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Thread: Men using "Female" as their gender preference online...

  1. #1

    Default Men using "Female" as their gender preference online...

    ... because they're transgendered / female mind / etc...

    The only thing left out of this conversation is dudes who just pretend to be girls, because they're just faking.

    This was brought up in another thread (quite indirectly, but got me thinking.)

    So what are your opinions on this?

    I'm quite torn, and my opinion kinda slides every which way. On one hand I don't want to be talking to a girl, and then find out she has a penis. On another, there are people like Sawaa who are nothing but female in my mind. I've kinda broken it down to myself, like if someone is living as a female, then they have every right to put "female" as their gender when filling it out out in a profile or something. But if someone is a dude, is living as a dude, then they should put male, or simply keep it private. I have to say it has bothered me in the past when I was talking to a "female" and it turns out they are a male, in every sense of the word. I also believe a person should have the curtesy to tell another if they are transgendered if they ask, and that they should put transgendered as the gender option if it isn't available. And again - if the person doesn't want to do it, then set it as private, or something. I mean, just because I feel like a tyranasauruas-rex or a turtle doesn't mean I put that as my species instead of human.




    Discuss.
    Last edited by starshine; 24-Feb-2009 at 18:51.

  2. #2

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    Well I'm no expert on this, but if someone is transgendered they should either put that, or put private and when they get in conversation with someone, then begin to talk to them about their preferences at that point. Putting Female when you're really a guy would be flat out lying in my opinion.

  3. #3

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    I agree that transgendered people should put what sex their living as on their profile.

    On a slightly related note: Transgendered people, are they considered gay if they like someone of their new sex or someone of their old sex? Just something I've wondered.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamaker View Post
    I agree that transgendered people should put what sex their living as on their profile.

    On a slightly related note: Transgendered people, are they considered gay if they like someone of their new sex or someone of their old sex? Just something I've wondered.
    I think your only homosexual if you sexually like the same sex as you. So say if a guy acted like a girl but only wanted to be sexually active with girls I would still consider the person straight.

    ----------------
    Now playing: Bright Eyes - Devil In The Details
    via FoxyTunes

  5. #5

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    I'd say it's a good test to see if you're truly friends with them, and you can see beyond them lying about the age. I can also see it from the other side, where you're used to them being a certain gender. I guess it just depends on the person.

    For me, I feel I'd be betrayed if someone lied, especially if they say they're a girl, and they're actually a guy. Why? Well, as much as I try not to, I tend to hit on girls somewhat (at least I feel that I do), so it would be awkward if it turns out it was a guy. Luckily, I haven't had this happen to me (yet...), so yeah.

  6. #6
    Mesmerale

    Default

    I've done this before.
    I'm doing it presently.
    And I'll continue to do it in the future.

    Just thought I'd get that out of the way.



    Quote Originally Posted by Abby View Post
    ... because they're transgendered / female mind / etc...

    The only thing left out of this conversation is dudes who just pretend to be girls, because they're just faking.

    This was brought up in another thread (quite indirectly, but got me thinking.)

    So what are your opinions on this?

    I'm quite torn, and my opinion kinda slides every which way. On one hand I don't want to be talking to a girl, and then find out she has a penis. On another, there are people like Sawaa who are nothing but female in my mind. I've kinda broken it down to myself, like if someone is living as a female, then they have every right to put "female" as their gender when filling it out out in a profile or something. But if someone is a dude, is living as a dude, then they should put male, or simply keep it private. I have to say it has bothered me in the past when I was talking to a "female" and it turns out they are a male, in every sense of the word. I also believe a person should have the curtesy to tell another if they are transgendered if they ask, and that they should put transgendered as the gender option if it isn't available. And again - if the person doesn't want to do it, then set it as private, or something. I mean, just because I feel like a tyranasauruas-rex doesn't mean I put that as my species instead of human.




    Discuss.
    I pretty much agree with this, but for one point or another. I have to ask though, how in the world do you find out?

    That, in my opinion, makes up a lot of how a person should feel about it. If it's a situation where someone "slips up" and mentions something that would ONLY apply to being a male, then that would be hurtful and one would have every right to be upset.

    But if it was a situation (And I've been in this kind of situation) where the person feels horrible about lying / tricking / concealing this information to someone that they now consider a friend, and spend fifteen minutes to over an hour talking in circles, clearly uncomfortable and not sure what to say.. Then when they finally do manage to tell the truth, one should do his / her best to try to understand why the person did it, and recognize that the fact that he has forced himself to tell the truth is a major plus sign to add in while calculating his "trustworthiness".

    Another thing is the reason.

    I'm transgendered (Bigendered, more specifically), and for a long time I never knew the words. So, every site that I went on (Runescape, Neopets, Anything that involved creating an account...) I would put myself down as female. I've got AIM/MSN/YIM accounts devoted to this part of myself. And to this day there are people that I talk to that think that I truly am a girl.

    (There's one that even thinks that I'm three different girls, but we haven't talked in a few months and I consider her to be gone at this point.)

