parts are a major factor in my depression now that I think about it, and I feel that I may never look like a real girl. that being said I'm not muscular or fat, I'm a bit too slim not really have a male like build to me.

I'm still in the closet so to speak, I occasionally cross dress, and my male clothes actually in themselves makes me sad, oddly enough female clothes just "feel right" I don't know why, but when I put on a bra and underwear, I just feel happy and like myself, doesn't feel weird, just feels natural, and cute >.<

I also keep thinking about girly things like makeup, I'm dying to try some lipstick and some nail polish, I don't know if you're born trans, but I must say, that I've always had a unintentionally girly personality. even playing with dolls at a young age was a bit weird.
 

gigglemuffinz

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I absolutely understand where you are coming from. Know that if you are a girl, you deserve acceptance as such no matter what gender you assigned at birth. Know that, I'll be blunt here.. your penis is a girl's one. Your body is a girl's body, because it's a body owned by a girl. You're a girl. Please don't stop telling yourself this.

It at least, as helped me. It does not make body issues go away. I still feel shame over my assigned male at birth body, the body that the universe has decided is male for me. I still wish I could change it and feel more comfortable in my own skin. I still earnestly feel each day the disconnection you feel from your brain to your body.

You're not alone.
 

MarchinBunny

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I know exactly how you feel, I have and constantly experience the same sort of thing fairly often if not on a daily bases. It was really bad for me around your age too.
 
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