Telling my partner were engaged i cant hide this forever plz help all

blackwaltz

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#1
Firstly i know this is a common topic so sorry but ive read every story question and answer i could find and im still in a pickle
Im a diaper lover have been for as long as i can remember. Its not something i can change or stop even if i tryed.
Its a source of comfort security and can also be a source of arousal
If i could beat and put aside the personal dissaprovement and shame that still crops up after years of coming to terms with this part of my life i would probably wear most days.
But its not that easy i love and enjoy it one day and feel like a pathetic freek the next
Anyway im with a girl a school sweetheart shes perfect we have everything in common and now were engaged.
I want to tell her im a DL ive wanted to for ages but i dare not. Ive never shared this part of me.
If i continue to hide it chances are she will eventually find out and i dont want that i dont want to hide it an i dont want her to find out about it buy finding a stash of diapers etc.
Thing is she isn't judgementall she diddnt freek out when i told her i like been stimulated analy but she didnt show interest or jump in to try it ether. Mostly i think due to lack of confidenceand and experience Thing is she Doesn't have any experience in anything other than plain old missinuary sorry for the spelling. Far as i can tell non of her past partners truly valued her and wether her shyness is due to dull boaring partners or something else im not sure. she has burns on 30% of her body from a childhood accident so her confidence has always been an issue i can tell she still doubts many compliments i throw her way. Shes never realy initiated sexually or done much in the way of touching me an i dont bring it up or badger cause i know its a matter of confidence shyness and experience not uninterest just puting it in as info for anyone who answers my post
Trying to give asmuch info ass poss here
Witch brings to light my conundrum how the hell do i tell the love of my life that i like wearing diapers and using them without discusting her and grossing her out to the point that she never looks at me the same again?
Ps.....If you read all this i thank you i know its an overly long post every reader and reply means the world to me
 
Last edited:

SweetPrincess

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#2
Thanks for sharing. You're in a tough situation as anyone who has been in a similar circumstance would agree.

I have never had to explain myself to anyone as of yet. But I feel that when that day does come I will be fairly confident as I believe in who I am.

So that leads me to my first point. Confident is what you need to be. Before telling her anything try your best to cast out any doubts or insecurity of who you are. There's no way you can convinve her you're not a freak if deep down you yourself belive you are. Wearing nappies may seem gross to alot of people but let me ask you which is more gross, nappies? Or smoking? I find smoking to be quite gross yet I accept many of my co-workers and their right to smoke if they wish. Might I also add smoking also damages your lungs and promotes cancer. So again I ask, which is worse? Nappies don't cause cancer. If you can accept someone who smokes then surely you can accept yourself. Convince yourself that you are perfect how you are first.

Once you know that and believe it. You should definitely tell her. Many on this site have married and never told or have told and their partner wasn't very accepting. Telling her now and giving her some time to process it is the next step. Just start with something like "I need to tell you something very important about me".
Answer any questions she might have and ask her if she needs help to understand. Next give her time. Let it all sink in. Show her a few things if she asks like your nappies and be prepared to wait. It could go over very well or it may take weeks or a few months for her to full understand. It all depends on the individual.

I am going to take a wild guess and say she will react the same about your other sexual preference. She might just be disinterested. You say she has low confidence as well, that to me sounds serious if she doubts many compliments from you. That's something I would encourage you to work with her about too. Don't really have much to go on with that but it sounds serious. Low confidence/self-esteem can make your life miserable and lead to depression.
 

cannamommy

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#3
Hey there blackwaltz,

Telling the person you love about this side of you i have learned is no easy task. I am from the side of the fence here that your fiance is on. My little guy (finace) told me about his ABDL side some time ago. Im not going to lie to you purely because I want to be real with you. I myself did not take it well. I had no idea that people were into wearing diapers or age regression. Now in hindsight because i did not take to this knowledge very well my guy fell into himself. I did not ask questions and he did not push the topic for a long time.

If she is as "vanilla" or unexperienced coupled with shyness and confidence issues my suggestions is to go slow, be 100% honest and affirm and reaffirm that this side of you is something you need but in no way will it replace her. one of the biggest things I struggled with was that because at first i was very put off by this, i was scared that i would not ever be enough for my guy. open honest and loving communication is key.

now I know she does not know me from eve but if she needs to talk to someone I can be available. oh and if you need more input dont hesitate to reach out.
 

sirscience

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#5
Little/dl
I've been in this exact scenario. Only I didn't tell because I was afraid of loosing the thing I loved the most in the whole world.

