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Thread: Relationships: Does it matter WHO is it?

  1. #1

    Default Relationships: Does it matter WHO is it?

    Me and a friend of mine had a talk, a deep one, eventually we were talking about this girl he likes and he wants to give it a try, but he is...I don't know, scared; the girl is popular as hell (she's actually a really nice person though) but my friend is kinda...well, let's just say he's not as popular. He asked me if your social status matters when it comes to dating someone (hate to use that term but that's how he said it) I answered "No", because, for example, my GF is quite popular, unlike me, I'm not as popular but people know a few things about me, but we considered that's irrelevant for our relationship.

    What's your opinion people? Does it really matters who you are to date someone from the "high society" (again, hate to use the term, but you understand).

  2. #2

    Default

    It depends on who the two people are. If the two people have a connection and don't care what other people think, then it can definitely work. But often when someone is popular, their social standing means so much to them that they're automatically not attracted to people outside of their clique (at least in high school and college...a lot of people also grow out of this). That's not to say everyone feels this way...but if I had to guess, I would say that it's the trend.

  3. #3

    Default

    Back in my high school, it mattered. Because who you dated either added to your social status or subtracted from it, a lot. But it depends on the person how much that matters.

  4. #4

    Default

    In high school it did matter. I can't imagine a popular girl going out with an unpopular boy... The other way round might have happened secretly with a slutty girl.

    I've not really thought about it. Popular people were generally bad people in my school, so I was never interested. And after high school (16+) the idea of popular and unpopular just disappeared. Only former popular people want to maintain that idea, and everybody else was mature enough to ignore it.

  5. #5
    EmeraldsAndLime

    Default

    If the love's there, social status and personal creed don't matter.

  6. #6

    Default

    It can work out, definitely, but in high school it can be really cliche, so people might not want to take away from their social status by dating someone below them on the ladder. I guess it just depends how much this girl likes your friend, and whether she is strong enough to ignore any jibes that might come her way.

    Good luck to him

    (unless he's a wanker[not in the masturbation sense], in which case im siding with the girl...)

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lukie View Post
    If the love's there, social status and personal creed don't matter.
    Agreed =)



    Quote Originally Posted by talula View Post
    I guess it just depends how much this girl likes your friend, and whether she is strong enough to ignore any jibes that might come her way.

    Good luck to him

    (unless he's a wanker[not in the masturbation sense], in which case im siding with the girl...)
    The girl's actually really mature and stuff... and she actually talks to him regularly, in fact, she sometimes seats with us (his friends) and him in the cafeteria, and wow, they do talk a lot and agree to almost anything =/. About ignoring the "Social pyramid", I don't know if she could ignore it at all, but she's definetly not engaged to this term. And no, he's not that...urged ^^;; thanks =).

  8. #8

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Motorbreath View Post
    Me and a friend of mine had a talk, a deep one, eventually we were talking about this girl he likes and he wants to give it a try, but he is...I don't know, scared; the girl is popular as hell (she's actually a really nice person though) but my friend is kinda...well, let's just say he's not as popular. He asked me if your social status matters when it comes to dating someone (hate to use that term but that's how he said it) I answered "No", because, for example, my GF is quite popular, unlike me, I'm not as popular but people know a few things about me, but we considered that's irrelevant for our relationship.

    What's your opinion people? Does it really matters who you are to date someone from the "high society" (again, hate to use the term, but you understand).
    An answer in three parts:
    1. In High School, YES, it matters. Your friend will not be successful, because no matter how nice the girl is, her doofus friends will not let this happen.
    2. After High School, no, it won't matter. People can date/marry people from all walks of life. At least, that's the thought, until...
    3. ...ultimately, a key component of relationships that remain is "shared interests." If the circles each member travels within do not permit this, then the house, car, pets, and kids will be split up and people will go their different ways.


    For now, what the hell, tell your friend to go for it. It won't last (or maybe even get off the ground), but no* functional relationship in high school will.



    Quote Originally Posted by Sam I am View Post
    Back in my high school, it mattered. Because who you dated either added to your social status or subtracted from it, a lot. But it depends on the person how much that matters.
    Cognitive Dissonance Theory.

    The girl (in this case) will either have to break up with this boy, OR leave her social group, OR make her social group accept this boy.

    My money is on the first of these happening.


    *Sure, someone may think of an example. And good on them. However, the odds are dramatically stacked against this working out.

  9. #9

    Default

    Well, it's not just a question of whether it works or can happen. I think it can, if both parties are open enough to not fear their social status getting hurt because of who they're dating. If the girl your friend likes is really nice, hopefully most of her close friends are also really nice and would be just fine with her dating someone below their social status.

    However, popularity can affect how you choose to spend your free time. Most popular high school and college students are pretty extroverted and would prefer to spend most of their free time with others. If the other person in the relationship is more shy or quiet and would rather have more time to himself, or time to themselves as a couple, it can lead to tension. My boyfriend and I are in that kind of situation; he'd usually rather go out with friends on a weekend night or at least spend one with a couple of close friends. I was really shy at first and wasn't thrilled about spending much time with his friends but now that I've gotten to know them, it works out pretty well. And he's good about understanding when I just need time to myself.

  10. #10

    Default

    I'm afraid that I don't know about this. I have never been in a relationship though popularity still seems to play quite a large amount even though I am now 18 years old (so in that way my experience of British schools is different from Charlie's), though more important seems to be groups of friends with variation in popularity of various people in the group not AS important.

    I don't think it should matter though if you share a connection. I would say it is possible that it could, though it shouldn't, and if you and the person you are going out with are truly close, you should be able to push through it.


    But I've never had a relationship, so what do I know?

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