Confession: I used to be a homophobe/transphobe/kinkphobe

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LostInSpace

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#1
Well... what the title says. I used to be the epitome of a bad person and I'm pretty sure that my ABDL side had a little bit to do with it. Let's talk about that! *Cue the Good Mythical Morning intro*.

So... My theory is that it all started with a mix of my ABDL side and my asexuality.

You see, after a few years of indulging in my ABDL side I started questioning what I was doing and how "degenerate" I was behaving. What was the logical reason for a human being to regress into babyhood and wear diapers? On top of that I was an 18 year old virgin with no experiences of a relationship at all. I loathed myself for it. That's not what a strong, independent macho man would do, is it?!

I took to the Internet in the search of an answer to this question (the wrong sides of the Internet) and concluded to myself that it was the western society's fault... I told myself that I had become this way due to living in a "feminized" society, where the end goal was to eradicate masculinity and turn men into what the alt-right likes to call "cucks" and "soyboys".

And it all went downhill from there, because as a wise Master Yoda once said "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate... leads to suffering."

I went on to read and watch a lot of extreme right-wing propaganda and concluded to myself that anything deviating from the hetero-normative standards was deranged. Such as homosexuality, transsexuality, asexuality, ABDL, BDSM, you name it. Although I never showed my hate IRL I took to the Internet to channel my hate in different ways. I simply believed that I stood up to a twisted society and did the right thing.

But deep down I was just miserable. I hated myself for being a virgin and I hated myself for my suppressed ABDL side. The ironic part of all this was obviously that deep down I wasn't even heterosexual, as I would find out later, and it wasn't society's fault that I was an ABDL.

My recovery from all this hate started about a year ago with me realizing my asexuality. I came to realize that during my whole life I had never actually taken the initiative to hit on girls, and the only reason I desperately wanted to lose my virginity was due to how society portrays virgins and lone men as losers. Not that I actually would be happier if I hooked up with someone. I once again took to the Internet to research this (fortunately the right parts this time around) and found out about asexuality. It all clicked instantly. This is me.

I started understanding that all deviations from "pure" kink-free heterosexuality were completely valid and natural, and that this was just how I was born. This also relates to my ABDL side of course, which I once again opened up to and embraced for what it is. This is simply who I am, and that's okay. I have to give partial credit to ContraPoints on YouTube for this enlightenment though. She just tore my toxic world view apart with great arguments wrapped in comedy!

Today I am happier than I've been for a long time. I love myself for who I am and the same goes for other people. I'm not looking for any praise or pats on the back for changing my ways with this post. I just needed to get this off my chest and I figured that it might be interesting for some people to understand the thought process of the kind of person that I was.

Feel free to ask any questions or tell your stories if you've been in this position as well. Peace! :cool:
 

CuddleWoozle

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#2
You never stop learning, bud. :3 I actually come from the stance usually that someone who is being 'mean' is doing it because of something that's going on with them personally.

It's kind of amazing to me that people hate asexuals at all considering that we do -nothing-. XD I posit the theory that being hateful and prejudiced brings more harm to the 'moral fiber' of society than anything the degenerates are doing in their own houses. Every time a person starts shouting "GROUP A IS HORRIBLE! They're practically un-American!" I usually get a squint and start staring at them, looking for Mr. McCarthy. If they can't offer a compelling and well-thought-out reason, it's just McCarthyism. (Which is, for those who might not know, unjustly accusing people of a treasonous or subversive act without having regard for proper evidence. There's a crap-ton of it going on right now in Washington - on BOTH sides. But I'm not starting a debate about that and if anyone else wants to, start a new thread. :3)

In short, I'm really happy for you since you're at ease with yourself now. First thing you gotta do, figure out how to love yourself. ;D
 

Calico

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#3
I once got hate on Fetlife because I said I find lot of sex gross so I don't have it and I never read about it. I will only do intercourse. I don't understand why anyone would feel threatened by someone being revolted by sex and not wanting it. Plus I said I don't care if others have it, I just don't want to know about it and I just avoid sites about it but yet that wasn't enough to not be offensive? But yet if I found it all boring so I don't have it is okay? Talk about the feelings police.
 

