Anyone like me (mostly overactive bladder)???

[Bobsled]

I have been living with overactive bladder for some time. I am seeing a urologist, and am trying medications. But I've not seen an improvement yet.

I am generally not incontinent, unless my urge gets too great and I can't make it to a bathroom in time. I have had leaks in those cases, but thankfully they are rare. Depending on my fluid intake, I may be able to go 2-3 hours without needing to urinate. But other times, the urge may occur less than 15 minutes after urinating. I am a bit cautious about managing fluids, because I have had three urinary tract infections in the last five months, and concentrated urine may be a factor in them. So, managing intake may be a two-edged sword.

For a long time, I have been in denial about how this affects me. But it is something that I have to make adjustments for all the time. I almost never leave the house, my office, etc. without trying to empty my bladder - "just in case". I keep a bottle in my car, just in case. But that's not always easy to use discreetly. Normally, if I pee just before I leave work, I have enough time to get home before experiencing another urge. But, I fear getting stuck in traffic for an extended period. And if I have to stop anywhere (the market, pharmacy, etc.), I will usually find the nearest bathroom and urinate there (I can name at least a half dozen stores that I know the bathroom locations and have used them regularly).

I often have to get up during a regular two hour meeting at work, because I need to urinate. I keep paper cups in my office. I've urinated into them (with the office door closed!) during one hour conference calls because of the urge, then discreetly poured the contents into the toilet later.

When I go to a movie, I urinate when I get to the theater, avoid drinking anything during the film, and urinate before leaving the theater.

I've been experimenting with pullups and briefs. The advantage of pullups is that I can pee normally using the toilet most of the time. But if I get the urge at an inopportune time, I can urinate into the pullup. The disadvantage is that depending on the type of pullup, I might have to change after a wetting (maybe 2 or possibly 3). That may or may not be easy to do discreetly.

Briefs are good in that they hold a lot. So, I could go a while before needing to change. But I can't really pee normally, without first having to unfasten tapes (and some briefs aren't great for refastening). So once I put on a brief, I am pretty much committed to peeing into it for most of the work day.

With OAB, it's not great having to urinate all the time. I have to constantly plan for urinating to avoid a crisis later. But it's starting to look like using pullups or briefs will still require me to plan my day - just in a different way. I am concluding that I should have a supply of both, with different absorbencies. Which one I use will depend on what is on my schedule for the day. Will I be tied up for 2-3 hours at a meeting or traveling? Will it be convenient to change out of a pullup after the meeting/trip? Or, should I put on a brief to buy extra time?

I am not an AB/DL. So it is not my goal to wear a diaper. I just want something that will work when it needs to, can be worn discreetly. And I don't want to have to change any more than absolutely necessary. So if I have no meetings scheduled, I might wear a moderate abosorbency pullup and pee normally throughout the day. I would just be wearing it to handle unforeseen situations. But if I have a two hour meeting followed by a lunch, I might either wear a higher absorbency pullup (like Abena Abri-Flex), or a brief.

Anyone else in this situation? How have you dealt with this? Do you adjust what you wear based on the situation?

 

[Isle]

My experience is very much like yours. I have had the same issue since probably my forties. It started gradually and is now to the point that I rarely go out now without some kind of protection, either an external catheter or a diaper. For a long time though before I discovered diapers or imagined it as a possibility, I had all kinds of strategies like yours. I knew where every bathroom was on the path of my travels, I would remember where a toilet was years after being there. It was essential information!
Right - a container in whatever vehicle I had and a bottle somewhere at my jobs. There were memorable moments. I once was a theater in NYC that did not have a toilet. It did have a tiny lobby and I found a cup in the trash can and slithered to a corner to pee into it. don't remember what I did with the contents, but that was a close call. Necessity forced me into situations where I had to find a way to pee in public, between cars, behind a building or a tree, my favorite. Over time I discovered diapers and then my urologist proscribed an external disposable catheter setup that works well. I use both - the catheter for extended use and travel. I did discover that I am a DL, in short doses anyway. I don't like the management aspect of wearing diapers for extended periods.

