A holly jolly tough time of year.

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ozbub

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I love Christmas, everything about it makes me feel wonderful, well except for all the cranky selfish people who somehow seem to take the shine off things. But as a little/AB, this time of year is absolutely the toughest of all for me.

There's really no other time in the year when I'm so powerfully aware of the struggle and discrepancies between my alternate identities. My little self is desperate to bust out, but has to be constantly silenced....according to societal 'appropriateness' 😪

When I'm out at the shopping centre (an unavoidable part of the season) I'm surrounded by exciting colourful and dynamic enticements designed specifically to engage little ones. And of course there are many happy kids everywhere enjoying the sights and sounds. I really have no alternative but to keep most of my feelings locked up.. and I'm left feeling like that kid in the shadows without a toy.

Of course I understand the reality of the situation, but anyone who has a genuinely regressive personality will appreciate how difficult it is to reconcile these feelings. I mean you just can't explain to a toddler why he has to just 'watch' the other kids playing, and not be able to join in.

Not really looking for advice here, as the situation is clear. I guess I'm just curious about other people's experiences.

ozbub
 

KryanAshford

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I have this feel every so often. It gets worse in the holidays. Often when I regress all I want to do is hug someone. I feel like I'm the last toddler wanting at daycare for his parents. On top of that the babysitters want nothing to do with me, so I'm completely alone. For the most part I just try not to focus on it, but it still dwells in the corner till it came hurt me again.
 

Angelic

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I love Christmas, everything about it makes me feel wonderful, well except for all the cranky selfish people who somehow seem to take the shine off things. But as a little/AB, this time of year is absolutely the toughest of all for me.

There's really no other time in the year when I'm so powerfully aware of the struggle and discrepancies between my alternate identities. My little self is desperate to bust out, but has to be constantly silenced....according to societal 'appropriateness' ��

When I'm out at the shopping centre (an unavoidable part of the season) I'm surrounded by exciting colourful and dynamic enticements designed specifically to engage little ones. And of course there are many happy kids everywhere enjoying the sights and sounds. I really have no alternative but to keep most of my feelings locked up.. and I'm left feeling like that kid in the shadows without a toy.

Of course I understand the reality of the situation, but anyone who has a genuinely regressive personality will appreciate how difficult it is to reconcile these feelings. I mean you just can't explain to a toddler why he has to just 'watch' the other kids playing, and not be able to join in.

Not really looking for advice here, as the situation is clear. I guess I'm just curious about other people's experiences.

ozbub

This year my dad and his girlfriend understand me enough even though I kept insisting I wanted a train set for Christmas, so I am getting one in 9-10 days. But when I walk past a santas Workshop I want to join in but I am too old physically to sit on a random guys lap pretending to be Santa Claus but sometimes I think he's real because their costume was really well made.

At least this year I will have a toy plus the Ones I bought for myself this year. I can join in with the kids since I have younger cusions but I won't be invited to a kids Christmas party where there is only kids in it. My dad and his girlfriend understand how Christmas is special to me despite constant ramblings saying it's not as good as when you were a child , but I said it's what you make it, that says how special it is. At least my dad can experience seeing my excitement as I did as a child since I have got something I actually wanted this year!

But last year I just couldn't join in with the kids dancing even though my nana insisted I joined in, I was in tears and felt extremely bitter. This year I WILL join in! At least I can be little at Christmas around the other kids in my family.

When I had to just watch, I felt drained and my Christmas spirit was next to nothing, I see Christmas break as a break from adulthood and therefore it's important to let go of that burden at least once a year. Yes being forced to be adult suring Christmas hurts, badly, but once you have somebody who accepts you for who you are you can have a good Christmas and telling people you are childlike and like toys is the most you really need or do to have a good Christmas without being left out.

It will still be awkward because of a 12 year old step nephew who is only interested in video games and I will get asked yet again what my age is by nosy people and get "now you are 28", "now you are an adult" oh, for gods sake! Shut up! Don't remind me how old I am during this time, in little space!! God all I want to be is a 2-3 year old for at least 2 weeks of the year!

- - - Updated - - -

I am 18 not 28
 
S

Speck

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As long as I'm drunk this Christmas I don't care. I hate it.
 

siysiy

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I know, I brought my granddaughter her Christmas present she is only 6 months old.
It go well played with before it got rapped up,
I Had to check that it was working OK for her, Honest. Hee, hee

I have ask santa for a pair of Heelys that light up. But not shore if i been good enough this year. Probably not.

I am off to see the new star wars film tomorow with Uncle Doug as he call him self. he is a natural caregiver/big he just falls right into that role.

But he won'ts to do Christmas shopping. And i know I going to end up littleing out at some point, just hope I don't end up embarrassing myself too much. We be OK unless we go into a toy shop. Or one of those gadget shops.

OK This is turning into a ramble, Just to say I know what you mean and you're not alone.
 

dogboy

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I used to always get excited over Christmas. I enjoy playing classical Christmas music. I love the lights, the decorations, the excitement that's usually in the air, but not this year. Our daughter and her family are moving across the country, 3000 miles from us. I just can't get into the spirit. I would love to put up my trains but I haven't in years because there's no room. It just isn't practical. The thing is, Christmas shouldn't be practical. It should be just the opposite. It should be crazy. It should be intimate. It should be filled with music and toys. But I've lost it this year.

I will play music, direct the cantata and perform for a Christmas concert, but it won't be the same this year. I'm hoping it will return for me next year.
 
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