ABDL Acceptance - A Language of Love

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TabulaRasa2017

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Hello my little friends,

I wanted to write down some thoughts I’ve had lately on my coming to accept being ABDL. Part of this is admittedly selfish – I need to write this to you for myself to feel validated. But I hope in some small way this may help those who are going through what I’ve been through and what I know so many of you already have in various ways. I’m going to write briefly about what I experienced in getting to acceptance. If you want to know my whole story, message me privately or read my other posts. I didn’t want to rehash everything I’ve already said – I wanted instead to reflect on some “new” thoughts about my personal journey with all of you. I thank you in advance for your indulgence.

My personal experience began in childhood and intensified when I realized my core sex drive was sparked by fantasies of wearing diapers and being babied by a nurturing mommy. I told myself this was nothing permanent and that I should think about other things and train myself out of this stuff. This wasn’t really me – I could overcome. I was going to stop.

My romantic relationships were few and most encounters with potential partners were stifled because I was afraid. I felt that my romantic relationships were being destroyed by my ABDL compunctions. Why couldn’t I just get over this? I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Why couldn’t I just be normal and why couldn’t “normal” sex replace this want? Damn it, I don’t need this.

Binge (the feelings and desires become too overwhelming to resist) and purge (I hate myself and what I’m doing and I hope to god no one ever finds out). I met someone I loved and married with the understanding that ABDL was to be out of sight, out of mind. With marriage, I convinced myself I could “balance” this part of me by hiding it as much as possible and doing what I wanted in secrecy. I couldn’t shake ABDL entirely, but if I did this stuff by myself and gave my partner what she wanted when we were together, it could work.

My pending divorce tells you all need to know – it didn’t work. For so long, I felt so very alone with all of this shame and guilt over my ABDL needs. When my marriage began to fall apart, I sought therapy assuming I would be given strategies for further burying my true needs to save my marriage. I was wrong. What I discovered instead is that we each speak a language of love and that mine is spoken through ABDL. A light went on: all my life I was looking for validation and love in its purest form from people who couldn’t speak my language.

I’ve arrived at a point in my life, middle-aged, where I finally, really get this. I don’t know if it makes sense to the rest of you but I swear for me I get it now: ABDL is a language of love, at least for me. If you really love me, then you will speak this to me. And I will learn your language. And if it turns out we can’t speak each other’s vulnerable core love language, then we can stop wasting each other’s precious time and free ourselves to find those who can. No judgement but no illusions.

I don’t have a partner yet. But I’ve been very happy and at ease for the first time in a very long time because now I don’t fight these feelings or feel that I have to do all of this in utter secrecy. I’m very happy because in being brave enough to acknowledge this part of who I am, I joined ADISC where I have felt incredibly validated and supported by all of you. I have found my community, my tribe.

To any of you still struggling with accepting this part of you, know you are not alone and that so many of us get what you’re going through in one way or another. Be kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Know that you can’t find others and find the love and acceptance you really need without first accepting this in yourself. Be the real you and you will attract to you those who will truly understand and accept you. Nothing I’m saying is all that new or groundbreaking, and I used to roll my eyes at some of this “be you” stuff. But trust me, be you. You’re the only one who can and the world will be a better place for all of us if you do.

Thanks for reading. Be well.
 

pd8615

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The 'language of love' phrase is great!

Accepting ourselves opens the door for others accepting parts of themselves they may struggle with.

I have told all my partners and have never had a bad reaction. Even with those who were not that into it, sharing allowed 'me to be me' and not have to worry about hiding my interests. That is my minimum expectation from partners; they don't have to participate but they do need to accept this part of myself, as it IS part of myself. Like a parent telling their gay child 'I love you but I can't accept your gay', love isn't love when it is contingent on one person not being who they are.

Wanting a partner to be more active as you want them to be healthy is loving. Wanting a partner to disown a core part of them to suit your needs is not.

I do not like watching team sports on TV. Seems like a waste of time. I would rather go outside and go hiking or such. But if my partner loved team sports, I would watch games from time to time. Because I enjoy it? Not at all. I would do it because I enjoy seeing them happy.

All of my partners have done this to some degree. It may not be 'their thing' but they took part because the enjoyed seeing the joy it bought me.
 

Sheepies

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Not going to lie, reading that almost brought a tear to my eye.

Beautiful story
 

TabulaRasa2017

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The 'language of love' phrase is great!

Accepting ourselves opens the door for others accepting parts of themselves they may struggle with.

I have told all my partners and have never had a bad reaction. Even with those who were not that into it, sharing allowed 'me to be me' and not have to worry about hiding my interests. That is my minimum expectation from partners; they don't have to participate but they do need to accept this part of myself, as it IS part of myself. Like a parent telling their gay child 'I love you but I can't accept your gay', love isn't love when it is contingent on one person not being who they are.

Wanting a partner to be more active as you want them to be healthy is loving. Wanting a partner to disown a core part of them to suit your needs is not.

I do not like watching team sports on TV. Seems like a waste of time. I would rather go outside and go hiking or such. But if my partner loved team sports, I would watch games from time to time. Because I enjoy it? Not at all. I would do it because I enjoy seeing them happy.

