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Thread: Acceptance of other fetishes

  1. #1

    Default Acceptance of other fetishes

    This post is going to be a tad chaotic bare with me, I don’t want to spend forever and a day overcomplicating my thoughts, I want to make it sound as natural as possible.

    A lot of people express the belief that because I have, and occasionally practise a peculiar fetish it’s my moral duty to be accepting of most bizarre kinks/fetishes to be an example to those who shun me for being an infantilist. Rubbish. I find numerous fetishes just a little bit too creepy for me and I will not under any condition grow to accept them. I’m not going to get over everyone. I realize I am a minority, I avoid other minorities for my own reasons. I will stay close minded and avoid these people where possible. On a fetish community site it can frequently become difficult to do so without accusations of bias being thrown or someone claiming to be a victim of prejudice for wearing his/her fetish on their sleeve, which does get tiresome.

    Admittedly I have my own ‘box’, as most do whether they like to own up to that or not, and I dislike those who are outside of it. I don’t ‘’hate’’ anyone for having a fetish that exceeds my ‘’normal‘’-o-meter. I didn't wake up and decide to be an infantilist and I presume you didn't willingly become -insert obscure fetish- I won’t insult you, but I will politely walk away and choose not to communicate with you if you decide to take the risk and share that personal information with me or make it public for all to see. If you notice my discomfort and keep pushing your fetish in my face then I will insult you, not for having that fetish, but for being a douche.

    I know I’m a hypocrite, but every and all humans are, it’s in our nature to be flawed. Reminding me of this isn't going to change anything, you just sound like an annoying broken record.

    What’s your positions on the acceptance of other fetishes?
    Last edited by MarcusBear; 18-Feb-2009 at 14:28.

  2. #2
    Mesmerale

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    There's acceptance and participation.

    If I like it, I'll participate.

    If I don't, I'll simply accept it. I won't ever discriminate or hate someone because of a fetish, but that doesn't mean I'll partake in everything simply because I have a strange / uncommon one myself.

  3. #3

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    I think that the perception of others with "strange" fetishes is that if you are involved in one thing, it's natural for them to assume that you are accepting of others as well. Personally, I don't subscribe to that view. Just because I wear diapers, doesn't mean that I have to be accepting of someone who has an extreme (no diapers are not extreme) fetish, like poking a live squid in your bung, or something.
    I do, however, have to understand that those other fetishes exist and even allow that these people have just as much right to engage in their fetishes, but understanding =/= acceptance.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Snap View Post
    I do, however, have to understand that those other fetishes exist and even allow that these people have just as much right to engage in their fetishes, but understanding =/= acceptance.
    Good point there.

    I don't deny anyone the right to practise there fetish, granted it isn't harming anyone (or anything), but please do so behind closed doors, at least that way I don't have to know about it.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lil Snap View Post
    Just because I wear diapers, doesn't mean that I have to be accepting of someone who has an extreme (no diapers are not extreme) fetish, like poking a live squid in your bung, or something.
    Hey! Why are you knocking livrecephalopodanalphilia? What's it ever done to you??



    I do, however, have to understand that those other fetishes exist and even allow that these people have just as much right to engage in their fetishes, but understanding =/= acceptance.
    I'd disagree with you. Let me restate that: I'm going to rephrase what you said and make it more clear. Hopefully this is where you were going, too:
    I do, however, have to understand that those other fetishes exist and even allow that consenting adults engaged in these fetish activities have that right, but my understanding that doesn't mean I accept it.

    Remember, we fall into at least two sets here: the set of "human beings" and the set of "fetishist" (if you're a DL/wear for a reason connected to a fetish). Being in the one does not preclude membership in the other; hence, there are things that will cross our boundaries. And then we have difficult areas, like the one that Priest brings up:



    Quote Originally Posted by Priest View Post
    I don't deny anyone the right to practise there fetish, granted it isn't harming anyone (or anything), but please do so behind closed doors, at least that way I don't have to know about it.
    I agree with the "behind closed doors sentiment," just as I think that people shouldn't have each other's tongues down their throats out on the street. But the first part of your statement is where it gets tricky. What about BDSM scenarios? Now, what about asphyxiation fetishes? I myself see a distinction here; BDSM and S&M play - which WILL be painful - I can understand and accept, while erotic asphyxiation I can understand, but I do NOT accept.

    Hence, I suspect that most of us will draw our boundaries differently, even across fetishes that look largely the same (consenting adults, behind closed doors, painful). For me, at least, wearing and enjoying diapers occasionally does not influence my position on other fetishes. And I imagine that erotic asphyxiation forums have had the occasional, "ewwwww! People get off on wearing diapers??" thread.
    Last edited by h3g3l; 18-Feb-2009 at 14:59. Reason: Fixing/linking Priest's quote.

  6. #6

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    Priest... I am with you 100%, there are even parts of abdlism that I don't like. For example: I don't like seeing a grown man acting like a baby. Diapers, sure, as a baby, no! I think it's kinda gross. That makes me a huge hypocrite.

    It's not my duty to accept everyone's weird fetishes just because I have one myself.