    As a matter of fact, that is the EXACT same thing that I would have done on this site, and I actually had the "Female" button mark clicked before I saw the "Transgendered" button mark. Registering for ADISC was the first time I'd ever seen a gender option besides Male or Female. Seeing it swayed my decision, and I immediately decided that I'd be truthful when I registered for this site. (Besides some issues with my birthdate, which have already been sorted out.)

    All of this lying / tricking / whatever that I do is done for a reason, or at least that's how I justify it.

    If a person is doing this stuff for the thrill of a successful lie, or to be manipulative, then it's wrong.

    But if a person is doing it because they want someone to imagine him as a girl, or because he aren't comfortable being seen as a guy, then it isn't quite so bad.



    Quote Originally Posted by baseball4life View Post
    Well I'm no expert on this, but if someone is transgendered they should either put that, or put private and when they get in conversation with someone, then begin to talk to them about their preferences at that point. Putting Female when you're really a guy would be flat out lying in my opinion.
    Sometimes there isn't the option. In fact, most of the time, the only options are Male and Female. It's really hard to decide which to put sometimes.



    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamaker View Post
    I agree that transgendered people should put what sex their living as on their profile.

    On a slightly related note: Transgendered people, are they considered gay if they like someone of their new sex or someone of their old sex? Just something I've wondered.
    Be careful about the "new sex / old sex" thing.

    This is from Yahoo! Answers, so don't take it to be 100% true, but it almost perfectly displays my personal definition of Transgender and Transsexual.



    Quote Originally Posted by Vanessa on Yahoo! Answers
    Transgender generally encompasses a spectrum of people, from those who cross dress part time to people who have undergone sexual reassignment surgery.
    A transexual is someone who believes they are born in the wrong body, specifically a body of the wrong gender. A transexual will generally be obsessed with looking and feeling like the opposite sex, even going so far as to get a sex change.

    A common misconception is that a transgender person wants to get a sex change. With many crossdressers this is not the case, they are happy dressing like woman without actually becoming one.

    Source(s):
    Crossdresser Heaven
    So, yeah. Transgender doesn't have an old or new gender. It's having a body of one gender, and a mind of another, to put it simply. The question still applies though, just not worded quite that way.

    Look at my profile for my answer. I checked both Straight and Lesbian.



    Quote Originally Posted by Pojo View Post
    I'd say it's a good test to see if you're truly friends with them, and you can see beyond them lying about the age. I can also see it from the other side, where you're used to them being a certain gender. I guess it just depends on the person.

    For me, I feel I'd be betrayed if someone lied, especially if they say they're a girl, and they're actually a guy. Why? Well, as much as I try not to, I tend to hit on girls somewhat (at least I feel that I do), so it would be awkward if it turns out it was a guy. Luckily, I haven't had this happen to me (yet...), so yeah.
    When guys hit on me, depending on their age, I'll either.

    A) Get creeped out and cut off contact with him.

    B) Immediately decide that I will NEVER tell him the truth. I'd rather not put him through that kind of discomfort, thank you.

    C) Go along with it. ~ Yes, it's completely wrong, and the reasoning behind it is even worse. At least on certain online games, the girl always gets the gifts in a relationship. I basically exploit the person until he loses interest.

    It usually isn't a problem for me though, since I don't really like talking to guys.

  7. #7

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mesmerale View Post
    (There's one that even thinks that I'm three different girls, but we haven't talked in a few months and I consider her to be gone at this point.)

    As a matter of fact, that is the EXACT same thing that I would have done on this site, and I actually had the "Female" button mark clicked before I saw the "Transgendered" button mark. Registering for ADISC was the first time I'd ever seen a gender option besides Male or Female. Seeing it swayed my decision, and I immediately decided that I'd be truthful when I registered for this site. (Besides some issues with my birthdate, which have already been sorted out.)

    All of this lying / tricking / whatever that I do is done for a reason, or at least that's how I justify it.

    If a person is doing this stuff for the thrill of a successful lie, or to be manipulative, then it's wrong.

    But if a person is doing it because they want someone to imagine him as a girl, or because he aren't comfortable being seen as a guy, then it isn't quite so bad.
    This part of your post really bothers me. So you're saying you pretend to be three different females, and even to one person! And you think that's okay? I'm really sorry to be harsh, but that's nothing short of lying. I really don't care how a person justifies it, but having three different accounts (or more) is bad, imho.

    If I *ever* found out someone was talking to me under three different names, I'd be really, really pissed. So in your eyes, was Kip/inconjenonwheels/(the other name I forget) was justified in their actions? For all you know the person felt like all three people, and wasn't doing it just to lie. Personally, I think they deserved a ban, and I don't see how someone could think otherwise.

    If there is only male/female available, and someone wants to click female, but they are male, be my guest, as long as you make known what's between your legs (like I said, unless they live as a female, etc...) There is one LG I know who has always said gender is between the ears, and sex is between the legs, and while the person uses a female name, female avatar, acts quite female, and sets their gender as female... if someone asks, she TELLS them her sex is male, and if possible, she makes it known that she is really a male. I have no problem with that - since there is no deception when it comes to her. But 3+ accounts... that's just... wrong.