All of my partners have done this to some degree. It may not be 'their thing' but they took part because the enjoyed seeing the joy it bought me.

Thank you, pd8615! I appreciate your insight and perspective on this. And I agree with you — wanting a partner to disown a core part of themselves to suit your needs is not healthy and I’d add not sustainable.

Thanks for reading my post and for your thoughtful reply.

Be well.

- - - Updated - - -

Not going to lie, reading that almost brought a tear to my eye.

Beautiful story

Aw, thank you, Sheepies, that means a lot.
 

Makubird

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Be kind to yourself.
This may well be your best advice.

Thank you TabulaRasa, for your encouraging post. I recognize many of the things you wrote and I have also made significant progress in accepting myself and my peculiarities in the past years. Your story will help me to get even further.

I keep practicing buying socks :laugh:
(sorry, inside joke, see my other post from today)
 

TabulaRasa2017

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This may well be your best advice.

Thank you TabulaRasa, for your encouraging post. I recognize many of the things you wrote and I have also made significant progress in accepting myself and my peculiarities in the past years. Your story will help me to get even further.

I keep practicing buying socks :laugh:
(sorry, inside joke, see my other post from today)

Hi Makubird,

LOL - you keep buying those socks, young man! That is an order ... a friendly, optional order, but still it's what's best for you. ;)

TabulaRasa
 

Barklee

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Thank you TabulaRasa, for sharing your feelings and tossing it into the internet where I could stumble upon it just when I needed it most <3

P.S love your username is it a Futuristic Violence & Fancy Suits reference? I love David Wong.
 

TabulaRasa2017

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Thank you TabulaRasa, for sharing your feelings and tossing it into the internet where I could stumble upon it just when I needed it most <3

P.S love your username is it a Futuristic Violence & Fancy Suits reference? I love David Wong.

Hi Barklee,

I'm so glad you found this and it means a lot to me that it meant something to you! If my username is a reference to David Wong and Futuristic Violence & Fancy Suits it is pure coincidence! I'm not familiar with that I'm afraid.

It looks as if you just jointed ADISC, so welcome! I hope you will find, as I have, that this is a very welcoming and understanding group of people who have all struggled in one form or another with ABDL. Welcome aboard!

Be well.
 

Barklee

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Thanks for the welcome :)

What a coincidence then, in that particular book Tabula Rasa is a ultra capitalist desert city not unlike a futuristic Vegas.
I've also found out it refers to a sociology theory which is probably more appropriate for a user name than the book but i think my brain saw that reference and got hyped about it.
 

kenta

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I just want to thank you for a very well written post. I am new to this group and it really gives me great happiness to find people who are thinking exactly in the same way as myself. As you say; I have found my community; my tribe. I have however - my whole life - had great difficulties to accept this side of myself. But your post actually helped me more than many articles and books written by professional psychologists... As you so well say; 'Be you'.. And as long as we are kind to each other and accept each other for whom we are - with all our variations of all kinds - we all have the right to 'be you'. As I use to say; 'Live and let live. In love-only love'. That's all - isn't it ? That we all try to make a better place for all of us together.. We all have the same needs - and we all know it.. Again; I'm very thankful for you letting me into this amazing group. It makes me smile again and accepting myself to 100 per cent - something I have never been able to during my whole life.
 
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TabulaRasa2017

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I just want to thank you for a very well written post. I am new to this group and it really gives me great happiness to find people who are thinking exactly in the same way as myself. As you say; I have found my community; my tribe. I have however - my whole life - had great difficulties to accept this side of myself. But your post actually helped me more than many articles and books written by professional psychologists... As you so well say; 'Be you'.. And as long as we are kind to each other and accept each other for whom we are - with all our variations of all kinds - we all have the right to 'be you'. As I use to say; 'Live and let live. In love-only love'. That's all - isn't it ? That we all try to make a better place for all of us together.. We all have the same needs - and we all know it.. Again; I'm very thankful for you letting me into this amazing group. It makes me smile again and accepting myself to 100 per cent - something I have never been able to during my whole life.

Hi kenta,

Thank you and welcome! I think you will find that this is a very welcoming and understanding group of people. You say I let you into this amazing group - I'm flattered but I had nothing to do with it! You found ADISC and you joined, so welcome aboard. Self-acceptance I have found is an amazing gift.

Be well.
 

kenta04

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Hi kenta,

Thank you and welcome! I think you will find that this is a very welcoming and understanding group of people. You say I let you into this amazing group - I'm flattered but I had nothing to do with it! You found ADISC and you joined, so welcome aboard. Self-acceptance I have found is an amazing gift.

Be well.

You are so right; 'Self-acceptance is an amazing gift' - I have never thought about it, actually... But when you see it in print, you realise it's the truth.. Thanks for reminding.. Be well. :thumbsup:
 

TabulaRasa2017

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You are so right; 'Self-acceptance is an amazing gift' - I have never thought about it, actually... But when you see it in print, you realise it's the truth.. Thanks for reminding.. Be well. :thumbsup:

Hello kenta04! I apologize for the delay in responding! I've been busy but thank you and having everyone here to talk to and share this with is certainly an amazing gift in and of itself!

Be well.
 
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