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Thread: Girlfriend Backlash!

  1. #1

    Default Girlfriend Backlash!

    So I posted earlier this year or possibly near the end of last year concerning me coming out as and AB/DL to my girlfriend. She took it well but never mentioned or wanted to talk about it after that afternoon. So for the last couple of months I assumed she was cool with it. So last week, seeing as I am have made my mind up I am going to propose next year, asked her how she felt about mabye spending an eavening with my while im diapered. Nedless to say she reacted a little negatively. I guess I wasnt to clear when I told her about me being an AB/DL becasue she had assumed that this was something that would go away once we where married becasue she could fulfill the role of sexual partner. She didint realize this is primarily relaxatory for me and not sexual. Now she is asking me weather or not I can give this up becasue she wants nothing to do with the diaper. She is equating it to her being a recovering anoerxic and telling me I can get rid of this. I cant help but feel that depite her reassuring me that she will still love me either way, she is hoping I will give up diapers. I told her abot the binge purge cycles i have gone through in the past and this just seemed to enforce her argument than dispel it. I asked her why she didint like the idea of me wearing diapers and she was unable to give me an answer. So i feel like I am face with a choice, give this up or keep doing what i have always done. I feel that I am treading on thin ice here. I dont want to ruin our relationship, yet at the same time I dont want to make promisses I know from past experiences I wont be able to keep. Any help or prayer is apreciated. I am going to need some guidance on this matter. Thanks yall for your time and responses.

  2. #2

  3. #3


    Quote Originally Posted by nightfox320 View Post
    asked her how she felt about mabye spending an eavening with my while im diapered
    It seems asking for an evening together with you diapered might be too steep a goal for the beginning. There's plenty of middle ground between her wanting you to give it up completely and her being ok with you diapered in her presence. Like a don't ask don't tell kind of setup, you keeping it private; not lying or telling her you've stopped, but also not forcing it onto her.

    Quote Originally Posted by nightfox320 View Post
    She is equating it to her being a recovering anoerxic and telling me I can get rid of this.
    Unlike anorexia or alcoholism etc. diapers are generally not harmful to one's health (besides the occasional rash), nor harmful to others like other sins.

    One thing you may need to address is that she might consider the diapers a kind of cheating, or competition/alternative to her, so you may need to explain to her that it's not like that. Tough.

  4. #4


    Sorry to hear about your plight. I know what it's like because this exact kind of situation lasted over 40 years for me and ultimately ended in divorce. It was a surprise for me every time she was "shocked" to find out I still had those desires since I made it clear early on they would never go away. She knew about this before we were married but always assumed it would, and should, go away after the wedding.

    I give out advice a little too freely sometimes so you have to take this with a grain of salt. The bottom line is - one of you will have to change in order to keep the relationship alive. You can talk about compromise all you want but the fundamental issue will always be either you give up your BF desires or she accepts them. You won't (can't) give up that part of yourself so it will be up to her to accept the fact you have these desires if the relationship is to survive. She may not be able to do that. The point is not that she has to give in to any of your desires, those things are open to compromise, but that she has to accept you as you are. If she truly accepts you the two of you will be able to talk about it. She can accept you and still absolutely refuse to get involved in any aspect of your BF behavior, but she can't pretend that part of you doesn't exist because that would cut off communication.

    MattyMax has posted a link in his thread "Very Interesting Study" in the Mature topics forum about a study that sounds like it could address some of the issues your gf has. I downloaded the pdf but haven't read it yet.

  5. #5


    That study state's only 0.01 % can ever give it up the best thing for an ab/dl is helping them find acceptance with being AB/DL.
    Great read.

  6. #6


    All I can say is that my heart breaks for you and everyone else in this situation

  7. #7


    I have no issue with being alone. Getting a girlfriend is not on my priority list ( is on my mothers lol)

    That being said, you have to decide if you are willing to accept being alone as a potential outcome. That's not to say there are not plenty of gf's that would accept you for who you are. But you must choose, diapers, or girlfriend.
    In my opinion you should try to work it out with her. Make her understand. If she can't well, are you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with her not accepting you?
    These are hard choices. It's difficult to make the decision to stop seeing some one based on abdl. This may be selfish.
    It's a choice you are going to have to make at some point.

    The option to dump your girlfriend and seek out some one else who is more willing to accept you wearing diapers exists, and is a totally legit option. I hear of breakups all the time, over less issues. It's all about finding the right sort of person you want to be with. Like I said, attempts should be made to possibly remedy your situation with her before doing this.
    The other option is to totally give up diapers. This is the more logical option in most peoples minds. Having a diaper fetish ruin a potential relationship can seem a bit.. rude/cruel. You could possibly achieve this, but again, people have ruined relationships over less. In the end you have to weight up the pro's and cons of staying with her. Does everything else go well? Can you walk away from diapers etc?

  8. #8


    She's either accepts it now, or you need to part ways. This doesn't go away, and no, being sexual with her won't replace it. You'll ended up trying to stop, to please her (...and be "normal" / vanilla), but at what cost? Without this ABDL aspect in your personality, are you still the same person she originally fell for? Likely not.

    Sad as it may seem, if she cannot accept the "whole you", this isn't a match made in Heaven.

    At 26+ years married, I can tell you there's hope of trying to make it work, but it's a damn bumpy road, even for someone that's somewhat accepting of the fetish. For someone that's not accepting, there's no hope of a long term relationship.

    My two bits...

  9. #9


    Obviously if you're talking about marriage, you are in love with this girl and she with you, so just ending the relationship should be painful for both of you. I would suggest going to a marriage or pre-marriage counselor and get their opinion. Sometimes having some objectivity is a good thing, especially if it works in your favor. It's just a suggestion.

  10. #10


    I hate to say it, but you need a realistic view of the future. From what you posted she sounds like she isn't going to change her mind. You are better off alone than being dragged along by hope and wish.
    Do you love her or do you love the idea of her? Will you really be happy with her? Will she really be happy with you (the real you)?

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