Abuse: My ABDL Story

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CrinklesTheBunny

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This going to be lengthy. LOL. :)

I was born February 8th 1980. When I was birn, I was 3 months premature. The doctors had told my mother, because I was so small, actually barely above a pound, that I probably would not live. So, they put me in the incubator to supply extra oxygen to my body. In doing so, they turn the oxygen up too high and cause a tear in both my retinas. I was in the hospital for the first three months of my life. When I was finally able to go home, I stayed with my natural parents, and my other four brothers and sisters. Actually, I am number 5 out of 6 children. When I turned 6 months old, my mother was deemed unfit to be a parent as was my father. So, I was put into the care of the state. I was put into DCFS care. In the time that I was in foster care, I had been in 17 foster homes before the last, being the 18th would be my permanent home until I was discharged out of the system at 21 years old.

As a child, I had no childhood. I had to constantly watch myself, due to the severe abuse in many of the homes that I was in. In several homes, I was abused sexually, mentally, physically, and emotionally. I remember as clear as day some of the incidents that happened tunee as a child. The first time that I was abused physically was when I was just a little bit over a year old. The mental abuse started when I was roughly around two and a half to three years old. The sexual abuse started when I was 5. I wanted so bad to escape from that, and I tried to tell my case worker what was going on when I was five. But, you have to remember back in the 1980's, it wasn't unusual for a lot of abuse to go on in the homes that the system overlooked constantly. In fact, out of the 17 homes that I was in, 15 of the homes were abusive homes. Some of the homes I was raped by older children in their older teens, and sometimes even foster parents themselves. I really have no idea how I fell into the kind of issues I did, but somehow none the less, I suffered. So, the abuse was terrible. If I was being molested or sexually abused, and I cried, I was often stuck in the basement for a couple days as a punishment. This was only in one home that I stayed in.

I never was able to have any toys of my own, because anything I had other foster children either would destroy or steal from me. I moved around so much as a child, I didn't have much time to be able to make friends. Every time I did make a friend I had to move. As a child, that was very emotionally distressing and for me. I honestly felt like the only reason I couldn't make friends is because it was my fault. But that couldn't have been farther from the truth. When I was 6 years old, I remember one home I was in my foster parents and the other three children went on vacation for a week. They left me at home all alone for an entire week. So in that week that I was all alone, I had quickly learned how to survive on my own. The crazy thing is, nobody knew that they left me at home by myself.

When I got older, in my later teens, I started having this strange desire to want to be babied. All of a sudden started trying to find ways of getting diapers to wear. Most of my life up until this point, I was a bedwetter. When I went to counseling, my counselor would always tell me that part of my problem is emotional stress, and physical stress on my body. Those are two of the things that was causing my bed wetting problem. He also told me that I have been diagnosed with ADHD. One of the side effects of having ADHD, can be, and was for me bed wetting. So the first line of defense that they tried for my bed wetting problem, is the buzzer mattress cover. They found out that didn't work too well because I have anxiety. And being woken up suddenly like that with my anxiety caused a lot of other physical problems for me. So, they decided they would start having me wear adult diapers at night. To be honest, with the adult baby desires that I was starting to have, it was almost like a dream come true to have to wear a diaper at night. So, in my early 20's my bed wetting problem just disappeared. But, just a few short years later, my nocturnal enuresis would return with a vengeance. I found myself wetting the bed at least 3 or 4 times a week. So, when I turned 26 I took a trip to a urologist. According to the doctor, my ADHD is the primary cause of my bed wetting problem still. He told me that I needed to have a sleep study done so they can monitor my brain waves at night. And they found that the part of my brain but tells my body to get up and go to the bathroom, shuts off when im in deep sleep. So I wet the bed and don't even know it. The first line of defense this time around, was medication. They wanted to put me on a pill that would help control my bladder contractions as I slept. But, looking into further detail on this pill, I found out the side effects were just too much of a risk to take. So the doctor told me the other choice I had was to have another one of those buzzer pads put on my bed. I told him last time we tried it it cause triggers on my anxiety. So once again, the doctor suggested that I use adult diapers if I didn't want to go down the route of the buzzer or a pill. I told him, but wearing adult diapers is something that I have been used to in my late teens. So, until this day, I still wear adult diapers at night. And now, I find that I'm starting to have a problem with a narrowing of my urethra. So now I have to have a procedure done where the doctor have to put a stint into my urethra all the way to my bladder for about 6 weeks.

