Making new friends as adults.

So Ive been trying to meet new people and make some new friends and as a 29 year old male Ive noticed that its not very easy. I dont mean to make ABDL only friends, I mean any friends. For me personally I tend to be very shy and to be honest I have no idea how people start conversations at all. Small talk is also very awkward because I dont care for it, talking about the weather is pretty pointless to me and theres also no sport I care enough about that I am willing to have a convo about.

I work night shifts for close to a year now, I've been single for about 2 years and at this point Im getting very lonely for any company. pathetic I know but its true, it was bad a few weeks ago but im getting over it now. I tried using my interests to make new friends like in kink communities but its been disappointingly fruitless. Its become the norm that people are always busy with something else, a NAVY guy in training for months now, the people who I get along with well but suddenly stop responding, the creepers who only want sex, the worse one yet and that happens way too often are the ones I really like but live in another state even though profiles say they live in the city.

I suppose the biggest problem comes from my job, I love what I do and the career I chose as a caretaker.my job consists of 12 hour shifts most of which I spend alone, only to go home sleep, and wake up to an empty house even though I have a roommate I live with. Its not like I can go out on a weekday night and meet people you know? who would I meet at 1am on a weekday? id rather not find out i think.

I didnt mean to rant but at this point im very frustated with my situation and wanted to see what you guys on ADISC though. Is my situation a rare one or is it mostly like this for everyone? what or how do you guys get out there and meet new people?

Can't you go out on the weekends? As well, I know where I live Thursday night is big in town, but then I live in a student town and they all get paid on Thursdays...

Try joining a club or something in the weekend. Ever been interested in something like models, RC planes, tramping (hiking in the US I believe), or just anything? Even if you haven't been, joining a club, band etc can be great even if it's something you've never been into. People always welcome new members at clubs and even if they don't then just find another!

KiwiBoi said:

Can't you go out on the weekends? As well, I know where I live Thursday night is big in town, but then I live in a student town and they all get paid on Thursdays...

Try joining a club or something in the weekend. Ever been interested in something like models, RC planes, tramping (hiking in the US I believe), or just anything? Even if you haven't been, joining a club, band etc can be great even if it's something you've never been into. People always welcome new members at clubs and even if they don't then just find another!

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friday nights I have free and its the reason I haven't lost my mind entirely. saturday and sunday i work both nights so its a no go. I will look into clubs, maybe I can find something that isnt weekend only, thanks.

Have you thought of putting the time that you go to bed later? I am in a similar situation; working overnight that is. Your situation is slightly better than mine as I have Saturday night off instead of Friday's.

Totally agree with KiwiBoi, find a local club that does something you're interested in. You'd be absolutely amazed how many little groups there are, even in a small-ish city.

A common interest gives you something to talk about initially, and eases the ackward initial "so, how about that weather" phase of meeting people.

JoshuaH said:

Have you thought of putting the time that you go to bed later? I am in a similar situation; working overnight that is. Your situation is slightly better than mine as I have Saturday night off instead of Friday's.

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heres the odd part, i work day on day off, 7pm-7am. for me to go to bed later would mean 10-11am, not really a time to do much. I have thought about volunteer work before, and would still want to do it if i wasnt so tired after work.

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BoundCoder said:

Totally agree with KiwiBoi, find a local club that does something you're interested in. You'd be absolutely amazed how many little groups there are, even in a small-ish city.

A common interest gives you something to talk about initially, and eases the ackward initial "so, how about that weather" phase of meeting people.

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thats why friday has kept me sane, its the one day were I get some time to socialize a bit with some friends Im still getting to know.

I'm in a similarish situation, except kinda the complete opposite. I worked nights for about a month and now I'm taking classes and picked up more hours (not nights though) However, I'm trying to spend less time socializing and doing recreational things and more time focusing on work, class, and general self improvement.

But if I were looking to socialize and it were important enough to me, I'd use some vacation time to get some more freed up weekends (or even request to have my schedule changed if it were really starting to get to me). Then I'd use the extra free time to do activities I enjoy such as going to a concert or show to see an artist I like or take tours of studios that are local enough and if I come across someone I feel interested enough to get to know better then I'll make it happen. I have a lot of friends but I'm pretty asocial so I can't offer too much advice, but I hope it helps and wish you luck. All of us can feel a bit lonely at times so don't sweat it if ya can. Now get on out there and get schwifty my friend.

I think everyone finds making friends as an adult to be more complex than doing so as a kid. When you're young, all you need to instantly become best pals with someone is for them to live on your street or for you to both like playing football or watching cartoons. Adults are much more complex and the list of 'requirements' (for want of a better word) for clicking with someone and becoming friends is quite a lot longer.

As for your schedule, I'm sure there are clubs or societies which run in the daytime which you can get involved with. Or you can try organising socialising with people who work similar shifts to you & at the same job (bonus, as work gives you a starting topic). There's even things like speed dating, if you're short on time and really want to find someone to go out with. Working nights is an inconvenience for socialising, but it shouldn't be a barrier to making friends.

Yes.
Friendship in adulthood is more complex.
Ironically, I have more friends now as an older adult, than when I was a child.
Of course, most of my friends now are in the Autism disability community.

I haven't been able to make a good friend in probably 18 years. Most of the friends from when I was younger, are gone, or I have no common basis to initiate communication.
As far as online friends, that's about all I can manage.
One part is that I'm always busy with work or, when not working, I'm exhausted. I've just been left with my stuffed animals, and my parents of which I can't stand any longer.

One good outlook is that I'm going to college for a while, I've been able to make a few "friends" there. But It's nothing that will likely last until I get into the meat of the degree; since our only common experience is the class.
I've just need to find people I can relate to, I'm a geeky nerd, and no one is into computers or science or whatever else geeky thing wherever I happen to be. Getting a job in the field that I'm all about will help with that.

There is an interesting article on this subject in the October issue of Reader's Digest. The title, if I remember correctly is, "I Need a Book Club" and it's about a family that moved and now she is trying to find and make new friends. The short and long of it is that as much as she tried, it took her 15 years. As one might imagine, she found some other women her age who were in the same boat, and forming a book club finally brought them together.