I find in writing this that I kind of miss the adventure of planning my hours so that I could figure out where to pee, but I don't miss time wasted and the extra stress. I got to be quite skilled at finding secretive spots.

 

[ltaluv]

Some of my issue are similar to yours. I have urgency, and sometimes I'll go weeks between accidents. When I do have an accident, it invariably status with a sudden, strong urge to pee, and sometimes I can't drop what I'm doing or just can't make it to the bathroom in time.

I wear diapers essentially all the time now. I find that I can still pee normally by simply pulling the front of the diaper down - I tend to choose ones with an elastic waist in front because it can help the diaper be flexible enough to do this. I also tend to choose plastic backed because they don't sag from being pulled down in the front repeatedly.

One of my big challenges is to find a product that can last all day without being wet. Most of the incontinence products out there get lumpy from the padding disintegrating after just a few hours, even if I haven't had an accident. Interestingly, since I'm not changing all the time because I don't have accidents most days, I find that more absorbent diapers hold up better for me, even though I rarely need all that absorbency. A Northshore Premium (their medium weight product) will last me about 10 hours before it starts getting lumpy and uncomfortable, while a Northshore MegaMax will easily last 18 hours and still be in good shape when I take it off. (I haven't tried wearing them for a second day - I like to change underwear daily!)

The hardest part for me was dealing with my own feelings of wearing diapers, especially when I've gone weeks since my last accident. However, experience has shown me that I have fewer accidents when I wear appropriate protection (when I'm not focused on my bladder, it tends not to have the spasms and urgency so often), and when I do have an accident, having more protection that I can trust to contain it is much more reassuring than having something that I'll have to worry about leaking because the padding has disintegrated and moved away from where I need it.

Good luck with finding what works for you!

 

[Bobsled]

I find that I can still pee normally by simply pulling the front of the diaper down - I tend to choose ones with an elastic waist in front because it can help the diaper be flexible enough to do this.

I find that more absorbent diapers hold up better for me, even though I rarely need all that absorbency. A Northshore Premium (their medium weight product) will last me about 10 hours before it starts getting lumpy and uncomfortable, while a Northshore MegaMax will easily last 18 hours and still be in good shape when I take it off.

I've tried a few briefs, but don't remember any that seemed flexible enough to pull down the front.

I've tried Megamax. But they were really bulky. I don't think I could wear them to work and feel comfortable about it.

I have some Abena Abri-Flex underwear. They are more bulky than some underwear. But the absorbency is such that it probably would be a good option for many situations. I can pee normally initially. But if I need it, I can probably use it for a while before leaks become a factor. With OAB, my volume isn't great. So 2-3 voids is not the same as a full bladder load for "normal" people.

I have been trying the Always Discreet underwear. While marketed to women, some men like them. It fits well, and has standup leak guards. Probably not good for more than a couple of my voids. But they are very discreet. So they probably have their uses in some situations. Would I wear them to a long meeting? Maybe not. But they may be worth putting on in the morning, just in case (unexpected long phone call, commute home, etc.).

 

[tafkadl]

I recognize your situation, I have the same issues. In the past, I knew all places where I could stop the car to pee and I had several close calls. I even would take another and longer route if I knew there would be a lot of traffic. When I did have an accident when I came home and couldn't open the door in time, I started to experiment with pads and pullups. And perhaps it's all in the head, but ever since the frequency of urges faded away as I knew I would be covered in worst case. I now only have 1 or 2 small leaks in a month and can live with that.
I tried many products. Drynites fit me the best and are hide completely in underwear, but I would never like to be seen in them when in ER or similar. I found a good alternative with Tena pants small, and although I have 35" waist they fit me like a glove and work just like real underwear. I now ordered some bags of small stretch diapers (Molicare elastic & Kolibri) to test, because they are cheaper. It still feels like a waist of money to have to throw away a mostly dry but more expensive pullup at the end of each day.

 

[tafkadl]

I also tried medication, but apart from giving me a dry mouth they didn't work. I said I can live with this situation for now and we agreed that if I would have more accidents, the next step would be botox.