SgtOddball

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#4
I've actually been accused of being Transphobe simply because I don't agree with the idea of Transgenders (to me it just doesn't make sense), but I would never discriminate against others or treat others like dirt simply because everyone is Human. But disagreeing with something and hating it is pretty different though.
 

LostInSpace

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I've actually been accused of being Transphobe simply because I don't agree with the idea of Transgenders (to me it just doesn't make sense), but I would never discriminate against others or treat others like dirt simply because everyone is Human. But disagreeing with something and hating it is pretty different though.
That's true. There's nothing inherently wrong with not agreeing with or not understanding something. Hating it is.

I can still see why specifically the idea of transgender people is hard to grasp. Many people believe that they wouldn't exist if we didn't talk about it and accepted them, but I believe that it is genetic and not a mental disorder. All humans basically start out as a "female" (That's why males have breasts for example) and then evolve into a gender based on what chromosomes they have. With that process in mind I find it easy to believe that what people could evolve into something that their brain doesn't agree with. We are complex creatures after all.
 

CuddleWoozle

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#6
I've actually described transgender with the stupid analogy of the movie "Freaky Friday". I was like "Remember how in Freaky Friday the mom and daughter switched bodies? Imagine if you were a guy and got body swapped with your mom. (or a girl swapped with her dad)" And the people I talk to usually go "Ew. That'd be WEIRD!" And I said "Exactly." XD

You don't have to agree with it, but you don't have to -hate- people either. And it's fine to not 'get' things, there are a lot of things I don't 'get'. (Sex bein' one of 'em!)

But sometimes a stupid analogy helps people grasp the idea of why the transgender folks feel 'wrong'. It could be genetic, it could be mental, it could even be some sort of oddball hormone heebie-jeebie stuffs, no one is really sure at this point. All I know is it isn't catching and transgender people aren't really hurting me or anyone else...themselves...I don't know. They get a lot of hate/ridicule/abuse. So live and let live is my thought on it.

Also: There are transgender folks I find kind of annoying because it's the ONLY thing they ever talk about in regards to themselves. Kind of like vegans who try to work every conversation around to them being vegans. XD It's OK to bring up a topic, but if you jump into a conversation about, I don't know...let's say...puppies, and somehow twist it around to be about your gender identity, there's a problem. It's like, Samantha is transgender. I know nothing else about her. Just that. She never wants to talk about funny pictures, weigh in on her favorite food or anything else. Just that.

I find it helps people accept those who are 'different' if they can find some kind of common ground with them. "Well, Samantha is transgender, but she loves Taco Bell just like me! And she's got a dog named Lucille and they go to the dog park. She might just be ok..."

(It's kind of the same thing with ABDL, honestly. "I'm a widdle baby!" "OK, cool. And?" "Uh...widdle baby?" "Do you like anything else?" "Um. Diapees?" "Aaaaand?" "DIAPEE WIDDLE BABY!")

[Just wanting to clarify, I wouldn't attack said 'annoying' people, just kind of shake my head and go on. :laugh: I don't run around torment vegans even though some of them are kind of aggressive about it. I was just posting a thought about why people are having a sort of "Egh. Not this again." kind of feeling towards transgender issues. :p ]
 

SgtOddball

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#7
This is exactly my opinion too, I just hate it when people try and shove something you agree or disagree with down your throat, whether it be Gender Identity, your Sexual Orientation, Race, Religion etc. but we are at that point in society where we cannot live without at least one of these things being mentioned in such an irrelevant way. Take the LGBTQ Pride parades, I will gladly support someone who is Gay, Bi, Lesbian and tolerate those who identify as other genders but do we really need a parade about it? IF we made a Hetrosexual Pride parade it would be called Homophobic etc. I see nothing wrong with it but it just peeves me off how everything these days is shoved down your throat whether you like it or not. Same really with Religion. I think that is generally also what is helping to generate hate and animosity towards certain groups as well, rather than trying to prevent it like these parades are meant to do.
 

