A sign from God?

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BabyPandora

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When I got caught for the first time with my DL and transsexual stuff, I was grounded for months. When I was ungrounded, I didn't have any intention to looking that stuff up again because I didn't want the yelling and fighting again.

Then I read an article in a magazine about transsexuals. That got me back to this side of the internet. I started drawing babyfur pics and was becomming pretty well known on this site. Naturally, though, I got caught and grounded even longer. When I became ungrounded after eight months (not kidding), I didn't want to come back and piss my parents off again.

I started a deviantART for regular pics, but one day I logged on and on the home page was a babyfur pic by Toddlergirl! I came back, then got grounded again. I got caught because I was getting cocky since I went months without my parents finding out this time.

I came back, same story, then I saw the SAME Toddlergirl pic on the dA homepage (most likely a commission for someone). Got caught again.

Now here it is, over a year later, and I just started up a new dA account to make a comic on. Last night, I dropped my drawing tablet's pen and stared at my computer for at least ten minutes. The fifth image on the dA homepage was a. Freaking. Babyfur. Drawing. I actually looked up and asked "Do You really want me to be in this group so badly, or is this an unbelievable coincidence? Is there something You want me to gain from this group?"

My question is: Is this really a sign?? This makes the FORTH time it's happened to me after saying I'm done. It might be different if I were on Fur Affinity, but what are the odds of it happening on dA? Very slim, at best.

It is true that without being on ADISC/dA/FA, I wouldn't have known I was transsexual. I'd be depressed and wouldn't know why, probably dead. I also wouldn't know that I want to make a comic that makes other transsexuals know they're not worthless (the TS successful suicide rate stands at 33%, attempt rate is over 50% before age 20).
 

Snivy

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First off, I'm glad your not dead because your a really good friend.

Secondly, there could have been other signs to tell you if you were transsexual. It could have been a letter in a mail, best friend confession, the point is anything can happen to anyone. Sounds like a bolt of energy swarming inside your body and it want's to ignowledge (Think that's how it's spelled) you of it. I feel sorry that this happened to you but we all are made by god because we are his creations. If you were destined to be this person then who would stop you. I find it mean and hateful that you went thru so much grounding in your life and I wish you gotten extra help you needed but I'd take this sign as you would call it and roll on.

I personally don't think it's a sign because pictures can easily be swarmed to all over the place and toddlergirl is a very famous babyfur artist, her artwork is literally all over the place :D I wouldn't be surprised you found one and enjoyed it. The point of the matter is, it could may well be god is trying to contact you and if you speak this kind of language then that is how he is using to contact you in some sort of way.

I knew I was straight but everyone thought I was gay because I have a very high pitch voice in middle school up to high school. Sometimes in College I still sound the way I am but if anyone took the time to listen, they would know I am an Asexual straight human being but people are crude and rude and furthermore do not listen but "gay, gay, gay!" You had it better than me so I would be lucky to be in your shoes. Again, anyone could of been somewhere and found this side of them instead of adisc/DA/or FA so whereever you may be, the case isn't in the internet, it's in your heart and you choose how to ride it out.

If you continue to live with your wonderful experience, don't let anyone try to stop you or don't let anyone step you down. If the case of grounding comes again (or yelled, fussed at, etc) then simply stand up for yourself and not let any kind of fire burn you in any way. God love you for who you are, not somebody who is a wannabe. The lord I'm sure wouldn't punish you if you are 100% this is truly you. If it's an issue with your parents, then simply explain the situation. It they do not want to listen then I might take it up with a therapist and give him the explicit details on the situation. Sometimes it's best to get help outside of the family if you don't persuade them.

Good Luck!
 

daddy4you

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Dont know about a sign from God. Just a sign you are not very good at keeping secrets. Perhaps you wanted to get caught subconsciously?

Find then download CCleaner, available on Cnet and other sites. Get into the habit of using it.

If your dad screams at you again keep calm and smile then say "there are a few things about you I could tell mum". Then walk away. Everyone has secrets, if your dad thinks you know about his ................ :)
 

Tyger

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I would suggest launching chrome in "incognito" mode, if you use chrome. It doesn't save any information, all temporary files, cookies, anything browsed is deleted when the window is closed. Right click on the chrome icon on the menu bar and click on incognito.