 

[Slomo]

OAB is doctor code for "we know something is going on with your bladder, but don't know what". What you have sounds like more loke you ARE legitimately urge incontinence. Also, as you have already found out, trying to limit your water intake is a very bad idea. The World Health Organization recommends you start at a minimum 64oz per day (nearly 2 liters), and add to that depending on a number of factors.

I understand you're not abdl but the steps you've described to "handle" your incontinence really is denial. Your urges are quite extreme and disruptive to your life. Not to mention unhealthy and sometimes even outright unlawful ( ie. public urination).

Pullups are designed only for dribbling and light stress leakage. They will not hold up against flooding and heavy flows like with urge incontinence. You will need to consider thicker diapers, as lots of padding is the only real way to absorb lots of flooding- and still guarantee to not leak. You will also want to get a diaper with an elastic waist band so you can pull it down to pee when you have the chance to. Betterdry and Northshore supreme are great for this, and even Confidry 24/7 and Megamax are also good diapers to start off with. Just wear one pant size larger than usual and nobody will notice unless you otherwise try to make it obvious.

Me personally, I use Betterdry/Crinklz. I stay well hydrated and use my diaper all day at work, without needing to change or wory about leaks. My diaper often has additional capacity for into the evening too so I have plenty of time to change on my schedule, not my bladders.

 

[DLScottsman]

I have the similar issue. I wear a Northshore megamax daily for when my bladder pulls the trick of you need to urinate now and it then does it. Normally I use the restroom like normal by pulling down the front. The trick is you do the top a little looser than you think it should be. Too tight and it will rip.

 

[OmiOMy]

I'm fighting with OAB and bladder spasms. I plot every trip with bathroom breaks in mind. I often wind up sort of dribbling when I try to just hold it, and I will admit that I've had a few surprise accidents. I started wearing diapers as a "just in case" and wound up discovering that I like wearing them.

They've been a godsend. On a good day I can hold for two hours; on a bad day I might last 45 minutes before I have to rush to the bathroom. I'm still trying to make peace with it. To manage, I have taken a few bad moves (limiting fluids) and a few moves I can only describe as paranoid (if there is a bathroom in the place I am, no matter what, I use it). I've had more than a few surprises, but knowing that I won't have wet pants honestly helps.

 

[Bobsled]

I definitely have severe OAB, as diagnosed with a urodynamics study. But I would not say that urge incontinence is a big problem. I still have good sphincter control. I almost never leak. The only time I have was when I couldn't get to a bathroom within maybe 15 minutes of the start of the urge. I don't have problems overnight. I can often sleep for five hours without needing to get up to pee. First thing in the morning, I can sometimes go 2-3 hours without an urge. It's once I start to ingest fluids that the time between urges gets shorter. I don't have a job that requires me to stay at my desk with only scheduled bathroom breaks. So much of the time I can get to a bathroom without trouble (even if it was less than 30 minutes since the last visit). So where the pull ups or briefs can be effective for me is to avoid interrupting long meetings, if I really need to concentrate on something, or to avoid the consequences of an unexpected delay on the trip home.

I think having a supply of different products - pull ups and briefs of different absorbency levels - would work for me. What I choose to wear will depend on what is on the schedule. Long meeting? Maybe a brief or high absorbency pull up (like Abri-Flex). An "insurance policy" for my commute? A thin pull-up would be sufficient. Long car trip? High absorbency brief.

 

[iam32bit]

This is mostly my issue. While I have only gotten to the point where I leaked once. The pain when trying to hold it until reaching the bathroom gets too intense. I have an 1 1/2 hour commute twice daily, getting to a bathroom can be quite the challenge. I always go prior to leaving the house and work, but there are times where that isn't enough. About a week ago I had to use a truck stop bathroom that was so disgusting and this was out of desperation.

I have gone to a urologyst who ran a few tests and prescribed a bunch of meds that didn't work. Diapers really have been the only sure fire management tool. They allow me to go about my day without having my bladder on my mind. It is so freeing not having to think about where my next bathroom will be.