LostInSpace

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This is exactly my opinion too, I just hate it when people try and shove something you don't agree with down your throat, whether it be Gender Identity, your Sexual Orientation, Race, Religion etc. but we are at that point in society where we cannot live without at least one of these things being mentioned in such an irrelevant way. Take the LGBTQ Pride parades, I will gladly support someone who is Gay, Bi, Lesbian and tolerate those who identify as other genders but do we really need a parade about it? IF we made a Hetrosexual Pride parade it would be called Homophobic etc. I see nothing wrong with it but it just peeves me off how everything these days is shoved down your throat whether you like it or not. Same really with Religion. I think that is generally also what is helping to generate hate and animosity towards certain groups as well, rather than trying to prevent it like these parades are meant to do.
Well... the thing is that true homophobia and transphobia still exists. And what I mean by that is people who really hate and discriminate based on peoples' sexuality or gender identity. The parades are not meant to "preach to the choir", but rather to show the real haters that they exist. There's also the historic context. No heterosexuals have ever been shamed for their sexuality in history, and it's only recently that homosexuality has started to be accepted.

Hell, even asexuals walk in Pride parades sometimes, and while I understand why they do it I don't feel like doing it myself. Partially because I feel a disconnection to people who actually experience sexual attraction, but also because there are toxic people within the LGBT community who don't accept asexuals. In one way it is easier to come out as LGBT than as asexual today. People find it easier to accept that you have a different sexual attraction, not that you completely lack it... :sad:
 

SgtOddball

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#9
Yeah I guess I can see the historical context of it and why a Hetrosexual Pride parade would probably look silly anyway next to it, but I still disagree with the idea of having a parade either way.
 

Calico

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The problem with homophobia is you can still be accepting and still not care how someone lives and what they identity as but you can still be considered a transphobic. Once you voice an opinion about it like "I don't think they should be letting trangirls joining girl scouts or else any boy can claim to be a girl just so they can join" and bam you are accused of homophobia rather than them just voicing their opinion about why your concern is wrong. If you are not attracted to someone with a penis and don't like penises, you are still branded as a homophobic because you wouldn't date a trans woman. There are trans people out there that get pissed if you feel you are with another guy if they were born male despite that you call them female and refer them as their female name. Dating is a different ball game than friendship or acquaintance. If you are asexual, I don't think dating a trans would matter, same as if you were bi. I am sure not all trans people are like this and not all gay people agree with all this pride stuff and some of them don't care about gay marriages.

No I do not understand what it's like to have people feel different about it and disagree about it. I do think not letting someone live their gender is homophobia but that isn't what we are all doing here.

I don't agree with all this agender stuff (I still need to see that backed up with science) or all these other labels like demi and stuff. You are either gay or straight or bi or asexual. People just like to make up labels. "Oh I don't get attracted to people unless I date them and get to know them and then I get turned on, I am a demisexual." Then there is pansexual and that is basically bisexuality. But dare to express any of this, you are a bigot. I thought bigot was when you just simply judge and exclude someone just because of how they live or what they identify themselves as or what religion they are, etc. but this is a word now people use when someone doesn't agree.

Go on tumble and see all this anti ABDL and kink and DDLG stuff and them calling us all pedophiles and daddy doms abusers, yeah they are bigots. It's simply not just an opinion. Not being into it isn't bigotry but calling us all pedophiles is. If I called transgender people sick and didn't want them near me, that is bigotry. If I thought every Muslim out there was a terrorist and assumed they each supported it, that is bigotry. But that isn't what bigotry means anymore, it now means having a different opinion about something.
 

