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Thread: Dreams about true self?

  1. #1

    Default Dreams about true self?

    I'm trans, and decided to wear my first dress yesterday, but I noticed it triggered a weird dream later on about my true self.

    Having female body parts. is something that I have desired every since I discovered I was trans, my specific dream was about having female body parts.

    My specific dream involved me transitioning and having boobs and trying to hide them from everyone, me being transgender is something that I've kept hidden for some time.

    Here is the thing, is my dream trying to tell me about my true feelings that I'm trying to ignore throughout the day?

    I've really considering transitioning and thats how I'm feeling atm, I'm finding it very stressful to ignore these feelings, but I kind of have to right now.

    Does anyone have reflections of there true selfs in there dreams?

    I still feel guilty for being female on the inside, and pretending to be male, really makes me sad.

    Why do i feel so guilty for being trans, I wish for the day I become female on the outside. I know this might sound weird.

    Why is it sometimes my dreams reflect how I feel about my true gender? does anyone else have dreams that reflect how they are feeling?

  2. #2

    Default

    So wait, were you topless, because if that were the case I would be trying to hide them too. lol

    If not then it seems like you have some shame built up around the issue. I suppose that isn't uncommon. The first few times I went out to buy women's clothes I physically could not make myself step into the store, and coming out was one of the hardest things I ever did.

    Perhaps the greatest uncertainty of transition is how other people will react. Generally you can gague how accepting people are, but they can also really surprise you, for better or worse. With the threat that transitioning poses to ones social support system it is no wonder we hide, often as long as we can.

    Speaking as somebody who has transitioned I can say it is the best decision I ever made, but it was not a decision made without risk and sacrefice. I went through an awkward phase where I was a target for every biggot, pervert, and pimp on the street. I got to experience what it's like to wake up during surgery. I will probably never have the same social capital as if I had stayed male. And honestly, I'm still not completely happy with my body, but you know, welcome to womanhood.

    Ultimately transitioning is an intensely personal choice, and not one that should be undertaken lightly. You need to ask yourself which is worse, the risk of losing friends and family, medical complications, and being socially marginalized -
    or living as a guy,
    for one
    more
    day.

    On the other hand, the younger you start the better the outcome. It will be easier for you to pass than if you have years more of exposure to testosterone. You will also be able to pick up more female socialization and just spend more of your life being true to yourself.

    So, don't rush making up your mind, but get all of your ducks in a row so that if you do decide this is the way you want to go you can do things as expediently as possible.

  3. #3

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    You will never be happy in life if you don't but you should (whenever your ready)transition to be happy and I totally understand how you feel cause I'm trans, I used to dream alot that I'm a girl like waking up being pretty and wearing dresses etc when I was little and through my teens. I used to be shamed about myself for that but one day I decided to come out, it was a train wreck (Like I lost 100s of friends, some family members, got kicked out of school etc) but it was the greatest thing that ever happen to me, and you need to tell yourself "Is this what you really want?" -hugs- xo

  4. #4

    Default

    Yikes! That sounds like a pretty dramatic coming out. Still, I wish I were that brave when I was still a teen. Good on you. ^_^

  5. #5

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Babyfur View Post
    (Like I lost 100s of friends, some family members, got kicked out of school etc)...
    I'm not surprised about some family and friends but I am surprised and curious about being kicked out of school.

    I was wondering if you would comment on that? Don't feel like you have to respond.

  6. #6

    Default

    Oddly enough, even though I have wished that I would have been born female instead of male ever since my teenage years, I only remember having one dream about my 'true self' ever. And it's been so long now that I can't really remember when I had it, except that I'm sure it was after I first realized that I wished I had been born female {combination of and }. Though now that I think about it, it was probably during my later teens, since I was thinking a lot about this subject at the time and because I'm pretty sure it was before digital cameras became popular.

    In this dream, I was the natural, female-born person that I've always wished I had been since my early- to mid-teens. When the last part of the dream came, I had been looking through an old-fashioned (meaning the type that was popular before digital cameras came around) photo album of photos of myself. As I closed this photo album in the last part of this dream, even though I generally liked how I looked in those photos, I had one over-riding thought : "Being a girl isn't as easy as it seems." (At the time, I was just starting to realize there were drawbacks to being female even when it's the sex choice that better fits with your personality, interests, et cetera.)

