Anybody else feel conflicted like this?

So lately I've been thinking about getting back into shape by running; I have to be fit for my job I was thinking while talking today with my gf that maybe I might want to get into lifting weights again like I used to a few years ago. The problem is, when I imagine a decently built me, it doesn't feel like it would jive well with my AB side. I only in the last 1.5 years realized I'm also AB and not just DL and I was wondering how it would feel to be muscular and still want to play baby? Back when I was a lifter I didn't think twice because I wanted to be a macho man, but I'm a much more sensitive and even somewhat feminine guy now.

I just feel like I'd be trying to be a "tough guy" again, while deep down I'd still be infant-like as I am now.

Does anybody else feel this way? I'll admit that I had to retype this twice because even I was having trouble finding a problem and understanding why it bothered me. But have any of you ever avoided something when being an AB became part of your identity (or at least a bigger part for those of you who have always known)?

I guess I'm afraid that if I put on a diaper one day I'll think to myself, "man this just isn't me anymore". I just don't want to be astranged to my current identity since I feel like being AB/DL is a plus in my life.

Sorry I'm ranting! This was kinda hard to describe in words for some reason lol! Maybe that's a good thing haha!

Thanks in advance as I eagerly await your responses!

Conflictual is the very adjective I use to describe my every moment on this Earth :biggrin:

I have been getting into shape the past few years myself with running, cardio, calisthenics, and weight training. I can't say that it has affected my ABDL personality. Personally I feel better knowing that I am in good shape when I am diapering myself up. At least you know your regular diaper size won't be changing soon if you stay in shape.

You can be in good shape and still retain your soft side. In fact, I find the soft personality of a "tough guy" endearing. For me, it would intensify the joy I get from wearing but that is just me.

And I don't think you should worry about coming to a day where diapers mean nothing to you. Like most of us, the ABDL thing is engrained in our very being. I attribute my ABDLness in such a way that it is part of who I am. Do you feel the same way about your ABDL-self?

Hope this helps!

Trust in the "adult" side of AB. It's really okay to be a fit and muscular ABDL. There's no denial of yourself in that. This is something that is deeply embedded in us and when you can accept yourself, you can accept other good things about yourself as a component of that. It doesn't sound at all like you're using it to deny yourself but to follow a reasonable and healthy desire. Go for it.

i would feel like be a small thin guy who runs alot would work better for ageplay because you have more energy to play and a thinner so you look a little smaller so you can fit in smaller diapers

now getting muscle prob would not make me feel babyish

shibapawz said:

Conflictual is the very adjective I use to describe my every moment on this Earth :biggrin:

I have been getting into shape the past few years myself with running, cardio, calisthenics, and weight training. I can't say that it has affected my ABDL personality. Personally I feel better knowing that I am in good shape when I am diapering myself up. At least you know your regular diaper size won't be changing soon if you stay in shape.

You can be in good shape and still retain your soft side. In fact, I find the soft personality of a "tough guy" endearing. For me, it would intensify the joy I get from wearing but that is just me.

And I don't think you should worry about coming to a day where diapers mean nothing to you. Like most of us, the ABDL thing is engrained in our very being. I attribute my ABDLness in such a way that it is part of who I am. Do you feel the same way about your ABDL-self?

Hope this helps!

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Lol actually dude that's exactly what I was looking for I mean I kinda went though a sissy phase and that's sorta the same except that's easier to drop lol. I'm more of an adrogynous guy anyway! But the point being that yea I can't see myself being the tough guy anymore, but I can certainly be excited about my diaper size being the same lol! And not to mention I'd be a powerlifter again and if I try and stay slender with my long hair I'll fit that description fine

What was the issue again? Lol! I'm not even sure haha.

Thanks dude! Anybody else got something similar?!

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babysnow said:

i would feel like be a small thin guy who runs alot would work better for ageplay because you have more energy to play and a thinner so you look a little smaller so you can fit in smaller diapers

now getting muscle prob would not make me feel babyish

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Oh that's the problem I haven't been able to figure out!

I want to be small and cute, not built and hot! But I think if I do moderate power lifting and plenty of cardio to stay thin I can have the best of both worlds

PokeBro92 said:

What was the issue again? Lol! I'm not even sure haha.

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I cannot begin to tell you how many times I've had to deal with this very question running through my mind, particularly when it comes to ABDL stuff. Some of us just second-guess ourselves more than others I guess!

Glad I was of some service. Good luck in your forthcoming exercise routine!

Maybe I've felt something akin to what you've been experiencing (just my two cents)...

I used to be a bit chubby, and in the context of ageplay, I used to take issue with it. Why?
"Because a chubby, short, male body is unattractive and should never be seen in a diaper/onesie/etc. That's just gross/creepy/perverted..."
Of course, the above statement is not my current view on body image (I won't go too far into my own little journey).

What I'm trying to get at is that being "little" your body shouldn't be marred by your real appearance and I think shibapawz quite succinctly states how insignificant the issue really is in their post:

shibapawz said:

You can be in good shape and still retain your soft side. In fact, I find the soft personality of a "tough guy" endearing. For me, it would intensify the joy I get from wearing but that is just me.

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So, it sometimes takes creativity and a new perspective. But all in all, you are in complete control of your little self. If you're tough and muscular, what stops you from being the "little" you imagine yourself to be? You're already putting aside your adult self and being little, so why is a bit of extra muscle mass a problem?

