AB/DL Derived from Abuse

CaterpillarSick

Est. Contributor
Messages
134
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Little
This is one of the biggest open questions on the etiology of diaper fetishism and paraphilic infantilism (the academic terms for ABDL). It isn’t entirely known if there is a link or not. Abuse, especially childhood abuse, really messes people up psychologically, and it’s hard to understand all of the ramifications of abuse.
 

Drifter

Contributor
Messages
2,616
Role
Private
This is closer to the current definition of a fetish. It could be so severe as to be a complete replacement for human intimacy (which is typically classified as a disorder), but usually it’s just something that either is sexually stimulating or is needed for sexual gratification. Fetishes are specifically limited to a nonliving object or a nongenital body part.
This is how I see it, too, especially that last part about nongenital body parts. When you think about it, the feminine body parts that produce the strongest sexual attraction in straight males generally don't include the vagina. The vagina is an object of fascination for many males simply because it is a mystery. It has been kept hidden from them throughout their early years, but never really becomes a specific object of sexual attraction until later on when they learn to associate it with the pleasures of sex, and even then it rarely rises to the same level of attraction men have for other body parts.

Long story short, any distinction we try to make between fetishes and 'normal' sexual attractions is based on social mores rather than science.
 

Electrically

Contributor
Messages
80
Role
Adult Baby
I am wondering if anyone else here knows or believe their AB/DL behavior was caused by early childhood abuse.

I have brought this up in other "origin" type discussions. I know from my family that my sisters and I were abused by our baby-sitters. It is hard to talk about.

It is nice to know that many of you did not go through this.
Hi
Yes I agree I I might have been emotionally abused probably neglected and didn’t make it through all stages of early childhood but I have been thinking about this a lot and I have no way of really knowing what all went wrong. The question that keeps coming up in my mind is even if I could change things would I.
I love my fantasy. It makes me feel better when I am stressed it gives me somewhere to go to get away and even though I don’t really have any one to share it with I and it’s weird. I like myself better when I feel small. So I don’t care what happened I am happy to have a place in my mind to feel good
 

CaterpillarSick

Est. Contributor
Messages
134
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Little
Long story short, any distinction we try to make between fetishes and 'normal' sexual attractions is based on social mores rather than science.
Yes and no. I’ll agree that the history of it was definitely more based on social morals than science, but now we tend to see it as something that isn’t necessary for sexual arousal or that most people don’t find sexually arousing. Statistics are used a lot when it comes to defining what is “normal” or “typical”.
 

Drifter

Contributor
Messages
2,616
Role
Private
Yes and no. I’ll agree that the history of it was definitely more based on social morals than science, but now we tend to see it as something that isn’t necessary for sexual arousal or that most people don’t find sexually arousing. Statistics are used a lot when it comes to defining what is “normal” or “typical”.
I'm not quite sure what you're saying here. From a clinical standpoint, "fetish" generally refers to a strong attraction to an object that doesn't normally produce any feelings of attraction in most people. In common usage it usually refers to sexual attraction, but in it's broadest sense the feelings don't necessarily have to be sexual. Is this what you mean? I have no problem with that.

The problem I have is with the common understanding of fetish as an abnormal attraction to an object. The object in question may be highly unusual, and even disgusting, but the attraction itself is a natural part of human development, and not "abnormal" in the sense that it is some kind of psychological defect or disorder. There seems to be pretty solid evidence that human and animal biology has been programmed through evolution to be flexible when it comes to things implanted in our subconscious minds at a young age that will heavily influence social attitudes and mate selection. These "things" are not acquired tastes, consciously learned from experience like many of our other preferences are, but are so deeply embedded in our personalities that it almost feels like we were born with them.
 

Leio

Est. Contributor
Messages
426
Role
Little, Incontinent, Other
Personally, I can't answer the question very well...

I have trouble determining what was really my childhood. I remember that I grew up with both parents. My mother was chronically ill and in pain much of the time until I was 12. My father always worked extremely long hours and was never really one to be very affectionate. He had a goofy side and he could be very fun to be around sometimes. He could do all these impressions that were absolutely hilarious and I remember taking long walks with him where I could talk about all the academic things I learned. But... he had another side to him.

