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Squigma

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:sad:

I'm lonely...

I need to love someone.. My heart is gonna explode...

It happens to everyone. Well, most people anyway... some people are just cold and heartless :p

Seriously though, don't worry. You'll find someone eventually, and being all sad about it won't help. Though I think I'm a bit guilty of not following my own advice here.
 
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One of my friends got this problem and decided to solve it with me... mistake. He has tried all year to go out with me, but I just don't go out with people. Also I'm not gay... but I wouldn't go out with the guy even if he was a girl. He's finally getting over me, which is good because I'm going to college and won't see him anymore. I didn't want him to completly deteriorate in my absence.

I really can't give any advise to you. There are a lot of situations were I can feal empathy for the other person, and then give great advise, but I just can't feal it in this situation. And I'm not heartless, my friends say I'm the nicest happiest guy they know, I just don't want to be in a relationship.
 

quattrus

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some people are just cold and heartless :p

...some others just act as such to avoid showing their feelings.

The result? When loneliness strikes, it does so twice as hard.


One of my friends got this problem and decided to solve it with me... mistake. He has tried all year to go out with me, but I just don't go out with people.

This is truly heartbreaking. And not only because he didn't succeed at going out with you, but because humans naturally tend to desire what they cannot have, and your lack of interest in a relationship probably makes you look even more desirable and cool in your pretendant's eyes. I can barely imagine the days he spent screaming inside himself and crying bitter tears because of it. "Deteriorate" is just an understatement.....
 
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This is truly heartbreaking. And not only because he didn't succeed at going out with you, but because humans naturally tend to desire what they cannot have, and your lack of interest in a relationship probably makes you look even more desirable and cool in your pretendant's eyes. I can barely imagine the days he spent screaming inside himself and crying bitter tears because of it. "Deteriorate" is just an understatement.....

He wrote me letters telling me how he felt. so ya, I know it was killing him. There was really nothing I could do. He just got over me last weekend because he went to prom and I didn't. Because I wasn't there, he met someone else, who is gay, and who is looking for a relationship. So ya, good fealing all around.

And I just thought of this. Timmahtherebel, do you think that you could find a relationship here? Not a serious one, but someone you talk to over PMs and on IRC that you can connect with. It might be enough to satisfy, but I really don't know. I'm a noob to these kinds of situations.
 

quattrus

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He just got over me last weekend because he went to prom and I didn't. Because I wasn't there, he met someone else, who is gay, and who is looking for a relationship.

Yes, but you were - and still are, I'm ready to bet - his first choice. The other one is just a replacement...
 
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Yes, but you were - and still are, I'm ready to bet - his first choice. The other one is just a replacement...

I know I'm the first choice, but how many times does the first choice actually work out? That's why people make backup plans.
 

NEJay

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Join the club ;D

*looks at post count and wonders how much time is spent pursuing a relationship*:biggrin:

(just kidding, Pojo)

Question for you guys...

Those of you who are yearning for a relationship, companionship, and so on... How much effort do you put into finding someone for you? Do you actively seek out a social environment in which you might find a Mr/Mrs. right?
 

PostTenebrasLux

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Question for you guys...

Those of you who are yearning for a relationship, companionship, and so on... How much effort do you put into finding someone for you? Do you actively seek out a social environment in which you might find a Mr/Mrs. right?

First, sorry to hear you feel this way, timmahtherebel. I've been feeling that way a lot recently too. It can be pretty bad. I think it can poison a person. Thanks for starting this discussion, and I hope you cross paths with the one you're looking for soon. In my very limited experience, such a thing happens in ways least often expected--a fairly unpredictable event. But you've got to keep your fire going, even if it's only a faint glow. Otherwise, she/he might not see you when the time comes. Hopefully us ADISC friends can help with that.

Second, in response to your question, NEJay: I honestly do not put much effort into getting rid of my loneliness. The pathetic truth is that I'm waiting for someone to do it for me. And they'd have /a lot to do/.

The foundation for this problem is how I feel about being AB/DL. That's been a major source of emotional dissonance for me--since basically forever. But there are other things about me / behavioral tendencies that I guess developed out of my personal mismatch with reality. To start and maintain a relationship, those things would have to change. AB/DL wouldn't, but harmful tendencies have to go.

For about 1.5 years now, I've tried a couple things here and there to start becoming the person I would need to be to have the sort of relationship I want, but haven't really got it figured yet. (I think I've made some progress though.)

I used to try to go places to meet people. Hopefully single, attractive women, but just people in general would have been fine too. I left the homeland for the big city, and was open to new friends of any kind. I went to parks, coffee shops, and even a bar once or twice, but I did so /as a loner/, and as such, my efforts were consistently met with frustration. I haven't tried internet dating yet, but the thought's crossed my mind.

But what occurs to me is that the standard solutions (lonely? go make friends!) might not match the problem. At the moment, the sun is shining for me; I'm lucid, not anxious, not depressed. In general though, I'm in a very dark place. I remember that song from Sunday School--'this little light of mine'--mine's dead. I let it burn out 6 years ago when a relationship ended. When I bring myself to the social world, I bring that with me. It feels like I have a lot to hide, and like I have vulnerabilities to protect.

Since I came to this city, I /have/ made new friendships, and good ones too. We're all very busy though, and I don't feel like I have any relationships (family, friends, or otherwise) that could be described as 'close'. Nobody really knows who I am. I've probably put more effort into keeping things that way than sharing the whole picture with someone.

In the big picture, I don't intend to let things stay this way, but I also don't expect to come up with a solution all on my own. I'm mainly trying to have a healthy body, then a healthy brain. Those are things I can do. But I can't turn my own lights back on all alone. I can pick environments, not people.

Or, as Jack Aubrey would say "I can harness the wind, Stephen, but I'm not its damned creator". (Might not be word for word...I think I'll watch that tonight.)
 

timmahtherebel

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making friends for me isn't simple. At all.. where am I going to go to meet people, I don't even go to school anymore ( almost passed my GED... pending )
 

timmahtherebel

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considering also the way i am about talking to people i don't know....


*sigh* And ab/dl wouldn't be a factor in a relation ship for me, it doesn't matter

see i have a weakness for falling in love. ive fallen in love with people who don't exist..
i read stories about how someone met their wife and how much they love them and i imagine that i am the person in there i like to imagine meeting my soulmate. i listen to old country songs and think about what my future would be like if i was married..

i don't really understand why i feel so lonely but really what i feel like is that no one is there anymore. i dont even remember how to make friends anymore..

if a girl is nice to me, or if she even bumps into me i fall in love with her. and i cry for hours because im so lonely. i dont know why i suddenly feel like this.
 

Fire2box

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I'm glad I'm cold and heartless. :)

It's obvious I am the most cold and heartless person on Adisc... I am a registered republican.

(Please note my avatar is obama drinking a beer, a picture that clearly states he is not in fact jesus.)
 
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I think maybe you should see a doctor, or something.

I think that falling in love with girls you bump into and crying for hours over it does call for a doctor. Anything can or cannot be a disease, it all depends on how it is affecting your life. My guess is that this is really hurting you, and a doctor might know how to relieve the pain.
 

timmahtherebel

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No I don't cry over her. I just cry..

Because it relieves the pain I feel. I sit in my car and cry.
 
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