I'm currently running, and my goal is to lose some weight so that I can have a more slender figure (around my waist, at least). My reasons are (perhaps more than twofold): my BMI is in the high range for my ethnicity (generally, people of Asian descent begin to experience health problems due to being overweight at a lower BMI than those of European/African/etc. descent. My family has a history of pulmonary and metabolic problems [lung malfunctions/diabetes]). Therefore I have a functional reason I should lose weight.
Second, I want to be more... visually appealing.

Of course, that doesn't affect the "little" me I imagine myself to be.
By all means, do what you have to do IRL, but always retain the "little" image of yourself!

I can see how you would be afraid of loosing your little side because you are pumping full of adrenaline. I think there are two things to consider here though.

Your body becomes used to chemicals. If you start exorcising regularly, you will likely feel less inclined to act little because the adrenaline, however you body will probably get used to having that chemical regularly active, and you will start to feel like your normal self again, with the difference of being in better shape, and probably a little more masculine, but I doubt it will be enough to change your identity, you will probably just feel the need less, and for instance, move from being diapered 4 times a week, to two, but while first starting to exorcise, you might skip a whole week. I'm pretty positive, you will get used to the life style, and you will start thinking about your other past hobbies, and integrate diapers back into your life, even if you are macho.

Secondly, based on observance, being AB/DL isn't really something that you get rid of, so why would working out get rid of it? Unless your method of working out uses brainwashing tactics, you are still you. Another part of this though, is considering if it did actually change you. If you did change and no longer wanted to wear diapers, I doubt that working out would cause it to be a drastic and uncomfortable change, but rather, it would be very slow, and something that you were changing because you wanted too, not because working out is part of a cult tactic to erase your will for individuality. If you ended up changing to the point that you no longer wanted to wear anymore, at that point in your life, you would say to yourself, "gee, I really want to live this way now instead," because you wanted too, not because you were forced too. Try remember, that as long as you find that being an Adult Baby is a fun and positive part of your life, you aren't likely to just up and quit it, when you aren't being forced by anybody to do so.

Ultimately, working out is a healthy thing, and as long as you remember who you are inside, then something as common and simple as running and lifting weights, isn't going to drastically change you in some kind of uncomfortable mind wiping way. I think you will be ok.

I have no problem being muscular and living my diapered life. The past few years though it's been more of my DL side than AB. Don't know why, nothing to do with the workouts. Being clean shaven all around does help to feel little though. Gym me is a total monster, nice to let down later and get comfy in my diaper. Diapers help when being over hydrated at night too!

I am aware of the fact that it has a lot to do with personal experience and vision, but let me express mine, please.

Personally I'm a male and thow I tend to look feminine in some ways (long hair for example), but I also find that whenever I add any kind of workout (any at all) I get a little more masculine, however It doesn't matter to me because A: if I want to be little I feel little because as kids we measure ourselves as little comparing to environment, but we always see ourselves "normal" when observing the clothes we wear. When I put diapers on - I feel that my body is little, and the diaper is big, and it belongs to a bigger world, where my even bigger "caretakers" exist. So in that relation It feels just right. And I still remember kids in my childhood, who were stronger and in kids-way "buffer" than me - I feel that you are not necessarily bulky and fat OR fit and full of strength to be a child - you can be whatever. You are still a child if you want to be one. If you've chosen to put on a diaper - that could mean you still are (or that you are incontinent), but that is still not the defining factor. Dresses or diapers, pacifiers or specific toys, but what really makes you a baby - is your inner self, and what makes you an ADULT baby - is your decision to become one!)

Let me ask you a question: do you really crave the feeling of being singular so much you can't fit your WHOLE self in? You are more than you were when you didn't know what AB/DL is, you are more than that and what was before it, you are definitely more than everything you'll ever know about yourself - and acknowledging that fact you should accept "the rest" parts of yourself - the unknown, the unfound, the hidden, and only then you'll be free to live and change anything you want about them with full power.

You can be a tough guy AND a baby in need of help. It helps me to think of it as different tabs in the browser or even better - as different classes of hero in a computer game. Let not the fact that you play "on the same map" with all of them confuse you. You can make them help each other. Not every of them will be forever, some will, and some may be added to the company later - so learn to love and accept all of them.

Generally speaking - it IS you - all of it. Just maybe not all at once all the time))) Avoid quarrels with yourselves.

I am a long distance runner who does about 30 miles a week on average, and I can assure you. I would not consider myself to be muscular or ripped. I look far more like a skinnyass twig. So I don't think that you have to worry about becoming a muscular and buff guy if you start taking up running. And like others have said, I can also vouch that running did not make me stop being a DL. It's a big part of me and I can't just run it away. You should be able to start running and look fine, with your ABDL side perfectly in tact. =)

Starrunner said:

I think an exercise routine like you're describing is bound to be beneficial to your mental and physical wellbeing. I've been a long distance runner for thirty six years, and believe me, the working out and abdl tendencies can coexist without conflict. I just ran a half marathon last weekend (shameless boast) while diapered. I think we all tend to focus on where we are at the moment, whether it's working, socializing, or having little time, and give each aspect of our lives the attention it needs in that moment. It doesn't cause a conflict and you won't see yourself differently. You don't need to pick one over the other, and certainly, the abdl tendencies won't go away for having taken up other activities. Besides, for all the running I've done for all those years, I never became a really muscular guy *sigh*

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Doesn't that chafe like hell? how do you minimize that? I've not had good experiences running longer than 2 or so miles diapered. But a good half marathon, followed by padding up and grabbing a few beers is exquisite.

Funny, I have the exact opposite viewpoint of this. I'd rather lose weight and shape-up to get my ABDL side satisfied. Not in the "macho-man" sense, but maybe just a few pounds off of the stomach.