He told my sister when she said that she was suicidal that she "had nothing to be sad about". "Nothing worth feeling like she wanted to die about." My father told me in the worst of my depression and eating disorder that "he didn't care about my damn eating disorder" and again, when I was suicidal, he said the same thing to me. My father threatened to kick me and my sister out of the house many times and this started from around the age of 7 or 8 for me and the age of 6 or 7 for my sister. The first incident of that happening related to piano lessons... my sister didn't want to practice the piano and over time, my father tired of this and grabbed suitcases and ordered my sister to start packing her things. This happened multiple times throughout our childhood. Corporal punishment was a regular feature of the household until I was 7 or 8... they only stopped when they took it way too far with me and my mother warned me to never tell anyone why I had marks otherwise they'd take me away. My IC as a child and teen was a sticking point. When I was a teen, I wet the bed and as a 12 year old, I wet in the day and night. I remember how my father would sometimes have these arguments with me. In one of these arguments, I remember him thrusting the trash bag with my used diapers in front of me and telling me "This is what your life amounts to. This is what your life is going to be. Now throw this bag full of your waste away". My mother would yell about my IC at times because of the laundry but that was frustration... I think. A lot of my early memories about my dad was him ordering me and my mother and sister around. Telling me and my sister that we weren't babies and that we must pull our weight around the house. And yelling at my mother for being too soft on the two of us. As teens, me and my sister grew to cover for each other. We would lie for each other so that we could go out of the house and meet boyfriends and such. I would take the fall for her when I could. I tried to soften my mother's hardline stance on college and education. I even tried hiding my achievements so that she wouldn't be compared to me.

My parents fought a lot in their marriage and me and my sister would often hide during these verbal arguments and just talk to each other in a closet. Their fights only ever turned physical once. My mother told me that she would have divorced my father had she married earlier and was educated in the US.

But otherwise, I was ok. My father was reliable financially. Saved for college education for the two of us. Made sure that we were always fed and always had a roof over our heads and clothes to wear. Our mother always cooked us home made meals. We went on family vacations and we had a good time on them. We had a lot of laughs as a family sometimes. But... I don't know.

I don't know how much of a bearing this has on my ABDL side. Perhaps I subconciously seek someone who will nurture me. but I can't say. I really can't say what this has on my ABDL side. It just is all very unusual to me. All very unknown to me
 

Acrowley

Contributor
Messages
7
Role
Diaper Lover
It was for me. I find that whenever I'm stressed ab/dl is a huge help.
 

CrinklesTheBunny

Est. Contributor
Messages
632
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Babyfur
I absolutely believe that abuse in early childhood can cause a person to be AB/DL. As a child I was put into foster care at the age of 6 months old. The neglect in my life started when I was just a newborn. When I was 3 years old the mental and emotional abuse started. Soon after, the rape started. I was sexually molested and raped when I was only 3 years old. From the time that I was 6 months old until I was 9 years old, I had been in 17 foster homes, had countless rape incidents, and been severely neglected and abused. As I grew older, I found myself wanting to have a childhood that I had never had. Thus began my search to start finding myself. I found the whole AB/DL comminity back in 2004. Consequently, that was the same year I became a Furry. I had no clue there was a merging of the two. I soon found out about Babyfurs.
 

CaterpillarSick

Est. Contributor
Messages
134
Role
Adult Baby, Diaper Lover, Little
I'm not quite sure what you're saying here. From a clinical standpoint, "fetish" generally refers to a strong attraction to an object that doesn't normally produce any feelings of attraction in most people. In common usage it usually refers to sexual attraction, but in it's broadest sense the feelings don't necessarily have to be sexual. Is this what you mean? I have no problem with that.

The problem I have is with the common understanding of fetish as an abnormal attraction to an object. The object in question may be highly unusual, and even disgusting, but the attraction itself is a natural part of human development, and not "abnormal" in the sense that it is some kind of psychological defect or disorder. There seems to be pretty solid evidence that human and animal biology has been programmed through evolution to be flexible when it comes to things implanted in our subconscious minds at a young age that will heavily influence social attitudes and mate selection. These "things" are not acquired tastes, consciously learned from experience like many of our other preferences are, but are so deeply embedded in our personalities that it almost feels like we were born with them.
Honestly I think I was trying to rebut a position next to yours. I was fairly tired, and probably misunderstood your argument.

