A partner who may have guessed it


Hey all,

First off, this is a first post. While this topic fills many threads here, this post has some distinguishing factors about coming out as a DL to a partner.

This is the first LTR I've had in three years (we're nearly a year together) and we moved in together recently. We have a good energy and have been determined to work through any incompatibilities this whole year. We look out for each other. I feel this guy may be the "one".

Sometimes when my partner is away on business, I get into my diapers and am pretty happy in keeping these worlds apart. Diapers are mostly a comfort thing, but also sexual. I've tended to wear in phases; nothing longer than a few days in a row, every once a month or so. As we're revealing more about ourselves I feel like my partner should know about this. It's not a huge part of who I am, but not something I could toss away like yesterday's goodnites.

He and I discussed fetishes in general early on and he seemed receptive. Although when AB came up a couple months ago for the first time, he said, "I guess some people are just broken forever." While that statement can be hurtful to any of you out there reading this and I apologize, I didn't take it personally. But it did make me think twice. He did notice me pause and his face softened for a sec. He since then has brought up ABDL several times like when relaying stories about sleepovers with bed wetters growing up, on the news or Dr Phil, and not in a mean/judgmental way whatsoever. We always talk about a range of stuff, so it could just be coincidence. Also, last week we were on my phone and an ad (I assume targeted) for Tena Slips came up. He was silent. Yikes.

I'm reluctant to weird him out. Or worse, him needing to talk to his friends to process this. It's about trying to balance whether I can still keep this to myself and not rock the boat or just mention it to him and see where things go.

So I guess my questions are two: Should I tell my partner? And, based on the facts above, do you guys think he might have an inkling about my being a DL? Any thoughts or insights are greatly appreciated.
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Est. Contributor
If you feel this is a serious relationship (and seeing you said this might be the ''one,'' I'd guess you do), then yes, you should tell him. I'd get it out of the way now because I wouldn't want to waste time with someone if it turned out being ab/dl was a dealbreaker. Like you said yourself, it's not something you envision being able to get rid of, so that's basically your answer right there.


Est. Contributor
KimbaWolfNagihiko has given you some great advice. I'll try to add some of my own thoughts and advice as well.

Despite his initial negative reaction, if your partner has since brought up AB/DL and fetishes in a positive light, then it might be safe to assume that he either has an inkling or that he is completely fine with that sort of thing. This shouldn't come as a huge surprise, some people are very open minded and others just have this weird sixth sense about them. When I told one of my close friends they said they just knew it all along and I have heard my Godmother bring up stuff about ABs and how wonderful that whole world seems within earshot of myself, that pretty much suggests to me that she might be aware that I am one, that or she's just a really open-minded person.

Also as KimbaWolfNagihiko said above, if the relationship is serious, and trust me anything lasting nearly a year is pretty serious in my book, it's in your best interest to just be honest and confide in your partner about this at some point, preferably sooner as opposed to later. When I told partners in the past, I told them at the 6 month mark, it seems you've exceeded that. From the sounds of things, your partner will be accepting and I think in dedicated relationships, the worst thing you can do is hide and conceal because should your partner find out on his own, they could feel upset that you didn't tell them from the get go and it could make it harder for you to explain things.

I have told some friends and every romantic partner I have ever had, they all responded in kind and I had some wonderful relationships as a result, relationships where my AB side was a part of our regular dynamic. I know you might not want exactly what I have had, but from experience, it really does help when a partner at least knows about this and in the best case scenario, they may very well be accepting, understanding and at some point, participatory.

So my advice, plan out what you want to say, tell your partner exactly what diapers mean to you and how this is a part of who you are, have a genuine heart to heart and if the relationship is meant to be, they'll listen and respond positively.

I hope this helps. Best of luck to you :)
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Est. Contributor
Yeah, the "broken" comment is harsh. The next time he brings up AB/DL, that would be the time to push the conversation. You can do it gradually and see how he's taking it. If all seems well, take it to its logical conclusion.