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Thread: Recent Breakup with Girlfriend: Complications in Little Space!!? HELP! Semi-Urgent

  1. #1

    Exclamation Recent Breakup with Girlfriend: Complications in Little Space!!? HELP! Semi-Urgent

    Hey everyone! I haven't logged on in a while, but I knew as soon as I was experiencing some turmoil I could turn to you all for some advice.

    My girlfriend and I (dating for 7 months) broke up the other day and I've been suffering. What makes this complicated is that aside from being my girlfriend, she was my Mama. It wasn'it so much as a MD/LB relationship, more like a romantic relationship with an understanding and participating partner.

    When I regress into little space since the break up, often involuntarily due to some PTSD stuff, "little me" gets super scared and anxious because Mama is gone. "Little me" doesn't know why she left or when she's coming back. "Big me" obviously does, but as we all know, "big" cognitions most times don't carry over to little space. When I'm in little space, all I know at the moment is abandonment.

    In little space, I've been crying out uncontrollably for her, but she obviously is gone in retrospect. It's killing me inside because I can't comfort my little self in these times.

    So what I'm asking I guess is for advice as to how to deal with an adult romantic relationship break up when it's directly affecting "little me". I miss her very very much in the big scheme of things; that pain is amplified ten fold in little space.

    Has anyone experienced this before? Does anyone know how to comfort their little self in times like this? Has anyone ever experienced a guilty feeling of being a little after a romantic relationship break up?

    I've been so depressed over this whole situation; relapsing and such. I can't even discuss this with my therapist. I'm afraid I'm riding a thin line in terms of being safe.

    HELP. Please. Anything. Thank you in advance for support!!!

  2. #2


    It just might be that your little self needs to cry it out
    Sad stuff takes some time, and it might be your adult self is not as good at expressing the sadness you feel than what your little side is. I'd say cry it out! Wail and feel it until you get it out. Remember to do some nice stuff too after you calm down a bit and get your mind in a better place before un-regressing, too!

    Give it time and feel it, that's the only thing you can do with sorrow <3

  3. #3


    Hey there, Cat -- Long time. It's good to hear from you again, even if not under the best of circumstances.

    Quote Originally Posted by Catinthehat View Post
    HELP. Please. Anything. Thank you in advance for support!!!
    I wish I had some immediately practical advice. Reflecting on my own past losses--of girlfriends, jobs, etc.--I suppose the only thing I can think to suggest is that you try hard to refocus on the many people and things that are still in your life. If you can find the company of others who love you, even if you have no idea what you'll do with them, I expect that will help a lot. I know that's sort of generic and hollow advice, but then we're all quite disadvantaged by our not knowing you in real life, so specific examples of things you might easily do are hard to come by.

    I do recall from some of your past posts that you had a really good relationship with your real-life mom, and that she was very understanding of your sexuality and AB/DL. If you haven't already leaned on that, you certainly should. I can remember when I was having a super hard time at work and felt like I was in a death-spiral, at least from a career standpoint. It took a bit of pride-swallowing, but I finally went and talked to my dad about it. It helped a lot, and although his anecdotes weren't identical to my own situation, it was hugely comforting to know that similar situations were survivable. I mean--we can all reason about this stuff in our own heads, but it's just not the same. In fact, doing that for too long often makes things worse.


    I know you'll pull through!
    Last edited by Cottontail; 15-Jan-2016 at 16:55.

  4. #4


    Quote Originally Posted by Catinthehat View Post

    HELP. Please. Anything. Thank you in advance for support!!!
    I don't have any real experience with regressing to a little stage, Catinthehat...

    A thought occurs to me though...

    You might try having the big you... write a letter and/or, make a video for the little you...

    explaining that the big you is always with the little you and,

    offer age appropriate reassurances and simple explanations of what has occurred and,

    that it's no fault, blame or, shame on little you...

    Maybe even get little you a new plushie or some sort of treat to indulge in while regressed...

    Make it okay for the little one...

    I hope that helps!


  5. #5


    I really like Marka's advice, seems like a good thing to try.

    As for my own advice, just keep moving. Not literally, although actually exercise might help too. ... I mean go out, enjoy yourself, meet new people, find something to occupy yourself with. Break ups are always tough. I went through one recently myself.

    I don't have really any advice for your little side because I actually don't really understand how that all works, but Marka's advice as I said seems like a smart idea.

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