  8. #8

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    Oh no, last time this thread was made it went on for pages and pages, and I got all annoyed with somebody.

    So I'll keep it short:
    It's best to be honest, and being honest in this case is to say "I'm transgendered".
    This makes everything clear.

    BUT, if the place where they aren't really accepting of that or they feel like revealing that information would be a bad thing, then I think it's okay to give the gender in the head.

    If it was me, and I got to know somebody well and they started flirting or something, I'd tell them in a harmless way. If they argued that I should have mentioned earlier, I'd point out that the situation would been harder for me and it's better not to be stigmatised from the start.

    They might be a little annoyed, but as long you never lie then I think it's fair enough.
    (Lying would be talking about parts you don't have, or making to lies to seem more convincing)

  9. #9
    Mesmerale

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by Abby View Post
    This part of your post really bothers me. So you're saying you pretend to be three different females, and even to one person! And you think that's okay? I'm really sorry to be harsh, but that's nothing short of lying. I really don't care how a person justifies it, but having three different accounts (or more) is bad, imho.

    If I *ever* found out someone was talking to me under three different names, I'd be really, really pissed. So in your eyes, was Kip/inconjenonwheels/(the other name I forget) was justified in their actions? For all you know the person felt like all three people, and wasn't doing it just to lie. Personally, I think they deserved a ban, and I don't see how someone could think otherwise.

    If there is only male/female available, and someone wants to click female, but they are male, be my guest, as long as you make known what's between your legs (like I said, unless they live as a female, etc...) There is one LG I know who has always said gender is between the ears, and sex is between the legs, and while the person uses a female name, female avatar, acts quite female, and sets their gender as female... if someone asks, she TELLS them her sex is male, and if possible, she makes it known that she is really a male. I have no problem with that - since there is no deception when it comes to her. But 3+ accounts... that's just... wrong.
    Just to clear this up: I didn't make three different accounts and talk to her as three completely unrelated people.

    When I first started talking to her, I didn't know ADISC, nor did I know many things about *BDL besides the 90% sexual stories online. I didn't have FairestandFallen, I was, for the most part, alone in that regard.

    As I started role-playing, the fantasy of having someone taking care of me manifested in my mind, and I did whatever I could to act it out.

    So, when I started role-playing with this girl, I did just that. We eventually slipped out of the role-play and started just talking. At that point, one of her friends started talking on her account. This was my opportunity to act on my fantasy, so I immediately (and rather thoughtlessly) started talking as if I were someone else as well. By the end of that week, I'd been introduced to all of the six people who she commonly had over her house, and who commonly talked to me while she was on AIM. They had likewise "met" the two people on my end. Jessica and Rachel. Jessica, the fourteen year old (To match the girl's age) infantilist who had all the baby things she could dream up, and Rachel, the sixteen year old who loved Jessica to death and babied her, basically acting like a second mother to her. Eventually, a system was worked out where each person would talk with a different font color to define who was who.

    So that is now cleared up. There weren't three accounts. I wasn't one person from Virginia, one from England, and another from Canada, or anything of the like.

    That being said, you're right when you say that it is wrong. It is lying, but as I've said on Hypnotized's "Watch out for this guy" thread, the entire basis of any internet relationship is trust.

    I trust that this girl really is herself and five other people, even though I know full well that she may be lying.

    Just as she trust(s)(ed) me.



    Quote Originally Posted by Mesmerale View Post
    This'd be it. It's the part in the spoiler after you follow the arrow-link.
    And if a person truly believes that he or she is three different people, then, assuming that they are unaware of their actions, they do not deserve to be banned for making multiple accounts. Though this is a 'multiple-personality' type situation, 'not a consciously deciding to do this' situation.

    If someone on ADISC asks, I tell them that I'm physically male while mentally bigendered (or female, sometimes.)

    Elsewhere, I say what I originally put down, which will usually be female.

    1) It defeats the purpose of doing it in order to be seen as a girl. It's the fear that if a person actually knows, they won't imagine me in the way that I want.

    2) As time goes on, it becomes pointless and actually detrimental to tell the truth. It'd just hurt both people / parties in the end. ("The longer you wait, the harder it becomes to tell the truth.")

  10. #10

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    I feel that there should be an two separate options on sites so that you can put your sex and gender because in some cases they are different. The only person that can change your sex is a very skilled surgeon, however your gender can be different without surgery so that way no body is lying because it's wrong to pretend you are something you are not. If you feel like a girl yet have a penis you are most likely a gay man or something along those lines, and because your profile says you are a girl straight guys might get ideas and you might get ideas and then everyone has these nasty incorrect ideas except for you, and not only is that confusing to everyone except you but in the end you might become confused yourself then it's just like the bush administration, nobody knows whats going on. You know what happens when nobody knows whats going on, well I could make another Bush reference and its temping, things just get real weird for everyone involved and not like Tenacious D weird, like Clay Akin weird and at least i hope nobody wants that kind of weirdness in their live.

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