    I can accept the fact that someone has a fetish, but I don't have to accept the fetish, if that makes sense.

  7. #7

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    Eh. Like I've said before, I've got plenty of weird fetishes. I can accept pretty much any and all fetishes, except for things that harm others, such as a rape fetish, or people being pedophile's... Other than the small group of fetishes that harm others not willingly participating in the fetish act, I can accept any other fetishes, no matter how strange (besides smoking and drug fetishes, and only because those are really harmful. Those are the ONLY exceptions I have other than the ones that hurt 'innocents'.). I think it'd make me kind of a bad person if I felt otherwise, especially since I'd like my parents to accept what I am.

    To sum it all up, I pretty much feel "To each, their own." If you like it, then I'm not going to say you're wrong for feeling in such a way. After all, everybody's gotta have something they like a bit more than others in sex, even if they don't admit it.

    Participating in them, however, is a whole other story. I will accept it, and I'm pretty muich willing to try ALMOST every fetish I'd accept at least once, but that doesn't mean I'd feel an obligation to, or an obligation to like it. Big differences, there.

  8. #8

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    "Accept" is a very broad term.

    I think I accept all fetishes that are consensual. But "I accept" doesn't mean I'll put on a little hat on and dance about it, "I accept" to me, just means "yeah that exists and I'm fine with that".
    Whether I want to hear about it or not is a different thing IMO. If somebody was into cricket and wanted to tell me all about it, I'd politely refuse and get violent if they persisted. I don't not 'accept' cricket, I just don't want to hear about it.
    Same with livrecephalopodanalphilia.

    Actually no, I'd probably want to hear all about that. And I could want to hear all about it without ever accepting it.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Abby View Post
    Priest... I am with you 100%, there are even parts of abdlism that I don't like. For example: I don't like seeing a grown man acting like a baby. Diapers, sure, as a baby, no! I think it's kinda gross. That makes me a huge hypocrite.

    It's not my duty to accept everyone's weird fetishes just because I have one myself.

    I can accept the fact that someone has a fetish, but I don't have to accept the fetish, if that makes sense.
    WORD...

    I hate that the stereotype is of a grown man in his 50's dressed in a dress with diapers...........GOD THAT IS SO FREAKING CREEPY.

  10. #10
    EmeraldsAndLime

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mesmerale View Post
    There's acceptance and participation.

    If I like it, I'll participate.

    If I don't, I'll simply accept it. I won't ever discriminate or hate someone because of a fetish, but that doesn't mean I'll partake in everything simply because I have a strange / uncommon one myself.
    Add Tolerance to that, and I'd agree with you! There are the three levels that a person can reside on when on the topic of fetishes.

    Acceptance
    I've always used this word in such a context to show that I'm understanding, supportive and empathetic (U.S.E.) to whatever the subject may be. In the case of other fetishes that I'm not involved in, I draw my opinions largely from other beliefs, likes/dislikes and preferences, although having quite a few kinks of my own, I believe, does make me more prone to accepting (or at least tolerating) other fetishes, if only for the fact I know what it's like to be outside the status quo.

    The term acceptance is very broad to many people, but to me its definition is strict and apparent. I perceive most things I "accept" as another facet of life, another quirk that has developed because of our complex society. I understand why people would have such fetishes and I'm supportive of them if they wish to partake in them. Although, people who do practise other fetishes may step in or out of my realm of acceptance depending, again, on my external beliefs, etc... I agree considerably with Priest in that such things shouldn't be thrust in the public spotlight, or taken out of the privacy of one's home/bedroom for that matter.

    Tolerance
    I feel this differs from acceptance because tolerating something doesn't necessarily mean you should/can accept it. Failing to meet any of the U.S.E. criteria will more than likely result in tolerance rather than having acceptance for another person's fetish. It's like hanging around with someone you aren't too fond of - you tolerate their presence and are friendly for the sake of being friendly, but you really don't want them around. Much in the same way, tolerance is putting up with something for the sake of putting up with it.

    Tolerance is where most people lie when dealing with fetishes other than their own. Most acknowledge that other kinks do exist, but are ultimately indifferent to them, and rightfully so too. Tolerance means you can still harbour confusion, disinterest, fear or even more negative feelings like hate and disgust about other fetishes, which is why it falls short of acceptance (having been defined as being completely understanding and clear-minded about it, even though you could still be disinterested). But even if you do have strong conflict over an issue such as other people's kink, you have the ability to put up with it, and that's tolerance in a nutshell and certainly isn't acceptance.

    Participation
    This is a by-product of the above two factors. It's possible that once you learn about a fetish, the ideal and concept of it can hook you in, leading you to actually give it a go yourself. You often don't hear about this, but it does happen. I don't really have much to say here since it's all too apparent why someone would want to participate in a fetish (look at ourselves, there's a multitude of reasons), but I will say that this is a crossover between acceptance and tolerance such that someone may or may not accept it (conflict within themselves about why they like it) and they may or may not tolerate all aspects of it.

    What separates it from the two aforementioned categories is that the actual practising of it gives the participant a greater depth of knowledge about it, something that can't be attained by merely accepting or tolerating it.

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