Met the love of my life, knew she was the one and proposed 4 months in. It was too soon.
See at first the desire faded with her because it had been replaced with something else. Sex and things I hadn't experienced before...
But it slowly came back and I cursed it.
We had talked about various things, and I knew she wouldn't be ok with it. So I waited, and waited, a week before we got married, I couldn't take it any more.
I told her, it wasn't the best. But we got married regardless.
And stayed together for 5 years. She tried to be as involved as she could, but that was super distant. She was just supportive of the idea and told me to explore it. I did, in secret mostly. She didn't seem to like when I shared with her.
But, and know that this isn't the only reason, but it is a big one.
We got divorced after 5 years. Better to be friends than miserable enemies.

Basically it came down to this. Tell her , tell her sooner rather than later. And realize that this is a part of you that won't go away. If she isn't on board, it's not her fault but you owe it to her to allow her a chance to back out. No matter how painfull it will be. There will eventually be someone you can share this with.

And, if you tell her and she's cool. Then you make the world move for that woman.
And never forget how lucky you are to have found that.

Be confident and be prepared, go listen to the dream a little podcast for some tips. Make a bookmark folder and dump links in there in preparation for the discussion. Give her all the info, even the uncomfortable parts, and be bruttaly honest. Show her the info online, make her an ADISC account so she can ask questions. Sit her down and tell her confidently that this is a part of you. And you need her to know before you get married.

One last thing, if she's not down, or is straight up negative. Tells you you can't ever partake, or that you can but she doesn't very want to see it. Don't stay, that's a trap and a mistake. You will end up miserable and resentful. So will she. Because even just subconsciously it will start to eat, and will show up in ways you don't realize. You don't want to be there.

I don't regret my experience, my ex and I are still good friends. But that is what we always should have been. And you may stick it out any way, but please dont make the same mistake I did, you all are young and have so much to give. The negative relationships take so much from a person, it's better to find a positive one.

I'm sorry, I hope this helps, best of luck to you. I really hope she welcomes you with open arms in love. I really do.





Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk
 

blackwaltz

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#6
thank you all for the wonderful thoughtful reply's they mean a lot im still on the edge between telling and not feels goood to be engajed to someone so special however im confident that when and if i tell her she will accept and atleest try to understand it but im still struggleing to push myself to take the leap
 

dogboy

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#7
Great advise from above. Really it comes down to two things. Either you tell her and live with whatever consequences telling creates, or you give up diapers, or worse, wear on the q. t. I eventually told my wife and she was very accepting, so there are accepting spouses. You just never know which way it can go.
 

Wuggle

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#8
Trust me, it's better to tell her yourself, now, than have her find out on her own after you're already married. It will make her feel as if you don't trust her, and that you're okay with keeping secrets from her, and she'll wonder, if you're keeping secrets about this, what else haven't you told her, etc. I know it's a very frightening thought, but it's best to do it as soon as you can. You can rehearse what you want to say as many times as you want, but know that you don't want to be getting into a marriage while still holding secrets, that never ends well.
 

quietcutie

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#9
Thanks for sharing. You're in a tough situation as anyone who has been in a similar circumstance would agree.

I have never had to explain myself to anyone as of yet. But I feel that when that day does come I will be fairly confident as I believe in who I am.

So that leads me to my first point. Confident is what you need to be. Before telling her anything try your best to cast out any doubts or insecurity of who you are. There's no way you can convinve her you're not a freak if deep down you yourself belive you are. Wearing nappies may seem gross to alot of people but let me ask you which is more gross, nappies? Or smoking? I find smoking to be quite gross yet I accept many of my co-workers and their right to smoke if they wish. Might I also add smoking also damages your lungs and promotes cancer. So again I ask, which is worse? Nappies don't cause cancer. If you can accept someone who smokes then surely you can accept yourself. Convince yourself that you are perfect how you are first.

Once you know that and believe it. You should definitely tell her. Many on this site have married and never told or have told and their partner wasn't very accepting. Telling her now and giving her some time to process it is the next step. Just start with something like "I need to tell you something very important about me".
Answer any questions she might have and ask her if she needs help to understand. Next give her time. Let it all sink in. Show her a few things if she asks like your nappies and be prepared to wait. It could go over very well or it may take weeks or a few months for her to full understand. It all depends on the individual.

