A lot of small questions 😬

claire123

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Since I’ve joined Adisc it’s got me questioning my little side more!

So my partner/mummy knows about my little side and will participate in it, she says she has no limits she wants to just make me happy, but I get so anxious/worried about telling her some things I’d like/want and I’d really really like her to take the initiative to but she doesn’t, and I have no idea how to approach this?

I tend to separate my adult self to my baby self and refer to them as big and little 😂 almost like separate people but I’m not sure if this is the right approach?

Also I’d like to engage with my little self more alone to, before adisc my mind was pretty black/white as in there’s a parent or care giver taking care of the littles needs or there’s no little, ( quite naive I know) now I realise there’s more to it than just a care giver I just don’t no how to indulge my little space more on my own?

Hope this all makes sense! Night time worries aren’t great! 😂😂😂
 

egor

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The answer is very simple. Just do it.
 

Nowididit

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So what is it that you'd like to approach your partner/mummy about as a form of participating?

Dirty diaper changes?
Nursing?
Cuddling?

You stated that they are willing to participate with no limits, so what's holding you back from approaching certain areas? Rejection? Ridicule?Humiliation? No limits should mean the sky is the limit.

My wife participates but has her limits. No poopy diaper changes for one. She will however diaper me and put my onsie on me, I love it when she snaps it closed and she'll change my wet diaper.
 
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Belarin

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As to trying more things and the anxiety/worry, the easiest way to get over that is to sit down and talk with your partner.
You know she has said there are no limits but just have a conversation about things you would like to try and what you would like her to do along with it. If you want her to take the reins (pun intended) more then you can tell her that too, just make sure that if there are limits on what you want that she knows them.

I made a post about a similar topic a while back, Here it is, about using coloured bracelets or hairbands etc. To show a caregiver how you are feeling and how to treat their little one at any given time and vice versa. These can be great triggers for different levels of play or whether you are being little or big.

If you really struggle striking up that conversation then put it in writing, make your "christmas list" so to speak of things you'd like to do/try/have then pass that to her.

claire123 said:
I tend to separate my adult self to my baby self and refer to them as big and little 😂 almost like separate people but I’m not sure if this is the right approach?
Actually a bit of separation is a good and healthy thing, you need to have a balance in life and if you blur the lines between your big and little selves then little you is more likely to slip out at inopportune times and cause trouble.

claire123 said:
Also I’d like to engage with my little self more alone to, before adisc my mind was pretty black/white as in there’s a parent or care giver taking care of the littles needs or there’s no little, ( quite naive I know) now I realise there’s more to it than just a care giver I just don’t no how to indulge my little space more on my own?
Definitely you can have little space time by yourself and there are many out here who don't have a partner or someone to play with.
The obvious thing is just to set aside a time where you can be little and explore either when your partner is out or just in a diferent room and tell them you'd like to explore some thoughts on your own, she sounds quite understanding and is probably willing to give you a bit of space to experiment.

There are things you can try that may help you.
I usually like to suggest having a scent like some incense (preferably not a candle as littles are accident prone) or a spray or an essential oil etc. This should be something that reminds you of being little (hence why lots of people are often on a big search to find that perfect "pampers" or "baby" scent). having this scent around anytime you are in little space will create a mental trigger that, when you smell it will help guide you into that head space.

As well as just making time for yourself to try, set aside a space in your house, it can be a whole room or just a corner somewhere. Set down a play mat or a childish blanket to separate that from the rest of the room, this is your "Playpen". put out some toys/books/bottle/sippy/paci etc. whatever you have to play with.

Turn off any electronics like your phone so you wont be disturbed, prepare however you want (maybe have a nice bath, put on baby clothes, diaper up etc.) then just sit down relax and begin to play and see where it takes you, maybe you could start by having a bottle even.

Another option is that if you are having a hard time getting to little space on your own then just talk to your partner again, tell them you want to have time alone to explore but you need help feeling little, this way they can do whatever you need to help you get there then take you to your "Playpen" area and leave you there to explore knowing not to disturb you again for a while.

The coloured bands idea can help with that as well, if you have discussed what each colour means to you and have that system in place then maybe one of the colours can be "I want to play by myself but need help getting started", that way there are no words or requests from you, just slip the bracelet on and she'll know what to do.

Hope some of this helps.
 
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Stargazer93

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With my ex, I basically had to direct everything. So there I am sitting in a diaper, sucking on a pacifier and I have to "direct" the "adult" on what to do, lol.

And I'm not really complaining. Kudos to her for even trying, but she just couldn't see me as a baby to be taken care of. With very rare exceptions, she just couldn't get into the mommy role (despite having children), which I mistakenly took as this mommy stuff being a no brainer, but it just didn't transfer over.

One of my favorite memories was when I told her what diaper to get next during a change and she simply put the pacifier back in my mouth and said "hush, babies don't make choices, mommy chooses your diaper". It was incredible, a true relinquishment of control. But stuff like that was very rare and ultimatley she didn't really want to participate. I learned all that the hard way, but thus is life.

But good luck though. If there's no limits here, I would just strait up be like "hey, pretend I'm a baby. Just seriously go for it" and see what happens. Let her ease into the role and guide as needed. Until she can just make it happen naturally.
 

claire123

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Thank you all for all the advice!!! I felt way better after I wrote it out and fell asleep 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

I’d like her to take more of an active role and more like taking control and dictating stuff rather than me asking that feels rather counter productive but I’m worried she’ll say no or laugh or something 😬🥺 I do like the idea of using colour bands though!!! And writing it on my Christmas list since she has insisted I write a letter to Santa! I hadn’t even thought of putting it on there!!

I love all the advice about exploring my little side more on my own though!! Thank you 💜💜💜
 

Forced

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I’d suggest you think about what you would like from your partner, write down a list (along with specific reasons why you’d like it) and either read it too your OH or let them read it and be ready to explain.
 

claire123

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Forced said:
I’d suggest you think about what you would like from your partner, write down a list (along with specific reasons why you’d like it) and either read it too your OH or let them read it and be ready to explain.
I get so worried like what if they think it’s weird or strange or they say no 😬 it’s a bpd issue and I should really just try and tell her properly! She’s never said anything bad about it at all xxx
 

Forced

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claire123 said:
I get so worried like what if they think it’s weird or strange or they say no 😬 it’s a bpd issue and I should really just try and tell her properly! She’s never said anything bad about it at all xxx
Of course that’s the worry, but from experience, I can tell you that if your partner is trying hard but not really fulfilling what you would really like, it can get frustrating.
You know your partner better than anyone here, you must know whether they will be able to accept your desires 😊
 

claire123

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Forced said:
Of course that’s the worry, but from experience, I can tell you that if your partner is trying hard but not really fulfilling what you would really like, it can get frustrating.
You know your partner better than anyone here, you must know whether they will be able to accept your desires 😊
I’m sure she would 100% it’s finding the right words and stuff! 😂 I’m full of anxiety so I apologise 😬 but yeah frustrating to the point I’m like meh can’t be bothered but I love it because it’s so relaxing!
 
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