Accepting your kink and sharing with romantic partners

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skypaparazzi

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I, like many who were dealt this peculiar hand of cards, had extended periods of struggling with my desires in the past. More recently I have gained some experience and insight that I think can help guide others when presenting their kink to a romantic partner. I believe that trying to find an openminded partner who you get along with and then introducing your kink to them is a much better plan than desperately trying to find someone who is already into it. I'm looking at you extremely creepy tumblr "daddies": STOP IT. Don't be so disrespectful.

I hope for this post to be relevant regardless of gender or orientation, but for the record I'm a guy who's very mostly into girls (like the majority of people with this kink). I've come around to the somewhat harrowing idea that my fetish is a potent enough part of my sexuality that I just can't date someone who completely refuses to participate. With my first serious girlfriend, I did pretty much everything wrong. My pitch to her was basically "hey, there's this thing you have to do for me to turn me on and I know it's weird and gross and it sucks, so I'm really sorry that you have to put up with it." She was openminded and wore occasionally for me, but that was exactly the problem - it was always a one sided thing. She was doing something that she didn't want to do to please me, partly because I had presented it as a bad terrible thing. Needless to say, this didn't lead to a healthy sexual relationship.

My next partner gave me the key - she knew that you need to present your kink in a positive light. Describe to your partner what you like about it, why it's a fun, harmless, thing, and how it brings you so much joy and pleasure.

Side note: If you don't currently like it, get over yourself and start liking it, because it's really just harmless fun. I don't want to trivialize the pain a fetish can put its master through because I used to suffer as well, but you need to stop thinking of it as a bad/annoying/weird thing that you have to deal with. You need to get your head around the fact that it's just an extra bonus facet of your sexuality that your partners wouldn't get a chance to play with if it weren't for your wonderful graciousness exposing them to this sort of new next-level entertainment. Anyway.

Here's the rough playbook that has worked for me for three additional partners after getting emotionally close and feeling comfortable having unguarded, intimate conversations. If you first bring this up when you and your partner are rolling, it will go more smoothly.

Hey, do you have any unusual sexual interests?

Um, yeah I like getting my hair pulled and tied up but nothing too out there, do you?

Oh I have a fetish actually and it can be pretty fun. I'm kind of into, um, pee.

Oh that's cool! Like you peeing or me peeing?

Well both, I'm just turned on by the idea of it for some reason. Not sure why but I've always had this interest, I used to struggle but now I just see it as harmless fun. It just feels so good, that nice feeling of relief.

That does sound fun! Want me to pee on you, like in the shower or something?

Haha yeah that would be awesome! Actually, I have these really neat underwear that you can pee in that feel amazing to wear. They're really soft and have all these interesting elastics everywhere that hug you in a very comforting way. And obviously it feels incredibly great if you wet them, but it's ok if you don't feel comfortable with that. And they're the best with my Hitachi magic wand!

Oh neat can I try some on?

(yay)

I highly recommend always discreet for this first exposure, they're comfortable dry or wet, cute (but I think goodnites run a risk of being too much), and small/trim. Way better for easing someone into it than flopping out a massive M4 or something. I also avoid the "d word" and just use "padding."

A caveat: now that you've got an awesome girlfriend who loves diapers just like you, be careful. Don't ask your partner to wear or bring up padding too much! Even if you want it involved in every intimate interaction it's important to gauge her reactions and comfort level, and err on the side of being conservative with your requests. I have made the mistake of overwhelming my partners with this before - whenever possible, let her lead the dance. And you better be doing everything she likes, especially if she has kinks too. Put the effort in and don't be selfish.

Also, everyone finds it very hard to pee in padding at first - be careful not to make her feel bad or like she's disappointing you if (when) she's unable to go. She can try sitting on the toilet, but keep it low pressure and be willing to give up if it's really just not happening.

I initially wrote this as a reply to a thread about coming out to a partner, but I decided to just make a new thread to brew up a discussion. I hope I inspire a more positive outlook and give you new courage to share your interest.

Would anyone like to share anything that has worked well for them in the past, or went disastrously?
 

Gettingoverthefear

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Wife discovers my baby pants

Thanks for the suggestions. My wife just discovered my training pants. I have kept my ABDL in my head to get an erection for masturbation until recently I purchased some cloth diapers, training pants and plastic pants and really liked peeing and pooping in my pants but went through a purge because I was so afraid of being discovered. Then bought more and was found out by my wife. I explained my lifelong fascination with ABDL but she did not want to talk about the details, then I just wore them to bed the next night and she didn't care for it. I asked her to accept me like this and she said it was asking a lot. I would like her to accept it even if she does not want to be involved with it. At the very least, I would like to wear my baby things in the evening at home even if I wear them under my PJs or pants. I certainly do not intend to force this issue. We have been married for a long time and I do not intend for my interest in baby things to harm my marriage any further. I will get rid of my baby things if my wife cannot accept me wearing them.
 

bambinod

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I explained my lifelong fascination with ABDL but she did not want to talk about the details, then I just wore them to bed the next night and she didn't care for it. I asked her to accept me like this and she said it was asking a lot.

It's always sad to hear about how intolerant people can be, especially when in a long term relationship or been married for awhile. So many nowadays seem to take the attitude that if anything significant changes, time for a divorce and try to find someone else that won't change. Rinse and repeat.
 

Slomo

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Well you certainly can't blame his wife. She was completely lied to about who she was marrying, and had no idea. Then out of the blue one day she stumbles on his stash, and he says oh yeah, I have this sexual fetish where I like to wear and use diapers that I masturbate in. I totally expect you to accept this though. Of course that's a lot for her to digest. He's lucky she didn't want a divorce for being deceived for so long.

If anything, this is just one more example of why people should not lie about who they are to anyone they are even thinking of marrying.
 

AWH2

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I think how we relate our intimate interests to our partners, is conditioned by what we think society thinks. I at one time thought my interests were abnormal and was reluctant to relate them to anyone. I reserved them for my private pleasures. I disagree with Slomo that not telling all is lying. Granted it would be better to disclose everything, but what person has disclosed everything to their spouse. I suspect none. The omission may be something minor regarding something that happened earlier or it may be an opinion. (For instance I read that a recent trend in marriage counseling has been disputer concerning presidential candidates in the present US election.) Some thing maybe can be left unsaid. Of course a sexual desire is a different thing. Maybe at the beginning of a relationship a person believes that the desire can be suppressed and it will never come out. Later the person may want to disclose the desire. I believe that a couple should be able to communicate with each other. One person should never force anything on the other person, but either person should be able to at least be able to listen to the other person. From my own standpoint wife is not even able to listen to my side of the story. She defiantly would not participate in it in any way, so these remain my private pleasures.
 
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Well you certainly can't blame his wife. She was completely lied to about who she was marrying, and had no idea. Then out of the blue one day she stumbles on his stash, and he says oh yeah, I have this sexual fetish where I like to wear and use diapers that I masturbate in. I totally expect you to accept this though. Of course that's a lot for her to digest. He's lucky she didn't want a divorce for being deceived for so long.

If anything, this is just one more example of why people should not lie about who they are to anyone they are even thinking of marrying.

Agreed! The point in the relationship where you are considering a permanent lifelong commitment with the other person is the point of no return. Once you pass through that gate, without divulging who you really are, there is no turning back. There will forever be trust issues, once trust has been broken.
 
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