Look, I've never had it easy. Life has always given me crap. Being autistic has never made things easier. I also have anxiety disorder and PTSD. My childhood was even problematic. In first grade my best friends mom moved her to a new school because she was paranoid about my "autism corrupting her daughter". I know now she was paranoid and had some disorder, but i feared by most of the school 'til middle school. Middle school was the worst time of my life. High school was hell. My school dropped me because my emotional needs made me a liability. I feel like i have kick me hovering over my head. I wish i could start over or just end it all. I was thinking about becoming a little to "recreate the perfect childhood for myself" but i don't know anyone who would be willing to be a partner to a little. Plus i haven't moved out yet. I have no options, plus this incontinence treatment i'm on is taking it's toll. What should i do? I have already seen the shrinks at the psych ward 5 times in my life, and they couldn't patch me up. I'm in a dead end. Pretty soon ill be burntupband instead of fireband.