Trying to give up being AB, is extremely difficult, I think that it will always be with you.
Baby23, I was AB since I was about 4 years old, it was always a part of me and I would indulge when I got old enough and knew how. As I got older I continued through the binge purge cycles like everyone else. I would tell myself this couldn't be happening. I would convince myself that this was wrong or weird and that absolutely no one could understand it, in my profession if anyone found out it would ruin me.
Finally when I got married I thought that would be it. I have found the girl of my dreams, I would no longer be lonely.... that I did not need diapers and little things anymore.
I lived in this AB/LITTLE/DIAPER exile for 30 years, turned myself into a person that I really wasn't. In trying to hide this side of myself from my wife and anybody else I overcompensated, that is, at times I was cold and distant a tough guy. This denial really affected me during my wife's pregnancy and the first several years of my sons raising. I did not want to let myself get too excited about the "little things". I could have been so much more excited for my wife, so much more a warmer father to my son. But I was always afraid to let that soft side of me back out, I was trying to keep it all buried. In retrospect, it is one of the biggest regrets of my life.
It was always there, always just under the surface, but that is what it made it more difficult, because I was in constant denial.
It was over 30 years of stomping it down. It never went away. I was at the lowest point of my life, I was getting ready to go solo on going back to diapers... but I took a chance and told my wife, and her complete acceptance of this side of me was amazing.
Now I can just be myself. I can let the softer AB side of me show without fear. My wife loves this "soft underbelly" side of me better than my cold distant side. I am a much happier, more relaxed, better person, better father and better husband. Additionally, there was an added benefit that I never saw coming and that is the incredible dynamic that this developed between my wife and I. Our husband and wife dynamic skyrocketed and we have a wonderful and loving little/mommy dynamic.
I really think that it was amazing that I was able to stomp this down for 30 years, but it really did come with a personal price, things that I wish I could have a "do over" on.
Baby23, you can always try and deny this side of you... In my experience of 30 years... it will always be there some way some how. From what you have said, you are half way there, you have an accepting girl friend, build on that, find balance but don't try and purge this softer and better side of your personality. I think that over time you will be a much happier person and not have to learn this lesson the hard way as I did.