bobbilly said:
I really like your post. Iāve got mild intellectual disabilities. I sometimes wish I was more intellectual disabled than I am. I donāt want to understand the world around me. I would love ā fools happinessā.
When I was in foster care aged 10 the less able and more disabled kids at my home got all the love and attention for having their disabilities from the care givers, I got nothing, I have always wanted to like them.
In my viewpoint, the way I've seen other Autistic adults treated, Autistic people are very likely the most misunderstood and mistreated minority there is on the face of the planet. And by minority, I mean even including criminals. The unemployment rate is sky high (85%) and even with a college degree it is almost nearly as high, according to many multiple statistics I have seen. It's a sad existence. Statistically, the suicide attempt rate is high too. I didn't say this personally on my own. Statistics have shown this. I regret that I even went to college and got a degree, because no matter what, I ended up unemployable. Why did I try hard when it led to nowhere? My elementary school tried to retain me in kindergarten an extra year, because I was causing problems with my poor attention span and behavior not sitting still and being "disruptive". I'm slightly surprised that they didn't suggest to send me back to private preschool. Oddly, I never had problems in nursery school - my preschool teachers never complained about me. But I guess a seemingly fairly well behaved 3 year old in nursery school that doesn't pay attention (but isn't aggressive or stops a teacher from teaching) is different from a 6 year old doing the same thing. At that age (6 years old), that same behavior becomes a disciplinary problem. I'm sure you've heard of the term "poster child", right? Like a lawmaker saying "He is the poster child of why we need the death penalty"... Well, I'm probably the poster child of someone who should have stayed in preschool forever. I never apparently have ever changed. My 5th grade teacher and my old community college math instructor had the exact same issues with me. I realized this when both of them had lunch with me one day in 2018 at a Chinese restaurant and said exactly the same thing about me to each other. I wonder if my kindergarten teacher would have said the same thing too...hmmmm...
Even being a 3 or 4 year old is much better than my current existence. Or being the size of one and looking like one. And I'd even rather get smacked on my rear with an open hand by my mom (if I were a 3 year old) rather than get abused and treated horribly by some bullies online and in the real world. There would be so many advantages out of being little, that I don't have. My body grew but my mind didn't, apparently. Even then, I easily look like I'm in my early 20s than mid 40s. I look like nothing my age. Age recognition software would put me in my early to mid 20s. I look young, but unfortunately 22 is still an adult supposedly.
People do treat little people more like children. It's what they see. Like I said even like expecting 3 year old behavior from a big 1 year old baby. I don't have many adult rights, but now I don't have children's rights either. My nonautistic brother says I have less rights than my 6 and 10 year old nephews (his sons).
If I knew I was going to end up like this and could see my future, like a crystal ball, I would have definitely found a way to make myself stay little - maybe through growth attenuation. Incidentally, Carters' Childrenswear (who makes those famous sleepers with feet) has had a phone number that was 1-888-STAY-LITTLE for many years and I believe that is still their number now. Their motto was always "If they could stay little till their Carters wear out". Maybe they, as a company, had an unconscious wish that children would stay children forever. My mom said that is also probably because when children grow up, they lose their customers. The sleepers are cute and were even made up to size 16 (that size is like for high school age).
Although actually sleepers, while cute, is nothing compared to some of the one piece long-alls and jon jons (dressy overalls that look more like jumpers) that a lot of little boys wear in the Deep South, like Alabama and South Carolina, sometimes even with T strap Mary Jane shoes. How freakin' adorable...
Those types of outfits are not cheap either. You're talking about $55-75 new, when bought at children's clothing boutiques in the South. And T strap buckle leather shoes aren't cheap either, not at all.
I would love it if I could still get held by my mom like when I was 3 years old or 5 years old. I miss that. I'm too big now at nearly 6 feet tall. My mom never actually yelled at me or spanked me at age 3 or 4.
Actually I remember even when I was 8 years old, some of my friends would give me piggyback rides. I remember this 11 year old boy from another Catholic school (I went to Catholic school from 6th to the end of 8th grade) at Science Camp in 6th grade giving me piggyback rides too, bless his heart. Funny part is I didn't suggest him to do it, he wanted to do it. Of course, I weighed around 80 pounds then. I'm now 180 pounds.
Here's one of the most adorable Carters TV commercials I've ever seen, from the mid to late 1970s. Keep in mind when the commercial was aired, I was likely an actual toddler chronologically myself. This commercial melts your heart.
- longallsboy