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Thread: Sick and tired of being controlled.

  1. #1

    Default Sick and tired of being controlled.

    So my parents want to control my every living second, what job i choose, what i do with my freetime, where i do my free time.

    Now they just said that they want to limit my computer hours, the only thing keeping me sane after a long day, and even take it out of my room. That meaning that i can't visit this site anymore, or any other support site, i can't talk to half of my friends on Skype because i often like to talk about sensitive topics which are only for the eyes of those who it concern, and that does NOT include my parents. This computer is 100% mine, every cent of it came out of my paychecks, which they almost didn't let me spend on this computer and i had to half do it behind their backs.

    Now because they are playing the "this is my house, so my rules" card, i am powerless and have to obey them, i can't do anything but say yes, screw my own property, screw my personal privacy, screw the only thing keeping me from breaking down and jumping out a window. Screw me being a legal adult, its their house so it is my mental breakdown.

  2. #2

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    I think that this has been said before... it may be that your best sanity preserving option, is to relocate (easier said than done)...

    I don't know if this is perhaps their way of encouraging you to move out on your own especially, if they have it in their minds to not enable you, by keeping things too convenient and, allowing a status-quot... In their minds, they might believe a tough-love approach, as the most appropriate...

    There is a good kind of enabling too... that's the one where you are empowered to negotiate of your choosing... with creative and resourceful measures and, a means for mediating many challenges...

    No matter who's roof it is under... you have legal rights to your possessions and privacy... and, they are no longer legally obligated to support you... So, can you pay a portion of expenses, showing your responsibility as well as respect for their part?

    Can you speak with them about your intent and desires to overcome some of your own personal obstacles? In this way, you would have a say in what they take, if what you give them is satisfactory...

    Many people will be more willing to accommodate others when, they see tangible results of efforts (failures and successes alike)... It could actually be, that they are feeling taken advantage of or, that you may primarily be concerned with your own well-being... and, that might be for no better reason, that without better communication... something that is truly communicative, otherwise everyone in this, is left to draw their own conclusions based on the little information made readily available...

    It may help for you to establish a new form of relationship... one that has equal responsibilities to the group...

    Having Aspergers does create certain obstacles... It's not a reason to not find a way through, learn to understand what it is that you require with this so, that you can say clearly... I need this from you... what do you need from me? Be an active participant...

    Try to understand their perspectives and, offer them your perspectives too... be peaceable, so that neither of you is coming from defense or anger... It's one thing to be frustrated and that is natural and normal... However, refrain from using that frustration carelessly or, deliberately against others... and do your part to recognize the frustration of others as not to be against you as well... and, ask that they are mindful of it too...

    That's what comes to mind for me now...

    My best, keep talking,
    -Marka

  3. #3

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    Well i have no income, for them it is either a full time job or school, since i am being forced into school i have no motivation to stay in school, and just how many entry level jobs lets you work 5 days a week 9-5? I am blocked here, there is nothing i can do, i can either do as they want or get the hell out of their house. Loss of sanity is better than loss of food, sleep and shelter all at once

  4. #4

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    I would try to be pro active here. Maybe volunteer not to get on for other than school/work related except for 2 hours per day. See if a compromise would work. Also if no work/school is going on maybe you could agree to volunteer at a mutually agreeable charity so they don't feel like you are wasting your life and you get somw valuable experience. Then maybe you can ask family or cause friends to sponsor your volunteerism and donate a generous amount of the sponsorship to your parents for living/commute rype expenses if they are covering you in any way.

  5. #5

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fascinating View Post
    I would try to be pro active here. Maybe volunteer not to get on for other than school/work related except for 2 hours per day. See if a compromise would work. Also if no work/school is going on maybe you could agree to volunteer at a mutually agreeable charity so they don't feel like you are wasting your life and you get somw valuable experience. Then maybe you can ask family or cause friends to sponsor your volunteerism and donate a generous amount of the sponsorship to your parents for living/commute rype expenses if they are covering you in any way.
    Well here is the part about Iceland, we don't really have many charities, because we don't need them to be honest. Sure there are homeless people here and there. But out major charity work is the Red Cross, sure there is some store you can volunteer in, and the church always takes good hands, but i hate being around over zealous religious poeple and the biggest charity/pro-bono work here is the.... Um.. I like to call them the Snow Patrol. They are the guys on Artic Trucks that make Land Rovers look like Wolkswagen Beetles, you need a special license for them, and since i don't even have the standard driving license, i don't qualify

  6. #6

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    Laptop or desktop? If you have a laptop, you can always take it to a fast food like McDonalds and browse the internet there.