I think we pretty much agree. The clinical and academic definitions of fetish are fine, but the popular conception of the turn is a rather mixed bag. Some people understand that it’s just a certain peculiarity of human sexuality that is normally done unless taken to far; others think it’s a problem that is caused by exposure. We have evidence that exposure might lead to some of people developing a fetish, but it by no means explains all of the people with fetishes. Some people choose a fetish, but others just have a desire for no adequately explained reason.

What is mostly agreed upon is that fetishes are only a problem when they screw up your ability to live a normal, healthy life. (Normal meaning a functioning member of society with healthy social relationships, economic stability, and physically healthy.) That’s why we have fetishistic disorders along with fetishes. Those are the only times psychologic/psychiatric intervention is really necessary.

To sum up my position:
Fetishes are a normal part of human sexuality. There is nothing inherently abnormal or wrong about them. The only time someone needs to seek treatment for a fetish is when it “causes significant distress or functional impairment.” When that occurs it has become a fetishistic disorder. Like I said above, I think we agree; I just misunderstood what you were saying.
 

Drifter

Contributor
Messages
2,616
Role
Private
I think we pretty much agree. The clinical and academic definitions of fetish are fine, but the popular conception of the turn is a rather mixed bag. Some people understand that it’s just a certain peculiarity of human sexuality that is normally done unless taken to far; others think it’s a problem that is caused by exposure. We have evidence that exposure might lead to some of people developing a fetish, but it by no means explains all of the people with fetishes. Some people choose a fetish, but others just have a desire for no adequately explained reason.

What is mostly agreed upon is that fetishes are only a problem when they screw up your ability to live a normal, healthy life. (Normal meaning a functioning member of society with healthy social relationships, economic stability, and physically healthy.) That’s why we have fetishistic disorders along with fetishes. Those are the only times psychologic/psychiatric intervention is really necessary.

To sum up my position:
Fetishes are a normal part of human sexuality. There is nothing inherently abnormal or wrong about them. The only time someone needs to seek treatment for a fetish is when it “causes significant distress or functional impairment.” When that occurs it has become a fetishistic disorder. Like I said above, I think we agree; I just misunderstood what you were saying.
I like the sound of all that, but there are a few points I would like to emphasize that might not sit well with everyone. Fetishes aren't always sexual, but it's easier to talk about them within a sexual context because most people are familiar with feelings of sexual attraction and sexual arousal, so, even if people don't understand the "why", they understand what sexual attraction feels like.

Point 1:
As you say, fetishes are a normal part of human sexuality. We are conditioned to think of fetishes as being abnormal attractions that only occur in a minor segment of the population, but if certain people raise feelings of sexual attraction in you, which is pretty common, you have a fetish. Fetishes aren't just normal, they are the norm. There are people with no fetishes, but that isn't as common.

Point 2:
Society itself often contributes to the cause of fetishes becoming 'disorders'. Self control is important whether we are talking about common, heterosexual fetishes, or less common fetishes, like a diaper fetish. Lack of control over heterosexual impulses can lead to unacceptable and illegal sexual behavior. This is also true with diaper fetishes, but at least with heterosexual fetishes there are socially acceptable ways to express those desired behaviors without the need to hide the fact that those feelings exist.

With something like a diaper fetish, it is the social stigma that often "causes significant distress or functional impairment,” which is what defines it as a disorder. If it is a disorder it is more of a social disorder than a personal one, but I hesitate to call it a social disorder. It would be good to get society to recognize most fetishes as being normal and harmless as long as the individuals with them exercise 'proper' public behavior. On a social level, the official attitude should be that those people will be treated no differently than anyone else.

On a personal level it's not so simple. The revulsion many people feel to unusual fetishes is just as natural and ingrained as the fetish itself. These things will always present possible obstacles to a healthy relationship. I think we have to bite the bullet on that one. No amount of education will significantly change that.

Point 3, which directly addresses the OP's question (finally!):
I agree that " We have evidence that exposure might lead to some of people developing a fetish", after removing of the words "might" and "some of". Research strongly supports the idea that things that create social and sexual attractions in us as adults were imprinted in our subconscious in our prepubescent years. Obviously we would have to have some exposure to these things in order to form a connection to them. I'm still not convinced that childhood abuse is directly connected to diaper fetishes. I can see an indirect connection in the same way that any childhood experience, abusive, loving, or otherwise, could lead to a diaper fetish if diapers became a focal point during the time of those experiences. This would be why diaper lovers don't all have the same pattern of childhood experiences.
 
Last edited:
Top