But, all my life I have loved plushies, and toys made for younger children. So, between my physical problems, and my emotional problems, being an adult baby works out perfectly for me. It helps me cope with a lot of issues from my past, and it helps me just destress a whole lot better. Because of my ADHD, sometimes I can have emotional breakdowns and issues. The quickest way to relieve my issues is just a crawl in bed, get diapered, and cuddle with a plushie.

So as you can see, there are many things that kind of contributed to the reason that I became an adult baby. But, I would never trade being an adult baby for anything else in the world. In fact, when I met my fiance Elaine, I told her all about the abuse that I've been through and the reason that I was an adult baby. My fiance Elaine herself, had been through one very volatile marriage, and had emotional problems herself. She has what is called empty nest syndrome. So seeing that her children and left home, left a giant hole in her heart and she had to fulfill it someway. And that's where I came in. When I told her I was an adult baby, it was like a perfect fit for us. She absolutely loves being a mommy type, and I'm an adult baby. It was a perfect fit for the both of us. We've made plans to get married in May. We have decided that I will have my own nursery, and she said she's more than happy to be my mommy and my wife. It just seems like a perfect fit for us to be together. We have so much in common, and my AB lifestyle is something that she wants in her life.
 

BlueGrey

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Sounds like a match made in heaven. I pray for your peace and healing and wish you long term happiness together. I'm sure you have lots of jealous readers.
 

Sanch

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I am incredibly sorry to hear you had such a horrible ordeal growing up, Crinkles, but I'm very happy that you've met someone who is not only willing to help you enjoy your Little side, but excited about doing so. You seem like a very well-rounded individual for one who has had to endure so much suffering, and I think how individuals react to adversity is very much a measure of their personality and determination as a whole. Many hugs. :hug:
 

CrinklesTheBunny

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This may be true BlueGrey about the jealousy thing, but think about this. I had a very unhappy childhood. I never got a chance to be a child. I was too busy having to be grown up way too fast. The way I see it, I'm getting a fresh start. I'm being blessed with the opportunity to have my childhood back.
 

Sanch

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This may be true BlueGrey about the jealousy thing, but think about this. I had a very unhappy childhood. I never got a chance to be a child. I was too busy having to be grown up way too fast. The way I see it, I'm getting a fresh start. I'm being blessed with the opportunity to have my childhood back.

There's a great quote on the Big Little Podcast, where they said "you're never too old to have a great childhood". I wasn't abused in any sense, but I had a difficult and tumultuous childhood, and had to see and deal with things which I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to comprehend, let alone view rationally. Anyway, I believe that being a child in a technical sense ends at 18, but the ability to explore and enjoy a childhood stays with you for your whole life. :)
 

Calico

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It's ironic kids are supposed to be protected but instead they aren't. I hear foster care is still bad. I know there are good foster cares but those people are probably the minority who actually care about the kids than treating their home like a business or turning a blind eye on the kids instead of trying to make their home safe for everyone.
 

Penny

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I'm so happy for you that you found someone like that and I'm happy that you get to experience what you never had.

I had the same basic upbringing, I wasn't in foster care but after my dad died my mom lost her mind and I wasn't very discriminatory of who I hung out with and it usually ended with my putting myself in bad situations.

My hugs to you! I feel your feels and I know it will get better for you :)

You're a brave person!
 

timmy23

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I believe in the physical sense we end as a child earlier than 18

That's a very heart warming story. I'm glad you found someone that accepts you and is there for you. And I completely agree that we are no longer children long before age 18.
 

Sanch

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I believe in the physical sense we end as a child earlier than 18

That's why I said technically, because in a technical and legal sense, you're a child until you turn 18. I'm slightly offended that you ignored everything in the two posts above where I tried to be kind and to discuss how you've coped with your ordeal, and responded only to try and correct me on a definition I used, but anyway...thank you for sharing your story. It was very insightful and courageous. :)
 

CrinklesTheBunny

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There's a great quote on the Big Little Podcast, where they said "you're never too old to have a great childhood". I wasn't abused in any sense, but I had a difficult and tumultuous childhood, and had to see and deal with things which I didn't have the mental or emotional capacity to comprehend, let alone view rationally. Anyway, I believe that being a child in a technical sense ends at 18, but the ability to explore and enjoy a childhood stays with you for your whole life. :)
I guess I really didn't see in this where you said much of anything about my ordeal. I just saw the quote from the podcast and where you said about technically being an adult at 18. Did I miss something?
 

