Adult me and little me

Dodgy

Contributor
Messages
5
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Sissy
  4. Little
I’ve always felt like I’m too complicated of a human being, I have a lot of trouble compartmentalizing my self. It would be easier if one side of me was just business, office clothes and politeness, an adult really, and then the other side was the little that still needs diapers, that still sucks their thumb and cuddles plushies. It’s not though, it’s way more intertwined than that. Sometimes both sides meet halfway. I find especially nowadays, with the yet-to-be-explained pain that I experience in my toes, that my little side wants to come out more. When I’m at work, already in pain and I find out that I made a mistake at work, that really gets to me and I just want to go home, cry and cuddle my stuffy. But I can’t. I still have to finish work, so I grit my teeth, I try to breathe through my nose and I count to ten. I will not show weakness at work.

Days like that I can’t wait to get home, if my little side is already slowly taking over, especially if I forgot to use the bathroom before getting in the bus, my adult side has to try the hardest to make it home in dry pants, little me wants to play around too much, little me gets distracted by the dog that passes, then autistic me (yep there’s another side of me, I’m just one big clusterfuck of problems) really really needs to pet said dog, adult me remembers the goal quick, smiles politely at the owner of the dog and keeps walking, one foot in front of the other, don’t make any silly movement, make sure nobody notices I can barely hold my pee. Adult me is responsible and grabs the key firmly, makes sure I have the right key already in my hand while walking, if little me chips in for a second, I know I’ll drop my keys or fumble with them, so I make sure to really focus, approach the front door, key in the lock, turn, inside. The moment the door closes behind me, little me takes over, hands reach towards my crotch to try and physically hold the pee back, little me is stupid that way, Adult me jumps to action the moment I feel a few trickles escape. Adult me hates doing laundry, adult me wants to spare the struggle of peeling off wet pants and shower, adult me manages to gain control, adult me rushes up the stairs, a few more drops merging with my underwear, but ultimately I make it upstairs, beeline into my room, quickly shut the door. Little me takes over, idiotic pee dance happens, but it helps with holding it so adult me at that point is just grateful, no laundry. Adult me now has enough time to open the closet and grab a diaper. A reward for little me, one of the things that really comforts the little. Diaper is quickly put on, there’s not even enough time to properly tape it up before the last bit of control is lost. Little me is happy, adult me feels a bit defeated, tapes get stuck on properly, I lay on my bed and I look at the ceiling. One side of me beyond satisfied, the other a little weirded out by this but the little is satisfied, the little has already found blankie and is sucking their thumb, reaching for their favorite plush and curling up in bed under the covers, ultimately comfortable in a warm wet diaper. If adult me would gain control right now, I’d cry my eyes out, embarrassed that I’m like this.

It’s a balance though. It’s a balance and I’m making things work. There is guilt and embarrassment but there’s also joy and comfort. I’m not harming anybody with this. This is okay. I am okay. I am complicated and difficult. Yet at the end of the day, no matter how much I’m struggling with emotions, with pain, with stress… at the end of the day, I am okay.
 
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mrsmallory666

Est. Contributor
Messages
29
Role
  1. Carer
is that your tattoo? I love tattoos....















I am new to abdl and a.friend introduced me to it. I have found I love being a mommy.caregiver.







d
 

PyjamaBoyBlue

Est. Contributor
Messages
87
Role
  1. Adult Baby
  2. Diaper Lover
  3. Little
Sorry to hear about the struggles you have with balance. Adult you should give little you a break and not feel embarrassed about having a little side. I’m sure little you is very happy, and there is no need to feel embarrassment just because you are in a minority. There are millions of ABDLs globally, so you should feel proud to be in the group. Hopefully you can work on acceptance, though the autism won’t help with the grey areas of ABDL vs adult if you’re very literal. You’re in the right place for support though.
 
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