CuddleWoozle

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Actually, Calico, the way I understood pansexuality is that it's inclusive of transgender/agender, too. You love people for being -people- and not what's in their undies. :3 Pan = All, Bi = Two. That's all it is, adding a few more acceptances to the two there are normally. You'll come across Bisexual people every once in a while who will not get with a person who is transgender for whatever reason. :p There's still a bunch of debate about it, though.

And I always thought the separation of young kids into "BOY scouts" and "GIRL scouts" was kind of stupid. What if there's a boy who wants to learn more domestic talents like baking or sewing? Or a girl who is all about digging up worms and climbing rocks? I actually said for a long time when I was an actual kid that it should just be 'Scouts', everyone together doing all kinds of interesting things. Mainly because I was that girl who wanted to go camping and learn to make a fire and do outdoors stuff. But they didn't offer it for the girls. That's where you went to a cabin in the woods and made macrame instead of learning to 'survive'. XD

(My dad had the sense to say "Well, if you want to learn all about camping and stuff, we'll all go camping and you can find out!" So that's how I learned all kinds of stuff...because they didn't let girls do it and my dad said that I could. :p)
 

LostInSpace

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I don't agree with all this agender stuff (I still need to see that backed up with science) or all these other labels like demi and stuff. You are either gay or straight or bi or asexual. People just like to make up labels. "Oh I don't get attracted to people unless I date them and get to know them and then I get turned on, I am a demisexual." Then there is pansexual and that is basically bisexuality. But dare to express any of this, you are a bigot. I thought bigot was when you just simply judge and exclude someone just because of how they live or what they identify themselves as or what religion they are, etc. but this is a word now people use when someone doesn't agree.
I just want to say that I agree about the root of what you're saying. People throw words like "bigot" around too quick because of petty things like you mentioned. I used to be a straight up "Anythingthatisnothetero-phobe" for real though, not just indifferent. Regarding the labels I know where you're coming from. This whole thread is about my former full on bigotry after all. But the way I see it now is that human sexuality is complex enough to warrant the plethora of labels that exist.

"You are either gay or straight or bi or asexual."

Once upon a time that saying was "You are straight".
Once upon another time that saying was "You are straight or homosexual."
Once upon another time that saying was "You are straight, homosexual or bisexual".

What I'm getting at is that as time progresses we realize more and more that the human sexuality is not as binary as we once thought. I don't think that people assign themselves labels as if life was some sort of RPG, I think they mainly do it do simplify their explanation of who they are. On the topic of specifically demisexuality I have no idea if I would get sexually attracted to a partner after a bond is formed, because I've never had one. One thing I do know for sure though is that I have never felt sexual attraction towards another human being so far.

Does that mean that I am automatically straight if I were to discover that I am "demisexual" in a relationship? Does that automatically place me in the same category of people who would get depressed going without sex for a few days? I'm not saying that all straight people are like this, but what I mean is that I'd wager that a lot of hetero/homo/bi-sexual people in fact are hetero/homo/bi-romantic and demisexual.

Once again, you are free to believe what you believe since it doesn't hurt anybody. I just like to hear other people's thoughts about this!
 

OmiOMy

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#13
Clearing up a misconception that I've spotted:

• Pansexuality is a sexual attraction to all genders, whether they are the binary genders or not.
• Panromantic is the capacity to form romantic bonds with all genders, whether they are the binary genders or not.

Hope this helps somebody!
 
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#14
"Hater" seems to be rising in popularity because "bigot" is starting to become less politically correct.

It's way too easy to slap the "hater" label on people. It's also one of the goofiest labels out there. If you hate haters, doesn't that make you a hater too? If you don't hate haters what are you... a hater lover? Maybe you are open minded and are not biased against haters at all. You simply accept the fact that hating is a natural part of their identity and you don't try to interfere with their life style even though you aren't personally attracted to it yourself. That last one seems to be the proper approach.

