Hi KimbaStarshine, I know exactly what you are going through. Several years ago when I was still very new to AB/DL (had only made like 1 makeshift diaper and had just learned that I wasn't the only one with these desires), I decided that it would be in my best interest to tell my mom (with whom I still live). I found some old, outdated AB/DL website that hadn't been updated for a good 10 years. It had a letter that was designed to help you tell your parents. So, I copied and pasted and filled in the blanks and gave it to my mom to read. Needless to say, it didn't go over well and I ended up at a counselor's office. The counselor read the letter I had wrote and he definitely didn't understand at all. I remember one of his questions being "Do you feel the need to wear diapers because you're afraid of having accidents?" and I, being really scared, just sort of went along with it. The counselor eventually came to the conclusion that I was sick with a rare type of strep throat that caused unusual behavior (I have a bad history with strep throat so this seemed plausible to my mom). After that I was so traumatized that I didn't even think about diapers for a year or so.
Then, the urge started to come back. I was definitely keeping it secret now after the awful experience I had had, and did so successfully. I even managed to perfect my makeshift diapers and started learning a bit more about the community (did my first lurking on ADISC, etc.). But, my secret welled up inside like pressurized steam and eventually bursted. My makeshift diapers were fine and dandy, but I had no idea what a real diaper felt like, or if my makeshift diapers were even close (which they actually were). I found a video by BabyMitchy directed towards helping non-ABDL's understand. I had my mom watch this video, and I hoped that it would help. Unfortunately it didn't. She had me strep tested (she still thought the counselor's crazy theory was valid) and asked me why I told her. I came up with the BS excuse that it would make my ABDLism go away. For a little while that rang true, but in a couple more months I was back to makeshift diapers.
In Summer 2014 (a few months after my second telling), I finally got the courage to go out and buy some real diapers. I bought a pack of size 6 Pampers (I'm fairly small so they still fit) and I was in heaven. Eventually I got my first adult diapers from Walgreens, and found a baby bottle from my own childhood to drink from. That was also around the time I started on ADISC. I continued without the slightest intention of telling, but eventually my overactive mind started thinking how much better it would be if I didn't have to wear in fear and I got the urge to tell again. This time it was different. I made an ADISC post asking fellow members what to do (much like you did), and the answer was a resounding don't tell; the situation I was in was already fairly good and I shouldn't risk making it worse. I thought it through and agreed with that conclusion. I had a few close calls where I was almost caught (for instance, just messed my diaper when I hear my mom getting home earlier than she said she would - I barely made it out of that one), but things were just fine. But the unthinkable happened last April: I was caught.
A similar situation to the one mentioned above occurred, and my mom could tell I was acting suspicious. I left to do some stuff that night, and I was about to go home when I got a phone call from her. She sounded very shaken and said that I was in deep trouble. I knew what had happened and anxiously drove home. I got there to find that she had discovered my stash, and she had even gotten my dad over (very bad news because he is very conservative and closed-minded). They had me throw out my whole stash (I kept the baby bottle hidden though) and also had me go to counseling (fortunately with a new counselor). The counseling actually helped, as the new counselor actually knew a bit about ABDL and that it wasn't a problem like my parents made it out to be. A few weeks later I gathered up the courage to tell my mom (she was hoping that I was done for good) that it was here to stay and managed to explain it a bit better. She reluctantly agreed, but she still wanted me to stop mainly because she's worried I will never be able to marry because of ABDL. I ordered some M4's and ATN's online and was thrilled to have my first premium diapers after hearing so much about them. I only wore around my mom once as an experiment but I was so nervous and uncomfortable that I never did it again. I still pretty much kept it secret and was only questioned a few times, except of course for my weekly counseling. Eventually my desires naturally waned and I didn't wear for a few months.
My ABDL desires came back in mid November, and having thrown away my remaining diapers (they were cheap ones from Walgreens so it was fine) I ran to the store and bought some Goodnites one day. I had no intention of telling, so I kept my Goodnites in my super secret hiding spot and only wore them if I knew I was going to be safe. One day, I found that the lock to my hiding place was broken. I didn't think much of it, but a few days later my mom said that she had found my diapers, but it was OK and she wouldn't tell my dad. I was astonished, but eventually it settled in. Because she knew, I was just like YOLO and I ordered some more M4's. They eventually got here and I was surprised to find that my mom had again become averse to ABDL stating her worries that I would be like this forever, never have a normal life, etc. She hasn't mentioned ABDL since then, and that is basically where I am right now.
What should your takeaway from this be? Telling all depends on your situation, and people's feelings change. Based on the fact that your mom bought you a pacifier, I would say you're in a pretty good position to tell. However, I would test the waters before just straight up telling her. For example, you could ask her how she feels about your pacifier usage because you are "just wondering". If she says she's fine with it, I would tell her. Be sure to have a plan for what you will say, and don't make it a big deal. If you make it a big deal, your parents will make it a huge deal and your mom might react how mine did when I first told her. Just act casual, maybe slide into it using your pacifier as a jumping off point. For instance, "You know I use a pacifier to reduce stress. Another thing that helps me reduce stress is wearing adult diapers. It helps me feel safe and secure." That's just an idea.
I apologize for rambling on so long, and basically telling my entire ABDL story. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope it goes well.
Luvtowearpampers
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