    Unfortunately, when you aren't paying them rent, you don't really have much say in what their rules are for their house. If you started paying them rent, maybe you would have some negotiation strength, otherwise, if you are older than 17, they really have no obligation to keep you housed there. They are being crazy, and maybe you can make some agreements with them on things, but in the end, the most you can do is calmly talk to them about it and ask for their sympathy and respect to your adulthood, but admit that it is up to them.

    Have you considered the (Realized and Removed: US armed forces) Iceland Army (Warriors against Odin)? If you aren't sure about what you want to do with your life, but you want freedom(from parents, otherwise, no freedom for 4 years, but hey, your brain will be yours, cheers), then you can get out of the house quick, and get your education for free later. Otherwise, I'd say, see if you can get federal student aid, and if your parents income doesn't allow it, wait till you are 24, and then their income doesn't count.

    Don't let them choose what you make of your life, but some of their input should be considered. If I didn't then I would have gone into ceramic arts instead of computer science. There is no knowing if I would have been happier as a poor artist, or not, but either way, I would be poor, at least for a good while.

  7. #7

    Default Sick and tired of being controlled.

    What will be the limit of your computer hours? If you want to move, keep job hunting, no matter how long it takes.

    Their house, their rules. This is not uncommon. It's the bullshit many of us had to deal with when we're young.

    A lot of us just have to get through it until we can truely live our lives.

    I'm not sure anyone is truely "free" until they leave home.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyger View Post
    Laptop or desktop? If you have a laptop, you can always take it to a fast food like McDonalds and browse the internet there.

    Unfortunately, when you aren't paying them rent, you don't really have much say in what their rules are for their house. If you started paying them rent, maybe you would have some negotiation strength, otherwise, if you are older than 17, they really have no obligation to keep you housed there. They are being crazy, and maybe you can make some agreements with them on things, but in the end, the most you can do is calmly talk to them about it and ask for their sympathy and respect to your adulthood, but admit that it is up to them.

    Have you considered the US armed forces? If you aren't sure about what you want to do with your life, but you want freedom(from parents, otherwise, no freedom for 4 years, but hey, your brain will be yours, cheers), then you can get out of the house quick, and get your education for free later. Otherwise, I'd say, see if you can get federal student aid, and if your parents income doesn't allow it, wait till you are 24, and then their income doesn't count.

    Don't let them choose what you make of your life, but some of their input should be considered. If I didn't then I would have gone into ceramic arts instead of computer science. There is no knowing if I would have been happier as a poor artist, or not, but either way, I would be poor, at least for a good while.
    Well if you haven't noticed.... Iceland is one of the few counteis without an army, and i am not going to fly across the pacific to join an army and risk my life for a country's greed.



    Quote Originally Posted by BouncyBoy View Post
    What will be the limit of your computer hours? If you want to move, keep job hunting, no matter how long it takes.

    Their house, their rules. This is not uncommon. It's the bullshit many of us had to deal with when we're young.

    A lot of us just have to get through it until we can truely live our lives.

    I'm not sure anyone is truely "free" until they leave home.

    Well i don't know, they just said "restricting".

  9. #9

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    there is one option, you can apply for a to work in countries like USA are Canada for part time work. it is a temp work visa, in Canada they are always looking for part time imagants to pick fruit in the fall. and if you look you may find something you may like to do.
    it maybe a way to see a new country and make a some cash

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by Zenka View Post
    Well if you haven't noticed.... Iceland is one of the few counteis without an army, and i am not going to fly across the pacific to join an army and risk my life for a country's greed.
    Yeah, I'm not horribly good at global awareness.

    Good choice.


    Still wondering though, laptop or desktop?

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