teddy564339
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A while ago at a conference the person leading it made a statement that I had never heard before that I have found very interesting:
"When someone tells you about a problem they have or a situation that they're dealing with, you should never give advice to them unless they ask for it."
They went on to ask "When have you ever wanted someone's advice about a situation and not asked them for it?"
The main point was that a lot of times when we tell other people our problems, all we really want is someone to listen to us and hear us out. So when someone else tells us about a problem, sometimes we immediately try to fix it without really hearing them out completely. In addition, we may think we know the best answer, but we're not actually in their situation...there may even be things about that they haven't told us.
I found this really interesting because for me, it was true. Sometimes when I've told people about something, I didn't want their advice...I just wanted to have someone to listen.
And for me, every time I have wanted someone's advice about a problem, I ask them for it. And of course, if someone asks for your opinion or your advice, them of course you have free reign to give it to them.
Now, I do think there are some obvious exceptions to this rule....abusive situations, suicidal thoughts, and maybe even things like drug addictions come to mind. Things that are seriously damaging to the person or to others around them are kind of a different situation.
But, beyond that, I'm curious to hear whether you guys generally agree with the original quoted statement:
"When someone tells you about a problem they have or a situation that they're dealing with, you should never give advice to them unless they ask for it."
...and if you do, whether or not you think "never" is too strong of a word.
Also, if you do disagree with it, can you give an example of a time when you told someone about a problem and wanted their advice but didn't ask for it? Note that I'm not talking about a situation where you never tell them about the problem in the first place...I mean a time when you bring up the issue.
Like I said, I can't think of one myself, so I'm curious if anyone has ever had one to help refute this idea.
"When someone tells you about a problem they have or a situation that they're dealing with, you should never give advice to them unless they ask for it."
They went on to ask "When have you ever wanted someone's advice about a situation and not asked them for it?"
The main point was that a lot of times when we tell other people our problems, all we really want is someone to listen to us and hear us out. So when someone else tells us about a problem, sometimes we immediately try to fix it without really hearing them out completely. In addition, we may think we know the best answer, but we're not actually in their situation...there may even be things about that they haven't told us.
I found this really interesting because for me, it was true. Sometimes when I've told people about something, I didn't want their advice...I just wanted to have someone to listen.
And for me, every time I have wanted someone's advice about a problem, I ask them for it. And of course, if someone asks for your opinion or your advice, them of course you have free reign to give it to them.
Now, I do think there are some obvious exceptions to this rule....abusive situations, suicidal thoughts, and maybe even things like drug addictions come to mind. Things that are seriously damaging to the person or to others around them are kind of a different situation.
But, beyond that, I'm curious to hear whether you guys generally agree with the original quoted statement:
"When someone tells you about a problem they have or a situation that they're dealing with, you should never give advice to them unless they ask for it."
...and if you do, whether or not you think "never" is too strong of a word.
Also, if you do disagree with it, can you give an example of a time when you told someone about a problem and wanted their advice but didn't ask for it? Note that I'm not talking about a situation where you never tell them about the problem in the first place...I mean a time when you bring up the issue.
Like I said, I can't think of one myself, so I'm curious if anyone has ever had one to help refute this idea.