Questions after telling my girlfriend i'm an AB/DL

Hey everyone hope y'all are doing well. So as the title expresses I am now out to my girlfriend. This isn't a new occurrence, it actually happened after about 4 months of dating, if i remember correctly. As of now we have been going strong for almost 9 months. She is very special to me and I can honestly say I will marry this girl. With that being said she has seemed to take the whole AB/DL thing well. She isn't the vocal type but she immediately refused to leave me after I told her that night in the campus library. However, she hasn't asked many questions or engaged me on the topic. I bring it up every once and a while when talking but never use specific words seeing as we are often out in public on campus. Needless to say there has been a surprising lack of questioning about the matter. The only time we have talked about it was when a friend of mine found my stash in the dorm, and when I was asked by her what was in the package I had received, which was a cloth diaper I had ordered. I guess my main question is how do I engage her in discussions of this matter. Im afraid if I harp on the topic to much she will get annoyed or think in weird and leave. I don't want her to assume this is all I think about or that it is more important to me than her. I love her and just want her to be happy. I want to make sure she is ok with my choices before we are married. This leads me to my second point, how do I eloquently expose her to my ABDL tendencies. The last thing I want is to disgust her. I also don't want her to go into this relationship blind. I want her to be able to make decisions based on truth, if that means she might leave me over this then I will understand. It will be devastating because I love her, but I want her to be happy. As of now she has only seen one cloth diaper and that was because it was in the mail, she has yet to see me wearing one, using a Paci or bottle, or even wearing and infantile onesie or footed pajamas. I am at a total loss as how to bring this up or engage here in these activities which i want her to understand and be comfortable with. Basically, I want her to be happy and informed and I guess I am a little worried because there seems to be a lack of communication on this topic, despite me engaging in regression or diaper wearing on a regular basis. Sorry for the long post and sloppy writing. I appreciate y'all taking the time to read my post and look forward to any comments given. Thanks y'all.

I can't help you, but I do wish you luck.
And look foward to seeing what others reply with.

I've been in your situation a couple of times. Ask her to do something with you that requires her involvement; she could give you a bath, or feed you a bottle. The activity on her part will keep her engaged and avoid prolonged thought about the situation. I would not ask her to do anything that involves diapering or adult baby clothes until you know that she is willing to participate. Asking her to give you a bath or a bottle is a very nonthreatening approach.

My wife is similar.
She's accepting but not interested really -- not even curious. So she won't bring it up as s topic even though j have a certain degree of ongoing anxiety about it.

One way I have been able to lead us into conversations about it has been to talk about sexuality or "love languages" in general. We've done personality tests together, taken a sexual inventory several times (this includes pretty in-detail specifics with regard to preferences and history). In every case, diapers ended up being PART of the conversation. But it was in the context of a bigger talk -- this helped both of us feel like my diaper fetish was kept in balance.

Any relationship is quid pro quo. And it's just fine to want or need certain affection in certain ways. But part of the deal is learning to understand what our partner needs and wants -- and striving to fulfill THAT.

Good luck!' Sounds like you've got a good one!

I feel like I've been in your shoes. Looking back in my last relationship with the girl straight out of my wildest dreams, she dropped so many hints about being a mommy - I just could not even begin to imagine someone would be so accepting - like the thought never crossed my mind. I was always so afraid of monopolizing the limited time we had together (we were LDR) by ageplaying. I felt guilty based on my past for wanting to be a baby more or less during the limited times we had on our visits.

It absolutely kills me to look back and wonder if I had only been a little more vocal and just ASKED then maybe things would be different. Honestly, I am such a submissive and so accustomed to never getting a chance to regress that it feels weird to ask. I am so used to be denied and rejected regarding everything about this lifestyle that to even think of asking and risking freaking her out or something during the limited time we had just did not seem right. I am also very submissive in that I will put someone else's needs in front of mine, and I felt like her need for us to have "adult" time outweighed by dying desire and need to be little.

I rarely ever brought anything up about the diapers because based on past relationships, anytime I "stirred" the pot tried to mix in diapers - things went downhill fast.

