I am heavily diapered and surrounded by my teddies and stuffies. My paci is in the drawer right by me,less than an arms length away...BUT I feel SO sad. Tears are literally just flowing. Literally wishing that I could go to sleep and not wake up. NOT SUICIDAL, NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME GO TO SLEEP FOREVER!!! Just kind of don't want to exist anymore. I feel EXTREMELY embarrassed for wanting this... The diaper and paci. EVERYBODY knows I am a stuffed animal and teddy bear lover! And just accepts it. But I feel SOOOOO dumb that I want the diaper and paci. And to go without I feel besides myself worse. I went 2 years without this strong of feelings to be a baby!! I just hate me!!!! ;( ;( ;( REAL tears!!!!