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Thread: Too Afraid to do Anything

  1. #1

    Default Too Afraid to do Anything

    Whatever so I'm just writing this post in response to all the people who always tell me to talk to people about my depression and suicidal feelings but I am asking for help on the reason that I can't talk to anyone. That makes no sense.

    What I'm trying to get at is the fact that I cannot ever bring myself to talk to anyone in real life about it. I've tried so hard talking to my parents but I cannot make myself do it. There's nothing I can do to overcome this fear.

    I've tried so hard over the past month to kill myself but I can never make myself do it. Every day at school I make up my mind that that night, I would do it. But, when the time comes I am never able to do it. I failed most of my exams and my teachers are so angry with me because I've got all this stuff due that I haven't been able to do.

    I find it really hard to concentrate during school because all I can think about is how I don't need to worry about any of it because I'm going to kill myself anyway. But then I can never do it.

    I hate my friends and the people around my so much because they're always so mean to me. They never want to be around me and they'll just find any excuse they can think of for not being around me. Sure, I can maybe talk to one of them but as soon as they see one of their other friends they'll just literally run off and leave me.

    What can I do? I can't talk to anyone and I'm basically just failing at everything at the moment. I could never go to a psychiatrist or anything because they scare me, not to mention it costs an arm and a bloody leg just to see them. I don't want to go to school next week because my teacher will probably ask why I didn't send her that report on Friday. I promised her I'd get it to her. But what could I do? Lying was all I could do to get her off my back. Anyway, it hopefully won't matter soon.

    Fuck, what can I do though? Everyone is always to mean to me and I can't ever talk to anyone about anything.

  2. #2

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    Milko,

    You must find something positive to focus on, even if it is just one thing. It sounds like the negativity in your life is just overwhelming you. Your demons are much larger and louder than your good thoughts and feelings and its easy to become overrun.

    Others have said it before and I'll say it again - do not make any attempt on your life. Your life is worth living. It may be very hard right now with everything that is going on but it will get better, I promise. You just need assistance to get there. Depression is NOT something you can fight alone. You have got to seek some help. I know it is a very difficult subject to bring up to your parents. God knows I've had to do it with mine and it was extremely hard to get the nerve up to do it. But I'm glad I did because they helped me very much and I'm sure your parents would absolutely do the same for you. The cost of assistance should never be a factor when you need help. Your parents will understand this and you cannot place value on your own health and life.

    As for your friends, it doesn't sound like they are true to the bone friends if they don't stand by you in the hardest of times. In my hardest of days, only those who served to offer me advice or comfort me were the ones that I knew would be my friends. As others have suggested, maybe you should try writing a letter to your parents. It may be an easier way to approach the subject and to break the ice. Whatever you have to do, you need to do it soon. These feelings and problems will not go away until you do.

    Sometimes we can't always keep our heads above water and we need rescue. Please, talk to your parents. Promise us you will do that. Write them a letter or an email or whatever it is you need to do. You should not be scared to talk to them about this. They love you! They will help! No one is ever too busy to help their child when in peril.

    I wish you the best Milko but we can only help but so much. I hope you can find the strength to talk to your parents so you can get some assistance. I hate to see someone in so much pain, because I've been there and it sucks.

    Prayers to you, Milko.

  3. #3

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    Hi, Milko,
    I understand how hard it must be to talk about this with your parents. When you feel this bad, it is often very difficult to communicate how you're feeling. It's important to work around this. First of all, you need to understand, and to believe, that your family and friends will be there for you if you are willing to give them a chance. Your may friends may appear to be distant or uncaring, but it may be possible they are seeing a change in you and they are unsure how to deal with it. When you're suffering from depression, you tend to write everyone off as if they don't care, when that is not necessarily the truth. If you want people to help, they need to know what's going on and how they can help you. If you're talking about what's really on your mind, their response may surprise you.

    You mentioned in a previous post that you had a good relationship with your sister. If you don't feel able to talk to your parents yet, then please consider talking to her about how you're feeling. Be upfront and let her know you have something important to tell her and that you need her help. Perhaps she can be your advocate and open the lines of communication with your parents. If your parents know what's really going on, then maybe they can talk to your teachers about the school year and how to five you some support in the next school term.

