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Thread: Point/Purpose

  1. #1

    Default Point/Purpose

    I've woke up today with a heavy heart. I feel alone. I've never had anyone by my side. I've had to do everything on my own. (Main reason I believe I'm meant to be alone) I've always believed in purpose. Everything is done for a reason. I'm not seeing the big picture anymore. All I see is that life sucks. I have no soulmate, no home of my own, or (at this point)peace of mind. I don't want answers. I want something to strive for. Love is a tough target for someone like me. I want something strange to happen. I'm bored of the normal. Depression really seems to be my problem. On top of that I see what others get to do with their lives. It only serves to tick me off. I'm here in a backwater town with mostly trash people feeding them like animal. It's enough to drive me up the wall. I'm have a better mind than most others I've met. I have a problem with my ego, but I really don't see that as a problem.

    That's where I stand now. Hateful Alone Depressed

  2. #2

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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkBabyMagicain View Post
    I've woke up today with a heavy heart. I feel alone. I've never had anyone by my side. I've had to do everything on my own. (Main reason I believe I'm meant to be alone) I've always believed in purpose. Everything is done for a reason. I'm not seeing the big picture anymore. All I see is that life sucks. I have no soulmate, no home of my own, or (at this point)peace of mind. I don't want answers. I want something to strive for. Love is a tough target for someone like me. I want something strange to happen. I'm bored of the normal. Depression really seems to be my problem. On top of that I see what others get to do with their lives. It only serves to tick me off. I'm here in a backwater town with mostly trash people feeding them like animal. It's enough to drive me up the wall. I'm have a better mind than most others I've met. I have a problem with my ego, but I really don't see that as a problem.

    That's where I stand now. Hateful Alone Depressed
    I'm sorry that things are being tough, and that no one has replied in 11 hours. Sometimes you have to take the big chance and make a big move in your life. I did that a year after I graduated from college. I took a lesser paying job and moved 450 miles from home. I was a little bit frightened and lonely, but it didn't last for long. People found me. It eventually led me to getting married, buying a house and starting a family. I never looked back. Everyone has to find their own way, but just doing nothing about it will continue to make you miserable. Go to a junior college and take some courses if that would help. They have career counselors that can give you a new direction. At least you would be doing something positive and setting a course for your life.

  3. #3

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    From all I've seen of you, DarkBabyMagicain, I think you can manage. I know it's been a rough time for you, but you've been coming here for a while and sharing your troubles, and no matter how bad things get, there's always better moments and opportunities to keep going. Keep working hard and look for things that inspire you. And down the road, you might be the sort of person that can help inspire others. Sometimes that can be the reason for all these troubles too. If you can make it through your worries and make an okay life, you can show other people they can too.

  4. #4

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    The Sad Part is i kinda know that felling, and I will admit my abdl disiares do get in the way but i know i can get through this, and so can you. It may take some time, but i know you can get through this, and that you can have a good future for yourself Just like i can.

  5. #5

    Default

    Hey, DBM,
    We've been going at this problem up and down and sideways for a long time now, and it saddens me that you're not feeling any further ahead. What concerns me about your post is that it seems to indicate some very serious signs of depression and low self esteem. You and I have come from similar backgrounds, both of us having grown up with abusive fathers and dealing with our own sense of self worth. For myself, I had to get all that negative junk out of mind which was implanted there by my father. It was a process that took many, many years, even after I had left home. Like you, I had a great belief in my ability to do greater things and I felt frustrated with the mundane work I was doing. I knew I was capable of more but didn't know how to get there. Sending my resume around just added to my sense of despair, when they were rejected or simply ignored. It wasn't until I reached the age of twenty eight that I focussed on going back to school and getting a better education to pursue something I truly wanted.

    I think you really need to remind yourself that you're a good person, one who obviously has a ton of energy, ideas and ambition, and put the negative thoughts and self-doubts out of your mind. A lot of us get held back in life because of the negative image we have of ourselves, and if we hope to move ahead in life, we need to learn how to have a better image of ourselves. I guess I'm gently trying to remind you that there are reasons why you're not quite where you want to be, and that those reasons may need to be resolved first in order for you to move forward. These issues are not your fault and you can't blame yourself for things that have been done to you, but you can be aware of them and recognize how they influence or limit your ability to get the things you want out of life. I have mentioned previously that counselling could be a really positive first step to getting on to a better road. You have indicated it best in your post by saying that depression really seems to be the problem. This is where you need to start.

    What I had to learn to do was to stop beating myself up with criticism; Those little voices inside saying things like I wasn't very good at my work, I wasn't very smart, I was ugly, I was boring. I eventually learned to stop that inner voice, or at least tell it to shut up, and I also avoided pople who were negative or critical towards me.

    I'm a great believer that people are much happier when they are doing something they really like because the motivation comes so much easier. When you really want something in life then it becomes easier to push through any inner resistance you feel. if you lose your motivation, ask yourself: Am I doing what I really want to be doing? If not and if possible, then refocus and start working on that very important thing instead.

    Also, avoid falling into the 'Comparison Trap' of comparing yourself to what other people may have. This will just cause you grief and frustration. You can never win making these comparisons There is always someone who has more or is better than us at something in the world. There are always people ahead of us. So instead of bashing yourself over it, look at how far you have come instead. Compare yourself to yourself, not to others. Focus on you. On your results. And on how you can or how you have improved your life.

    Overall, I think you have tremendous potential to get the things you want out of life. You're still young. If it makes you feel any better, I was two years older than you are now before I took the chance of making significant changes in my life. It scared the hell out of me at the time. However, I've really come to the conclusion that we make the changes we need to make in our lives when we are ready. And we are here to support you until that time arrives.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 05-Mar-2016 at 14:37.

  6. #6

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    Lately I've been working on my credit. I've been told mine now sits at a decent level now. I'd like a change in location. I feel like I've out grown my hometown. I'm one of it's smartest people. I've been talking to someone who has a similar IQ level. It's been nice knowing I can talk to someone about high level science or just someone who can get my endless curiosity. At this point I positive diapers keep me sweet and calm. Yesterday for example I decided to diaper up after a really long day. After a few minutes I felt much better about myself and the world again. Cloth diapers don't do it so well for me. I prefer a disposable diaper. I'm thinking of trying 24/7 after my father's vacation this next week. The last few days have been hell mainly because my boss took some time off and left me in control of the business. I get it's a great chance to show what I can do. Like Starrunner said my heart isn't in it.I'm bored doing the job. I once did my boss' job half asleep with perfect results. I got a few more days before their return. College is an odd idea for me. I've tried a handful of times with results I won't brag about or even want others to know about. I need something were my creating ability is useful. I was thinking video games, but have the faintest idea who would even give me a shot.

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