However, I still have mixed feelings about wearing them. I still wish I could just be a normal girl without diapers.

 

[PCBaby]

I had OAB and now have no bladder control at all. I'm afraid you need to accept the fact that you have a problem and you need to deal with it in a mature fashion. I know that this is a massive life-changing event, but you will survive it. To be honest, pull-ups are not really an option as you have found if you need to change them you need to undress from the waist down, they are also prone to leak especially for men. you would be far better off buying something like (Abri-form) Abeena m4's or l4's, they are white, discreet and very absorbent. They can be re-taped at least once. also if you do manage to get to the bathroom on time you only need to undo the tapes on one side. Fasten the bottom tapes first as this helps give a leak free fit and then the top tapes. Get into the habit of carrying a small backpack with you with spare nappies, dry waterproof pants if you use them, wet wipes and some zip lock bags for used nappies if you can't dispose of them at work etc hygienically. It does take time to adapt to the new regime but if the meds your Doctor has prescribed you aren't working than other meds will also probably be unsuccessful. You can also get waterproof bed pads that you place over your bottom sheet and lie on at night, they have a capacity of about 2 litres so you will still need to use nappies, but in the event of a leak, you won't wet the bed. most can be machine washed and tumble dried although of course, you can buy disposable ones. If you have any questions that i can help with please feel free to pm me.

 

[daylight]

I am there too - timed trips, food irritants, mapping exits (errr bathrooms). Wearing something helps reduce the stress of mind fear - 'Oh my gosh! Not now!'. Hang in there, writing about it in this and other community spaces is therapeutic.

Said a number of times: 1) A kit with varied products located in the car and office helps when needed. In my last job, a private office was definitely a relief/plus when changing. Consider adding an air freshener help with residual odors. 2) Contrary to belief of reducing liquids (what goes in...), staying hydrated helps reduce irritation, which can trigger bladder contractions or urgency.

Lastly, have you tried exercising (cardio) as a means to help reduce urges? I find that after a run, even with hydration, It has a calming effect for awhile and it helps in getting through long meetings.

 

[Bobsled]

I'm afraid you need to accept the fact that you have a problem and you need to deal with it in a mature fashion. I know that this is a massive life-changing event, but you will survive it. To be honest, pull-ups are not really an option as you have found if you need to change them you need to undress from the waist down, they are also prone to leak especially for men. It does take time to adapt to the new regime but if the meds your Doctor has prescribed you aren't working than other meds will also probably be unsuccessful. You can also get waterproof bed pads that you place over your bottom sheet and lie on at night, they have a capacity of about 2 litres so you will still need to use nappies, but in the event of a leak, you won't wet the bed. m.

I think you missed or ignored much of what I have stated. I have OAB, but I never have leaks unless I cannot get to a bathroom when the urge is severe. But it usually takes 20 minutes from the first urge until that point. So 99% of the time, I can get to a bathroom on time. And I never wet during the night. I may wake up with some urge after sleeping for 5-6 hours. I think that is quite good for someone may age (64). But the urge is never severe when I awaken, and I always get to the bathroom without incident.

One of the reasons I stress that I am not AB/DL is the advice I tend to get from those of that ilk is to give up on pull ups and just put on a brief. I am reminded of the saying "If the only tool you have is a hammer, you want to treat everything as a nail". I am not looking for an excuse to wear diapers 24/7. Since I can get to the bathroom when needed most of the time, I just want to be able to handle unexpected urges in the middle of a long meeting, a movie, sitting in the dentist chair, on drive. I don't always get such urges in those situations. I often put on a pull up in the morning, and never have need to use it, because I am peeing normally. But I do want to be prepared if the urge happens. A pull up may be fine for many of those situations. In others, a brief might be safer.

Regardless of what you think about the eventual efficacy of meds, I assume you have no medical training. So I will take my urologist's advice on the appropriate course of action.