    We had also previously provided a list of helplines and websites for people who are feeling suicidal. Have you been able to call them? This would be a good starting point if you don't feel that you can speak to people in person. There are also websites available if you prefer to do it online. Please consider contacting them as soon s possible,

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ai6n0X9-L0Q.

    My best advice at this point is that you need to commit to doing something. This has been going on for a quite a while and you're not expected to do it alone. You took a big step by penning up here. I hope you will take the next step and talk to someone as soon as possible. Just commit to talking to one person, someone you feel that you can trust, whether it's your sister, one of your parents, a helpline, a friend. Just identify that one person. Who would it be? Now please, call that person right away.

    Hugs, my friend.
    Last edited by Starrunner; 06-Jun-2015 at 15:24.

  4. #4

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    I haven't been able to go onto anything online because I can't make myself do it. I just break down and get frustrated with myself evey time I think about talking to anyone in real life or anything. I just cannot physically do it. I've tried so hard to convince myself that I need to talk but I can't make my myself do anything. I've had bad experiences writing letters, they don't work and most of it is ignored.

  5. #5

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    Let's try a different outlook; Instead of focussing on being too afraid to do anything and resigning yourself to it, maybe we could focus instead on finding ways to have the courage to take a first step. It's obvious you can't go on like this, but it's up to you to get over your fear of reaching out. This problem will not go away on its own.

    A number of options have been provided here, and in previous threads including:

    Talking to your parents
    Talking to your sister
    Calling a helpline
    Writing a letter
    Speaking to a professional
    Going to the hospital for an emergency
    Online services for suicide

    If you had to pick one of these options, while recognizing they may all appear scary to you, which one scares you the least? Is there another way to approach someone that would make it you feel more comfortable?


    What scares you the most about talking to someone about it?

    Fear that the person won't care or doesn't have the time?
    Afraid the person won't really understand?
    Afraid that nothing will get done?
    Afraid of what it will lead to, such as professional counselling?
    Afraid of the commitment required from yourself to really deal with these problems?

    Is there another way to approach it?


    Who do you trust the most to be on your side?

    Your parents
    Your sister
    Teacher, school counsellor
    Friend
    Someone else. Who?

    From what I've read, Milko, I think you may be too overwhelmed to reach out for help, but the alternative is to let things continue the way they're going. It's not working, and will only get worse. Perhaps if we can put some of these pieces together we can come up with a plan on how to address it.

  6. #6

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    As Starrunner so accurately points out, it may be terrifying to go to someone and ask for help but the alternative of not doing anything about it is going to result in the problem prolonging itself. And it sounds from your posts that you yearn to find that happiness. But as hard as it may be, you have to push yourself to get the help you need. It is not easy to do, but you must find the strength to ask for help so that you can get better.

    I hope you are able to find the courage and strength you need, Milko. I'm very worried for you.

  7. #7

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    Fuck it I can't. I've tried and I can't. Going to kill myself tonight.

  8. #8

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    I can relate in a way because during my life there have been moments that I felt it would help me if I talk with someone. But like you I've always felt afraid of doing it. In part I think it's because by doing so we're admiting to ourselves and to others that we have a problem. And that is what makes it scary. Admiting that we have a problem.

    If you're feeling suicidal you have to first admit to yourself that. That this particular time in your life sucks. About your teachers, for all they know you're feeling good and ok, they don't know what you're going through. They don't see a person who is suffering and struggling. Think about not only that but also some of friends or acquaintances also don't know that. I'm telling you this so that you see that their actions are not personal against you.

    You don't have to necessarily tell them but if you can be true to yourself and realise that you're suffering right now. And because of that it's ok if you can't deliver your work on time. Your teachers may ask why but you know the reason why and therefore don't have to feel bad about it.

    Feel free to ask anything or give more details so that we might be able to help as best we can.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    Whatever so I'm just writing this post in response to all the people who always tell me to talk to people about my depression and suicidal feelings but I am asking for help on the reason that I can't talk to anyone. That makes no sense.
    Hello,

    I am going to break this down so I can concentrate on the important bits. Firstly are you on medication for your depression as right from your first paragraph I can see that you are not being properly managed.



