CONTROL as a little

I need to come clean. I don't care who this annoys, or offends, but it is the truth. As an ABDL I struggle day to day with a "lack of control." I genuinely need and desire that upper hand to help me get through the day. The difference in what I am realizing now vs earlier in life is that control can be a very good thing. Growing up control meant slave because I received very little love. As I grew up however, I came to the realization that control can also come in the most nurturing form of love. It's a clear distinction....I don't desire control to become a SLAVE, I desire control to be a better person, and strngthen the bond of love.

Control has a variety of connotations associated with it. Controlling yourself is just a matter of discipline (which requires practice and understanding) and therefore isn't negative, but when we talk about controlling other people, it does have that hint of 'slavery' as you mentioned. Now I'm hoping the comparison to slavery was just that: a comparison. If there is a controller in your life trying to 'enslave' you in some way, you've got some problems to look out for and acknowledge.

I really enjoy some of the teaching classes I take because some can be applied to the parenting in general, which in turns affects somebody's caregiving style. There was a class I took called Positive Discipline which was great about making a positive connotation with discipline. It was in the way you described it, a very nurturing form of love in which you want your child (or little, in our case) to do better for themselves as well as in the home. All good things in moderation.

If anyone's interested the book 'Positive Discipline' by Dr. Jane Nelson is a really great read in my opinion and can be used to help understand a child's mindset as well as understand how to better approach them to build trust. This in turn could help people better get into their regressed state if they sort of figure out how kids think, since we do lose a bit of the connection as we grow, and can help caregivers be the authority in the group, which is actually a comforting feeling to know somebody has a handle of things when they're looking out for you.

All I am trying to say is I felt like a slave at times to my parents growing up because their form of control came with conditional love. It doesnt scare me, or bother me to feel controlled if I am in a loving relationship, but theres a huge huge difference. When I feel controlled I naturally regress much much faster.

Control doesn't scare me...living without love any longer is terrifying. All I know is to be without control - and that's okay - but I'd hope along with control came some sort of love.