    That dream haunted my thoughts about which sex I wished I had been born as for the next several days. I wondered at the time if I should just be happy that I had been born a male and forget all about this wanting to be female in every way I knew possible. But eventually, I pushed those doubting thoughts aside and resumed emulating being a female (by things like wearing skirts/dresses in private whenever I was alone and pursuing other interests that males are generally discouraged from having in this society) whenever I felt I could get away with it.

    I believe the reason that I resumed wanting to emulate being female as much as possible is that it has long been too difficult for me to suppress these urges completely due to the fact that these urges pop up in so many different aspects of my life. Not to mention the fact that society today is still very restrictive about what males (supposedly) can and cannot do, even though society has become more open to females taking on traditionally-male roles in many aspects of life. As I told a few different counselors I interacted with during my mid- to upper-30s "Society has a double-standard that works against males. If a girl acts masculine, society says at worst that it's not so bad - she's a tomboy. But if a boy acts feminine, society automatically assumes he's gay. I want to protest that."

    BTW, I should make it clear here that I am straight - I love how females look when they're pretty, and I often feel an urge to interact with them, but I hardly ever feel a similar urge for handsome-looking males. That's why I feel that I am a lesbian trapped inside a male body.

    So why have I not undergone a sex-change operation? It's probably due to a variety of factors (because life is never simple). However, I strongly believe that the biggest factors are my history and my feelings now. See, even though I have wanted to be as much like a female as possible ever since my early- to mid-teens, I never truly realized I could undergo a sex-change operation until I was in my mid-30s. And by then, I felt it wasn't worth it - the difficulties of undergoing this transition/change have always outweighed the benefits of becoming a female and living a life more in line with my personality, interests, etc. ever since then. And reading CuddleFish's line here "It will be easier for you to pass than if you have years more of exposure to testosterone." only reinforces that belief for me now. Though if I had known a sex-change operation was possible back when I was about 18 to 20 years old, I believe I would have gone through with it. (Hmmmmm - that makes me wonder if the science behind sex-change operations had developed enough to be wide-scale by the early-90s, which was when I was about that age.)

  7. #7
    roszy

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by BabyDenise View Post
    I'm not surprised about some family and friends but I am surprised and curious about being kicked out of school.

    I was wondering if you would comment on that? Don't feel like you have to respond.
    Even I was wondering about the same. Friends and family would behave like that because they give more importance for the society.

  8. #8

    Default

    Sorry I haven't got back to you, because I was very depressed, failing my classes, losing friends and when I 'dressed as a girl" the school thought it was appropriate dressing like that at school (but they didn't know I was trans) so they kicked me out, then later 2 month later I returned to school and I got to be me<3

  9. #9

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Babyfur View Post
    Sorry I haven't got back to you, because I was very depressed, failing my classes, losing friends and when I 'dressed as a girl" the school thought it was appropriate dressing like that at school (but they didn't know I was trans) so they kicked me out, then later 2 month later I returned to school and I got to be me<3
    Oh, :'(

    I'm guessing the reason I'm having the dreams is what cuddlefish said, shame around the issue, but at the same time, it could be me worrying about not being able to transition, I kind of discovered my gender after I discovered my sexuality, just never realized it before. (noticed I was slightly feminine before I discovered i was trans)

    It's a mixed set of feelings, guilt. but I only get guilt if I don't be my true self, sadness for some reason, wearing the "right" clothes, makes my guilt go away, and I become closer to my true self, I'm still in the "masking" stage, where I've been hiding the fact I'm transgender, as I feel like It's not the right time to come out yet, I'm going to wait until I move out, get a job.

    I get times, where I feel sad because I don't have a matching body, It's a weird feeling, comes and goes throughout the day, that and I kinda have to hide that I get jealous over other girls.

    I've been dying to start transitioning asap, but I know that its probably not possible in my current situation, so I'll try and wait until I'm 20 something, when I'm all settled and have a good job.

    I've also been growing my hair quite long, and expressing my true self in private, by wearing the right clothes often, doing girly things, to make myself feel happier as It's kind of sad hiding it.

    I know I'm trans, but at the same time, I'm also in the denial stage, It's kinda weird, but from what I've heard It's not too uncommon to have these feelings.

    Since I've made this thread, I've also become a little paranoid about how I appear, I've been getting jealous of other girls who look better than me, wanting to buy girls clothes since I have the money, etc.

    Well, peace

  10. #10

    Default

    I've had dreams like that too, in fact I first discovered I might've been trans through a dream. I'm trans but I still don't know what parts I want, but there are times I just curl up in a ball in my room because I wasn't born a girl. So I know how you feel

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