I am going to take a wild guess and say she will react the same about your other sexual preference. She might just be disinterested. You say she has low confidence as well, that to me sounds serious if she doubts many compliments from you. That's something I would encourage you to work with her about too. Don't really have much to go on with that but it sounds serious. Low confidence/self-esteem can make your life miserable and lead to depression.
How does one become confident?
 

blackwaltz

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#10
How does one become confident?
what he/she said

- - - Updated - - -

up date !!!! i told her it wasnt easy and ill admit alcohol helped lol we was having drinks together. turns out she already knew somewhat and was waiting for me to say something choosing not to pull it up and put me in the spotlight how amazing is that and where sat together right now. my whole life ive hoped for someone to love me and accept me in every way!! here it is my friends proof that there is someone out there proof that this strange part of us abdl in all forms doesnt single us out or mark us as the freek in the crowd were all human all wonderfull and abdl or not all need to trus and beleve that that person made for us is out there

she does however have an interest in this site and i can imagine have questions she doesnt want to just come out and ask me so ive told her to make an acount and let her read al your amazing advise i thank you all again for your support

- - - Updated - - -

Hey there blackwaltz,

Telling the person you love about this side of you i have learned is no easy task. I am from the side of the fence here that your fiance is on. My little guy (finace) told me about his ABDL side some time ago. Im not going to lie to you purely because I want to be real with you. I myself did not take it well. I had no idea that people were into wearing diapers or age regression. Now in hindsight because i did not take to this knowledge very well my guy fell into himself. I did not ask questions and he did not push the topic for a long time.

If she is as "vanilla" or unexperienced coupled with shyness and confidence issues my suggestions is to go slow, be 100% honest and affirm and reaffirm that this side of you is something you need but in no way will it replace her. one of the biggest things I struggled with was that because at first i was very put off by this, i was scared that i would not ever be enough for my guy. open honest and loving communication is key.

now I know she does not know me from eve but if she needs to talk to someone I can be available. oh and if you need more input dont hesitate to reach out.
thank you for your imput we just read this together today and she does indeed want to talk to people from the other side of the fence
 

blackwaltz

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#11
Little/dl
I've been in this exact scenario. Only I didn't tell because I was afraid of loosing the thing I loved the most in the whole world.

Met the love of my life, knew she was the one and proposed 4 months in. It was too soon.
See at first the desire faded with her because it had been replaced with something else. Sex and things I hadn't experienced before...
But it slowly came back and I cursed it.
We had talked about various things, and I knew she wouldn't be ok with it. So I waited, and waited, a week before we got married, I couldn't take it any more.
I told her, it wasn't the best. But we got married regardless.
And stayed together for 5 years. She tried to be as involved as she could, but that was super distant. She was just supportive of the idea and told me to explore it. I did, in secret mostly. She didn't seem to like when I shared with her.
But, and know that this isn't the only reason, but it is a big one.
We got divorced after 5 years. Better to be friends than miserable enemies.

Basically it came down to this. Tell her , tell her sooner rather than later. And realize that this is a part of you that won't go away. If she isn't on board, it's not her fault but you owe it to her to allow her a chance to back out. No matter how painfull it will be. There will eventually be someone you can share this with.

And, if you tell her and she's cool. Then you make the world move for that woman.
And never forget how lucky you are to have found that.

Be confident and be prepared, go listen to the dream a little podcast for some tips. Make a bookmark folder and dump links in there in preparation for the discussion. Give her all the info, even the uncomfortable parts, and be bruttaly honest. Show her the info online, make her an ADISC account so she can ask questions. Sit her down and tell her confidently that this is a part of you. And you need her to know before you get married.

One last thing, if she's not down, or is straight up negative. Tells you you can't ever partake, or that you can but she doesn't very want to see it. Don't stay, that's a trap and a mistake. You will end up miserable and resentful. So will she. Because even just subconsciously it will start to eat, and will show up in ways you don't realize. You don't want to be there.

I don't regret my experience, my ex and I are still good friends. But that is what we always should have been. And you may stick it out any way, but please dont make the same mistake I did, you all are young and have so much to give. The negative relationships take so much from a person, it's better to find a positive one.

I'm sorry, I hope this helps, best of luck to you. I really hope she welcomes you with open arms in love. I really do.





Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk
a beautifull and yet sad reply your advise and everyone elses was invalueable thank you so much
 

pd8615

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#12
That is great. Not unexpected in my world. The fear is more in our own head than anything in reality. What we do doesn't hurt anybody.

Being honest pays off. Being dishonest puts anything in a relationship into question.

Now find balance. What is she / he into?

Acceptance does not negate that we are adults with other adults.

Your partner is willing to give you the 'lottery ticket' many of us seek.

What are you going to give back in return?
 

sirscience

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Messages
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#13
a beautifull and yet sad reply your advise and everyone elses was invalueable thank you so much
If either of you ever want to talk I'm more than happy to help. I'm also so very happy this worked out for you!

Remember to make the world move for her. And also sorry for the late response, I lurk around these parts more than contributing. And that is very infrequent.

Feel free to pm me anytime.

Sent from my Nexus 6P using Tapatalk
 
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