 

[ltaluv]

I don't have exactly the same problems as you, but mine are fairly similar. And I can say is that for me, diapers (or briefs, if you prefer) have worked out to be the best solution. Like you, I am not looking for an excuse to wear 24/7 - I generally don't wear them at night, and I don't generally don't wear them during the day when I'm at home, but when I'm away from easy restroom access I'm usually wearing protection.

Why do I choose briefs? Because they have enough reserve capacity to handle an accident with no chance of leaking, because they have a fit that I can adjust to fit so that they're unlikely to leak and they're still very comfortable, and because if I do have an accident, I can change then without completely removing my work boots and pants. I've found that heavier absorbency briefs tend to hold up to sweat and humidity through the day better than thin ones, so they're more comfortable. I've also found that wearing a thicker but more comfortable brief that I trust is preferable to a thin one that I don't trust, and even with a thick brief, nobody can tell that I'm wearing one. Those are my reasons, which I've found through considerable experience and experimentation.

Your needs may be different. There is a reason that there are so many different styles of incontinence products. Perhaps your work schedule is different from mine, and you don't find yourself crawling under a machine on a factory floor on days when you'd expected to be writing code all day. Each of us has unique needs, and as such we all find individual solutions to satisfy them. All we can do is share with you what's worked for us, and let you sort out what will work for you.

As far as meds go, you'll find that people for whom meds work well don't generally end up inhabiting incontinence support forums, so it's perhaps understandable that many here have had less-than-ideal experiences with meds. I would encourage you to try what meds your urologist suggests, but realize that there is a significant subset of patients who do not respond well or have too many side effects.

 

[Slomo]

I think you missed or ignored much of what I have stated. I have OAB, but I never have leaks unless I cannot get to a bathroom when the urge is severe. But it usually takes 20 minutes from the first urge until that point. So 99% of the time, I can get to a bathroom on time. And I never wet during the night. I may wake up with some urge after sleeping for 5-6 hours. I think that is quite good for someone may age (64). But the urge is never severe when I awaken, and I always get to the bathroom without incident.

One of the reasons I stress that I am not AB/DL is the advice I tend to get from those of that ilk is to give up on pull ups and just put on a brief. I am reminded of the saying "If the only tool you have is a hammer, you want to treat everything as a nail". I am not looking for an excuse to wear diapers 24/7. Since I can get to the bathroom when needed most of the time, I just want to be able to handle unexpected urges in the middle of a long meeting, a movie, sitting in the dentist chair, on drive. I don't always get such urges in those situations. I often put on a pull up in the morning, and never have need to use it, because I am peeing normally. But I do want to be prepared if the urge happens. A pull up may be fine for many of those situations. In others, a brief might be safer.

Regardless of what you think about the eventual efficacy of meds, I assume you have no medical training. So I will take my urologist's advice on the appropriate course of action.

It's not abdl advice we are giving about pullups. Urge incontinence means flooding (going a lot all at once). Pullups are simply not constructed or designed to handle floddings. They are truly prone to leaking, and really are more difficult to change. Yes it helps those of us who are abdl for accepting tape diapers when we also physically need them, but that doesn't change their intended function and greater reliabilty to fulfill it.

 

[Bobsled]

It's not abdl advice we are giving about pullups. Urge incontinence means flooding (going a lot all at once). Pullups are simply not constructed or designed to handle floodings. They are truly prone to leaking, and really are more difficult to change. Yes it helps those of us who are abdl for accepting tape diapers when we also physically need them, but that doesn't change their intended function and greater reliabilty to fulfill it.

You are conflating OAB with urge incontinence. Some people with OAB do have UI (called "OAB - Wet"). But others simply have strong urges (detrusor muscle contractions) without wetting ("OAB - Dry"). That is how I would characterize my condition. And, urge incontinence does not necessarily mean "going a lot at once." It just means wetting when you have the urge. People with OAB have strong contractions when the bladder is nowhere near full. A full bladder holds about 16 ounces. My typical void (with a strong urge) is less than 5 ounces, and quite often only 3-4.