Sorry about the groundings man, that is really overkill, and somebody contemplating their sexuality is not something to be grounded for. I'd say that only you are able to know what your sexuality is. Being trans oriented is nothing to be ashamed of, it is difficult i'm sure (socially, and monetarily when it comes down to getting a change), but you have to discover who you are, and love that person. It is so much easier to beat yourself up, than it is for others to harm you. If you find yourself daydreaming about being the other gender, diapers, and furry stuff, then that might just be who you are.
 

Snivy

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There is also hiding your bars and clearing your cookies and cache.

incognito mode you can enable with: Ctrl+Shift+N

I would suggest launching chrome in "incognito" mode, if you use chrome. It doesn't save any information, all temporary files, cookies, anything browsed is deleted when the window is closed. Right click on the chrome icon on the menu bar and click on incognito.

Dont know about a sign from God. Just a sign you are not very good at keeping secrets. Perhaps you wanted to get caught subconsciously?

Find then download CCleaner, available on Cnet and other sites. Get into the habit of using it.

If your dad screams at you again keep calm and smile then say "there are a few things about you I could tell mum". Then walk away. Everyone has secrets, if your dad thinks you know about his ................ :)

The Op was never asking how to hide information in any way. BabyPandora was stating whatever her sign was intentional or accidental or just not a plain sign at all. As I already listed it could be but who knows. The world revolves around so many different stages and universals plans. Your's could intrigue many and could actually touch many hearts. Just go easy on them if you do decide to come out to everyone.

I still feel very bad that you were grounded in the past "talk about major overkilling" no child should go through so much punishment like that but you can't help it if this is who you are. Parent's HAVE to be understanding no matter what. They are supposed to love their children unconditionally but most of us don't get the love and satisfaction as other parents give. We could have the authoritative families who love us to bits and would never let anything bad happen to them, the strict family that is always hard because they want us to be successful but will jump or go through some obstacles to breach that path, or un-caring parents that don't really give a damn about us.

What I did find out is that you were aroused about these pictures that filled you up with excitement and I bet'cha you could not stop staring which is normal because it's toddlergirl...a very great babyfur artist. There must be more you are expecting. You could research "Transsexual" and find out if this is actually you and not a game that's playing in your forehead.

Definition of Transsexual said:
Gender Dysphoria, literally a misery with regard to gender, is the condition of being in a state of conflict between gender and physical sex.

A transsexual is a person in which the sex-related structures of the brain that define gender identity are exactly opposite the physical sex organs of the body.

Put even more simply, a transsexual is a mind that is literally, physically, trapped in a body of the opposite sex.

Cited from: http://transsexual.org/What.html
 

bambinod

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When I got caught for the first time with my DL and transsexual stuff, I was grounded for months. When I was ungrounded, I didn't have any intention to looking that stuff up again because I didn't want the yelling and fighting again.

That alone right there makes me wanna grab someone and give them a good shake. Why the HELL do you ground someone for being transexual? That's like slapping a kid for being black.

I realize there are people out there that behave that way, but arrrrrghh... why so much stupidity in society?
 

Snivy

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That alone right there makes me wanna grab someone and give them a good shake. Why the HELL do you ground someone for being transexual? That's like slapping a kid for being black.

I realize there are people out there that behave that way, but arrrrrghh... why so much stupidity in society?

Because we are sadly in a new generation...Old generation was not all caring if you were gay or not but now it's gotten worse.
 

dogboy

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Because we are sadly in a new generation...Old generation was not all caring if you were gay or not but now it's gotten worse.

My mom sure was. When she discovered my diapers and gay porn, she made an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist at a large, residential mental facility. I was both scared and terribly depressed. I had already tried to commit suicide twice, so I guess she had her reasons. Still, even after all of that, I wasn't grounded. That's just ridiculous.

As for sexuality, I agree with Tyger and others. Only you can know how you feel. Signs on the internet won't give you a real direction. The big question is, how do you feel regarding sexual orientation? I always felt male, but I did enjoy other guys. I also enjoyed girls, so bi was a logical identification. I'm sure you'll figure yourself out.
 