My ex used to ask me about limits and the genuine truth I truly have none. I can see it from one extreme to the other and nothing scares me. The fact that I can see the entire spectrum of acceptance allows me to let go of any expectations - because just being accepted and able to form such a close bond with your wife / mommy that's incredible.

It's sad when I think back on my own childhood, and I can't remember a single time calling my dad - daddy or mom - mommy. I don't just want, I need a mommy's love.

Communication is important in any relationship. Here's my advise. If you want to talk about it more then you should ask her questions about it. Ask questions to her like, "How do you feel about it (it being the abdl thing)?" "What questions do you have about me and abdl?" "What do you want to know?" .
When talking about it, it is really important that you talk in private. That's the only way you'll have good trusting communication. Another way you can potentially talk about it more is by playing the question game. She asks a question, you answer. You ask a question, she answers. And so on and so forth.
In a relationship communication is key. Abdl is going to be tough to talk about, but it is really important that you do communicate all about it. Maybe she is just uncomfortable with it all right now. The only way to get her to be comfortable about it is to communicate and show her that it is something really special that you two can talk about.

Thanks yall for all the advice and helpfull replies. Yes cm902010 she is an amazing woman and I love her to death I am truly blessed. I like your suggestion of direct question runningdl I never thought that to ask them in that manner. I guess with me being secretive for 21 years it is a little difficult for me to say those things outloud. I also like the idea of incorporating a bottle or paci into our time together. I don't know when I will try that but it seems like a good stepping stone. She is off out of state atm but will be back in about a month. Once visitation opens up I look forward to using your suggestions. Also if she has any questions or want to reach out to other do you think this is an appropriate place for her to do so. The last thing I want is for her to be scared away. Also did I mention she loves the fifty shades of gray books. Again thanks and keep the comments coming I always love good advice.

nightfox320 said:

Also if she has any questions or want to reach out to other do you think this is an appropriate place for her to do so.

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Yes. We have several members that are on ADISC simply to learn about ABDL as it relates to their SO. So she can make her own account and ask away!

The worst thing you can do is push too hard she has to have time to process the info too.
What what is it you really want what do you want her to do is it even feasible.
You must be very honest with yourself what are you willing to live with and what if she says no.
Now the most important thing what is she willing to live with what are her feelings on this she is an equal partner so her thoughts matter too.

It's so easy for us to say OK now that's out in the open let's charge forward which can cause a ref in relationship.
That is why going slow is so important you don't want to overwhelm her.

foxkits said:

The worst thing you can do is push too hard she has to have time to process the info too.
What what is it you really want what do you want her to do is it even feasible.
You must be very honest with yourself what are you willing to live with and what if she says no.
Now the most important thing what is she willing to live with what are her feelings on this she is an equal partner so her thoughts matter too.


It's so easy for us to say OK now that's out in the open let's charge forward which can cause a ref in relationship.
That is why going slow is so important you don't want to overwhelm her.

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I agree 100%. A part of me want to move quickly now that I am no longer hiding. It feels good to be accepted and still loved for something I have hidden for so many years. With that being said the other logical adult part of me is nervous of the ramifications and sensitive to my girlfriends feelings. With that being said I definitely want to take it slow. As far as what I can live with is mostly acceptance. I would like for her to be involved to some extent, but I have been cubbing out alone for such a long time it would make little difference if she didn't want to be involved. The only thing that would upset me is if she couldn't accept me wearing diapers. I feel so selfish saying that but I know from my past that if I tried to make concessions and stop wearing it just comes back stronger and I end up hiding things. As I said she doesn't have to be involved all i want is her to allow me or be comfortable with the idea that yeas when she is not around I will possibly be padded and little. Hope all that made sense and didn't sound to self-centered.

You're very fortunate that you've 'come clean' with her at this point in your relationship. If she just cannot accept your wearing diapers, it's good to know sooner rather than later. You're also correct that slower is better than fast at this point. Just what constitutes 'slow' in this day and age is something I can't say.