So there is a big difference between me voiding when I have the urge and an otherwise healthy ABDL doing so. Sure, releasing 16 ounces into a pull up all at once would tax its capacity. But I am not able to hold anywhere near that volume. And since I do have control over my flow, I don't necessarily need to let it all go at once. I can release a bit to take off the pressure, allow it to absorb, then release some more.

 

[joemama]

I am a male in a professional setting in my early 40s and also having issues with urge and dribbling. Most times it is just a little squirt or two, but sometimes it is a full flood. This especially occurs if I have been sitting for a while such as meetings. When I stand up, I can feel the warmth spread around the front of my diaper and I know it is more than just a little. I have tried the meds and experienced headaches and dry mouth without 100% success if preventing accidents. I tried the pull ups for a while as I was embarrassed about the idea of being found to be wearing a diaper. Abena makes a good pull for me. It is soft, hold the most of any I have tried, and fit me well. Fit is everything. Products that don't fit but have the best of other feature in the end will still fail. At some point I gave up on the meds and accepted this is my fate. I now wear either the ABU Simple, or NS MegaMax during the day with a booster. I generally wear a control panty over that to shape and provide support. Plastic pants are a must due to even the best diaper and fit will sometimes leak. Onesie over that and then regular clothes.

OAB/Urge/Spasms of the bladder, whatever you deal with, you are not alone by any stretch of the imagination. Some people find a love for diapers or baby stuff, and others like me just accept that while we do not like those aspects. However, these boards have great suggestions and generally great people that can provide differing opinions and ideas on how to live with something non-standard under your pants.

Do not pay attention to items that offend you or cause you strife, but do listen to the experiences as there are many of us out that living (not suffering from) incontinence.

 

[Slomo]

You are conflating OAB with urge incontinence. Some people with OAB do have UI (called "OAB - Wet"). But others simply have strong urges (detrusor muscle contractions) without wetting ("OAB - Dry"). That is how I would characterize my condition. And, urge incontinence does not necessarily mean "going a lot at once." It just means wetting when you have the urge. People with OAB have strong contractions when the bladder is nowhere near full. A full bladder holds about 16 ounces. My typical void (with a strong urge) is less than 5 ounces, and quite often only 3-4.

So there is a big difference between me voiding when I have the urge and an otherwise healthy ABDL doing so. Sure, releasing 16 ounces into a pull up all at once would tax its capacity. But I am not able to hold anywhere near that volume. And since I do have control over my flow, I don't necessarily need to let it all go at once. I can release a bit to take off the pressure, allow it to absorb, then release some more.

Not exactly, I was referring directly towards your situation. You did say you get urges with your oab, but didn't go into any real detail other than to say a pullup can't handle more than a couple of your wettings. And releasing a half or near full bladder is the most common type of urge incontinence by far- of which a pullup can often take 1 wetting, maybe 2, but otherwise still not handle very well. Lining up pretty close to your description. So yeah, like the others I misinterpreted your situation when making the suggestion.

That still wasn't because any of us may be abdl though. And really that suggestion still hasn't changed. You acknowledge a pullup is not enough and leaks. The next step on absorbency and capibility is a tabbed diaper. The exact situation and further details don't really matter in that simplicity.

 

[PCBaby]

Regardless of what you think about the eventual efficacy of meds, I assume you have no medical training. So I will take my urologist's advice on the appropriate course of action.[/QUOTE]

I was actually a combat medic with the Royal Marine Commandos, then a paramedic and eventually a paramedic instructor in civvy street so I do have some medical knowledge. Secondly, I have been through just about every med in the book via my urologist as well as having everything from the normal urology run-ups to pet, cat and MRI scans, so again I do have some idea of what I'm talking about. i always find it best never to assume anything about a person.

Pull ups are fine, but if you sit in a wet one for a while it will leak, if you cannot get to the bathroom in time and your penis is pointing upwards they will leak. And yes I have used pull ups. My other options apart from nappies are an in-dwelling catheter and as my body doesn't process calcium normally this would lead to frequent UTI's, blockages and kidney infections. Relaxed I'm too small for a condom cath and the other option is a urostomy which because of other health problems is out of the question.