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Well, I've finally truly accepted myself as being transgender, I'm still in the closet about it, and plan to keep it a secret until I get my own home.

I've started accepting myself for who I am, in private I act like my true gender, releases a lot of stress, I've been keeping a stash of clothes for when I need them.

I've also been privately feminizing, what I mean by that is shaving, growing my hair long, and doing what I usually do, like cross dress.

I am, who I am, nothing can change It, I still feel a little guilt, but I can't hide this forever.

All these feelings are so confusing, I like men, I'm female, that's all there is to it.

I don't know why I feel so bad, every time I see a female better looking than me I get so jealous, and when I see a nice dress, I really want it, but I pretend I do argh.

I'm guessing these feelings are normal for transgender people, I feel so bad for hiding it from others, but at the same time, I don't want to risk judgement.

I really hate my body atm, I think this is the root of all my sadness, or something. welp.

Any tips on how to deal with this guilt? I have kind of came out, and told someone, but they kind of disconnected themselfs from me welp.
Wow congratulation for accepting yourself!
I know this is not a very original advice, but you could try to join a support or discussion groups for young trans on the internet or even an association near your home ? To seek advice and share your feelings with people who will understand your struggles. This is just my point of view but I think it's a big help to hang out with people (IRL or on the internet) who can understand or share these experience and emotion when it comes to sexual orientation or gender identity . Take care :grouphug:
Sounds like a step in the right direction and encouraging. I'm trans myself and have only begin to dip my toes into the pool and for myself to it fits the main reason being that I've felt and have had a feminine side for awhile . :)
Congrats and I wish you all the best with your decision. Guilt is horrible and I've felt it often when buying nappies before. The way I deal with any guilt is by realizing these few things. Number one I realize that the life I want to live is being restricted by the person who I am. Not because of anyone else forcing me to be someone I am not but myself, I am the problem but I am also the catalyst to change. Number two is the more I deny myself means the more I am living for someone else. Your life is short and to live it to appease others is a waste. So many people try to please others for praise and acceptance but if your're not happy then it's all worthless. My favorite poem about this is the "man in the mirror":

When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you king for a day,
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't a man's father, mother or wife,
Whose judgement upon him must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in life,
Is the man staring back from the glass.

He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear to the end,
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test,
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But the final reward will be heartache and tears,
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

- Anonymous

What it comes down to is really learning to not give a care what others think. Which is hard I know I still struggle at times but I am learning and I am sure you will too.
Hi Bunny

1) Do NOT ever, ever, evvvveeeerrrr feel guilty about who you are.
There will be plenty of people who will try their best to do that for you, lol.

2) Coming out is hard!
It doesn't matter if its coming out as Trans, Gay, Bi, Les, Asexual, little, AB, DL, whatever.
Your true friends will just truly accept & understand it and you. Period.
Other "friends" will say they accept/understand it, to your face.
Those "friends" will either show their true face (at which point they aren't worth it, dump them) or just slowly fade into the background (good bye!)
Either way, whether you find out sooner or later it will still hurt, but always remember one thing = you are WAY better off without them.

Then of course there are the "friends" who will just look down their nose at you like you got 3 heads and walk away.
Again, good riddance to them as well, as least they didn't stick around being fake ass friends like the above ones did.

As far as Family, its pretty much the same thing, some will accept it, some will tolerate it, annnddd some will outright hate it.

Friends are easier to lose because you can always find new better ones!
Family, well family will surprise the crap out of you sometimes, lol, I'm serious!
The ones you think will flip shit can totally turn out to be on your side, others you thought might be OK with it turn out to hate it.

Its like that old saying: Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. People will surprise you, and usually for the better!
Awww! I'm soo happy for you! I do know that feeling cause I'm trans mtF and I still get jealous to other females that I cry about it wanting to look pretty as the others. And that does happen when you come out as trans to anyone, some ppl will accept you (maybe not right away but later on) and others won't, but don't let them get to you. And if you need to talk to someone you can pm anytime girl.
Acceptance of yourself is always the best 1st step; =3

I know from a couple of my friends who are trans that at first they all found just a handful of people they could fully trust and sat down with them to explain everything; when it came to letting it out in public they did lose a few people; but not as many as they thought.

As for the guilt; usually from experiences it takes time to pass properly, though you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting something that makes you feel more like yourself; the world isn't ideal and neither are human emotions they get all squishy and melty a lot of the time. A method that was suggested once to me by someone was saying to yourself; "I am me. Me is I, I can be what I want. I can have what I wish. So the world shall just have to accept me as me" not entirely sure if it will help or not but hopefully you can get the answers you are looking for =3

Best of luck.
Thank you very much peeps <3
If you have questions or want support, the asktransgender subreddit is pretty damned useful for early transitioners. Good luck- it's one hell of a ride.
One thing to remember, you will always find those that look better and worse than you do.
I do recommend finding a therapist competent to deal with gender issues, if you need help finding one in your area PM me.
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