Sexual labels can be confusing too, obviously. If a heterosexual is also a diapersexual, it wouldn't be politically correct to call that person a bisexual because that would offend many in the bisexual "community" since they have a prior claim to that name. Maybe we could call them 2nd bisexuals, or bisexuals once removed. Of course the purists will claim "diapersexuality" is not a legitimate sexuality at all, and maybe they're right. Maybe there is a commandment or law of nature somewhere stating, officially, that human sexuality can not include inanimate objects. Human/object love yes. Human/object sexuality no.
 

Calico

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#15
Actually, Calico, the way I understood pansexuality is that it's inclusive of transgender/agender, too. You love people for being -people- and not what's in their undies. :3 Pan = All, Bi = Two. That's all it is, adding a few more acceptances to the two there are normally. You'll come across Bisexual people every once in a while who will not get with a person who is transgender for whatever reason. :p There's still a bunch of debate about it, though.

And I always thought the separation of young kids into "BOY scouts" and "GIRL scouts" was kind of stupid. What if there's a boy who wants to learn more domestic talents like baking or sewing? Or a girl who is all about digging up worms and climbing rocks? I actually said for a long time when I was an actual kid that it should just be 'Scouts', everyone together doing all kinds of interesting things. Mainly because I was that girl who wanted to go camping and learn to make a fire and do outdoors stuff. But they didn't offer it for the girls. That's where you went to a cabin in the woods and made macrame instead of learning to 'survive'. XD

(My dad had the sense to say "Well, if you want to learn all about camping and stuff, we'll all go camping and you can find out!" So that's how I learned all kinds of stuff...because they didn't let girls do it and my dad said that I could. :p)
That would be a argument about why you disagree about this separate gender stuff boy boy and cub scouts and why boys and transgirls should be allowed to join girl scouts. It's not about letting a "boy" join the girl scouts just because they say they are a girl, there simply should be no gender separation.
 

CuddleWoozle

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#16
That would be a argument about why you disagree about this separate gender stuff boy boy and cub scouts and why boys and transgirls should be allowed to join girl scouts. It's not about letting a "boy" join the girl scouts just because they say they are a girl, there simply should be no gender separation.
That's basically what I said. It should all just be one big group where everyone gets to choose what they want to focus on.

And dangit, Drifter, now I'm just trying to imagine what a Diapersexual Pride Parade would even look like. -_- Instead of a flag it's just a diaper tied to a flagpole.

Stop opening the Pandora's Box of hatred, too. Haters gonna hate. Hater Hater's gonna hate. EVERYONE GETS TO BE HATED!
 
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#17
And dangit, Drifter, now I'm just trying to imagine what a Diapersexual Pride Parade would even look like. -_- Instead of a flag it's just a diaper tied to a flagpole.

Stop opening the Pandora's Box of hatred, too. Haters gonna hate. Hater Hater's gonna hate. EVERYONE GETS TO BE HATED!
:laugh:
 

SgtOddball

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#18
Hate also doesn't always mean the same thing as Bigot, someone can hate someone or a group of people, but still treat them as Human beings and not discriminate against them.
 

Calico

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#19
That's basically what I said. It should all just be one big group where everyone gets to choose what they want to focus on.

And dangit, Drifter, now I'm just trying to imagine what a Diapersexual Pride Parade would even look like. -_- Instead of a flag it's just a diaper tied to a flagpole.

Stop opening the Pandora's Box of hatred, too. Haters gonna hate. Hater Hater's gonna hate. EVERYONE GETS TO BE HATED!
Ow, how was I being hateful?
 

CuddleWoozle

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#20
Ow, how was I being hateful?
Not you, dear. :D *offers a cookie* I was poking at something Drifter said above your post but I forgot to quote it!

If you hate haters, doesn't that make you a hater too? If you don't hate haters what are you... a hater lover? Maybe you are open minded and are not biased against haters at all.
<--That's what the comment about hating things was about. :3
 
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