We care; keep us posted.

The first hurdle is over she knows, now it time for a grown up conversation with her you need to sit her down and explain where you stand, tell her you love her and you want her to be a part of it if but want her to be comfortable, if she is reluctant dont push she doesn't have to get too involved, ask her if you can wear in front of her and show her what its about DONT go straight to the "I wet myself bit" show her your onesie and a nappy then your dummy, then explain to her how it makes you feel if she has no interest but is happy for you to indulge yourself occasionally then fair enough, but this is a great time to ask her if she has any fantasies of her own, considering what you will have shown her whatever she may be into couldn't possibly be more embarrassing and the be there for her, if she is more vanilla then that's ok (but again leave wetting out of it if she asks dont lie just say yes I do use them sometimes) slowly she will see you are being very open and honest, always give her a out to say no thanks if you move too quick she may get the idea that she has to get involved or leave compleatly

You should listen to what your gut tells you. If she is not bringing it up or talking much about it, she might not have an interest in learning more, or the topic might make her uncomfortable. What does her body language say when you talk about it? Does she change the subject on purpose or get distracted easily from talking about it? Does she have a lot to say until you bring it up, then she goes quiet? Based on what you've said, it sounds like you've brought this topic up numerous times to her, so I would definitely try staying off the topic for a good 3 months or so. Like you said, you don't want her thinking that's all you concentrate on, or that you're pushing it on her. Maybe during these 3 months SHE will bring it up in a conversation. That's when you know it's okay to talk about it. But if you let it go for 3 months and she doesn't say anything, bring it up again but try to involve her in it on a random fun night at home, when you're both relaxing. By then it'll be clear to her that you aren't fixated on the fetish and it's just a casual interest you have from time to time. Ask her if she'd like to wear with you if she doesn't seem uncomfortable. Don't rush or push anything and read her body language!

Do not ask her to baby you or feed you or whatever is suggested in the previous posts. That would be selfish and making this interest all about you. You want to make HER feel special and getting attention for it. Make her experience memorable, fun and rewarding - that's going to be your best bet at her wanting to engage in it again. Also, asking her to feed or baby you is not a turn on to a girl. She wants a man, not a recessive baby.

jeremyi said:

You should listen to what your gut tells you. If she is not bringing it up or talking much about it, she might not have an interest in learning more, or the topic might make her uncomfortable. What does her body language say when you talk about it? Does she change the subject on purpose or get distracted easily from talking about it? Does she have a lot to say until you bring it up, then she goes quiet? Based on what you've said, it sounds like you've brought this topic up numerous times to her, so I would definitely try staying off the topic for a good 3 months or so. Like you said, you don't want her thinking that's all you concentrate on, or that you're pushing it on her. Maybe during these 3 months SHE will bring it up in a conversation. That's when you know it's okay to talk about it. But if you let it go for 3 months and she doesn't say anything, bring it up again but try to involve her in it on a random fun night at home, when you're both relaxing. By then it'll be clear to her that you aren't fixated on the fetish and it's just a casual interest you have from time to time. Ask her if she'd like to wear with you if she doesn't seem uncomfortable. Don't rush or push anything and read her body language!

Do not ask her to baby you or feed you or whatever is suggested in the previous posts. That would be selfish and making this interest all about you. You want to make HER feel special and getting attention for it. Make her experience memorable, fun and rewarding - that's going to be your best bet at her wanting to engage in it again. Also, asking her to feed or baby you is not a turn on to a girl. She wants a man, not a recessive baby.

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Well as far as feedings and changings I don't think either of us are ready for that. But she is opening up a little bit. We are going on and adult / Abdl date when she gets back home for the cool year. We plan to go to our favorite restaurant then go and build a plushie at build-a-bear. So she is open to some of the ideas it's just we haven't talked about it. I think like you said it's just going take time and honesty. Hopefully as time progresses she will have more questions. But for know we will take it at a slow speed and like you said periodically bring it up. I just want to make sure she is ok and comfortable with everything. I want her informed before we get married.