Waddles

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Parents tend to over step their boundaries in teen years, most times anyhow from what I have seen and heard from others growing up, way too restrictive, but they are just trying to protect. Grounding, over something like that, is what seems to me like parents seeing that their child may not be turning out what they want them to turn out like, and grounding is their way of trying to possible correct that from going where it is heading. In the case of sexuality and gender issues, there is nothing they or anyone else can do to stop a person from becoming whatever they want to be in life, if they like it or not. I am guessing that you are 20+ years old now? Grounding may be out of their range for punishment for something they may not like happening, but it is not going to stop it from happening none-the-less, is it? Follow your heart, and be who and what makes you happy in life, you only get one kick at the can, so do it for YOU, no one else, and ignore anyone who disagrees with you on your personal life decisions. I always say, until they walk a mile in my shoes, they have no right to make a judgment call on my life... simple as that. As far as a sign? Yes it is entirely possible,, they appear in the strangest places and the most bizarre of moments, that it sometimes can be nothing else. I had one of those today, even if it was just a poster with a caption on FB, if I saw it last week, it would have been scrolled right on past, but today it spoke so loud, any other day I would not have even read it, but today it was a statement for my entire world for the last 20 years. Coincidence? I think not, to others it may be nothing more then that, but for me it could be nothing else. Hang in there, and put a smile on your face, don't worry about everyone else, they can find their own smile! :hug:
 
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BabyPandora

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Sorry for the late reply. I'm 18, btw. I wish I was 20+, I'd be out of the house :/

Thanks, everyone. Nothing will ever change the fact that I'm transsexual, so I want to know I can be happy while being so. I need to see someone, though, because I'm on the other side of the spectrum right now. :/

As for the babyfur thing, I just remembered (thanks to Waddles' comment) there was another babyfur pic sighting. In the "People You May Know" thing, I saw someone with a babyfur as their profile picture. Not even kidding. We had zero mutual friends, so I was wondering how on Earth Facebook knew this about me.

I want to come back. I really do, but I can't afford the emotional crushing if I get found out again. Last time my parents and I got in an argument (it was over my transsexualism last time), I seriously considered slitting my throat. I'm scared if we get in another argument, I might actually attempt suicide.

And I'd talk to my parents about my suicidal thoughts, but I brought it up last time and my dad said it's something I'd have to take up with God. He wasn't even fazed! He didn't even try to help! Not even a freaking "Don't do it"! I seriously wonder if he cares about me sometimes.
 

Waddles

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Talk to your doctor about this, it is not something to put off, I am sure he can help you with someone who specializes in gender issues. Your dad sounds less then supportive towards you, sounds a lot like mine was, not much more then a sperm donor, then his job as a father was done, never saw him much after that... small wonder why I never created any children of my own, he set a terrific example (not!), really made me not even want to attempt fatherhood in life, too busy to chase kids now-a-days anyhow! :)
 

Snivy

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Now I hope you know suicide isn't the answer. God is happy over your discovery but he won't be happy with your suicide thoughts. Remember, I almost killed myself back in 2013 because of some serious bullying issues and the thoughts rendering inside my brain were not helpful for my up-coming graduation to high school at the time. You can still come back although it might be hard yes, but you are young and are full of life and potential to step out of your shell. I'm sorry that your mother is not understanding. Sounds like to me that your mother is strict on the bible for marriage or relationships between a "Male <-> Female" but what does say in many generations is "to be happy and be who you are, not something your not" As I stated above, nobody should run you in any manner.

If your scared about being caught again just browse the internet in incognito browsers. Use these shortcut keys to access "Ctrl+Shift+N" and surf the web freely without any hassle over anybody really. Sounds like emotional stress and a doctor plus a therapist can fix you right up with that. If you want to tell your mother straight out to accept your choice then get some outside help from the family "IE: Brother, sister," or the best solution (Will cost money but does help) A therapist. Work out your problems with him and set an appointment with him about it. Nobody should feel insecure or down and that person is you. You are full of life and happiness and I enjoy being your friend on PSN but I don't want you to go over some stupid drama that nobody should start against you.
 

