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Thread: Lurker turning contributor

  1. #1

    Default Lurker turning contributor

    Hello. I guess this is my "welcome to the club" post. I'm looking forward to joining in the conversations and possibly making some eFriends here.

    I'm a mid-30-something AB. I'm married and have five kids, all under 10 (no twins). I've known I was an AB (though not that term) for as long as I can remember, but I can count on one hand the number of people who _know_.

    Professionally I'm a software consultant. I provide consulting and training services to large organizations. I work for a smaller company, and am lucky enough to work from home.

    When I'm not working, my favorite thing to do is spend time with my family. I'm amazed at my wonderful wife and I adore spending time with my kids. Since the are still little (youngest just turned 1), I don't have much time to pursue other hobbies, though I do dabble in amateur radio.

    I have on occasion lurked in ADISC in the past, but wanted to join and become a contributing member as I work through my own feelings experiences to try to find peace with myself and my identity, and I hope that I can find some people in similar situations that can help me improve in that area.

    So, hello! Looking forward to meeting you.

  2. #2

    Default

    Welcome to the group! I'm significantly older than you, but we have similar occupations.

    Not having children, I'm compelled to ask: Do your AB needs lessen when you have to take care of little kids? More to the point, do you ever share this with your wife? I imagine the 'real' babies demand much from her most of the time.

  3. #3

    Default

    I tried to reply previously, but it seems to have disappeared. Sorry if it shows up twice.

    Honestly, for me, the kids diapers is a totally separate issue and doesn't really trigger my DL side. My wife is very supportive of me, and while I wasn't totally honest with her from the outset (I said I had a bedwetting issue), I went through a severe depressive episode where I believed I would rather end my life than tell my wife the whole truth. That was about 5 years ago. When I realized the severity of my depression, I went to a doctor for help and started getting therapy for my depression. However, I realized that I couldn't properly deal with my issues in therapy if I wasn't willing to tell my wife the whole truth. So before we went to see the therapist, I came out and told her. She was weirded out by it, but she was committed to me and our relationship.

    Since my depression is partially tied to my DL, I talk about it with my therapist. Often my wife comes with me to therapy. My therapist talks about the DL in terms of a comfort object, and that seems to really fit for me. (I have a 5-yr-old with an attachment to a blanket, and I can see similar triggers and benefits for her.) My wife is good with that. She will still initiate intimacy regardless of whether or not I'm wearing a diaper, but we've not really tried bringing in the DL into our intimate relationship, and I'm okay with that.

    Incidentally, my kids don't know yet. I've talked with my wife and with my therapist about talking to the kids. When they notice and ask about it, I plan to talk about it in that same way: a way to feel comfort and security. We'll talk about how it isn't very common, and isn't something we should talk about outside the family, and I hope that conversation goes okay when it happens. (Though I'm certainly not looking forward to it.)

    Probably more than you wanted to know.

  4. #4

    Default

    Hi and welcome to the site. I appreciate your candor. I think your situation is an interesting one. When I was a young father, my kids' diapers didn't trigger anything in me either. In fact, if I could get out of changing them, I did. I'm sorry for your depression. Many of us on this site have dealt with depression. I admire your wife for being so accepting and open minded. My wife is as well, and it makes my life quite livable. I had attempted suicide a couple of times when I was in high school and in college. Eventually I had a psychiatrist. Over time, life has gotten better, and it sounds like it has for you as well.

    ADISC is foremost a support site, so you've come to the right place. I think you'll enjoy being here.

  5. #5

    Default

    Thanks, dogboy. How did you handle dealing with your AB/DL side when your kids found out? I'm curious how this has gone for others. I think I want to be as honest as possible without giving too much information, so I'd be interested to know more about other people's experiences in this area.

    I guess I think it has similarities to the 'birds and the bees' talk where you want to discuss things in a candid, yet age-appropriate way. And I'd rather they keep the info private, as I'm not keen on having all the kids in the neighborhood know about it. I also think I want to keep it as emotionally-neutral as possible. Anyway, I digress, as I'm wont to do at 2am...

  6. #6

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by ornitorrinco View Post
    Hello. I guess this is my "welcome to the club" post. I'm looking forward to joining in the conversations and possibly making some eFriends here.

    I'm a mid-30-something AB. I'm married and have five kids, all under 10 (no twins). I've known I was an AB (though not that term) for as long as I can remember, but I can count on one hand the number of people who _know_.

    Professionally I'm a software consultant. I provide consulting and training services to large organizations. I work for a smaller company, and am lucky enough to work from home.