    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    What I'm trying to get at is the fact that I cannot ever bring myself to talk to anyone in real life about it. I've tried so hard talking to my parents but I cannot make myself do it. There's nothing I can do to overcome this fear.
    OK, so talking to your parents about it is a no go, no point in people repeatedly telling you that you have to, they don't know how this is tearing you to pieces inside. You mentioned that you couldn't talk to anyone in real life, do you have someone you can trust online to talk about these things that make life seem so unbearable and not worth the bother?



    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    I've tried so hard over the past month to kill myself but I can never make myself do it. Every day at school I make up my mind that that night, I would do it. But, when the time comes I am never able to do it. I failed most of my exams and my teachers are so angry with me because I've got all this stuff due that I haven't been able to do.
    Fate, in my opinion, (of which I give lightly with not knowing you in the slightest) rules us. It defines us and chooses our path that we are going to take.

    Again, don't take this as written, for sure etc, but - the fact that you haven't even succeeded in trying tells me two things.

    One - it's not meant to happen, if it was - it surely would have.

    Two - that you don't REALLY want to do it, your poorly mind is telling you that's what you want to do to get out of this rut, to remove yourself from this existence. However your healthy and good mind is fighting, which is a good thing because that means there is something to fight WITH as well as something to fight FOR.



    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    I find it really hard to concentrate during school because all I can think about is how I don't need to worry about any of it because I'm going to kill myself anyway. But then I can never do it.
    You really need to try and get yourself out of this mindset, this mind eating bug will beat you if you don't fight it if you were not able or not meant to fight it, It would have already devoured you.



    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    I hate my friends and the people around my so much because they're always so mean to me. They never want to be around me and they'll just find any excuse they can think of for not being around me. Sure, I can maybe talk to one of them but as soon as they see one of their other friends they'll just literally run off and leave me.
    If they are mean to you and would dump you as soon as something better comes along - then hunny, they are not really your friends. Ditch them like they ditched you, find some real friends, if not in real life then online.



    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    What can I do? I can't talk to anyone and I'm basically just failing at everything at the moment. I could never go to a psychiatrist or anything because they scare me, not to mention it costs an arm and a bloody leg just to see them. I don't want to go to school next week because my teacher will probably ask why I didn't send her that report on Friday. I promised her I'd get it to her. But what could I do? Lying was all I could do to get her off my back. Anyway, it hopefully won't matter soon.
    What country do you live in? Do you have online help like the UK has Samaritans etc?



    Quote Originally Posted by Milko View Post
    Fuck, what can I do though? Everyone is always to mean to me and I can't ever talk to anyone about anything.
    When you say they are mean to you, can you explain?

    Have you sat down and properly thought about your life, are there any positives? Don't outright say no because that's poorly you talking, not the real you. Surely SOMETHING on this planet warms you a little, relieves you of those bad thoughts, even for a few seconds?

    How long have you been depressed for? Did a life event trigger it, or did it creep in on you like rolling rain clouds?

    Please take the time to answer my questions, so I can try to help you? I find with my problems that I am comfortable talking online to a complete stranger, I don't like face to face confrontations, makes me want to lie because I cannot come to terms with things.

    I offer you a helping hand, an "ear" to "listen" to your problems, I am no specialist so I cannot offer a cure, but I can be a friend.

    Very best wishes,

    Vimes x

  10. #10

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    So yeah it's the next day and would you guess what? I couldn't bloody go through with it.

    I'm so angry with myself right now I just kept punching the back of my head and cutting the side of my arm. Still need to get the blood out of the carpet. I'm so frustrated with myself right now.

    - - - Updated - - -



    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainVimes View Post
    If they are mean to you and would dump you as soon as something better comes along - then hunny, they are not really your friends. Ditch them like they ditched you, find some real friends, if not in real life then online.
    Find some real friends? They don't grow on trees you know. You can't just get new friends. What I said about not wanting to talk to me or anything applies to everyone in my life. (Excluding people on adisc obviously). What's the point in ditching them? There's nobody to ditch!

    I have to stick by them anyway because that way I can pretend I have friends and I can pretend to be talking to them when I'm in a group or whatever.

    Yeah I mentioned that I had a good relationship with my sister but that was like a few weeks ago not really anymore. She (like everyone else) is very unapproachable and I can never talk to even her anymore. Everyone is always in a bad mood and they're always angry at me I can't talk to them.

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