Tyger

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Wow, that's not a very fatherly reaction. Well don't blame them, blame the culture, that is what I had to do. The truth is, the reason why they are being assholes is because they are trying to be concerned for you, but the way they are doing it is what their culture has taught them, by fighting against it and not understanding it, and thinking that you should change rather than reach self understanding. Sometimes you have to understand that parents have been growing up for years and years in a homophobic/transphobic/anythingphobic erra. They love you, just in a really annoying sucky way, but it is still there, otherwise they would have just kicked you out the first time you mentioned any of it, rather than peruse the matter in trying to change you.

If you are still in high school, I might consider going to a councilor there, they may be able to help you, but you might want to check if they keep everything confidential, especially from your parents. Since you are 18 you shouldn't have to get parent consent, so they wouldn't have to know. Otherwise, unless you have the money for a psychologist, you might have to wait for one. If you go to college though, go to a college one, they are subsidized so it should only cost you $10 a visit, super worth the money.
I would really suggest seeing a psychologist though, even if you feel like you are just fine. Trying to deal with parents rejection of your true self, and trying to live in a body that isn't the gender you see yourself as, is a really confusing thing, and even if you feel great, you deserve to have somebody to talk to face to face.
 
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I am also a spiritual person. I'd like to think me and the big guy upstairs get along.

I honestly do not think for one minute he approves or wishes for us to look for any kind of quick gratification. But I do believe he forgives and understands our childhood afflictions.

Seek to help others and make people around you smile. If two wrongs make a a big wrong, then two rights make a big right; right?! Ebb and flow, wax and wane, To and fro, get my drift? :)

Just be good, be a smile, be the sunshine. Don't need a sign for that ;)
 

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Hmmm... God gave you everything you need to know within your own mind. I believe that if he were they type of entity to give us physical signs he would have just given us the right bodies in the first place. Life is a challenge, and if God gave us all the answers by simply telling us, it would defeat the purpose. I believe that all you need to know about yourself or about God can be found by looking within, not without. I "talk" to God frequently, and it can be a very good thing to do, but the decisions are yours to make. So, by all means, self actualize, it's the most important thing you can do, but do not let your life be controlled by external "signs". I looked for them for years and it did me no good.

Also, please use private browsing, and hide downloaded pictures on a usb card buried withing innocuously named sub-folders so that they can only be found by you. I don't want people hurt by misguided parents who won't respect their child's privacy.
 
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Also, please use private browsing, and hide downloaded pictures on a usb card buried withing innocuously named sub-folders so that they can only be found by you. I don't want people hurt by misguided parents who won't respect their child's privacy.

Ignorance is bliss...

I totally agree with you. Why on earth would anybody not take the time to get understand their own child? Really, truly, what harm do ab/dl's do at the end of the day? Except maybe for brighten up somebody's day; or, maybe keep people around us young at heart? It's really hurtful to know a parent would point a finger and condemn without asking questions and getting to know all the facts.
 

AuraBlaze

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Sorry for the late reply. I'm 18, btw. I wish I was 20+, I'd be out of the house :/
And I'd talk to my parents about my suicidal thoughts, but I brought it up last time and my dad said it's something I'd have to take up with God. He wasn't even fazed! He didn't even try to help! Not even a freaking "Don't do it"! I seriously wonder if he cares about me sometimes.

The more I've read about your situation with your dad, the more I've wanted to come find you and beat him over the head with a Bible. I may not be a pastor, but I have enough of an interest in theology that I'm more well versed than the average Joe.

If you analyze scripture, everything that God views as sinful can be traced back to the Ten Commandments:
1. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
2.Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord, thy god, in vain.
3. Remember the sabbath day, and keep it holy.
4. Honor thy father and thy mother.
5.Thou shalt not kill.
6.Thou shalt not commit adultery.
7.Thou shalt not steal.
8.Thou shalt not bear false witness to thy neighbor.
9.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.
10.Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house.

Transsexualism, theoretically, could be viewed as a violation of the 8th Commandment, because you are lying about your gender. However, last I checked, most trans people don't try to deceive others about their natural gender. Every trans person I've met has identified themselves as being trans, and therefore, they are not violating the Commandment, and thus, transsexualism isn't sinful, unless you are hiding your biological sex from people who need to know about it.

As for your dad's treatment of you, he needs to read the book of Ephesians.
Ephesians 6:4: Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the way of the Lord.

As for your fear of getting caught again, start working on a contingency plan for if it happens. Try to find a safe way to get away from your parents if it becomes necessary, before it does.
 
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