    When I'm not working, my favorite thing to do is spend time with my family. I'm amazed at my wonderful wife and I adore spending time with my kids. Since the are still little (youngest just turned 1), I don't have much time to pursue other hobbies, though I do dabble in amateur radio.

    I have on occasion lurked in ADISC in the past, but wanted to join and become a contributing member as I work through my own feelings experiences to try to find peace with myself and my identity, and I hope that I can find some people in similar situations that can help me improve in that area.

    So, hello! Looking forward to meeting you.
    Well hello there

    I have to emphasise in the first instance that I am incontinent and absolutely abhor wearing the nappies I have to wear, BUT I have no qualms against those who do wear for pleasure rather than need.

    So, it's nice to meet you, what kind of software do you consult and train people in? Specific applications/programs or basically whatever is needed at the time (I THINK I mean do you specialise)

    So you have NO hobbies?

    Do you have favourite music, or favourite TV programmes or films etc.

    Something must "float your boat" when you are not working or being a husband and Daddy? (I initially put Father, but there's a sentence that I truly believe in, considering my Children have not seen their Father in 12 years - which is "Everyone can be a Father, it takes someone very special to be a Daddy")

    Anywho, a very warm welcome to the forums, I know you've been here a while already, but we have to officially welcome you now you have taken the plunge into the next step of being a member here.

    Best wishes

    Vimes

  7. #7

    Default



    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainVimes View Post
    So, it's nice to meet you, what kind of software do you consult and train people in? Specific applications/programs or basically whatever is needed at the time (I THINK I mean do you specialise)
    Mostly ITSM (Information Technology Service Management). We help large organizations implement ITSM tools in their corporate environment, allowing them to better track customer incidents, software and hardware changes in the organization, tracking and managing of assets, and the like. I hate to go into too much detail here because the network of consultants in our industry isn't that large yet.



    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainVimes View Post
    4So you have NO hobbies?
    I am a ham radio operator. We have a community emergency response group that is part of our city to help the city deal with natural disasters, missing people, and the like. I LOVE to read. I've been a voracious inhaler of books since I was a kid. I love re-reading old favorites. Some of my favorite books are Ender's Game, the Harry Potter series (I'm currently re-reading book 7), pretty much anything by Madeline L'Engle (Wrinkle in Time, etc.). Recently I've begun reading a fantasy author named Brandon Mull who has some fantastic fantasy series (targeted at the teen/adult market). I was an English major in college, but I didn't really learn to enjoy reading the classics until after I graduated. (I want to read a book because I want to, not because somebody is grading me on my analysis of it!) But I have now discovered some wonderful classic literature like Anna Karenina, pretty much anything by Dickens, or Jane Austen and the like.



    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainVimes View Post
    Do you have favourite music, or favourite TV programmes or films etc.
    I like a pretty wide variety of music that doesn't quite extend to the heavy metal/rap genre, but I do like classical music, instrumental music, modern country, pop, etc. We don't get cable or satellite (on principle, with having such young kids, and for a lack of interest) so I'm a couple of years behind the latest television trends. Three shows from USA Network that i love are Psych, Burn Notice, and Monk. I've watched every Star Trek episode or movie ever made. For movies, I like a good action flick once in a while, but I really enjoy watching drama / romantic comedy. Some favorites are Pride and Prejudice (I think we own at least 4 different film versions), original Star Wars, That Thing you Do, Ever After... again kind of a wide range, though I'm not interested in extreme violence/gore and I prefer to avoid significant profanity. I love almost anything that Emma Thompson has been involved in, including Stranger than Fiction.



    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainVimes View Post
    Something must "float your boat" when you are not working or being a husband and Daddy? (I initially put Father, but there's a sentence that I truly believe in, considering my Children have not seen their Father in 12 years - which is "Everyone can be a Father, it takes someone very special to be a Daddy")
    LOL "Daddy" is my favorite of all my hats. I guess I'd be remiss not to mention that I love to play the piano. I took several years of lessons. I got good enough I can accompany singers if I have enough time to practice. I don't really learn a lot of new music anymore -- generally fewer than a couple of songs a year, though I do really like playing music that my kids will sing along to, so I stumble through "Frozen"'s soundtrack 'cauze it makes the girls happy.



    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainVimes View Post
    Anywho, a very warm welcome to the forums, I know you've been here a while already, but we have to officially welcome you now you have taken the plunge into the next step of being a member here.
    Thank you! I appreciate your interest.

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by ornitorrinco View Post
    I want to read a book because I want to, not because somebody is grading me on my analysis of it!
    I had to smile at this as I felt that exact same way. I really enjoyed reading when we could pick a book from a list of 20 or more, or any book we wanted. I still enjoy reading.

    Welcome to ADISC.

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