Sanch

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I guess I really didn't see in this where you said much of anything about my ordeal. I just saw the quote from the podcast and where you said about technically being an adult at 18. Did I miss something?

See the first of the two posts I made. Anyway, my intention was not to make this about me - I just get fed up sometimes when I try to be friendly and/or supportive on ADISC and people are either quite cold in response, or argue with any advice or positive points which don't reinforce what they want to hear. I'm going to leave this thread now, because I've said what I want to - and because it's about your experiences, CrinklesTheBunny, and something I saw as a slight is entirely an unrelated side-issue.
 

CrinklesTheBunny

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I didn't see the first two posts actually. That was the only one I saw. Hmmm......weird.

Now that went back I saw them. I do sincerely apologize. I've been have strange delays in posts on here. They're not showing up on my end like they should. And like on this thread, haven't been posting in a timely manner.
 

Sanch

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I didn't see the first two posts actually. That was the only one I saw. Hmmm......weird.

Now that went back I saw them. I do sincerely apologize. I've been have strange delays in posts on here. They're not showing up on my end like they should. And like on this thread, haven't been posting in a timely manner.

No worries. Again, thank you for sharing your story. It's a reminder of what traumas a person can manage to overcome with resilience and a loving personality. :)
 

Raccoon

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...thank you for sharing your story. It was very insightful and courageous. :)

Very. By sharing it you make welcome all the newbies who have Adisc in their future, who will recognize your life experience as echoing their own. A lot of the good Adisc does stems from its being a place we can gather together, one and all, as Shakespeare wrote,"[SIZE=+1]
[/SIZE]From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;"

Actually, Dire Straits said the same but even better

Through these fields of destruction
Baptisms of fire
I've witnessed your suffering
As the battle raged high
And though they did hurt me so bad
In the fear and alarm
You did not desert me
My brothers in arms

There's so many different worlds
So many different suns
And we have just one world
But we live in different ones
 
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caitianx

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Good Evening CrinklesTheBunny,

I myself grew up experiencing a lot of neglect and abuse.
I was born in March of 1958.
I was born full-term, but 100% "Feet First".
Needless to say, I have lived with both Mild Cerebral Palsy and Mild Autism (Asperger's Syndrome) all my life.
My Mother was profoundly mentally-ill all her adult life.
She was psychotic and violent, and too many times to count, she "tortured" me to almost an inch of my life.
When not "beating the shit out of me" or my youngest brother, she "totally neglected me" and my little brother.
Therefore, when our Dad was not around, and at work, I had to raise myself and my little brother, despite my disabilities.
Nobody "rescued" me or my little brother.
Yes! I may have had plenty of toys and games as a child, but, "I never had a childhood".

Instead of being a child in childhood, when not looking after my little brother or attending school, I had to be the "totally grown up" family "mental hospital orderly", and despite my disabilities, I "took care of the violent deranged fruitcake lady", my own Mother, because nobody, no church or New Hampshire State Agency lifted a damn finger to assist me or my little brother or my Dad.:wallbash:

I understand exactly where you are coming from, CrinklesTheBunny.:hug:

My "Inner Child" is at my age of 56, "permanently fused on the outside".

Anyway, too many "bad memories", especially at this time of year, the "Holiday Season".

"caitianx"
 

BlueGrey

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This may be true BlueGrey about the jealousy thing, but think about this. I had a very unhappy childhood. I never got a chance to be a child. I was too busy having to be grown up way too fast. The way I see it, I'm getting a fresh start. I'm being blessed with the opportunity to have my childhood back.

Sorry to appear flippant, Crinkles. Although most here would love to have someone as helpful as the special one you have, none would willingly pay for it by taking on the pain of your childhood and life.
Though mine was not nearly as bad as yours, I was also abused. Early sexual turned to physical and emotional abuse as I was beaten anytime I did not act like a proper adult. As such, in some ways I did not have a childhood either. Just a time when I was getting older and larger and was expected to act far beyond my years. If I spoke or giggled at the wrong time, I was beaten. I became withdrawn and silent, closed off and unable to communicate emotion. Mr. Spock became my goal.
Fresh start is familiar, in that I am now doing just that, with a hope of getting through it and improving my emotional status. I intend to be a better person through it.
I am very glad to see you have someone so good to you. You surely deserve her after all you have been through. I wish you long term happiness. I will pray for your success. How about an update when the date gets close?
 
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